Broken Apart
6
Standing behind the closed front door of his own home for what felt like hours had never been what Sokka expected to do with his free time, not unless he was anticipating someone to enter the house. His damn mind played enough games with him to convince him that she would do it eventually… that she would show up out of nowhere and he would be able to hold and protect her again. But that wasn't going to happen: he reminded himself of reality repeatedly whenever those daydreams dared rear their heads, only to plague him with even more misery than he already felt constantly.
But that wasn't the reason why he stood here now. No, if he had wanted to await her return he certainly wouldn't do it here: he would do it at the bay, watching the dark horizon hopelessly for any sign of the Royal Barge. Yet he couldn't do that because that would require walking through the village, before the whole tribe, and he certainly didn't feel like facing their judgment or inflicting further frustrations upon them with his presence.
So far, Kanna had proven to be the most successful person at reaching into Sokka's heart and pulling him out of his shell, if just a little. She didn't ask questions anymore, though she offered advice often – but what she did, more than anything, was offer Sokka the opportunity of being helpful in the igloo, usually with menial, mindless activities that she filled with cheerful conversation that steered Sokka away from unwanted thoughts. Hakoda was busy more often than not, but as kind as his smiles were, Sokka's self-awareness hadn't receded in the least around his father. Hakoda appeared to be waiting for Sokka to talk, to open up to him… and he didn't know how to do that yet.
The real problem, however, was Katara: she hadn't even attempted to help Sokka with his wounds again. She would leave every morning before he had woken up, and upon returning home she would simply ignore her brother, who didn't have the strength to speak to her either. A part of him suspected this resentment wouldn't fade away until he told Katara everything she wanted to hear… and he couldn't do that. He'd sooner be hated by his sister until the end of time than ever disrespect the woman he loved and the relationship they had shared only to appease Katara's fury.
Yet so much as a short trip to the bathroom by his family's igloo meant facing the tribespeople, even if at a distance. They would see him, all those sad eyes would follow him everywhere he went, and he'd find it unbearable. It wasn't that he blamed them for their disappointment, of course he didn't… he knew what they had hoped for, what they had expected, and it certainly wasn't the man he had grown into during the years of absence from the Tribe. But no amount of sad eyes or shaken heads could change him anymore. They didn't understand him… and he suspected none of them wanted to. All the better this way, though… all the better to feel like an outsider in what had once been the only home he had known. He didn't deserve to feel at home, anyway.
Still, he wanted to get out. To go out hunting some prey on his own, at least, for he had lost all practice by now. To take walks by himself, to look at the skies while hoping she might be able to see some of them, too. That required stepping outside, and he'd do it. He had to do it… he had to do it. It couldn't be so hard to simply bear with a few scowls, not after he'd been here for half a week now.
Half a week. Half a week without her.
His chest nearly split open at that thought, with his hand suspended inches from the wooden door. He shouldn't keep track of time, not this way… but time and distance only worsened his wounds, not the other way around. A thought would strike him like lightning at any given moment, just as this one had, and he would barely remember how to breathe as his eyes filled with tears. It could be four days, twenty, ten years… it wouldn't matter. He would miss her desperately for every moment of the rest of his life, and the longer he went without seeing her face, without hearing her beautiful, teasing voice, the more pain would strike away at his heart until it shattered beyond repair – though maybe it already had.
He lowered his hand, defeated, distraught… instants later, the door swung open inwards, causing him to jump back instinctively.
He immediately feared Katara had returned, and he certainly had no intentions to settle their ongoing problems if she had… but he froze when his eyes fell upon the youthful features of the Avatar, ever highlighted by the blue arrow that could be seen under his disorderly black hair.
"Oh! W-were you on your way out?" Aang asked, offering Sokka a nervous smile that he didn't reciprocate.
"I… don't know. I was having second thoughts about going anywhere… so, no," he said, truthfully. "You, uh, needed anything?"
"Well, I just… thought I'd come check if Katara was here?" he asked, softly. "We usually, uh, train around these hours, so…"
"Right," Sokka said, biting his lip. "Well, it's just me in here right now, sorry about that. Gran-Gran's off doing a house call right now, she said she needed to check on one of the older warriors…"
"Ah, yeah, Imnek sprained his ankle on a hunt the other day," Aang said, smiling awkwardly. "Katara said she had to heal him yesterday… guess maybe he needed a follow-up check, huh? Did Katara go with her?"
"Unless she was already at Imnek's igloo… I'd say no," Sokka said, with a shrug. "Gran-Gran told me she could go on her own… maybe Katara was waiting for her someplace else and I didn't know it."
Aang's eyes were kind, compassionate… and as usual, Sokka found himself appalled over any form of sympathy. He didn't want to be pitied, even if he wasn't sure of what he wanted, at this point…
"Good luck finding her," he said, simply, reaching for the door to close it again once Aang left… but the Avatar didn't take a single step away from the door yet.
"You… you're not in talking terms with her, are you?" he asked, softly. Sokka lowered his gaze and shook his head.
"I didn't expect to be, anyway. Not after she knew the truth," he said. "It's not your problem, though, so there's no need to look at me like that…"
"It's… it's not my problem, I suppose, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be affected by it," Aang said, earnestly. "Katara is… s-she's the whole reason why I'm alive and out here, as you already know. She broke me out of that iceberg, and… and she was so miserable, Sokka. When she first told me about you, she thought you were dead…"
"And now she'll probably think I'd be better off dead, if it means not having to endure that her brother turned out to be a traitor to his own, right?" Sokka said, bitterly. Aang scowled.
"No one… no one thinks you're a traitor. Katara's just been through a lot…" he said, hands on his hips.
"So have I," Sokka retorted, bluntly. "And that's exactly why I don't blame her, or anyone else, for hating me or thinking I don't belong here. I know I don't. The less I inconvenience them, the better…"
"Stop talking that way!" Aang exclaimed: Sokka's hollow gaze bore into his passionate one, defying him to prove him wrong… to convince him that, if he was wrong, he shouldn't feel undeserving of anyone's kindness, too. "Look… you and I barely know each other, okay? But from the moment I woke up, a hundred years past my time, I've heard about you. Your family missed you, and Katara…! She's just hurt because she thinks you don't want to be here. Because she's afraid you'd rather run right back to the Fire Nation and leave her again…"
"Maybe… but maybe that's not the only thing that hurts her," Sokka said, shrugging. "She spent years thinking of me as dead, didn't she? Then when I came back to life… I was nothing like the brother she remembered. And she blames… she blames the woman I love for that, doesn't she? She blames Azula. She's scared that… that I'd choose her, over all of you, in a heartbeat, if the choice was given to me. And… how could I blame her for being angry about that, when I might just do that? If… if I had a chance to save her from the hell she's enduring right now, I'd do it without looking back. So… tell me, how do I not deserve their scorn and their glares and all their judgment? Why should I inflict more pain upon my sister by… by trying to get through to her and explain that I do love her still, her and my dad and my grandmother, but that I love someone else now as well, someone I would have gladly spent my life with…?"
He stopped talking, clenching his fists as he took in a sharp breath. His flow of thoughts grew harder to control every day… the darkness in his heart seemed to take hold of him more often than he wanted to accept.
"This is stupid."
Aang's sudden, blunt words took Sokka aback. He raised his eyebrows slowly as Aang seemed to refuse to take back his sudden claim… knowing, however, that there was a chance the Avatar wasn't merely dismissing his feelings for Azula, or for his family.
"What, exactly, is stupid?" he asked.
"That… that you're all hurting," Aang said, shaking his head. "All of you, you and Katara and the tribe and…! And you've all decided the best way to go forward is to continue hurting? To do nothing to fix it, to not try to understand each other? If you can see through Katara so much better than I can, if you know what hurts her… then you understand her! And that means you can make things better. If you love her… it's not even a matter of who you love more, as far as I can tell, Sokka. Love is complicated and messy and it has a thousand different ways of presenting itself. Maybe the tribe isn't used to this, because yeah, you're in love with the Fire Nation's Princess! That's not easy stuff to handle, but… that doesn't mean you don't care about them. You said… you said you wanted her here, with you. You didn't say you wanted to leave and never come back to the South Pole, did you?"
"No, I… I don't want that," Sokka said, and Aang scoffed.
"Well, some people seem to have misinterpreted you that way. They're hurt, yeah, and that makes them jump to conclusions that don't make sense," he said, stubbornly. "So come on… you can't be fine with this. Even if you think you deserve their scorn… you love them, Sokka. You love Katara. You don't want to hurt her, and that's why you're pulling away, but that will hurt her anyway even if she thinks it's better at first. I'm not saying you two can settle everything immediately, but you're brother and sister. You've been through so many hardships that… that it's stupid to force yourself through even more pain now when you finally can be with each other again."
"It's… curses, you're right but it's not that simple, Avatar," Sokka said, breathing deeply as he covered his face with his hands.
"I didn't say it would be," Aang admitted. "But these people… they've changed too, Sokka, even if it's taken a while. They accepted Kino… they accepted Zuko, too. It might be a while before they're ready to accept your love for the Princess… but they can learn better. They have before… and as difficult as it can seem to reason with them, the truth is they just care about you. Their resentment for her is… well, misplaced by now, especially after everything she did for us in Whaletail Island, but it's only because of their concern for you. They only want what's best for you, and they don't realize that… that you chose Azula just as much as she chose you. But even if it takes time… you can help them understand. You don't have to be a pariah among your own people, Sokka… with your own family. Even if it's hard, you've definitely faced worse challenges than changing their minds before, haven't you?"
"Changing people… it's not that easy," Sokka said, lowering his gaze. "Yeah, obviously I've been through worse than this, but… sometimes even people like me can lose sight of what they're fighting for. Even people like me… need a moment to catch their breaths, once in a while."
"And people like you deserve forgiveness and understanding, too," Aang said, stepping closer and placing a hand on Sokka's shoulder. "I know that only a few of us are willing to believe you, Sokka, but we'll help you however we can. We'll make sure this tribe becomes a home to you again. So… how about we start doing that by finding Katara, together?"
"You're serious?" Sokka asked, frowning, and Aang nodded firmly.
"We can track her down, and… and maybe we can all go fishing, after?" Aang suggested. "Kino can come along too, he loves fishing after all…"
"You want me to talk things over with my sister, or do you want us all to go on a fishing trip?" Sokka asked, puzzled.
"Uh… both, preferably. But if you guys can't talk things over, we can focus on the fishing instead," he said, with a weak grin. "I don't really like fishing, myself, I don't eat fish, for starters…"
"Oh, I remember…" Sokka said, and Aang was surprised when a weak smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "Kino said… you didn't eat meat. And I asked if you were an Air Nomad…"
"O-oh, uh, damn… yeah," Aang smiled awkward, before chortling with laughter. "That was… well, I'm not very good at acting, I suppose. You nearly caught me there."
"You were convincing enough with your firebending, though," Sokka said, nodding in his direction. "Never even crossed my mind that you could be the Avatar, honestly…"
"That's probably for the better, isn't it?" Aang said, with a casual shrug. "Everyone here thinks it's better if no one in the Fire Nation knows the Avatar's still alive…"
"It probably is. Despite, well…" Sokka said, breathing deeply as Aang gazed at him remorsefully. "Never mind, never mind. If… if you're serious about this fishing idea, it's fine. I… I've been thinking I need to get out and do more things anyway. Might as well get started now. People might stop looking at me funny if I'm out and about more."
"They'll get used to having you around again. We'll see to it," Aang smiled, patting his shoulder. "Alright, then. Let's go find Katara."
Sokka certainly lacked the resolve to step outside, yet he took in deep breaths as he prepared to do so, collecting the fishing gear he had helped his father craft many years ago. His spears were in good shape, though they felt strange in his hands after spending so long without wielding them. His fishing rods weren't in their proper place, something that had revealed they'd been used in his absence: once he had gathered everything, he returned to his home's vestibule and Aang offered him a quick grin before stepping outside the igloo, with Sokka in tow.
He could only calm his nerves by breathing deeply, consciously slowly, for numerous sets of eyes drifted towards them as they walked across the icy streets, on their way to Aang's igloo. Sokka's eyes shifted quickly from igloo to igloo, attempting to make note of everything that had changed and everything that hadn't. Blackness swirled in the sky above, dotted with a few pale stars. Going on a fishing trip in these circumstances probably wouldn't result in a meaningful haul, Sokka suspected… but it was probably better than sitting at home, waiting for nothing.
"Alright, that's Zuko and Suki's place," Aang smiled, pointing at an igloo adjacent to the one he was headed towards. "You probably remember it, since that's where you woke up… and this one is mine and Kino's."
"Right," Sokka said, eyeing the neat igloo with a crooked eyebrow. "I heard you built it with waterbending, huh? It shows…"
"Y-you can tell?" Aang asked, with an awkward smile.
"Every block looks a bit too perfect to have been crafted by hand," Sokka said, smiling as well. "Nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with it…"
"I'm glad you think so…" Aang said, biting his lip as he stepped up to the door. "Kino? Want to go fishing today?"
They didn't wait long for an answer: a beaming Kino suddenly swung the door open, eyes bright with delight, only to widen with astonishment when he realized Aang wasn't alone.
"O-oh! W-we'll go fishing with Sokka?!" he asked, nervous. "Oh, my, oh goodness! Yes, yes, let's go! I bet he'll appreciate fishing more than you will!"
"Eh, it's possible, I guess…" Aang said, grimacing as Kino raced back inside, picking up the fishing gear he'd learned how to craft for himself, and that he always kept nearby in case he was lucky enough to convince someone to go fishing with him. "Though, uh, we'll try to find Katara before we get started with the fishing, okay?"
"You… Katara?" Kino said, slowing down as he returned to the door, his shoulders loaded with a backpack filled of fishing gear. "She's off on her own, is she? She's usually with you…"
"Yeah, well, she's been a bit elusive lately," Aang said, grimacing. "I thought I'd train with her now, but…"
"So, all this fishing trip thing is a hoax to get us to help you find her?" Kino pouted, and Aang's cheeks flushed. "That's not very nice of you, Avatar!"
"It's not a hoax! We'll go fishing afterwards, I said," Aang pouted, arms folded over his chest as Kino stepped out of the igloo, closing the door behind himself.
"You sneaky, sketchy, stingy man…!" Kino grumbled, poking Aang with a finger only for the Avatar to bend a swirl of air at him, messing his unruly curly hair further. "Hey! It took me ten minutes to tame it today, Aang!"
"But you look funnier this way," Aang smirked: Kino huffed, his face a mask of utmost frustration that soon crumbled, much as Aang's sardonic grin did.
For, as much as they were used to goofing about together, they certainly weren't used to doing as much in front of Sokka. They froze in place upon realizing he had watched their exchange silently, skeptically judging by his raised eyebrow. Inevitably, both men smiled awkwardly, perhaps even guiltily, under his scrutiny.
"U-uh… sorry about that. We'll get going now," Aang assured him, nervously. Sokka snorted and shrugged.
"Nothing to apologize about. You two act like a pair of siblings, though," he said, with a small grin. "Guess it comes with living together for as long as you have."
"Sure does! We're best friends, isn't that right, Aang?" Kino grinned, wrapping an arm around Aang's shoulders – forcing him down to his level by doing so. Aang smiled awkwardly, but he patted Kino's shoulder just as well. "He likes me enough to accompany me on fishing trips sometimes, even if he doesn't want to eat anything with a face."
"Any living beings, Kino…" Aang said, and Kino snorted.
"All things are living beings, Aang!" he declared, as he released Aang from his grasp. "Plants were alive too before your stomach turned them into paste!"
"Ugh, not this nonsense again… let's get going before Kino's philosophical tirades begin," Aang sighed. Despite himself, Sokka was amused by the exchange between the two friends.
"Sokka knows I'm right! Don't you, don't you?" Kino grinned, following both Aang and Sokka as they made for the wall, in the direction of the nearest gates.
It surprised Sokka to find the jovial carelessness of the former Fire Nation soldier made him remarkably approachable. Where he had nearly had an argument with the Avatar earlier, there seemed to be no risk of that with Kino. It also seemed as though Aang had forgotten about his concerns and problems upon reuniting with his friend. Thus, the three men trudged through the snow with an unexpectedly placid atmosphere between them: Sokka listened silently as his companions chattered carelessly on their way to the likeliest places where Katara might be. He realized he could grow used to their company, that he might even become good friends with them, over time… but that unpleasant, unsettling sensation in his gut reared its head again. His soul seemed to be in conflict with his body, shooting a nervous, anxious sort of pain through his system as he clenched his fists: he didn't mind getting used to them indeed… but he wanted her here, growing used to this new life along with him. Just that would be enough… just that, and he would be content. Drowning his mind in impossible dreams seemed a most counterproductive way to break his own heart, he knew… but even the smallest inkling of peace and tranquility would never fail to be disrupted by a reminder that she would find no such peace, no such tranquility, for however long she remained under Ozai's control. He couldn't put her out of his mind: everything reminded him of her, even in a village she had never set foot in, in a land she scarcely had known and only learned about through him…
He walked halfheartedly as those thoughts filled his mind, scarcely noticing that the urgency and concern in Aang's behavior had started to edge out the careless banter he held with Kino, little by little. Katara wasn't at their favored training spot, so they continued onwards to other locations: the Avatar's anxiety worsened as they failed to locate her near the area where the otter-penguins nested, or by the frozen Fire Nation ship – Sokka was surprised upon realizing how small and outdated the vessel seemed to be when that dark silhouette had been at the core of many of his childhood's nightmares: that dark, frozen ship had been the most terrifying sight in his still-small world once.
Kino's rambling dwindled slowly as they continued to walk across the frozen tundra: he lagged behind as Aang continued to lead them through the icy plains, walking beside Sokka instead, even if silently at first. Sokka lacked any inclination to start a conversation, and silence proved perfectly agreeable for him, but it wouldn't be long, he knew, before the former soldier beside him cracked…
"We're not going to go fishing in the end, are we…?" he said, with a dramatic sigh. Sokka snorted and shook his head.
"Might be we won't. But it's better if we find Katara first, wherever she might be," he said. Kino pouted.
"I know she's your sister, so you'd worry, but I'm pretty sure she's okay. Might be she's just at Appa's hut or something as simple as that," he said.
"Does she do this often?" Sokka asked, breathing deeply. "Vanishing this way without saying where she's going or what she's doing…?"
"Well… no. But she's pretty strong, you know?" Kino said, shrugging. "If someone's not bound to be in any danger in the South Pole, it's definitely the waterbender, right?"
"Hopefully," Sokka said, frowning.
Kino's words brought unwanted thoughts to his mind: maybe this was more dangerous, more alarming, than expected. It had only been four days… but four days was a lot anyway. Could Ozai's soldiers have arrived already? Could Katara be in danger, maybe their prisoner, a hostage they'd use to coax him out?
"Aang?" he shouted, and the fear in his voice only alarmed both his friends immediately. "Can we… go to the harbor? Now?"
"The harbor?" Aang repeated, puzzled.
"It's… it's probably ridiculous," Sokka said, swallowing hard as he sped up, passing the Avatar quickly. "I might be wrong to suspect anything. But… he's going to send his men after me. I don't know how long it'll take him, but if she just happened to go there for no reason…"
"But… wouldn't there be black snow?" Aang said, following Sokka dutifully. "Though… you know what? It's safer to check. There was none when Zuko and Suki arrived…"
"I might be wrong. But if she's not out here… it's still better to see if she's over there," Sokka said, simply, and Aang nodded in agreement.
Twenty minutes later, the three men had traversed enough icy territory to reach the harbor: blackness spread ahead in the horizon, only interrupted by the occasional icebergs in the distance. Everything was quiet and calm, with no signs of hostile soldiers or ships nearby…
Whether that was good or bad, Sokka seemed torn about it now. His gaze drifted past the dock he had languished on merely a few days ago, lost in the horizon instead. The horizon where he had seen her vanishing from view… his chest clenched at the memory, and tears flooded his eyes again. He had worried for Katara, he had hoped she wouldn't be here, in danger… but maybe a part of him, a very selfish and rather stupid part of him, had wondered if a miracle would occur. If maybe, upon revisiting the harbor, he would find that golden prow returning… this time, carrying a smiling, blissful Princess who would choose to return to him, to face whatever hardships came next by his side.
Nothing, though… nothing. No sign of his sister… no sign of Azula, either.
"I guess everything's in order, then…?" Kino said, glancing about with uncertainty. "I think this harbor doesn't have a lot of fish, so we should just keep looking for Katara elsewhere…"
"We weren't going to start fishing until we found her," Aang huffed, and Kino rolled his eyes.
"Meh," he grumbled, glancing about himself as though hoping Katara would spring up out of nowhere, if just so he could have a chance to go fishing right away.
Sokka didn't speak, his body angled towards the ocean even now. His silence, and the slow but profound rise and fall of his shoulders, caught Aang's attention.
"Sokka? Are you okay?" he asked. Sokka swallowed hard and nodded.
"I'm… fine. I'm fine. Sorry… I, uh, wasted our time making us come here," he said, clearing his throat as he turned towards the other two. "Got any other ideas? Anywhere else to find Katara…?"
"Sokka…" Aang said, grimacing. "Maybe we really shouldn't have come here. You look…"
"I'm fine. It doesn't matter," Sokka said, almost harshly. "Let's just go. It… it's not going to help, staying here, so…"
"We're going again, then…?" Kino asked, grimacing at Aang hopelessly. "We've been walking non-stop for more than an hour…"
"I'm sorry, Kino, but…" Aang said, glancing at Sokka warily.
"We can take a break too, if he needs one, I guess," Sokka said, breathing deeply as he turned around… turning his back on the horizon that would hide no welcome surprises for him in its shroud of darkness. "I'll be fine, Aang. I…"
"You're thinking about it, aren't you? How you… didn't even notice that you nearly froze to death? I think about that too, myself," Aang said, hands in his pockets. "It's weird that we both went through something so similar, though in my case it was less dangerous, somehow…"
"Heh, I… wasn't really thinking about that," Sokka admitted, and Aang grimaced.
"O-oh. You were, uh… right. Thinking about what came before that, then," he said, biting his lip. "Sorry. I… I'll shut up now. I should be more careful…"
"You didn't say or do anything wrong, Aang. It's fine," Sokka whispered, lowering his head. "It's… it's my own fault for having any stupid hopes still that… that she might have changed her mind when it's obvious she hasn't and won't. W-who knows… maybe she's already been found. Maybe she's well past the point where… where she could even return here if she backtracks suddenly and decides she wants to be with me, more than anything else. But I just…"
"You keep wishing for it, even if you know it's impossible?" Aang asked, sympathetically.
Sokka clenched his fists, tightly shutting his eyes for a moment as the Avatar's words washed over him: he knew that, of course he did. It was impossible. She was out of reach… she would be for years, in all likelihood, until their final promises could be fulfilled. Who knew what dreadful ordeals she'd go through until then? Would she even wish to return to him by then? Would she, perhaps, grow used to a life without him? He knew, for sure, that he'd never grow used to one without her. It was unfair of him to think that she might feel differently… but wouldn't it be better for her if she didn't have to experience this grief, this very misery that gnawed at his chest, as a ferocious beast digging deeper and deeper into his ribcage until it swallowed his heart…? She didn't deserve to endure Ozai's punishments, whatever they might be, or a sprawling, ever-growing sorrow taking hold of her soul with every breath she took…
He had to ask if there was anywhere else to look for Katara, anything to change the subject and force his mind down any other paths, no matter if he knew it would return to Azula eventually. He opened his eyes, readying himself to do so, avoiding giving Aang an obvious answer…
The silhouette of the abandoned settlement caught his eye, but nothing drew his attention quite as immediately and easily as the sight of a young woman, clad in a blue parka, watching them from the settlement's gates.
"Katara," he said, promptly: Aang nearly jumped where he stood, turning quickly to follow the path of Sokka's gaze.
His sister could have, perhaps, overheard some of their words even if she stood at a fair distance from them. The silence of the icy pole didn't disrupt sound easily. To think the quiet wonders of his homeland were, as well, a reminder of how loud and boisterous the Fire Nation could be…
"Katara… there you were," Aang said, offering her a weak smile as Kino sighed in relief and waved at her.
"You should've told us you'd be here…!" Kino said, flexing his knees and crouching on the snowy grounds. "Would've saved us a lot of hassle and we could be fishing by now, too…"
Katara didn't answer them, but she started a slow walk towards the three men watching her intently. Sokka felt the urge to hide impulsively, instinctively, but he held back from acting on it right now. Aang had wanted him and Katara to talk things over, to understand each other better… he wanted it for both their sakes, Sokka knew as much. He, perhaps, wanted that too, on some level… to be at peace with his sister once again, whether it was right or wrong. The furrowed brow she sported didn't suit her as well as the heartfelt smiles from a few days ago had.
"We thought we'd find you, no one had seen you in a few hours…" Aang said, smiling gently at her as Katara finally stopped at a short distance from them.
"Guess I should've given you some warning. Sorry about that," she answered, cold and curtly. "I guess we all need to be on the lookout these days. You never know when you'll find someone's chosen to drop on a mound of snow and just die there, after all…"
"Katara…" Aang's grin waned, twisting downwards immediately, as Sokka flinched beside him.
"Uh…" Kino grimaced, glancing between the siblings warily. "T-that's all water under the bridge, right? Can't we just go, uh, and have fun fishing…?"
His question hung unanswered in the air. It wasn't up to Aang to choose an answer for it, and he was the only one willing to acknowledge Kino's words right now: Sokka and Katara stood, face to face, as though ready for a confrontation… only, Sokka's head was hung, while Katara's hurt glare bore into her tall brother's face, a face that had changed in many ways since she had last seen it, since he had last said goodbye when climbing a massive ship that took him away from his people, from his home, one more time…
On that day, she had stood on Whaletail Island's dock, demanding an answer from the Princess that she had never thought she'd obtain. Sokka had been furious, scolding her for acting as she had… today, though, he wasn't furious.
Today, he was in the same role the Princess had been in, on that day. His unwillingness to meet Katara's eyes was much like hers, after she had posed the question she had never thought would be answered. Maybe it would have been better if there had been no answer… for, by now, Katara had a much harder time believing the Princess had done anything other than lying to her face on that fateful day.
But Sokka hadn't lived through all those years in the Fire Nation in vain: he knew the truth, better than Katara herself could. He had lived by Azula's side… he had been ready to die for her whenever he had been forced to put his life on the line for her sake. And just as she had defied her father, her nation, everything she had ever known, for him, Sokka would find the strength inside him to face his sister and settle their differences, for once and for all.
Slaying the very last of the dragons. What an ambitious goal it was… what a remarkable feat, worth lauding and praising a man for, perhaps even offering him a title or two, maybe more than that. He certainly would boast as though he had been given a thousand titles, going by the smug smirk that decorated his proud features…
No one else could see the truth behind the farce, apparently. No one else would call out the cowardly feat by its deserved name: no one dared question it, fearful of whatever consequences a displeased Fire Lord might unleash upon them. He wasn't even envied for his achievement, it seemed: everyone smiled and celebrated, rejoicing in this unique triumph over a whole species of sworn enemies of the Royal Family.
It was a lie. It had to be a lie. The lack of evidence certainly meant it was a lie.
The alleged dragon slayer could only be confronted once everyone else had left, of course, once the whole council had taken off to arrange the agreed-upon feasts and celebrations meant to honor the end of a quest that had lasted their nation well around half a century. Once they were gone, though, once enough of them had walked away, he stepped forward… and two sets of gold eyes met, a clash between sharp coldness – masqueraded behind joviality – against passionate fury, with no camouflage to speak of.
"You didn't do it. You didn't kill the last dragon."
"Didn't I? And you know this for sure, I wonder? Did you send spies of your own with my crew, perhaps, and they fed you false information?"
"You should've brought evidence with you! There's no chance you couldn't have. The head is mandatory in order to be eligible for a title, so if you didn't bring it…!"
"Did you sleep through the whole meeting, by any chance? Perhaps you're still too young to attend them after all…"
"Don't patronize me!"
"The creature was so massive even bringing the head with me would have proven impossible. I will gladly take you to see the carcass, if that's what you demand… but I admit, I find it most impressive that you'd dare question me when the Fire Lord himself has approved of the title I'll bear from this day onwards. The Dragon of the West has quite the ring to it, don't you think, Ozai?"
"You… you don't deserve it! You never could! You're a fraud! This is all a farce, and I'll expose you, Iroh!"
He spoke the words in a forceful fit of rage: even if he could already glare down at his older brother, whose height had stunted in his early teenage years, Ozai trembled under the cold-blooded amusement he saw in Iroh's eyes. The Crown Prince, heir to the Fire Lord, commander of his armies, seemed to find no threat altogether in the figure of his teenaged younger brother, who couldn't seem to learn to restrain his reckless emotions and impulses.
"Be my guest, if that's so," Iroh said, skepticism dripping from his every word. "Though… you're certain you're thinking this through? If you're right to believe I lied, and the dragon yet lives… will you be strong enough to defeat it and slay it on your own, Ozai?"
"I've spent my whole life training. You still think I'm a child, but I'm not one," Ozai hissed. "I can do it. I can defeat a dragon, and I certainly can outdo you, in every way I care to!"
"Now, though… if you, presumably, found this dragon and killed it yourself, and brought back some evidence, be it believable or not – I'm certain no ship you're granted could possibly bring even a scale of such a creature –, why should anyone believe that it was your kill?" Iroh continued, and his smirk spread wider with every hint of outrage upon his younger sibling's face. "Father would certainly believe my word over yours, wouldn't he?"
"N-no… that's not… no! I'd bring more people with me! They'll see…!"
"They'll watch as the second prince runs headfirst into a corpse, hoping to clean its bones, anything he can scrape up to gain even a smidge of our father's approval… oh, what a sorry spectacle that sounds like," Iroh said, with a sigh. Ozai snarled and raised a fist coated with flames. "And you'll continue to be uncivilized, won't you? First, all this noise, with a raised voice and a confrontational tone against your own brother…"
"Be quiet! I need no lessons on manners from the likes of you!"
"But you also raise a hand in violence?" Iroh continued, raising his eyebrows as Ozai trembled in place. "It's fortunate, for certain, that you're still a child. Were you a fully grown prince now, these actions would easily be interpreted as treason. Do you hate me so, brother?"
"Stop playing the victim! The only treason here is to be found in the lies you've fed our father, and I will prove it! You won't get away with your deceit, not when I bring the truth to our father myself!"
It was quite the bold challenge, a near-declaration of war between siblings, one that had been in the works for years…
"What ridiculous nonsense are you prattling on about now, Ozai?"
In an instant, all his courage, confidence and belief in doing the right thing vanished without a trace. The immediate change in the young prince's countenance brought a mocking smile to his older brother's face: their most revered, admired and feared father had chosen to leave through the Royal Gallery today, walking directly into their argument by doing so. He had done it on purpose to disrupt their discussion, Ozai suspected immediately… what could he do about it, if that was the case? Azulon did as he wished… he commanded fear, respect and awe in every room he stepped into. Only the most profound reverence could be an appropriate tithe to offer the most extraordinary of Fire Lords in their lineage…
"Oh, Father," Iroh smiled, glancing at the older, taller man, whose eyes narrowed as they found the source of the previous noise – Ozai, of course – and scowled at him most mercilessly. "Ozai is merely teasing. It's of no consequence…"
"Teasing, is it?" the Fire Lord spoke, scowling as he stepped closer to Ozai: instinctively, he had fallen silent, his head bowed in his father's direction. "Were you raised to be a court jester, to pester others in such a manner?"
"I… no, my Lord," Ozai said, bowing his head deeper. "M-my apologies if my words brought you any grief. I only… I only sought to right a wrong. That is all there was to it."
"Learn to do so without as much of a ruckus. All this noise does not befit one of your station," his father hissed. Ozai shuddered under his scrutiny, under his evaluation and its obvious result, the same one as ever: he would never satisfy his father's expectations.
Fire Lord Azulon never exhibited any behavior that could be described as kindness, not even towards his favored son. Every choice he made was calculated, whether with one or multiple purposes. He sought results, regardless of how they were attained. No one delivered the results he wanted as often or as successfully as Iroh did… but Ozai could try. Ozai could do it, if only he was given a chance. That was all he needed… and this was the perfect opportunity for it. Proving Iroh a liar, returning home with the most coveted trophy in the history of the dragon slaying practices his grandfather had begun, would change his lot in life. His father would never glare at him that way again, he would have no reason to do so, not anymore…
"Iroh has returned home after months of a most dangerous hunt, and this is how you welcome him?" Azulon scoffed. "Truly, one would think you were raised by uncivilized beasts in an Earth Kingdom farm…"
"He is still young," Iroh smiled. "He will learn his place in due time, Father. By then, surely, he will understand it is disgraceful to accuse anyone of deceit and lies with no foundation for such claims…"
"Ah? Is that what brought this about?" Azulon scoffed, and Ozai flinched as he rose to his full height again. "You question your brother's achievement, is it? Coveting what he has, I presume. You want his title for yourself, for it is the last that shall ever be granted to a dragon slayer?"
"I… I merely wish for your demands, your orders, to be completed in full, my Lord," Ozai said, swallowing hard. "If I can so much as bring the tip of the dragon's horn as evidence that it has been slain, it will put your mind at ease…"
"Put my mind at ease? You assume it is troubled by your trite accusations?" Azulon scoffed, and Ozai flinched.
"There's no evidence, he brought none with him. He might not have slain the last dragon, Father…"
"You will speak to me with the respect I demand of you!"
Ozai flinched again: three weeks prior, the Fire Lord had lost his temper when Ozai had failed to recite the genealogy of his mother's family accurately upon being asked to do so by a visiting nobleman. To this moment, he could not speak to his father directly and he had to offer him nothing but the truest of respects before he could so much as refer to him as his father anew. That Ozai had spent all those weeks repeating fifteen generations worth of family members to himself before going to bed mattered nothing to the man: his slight, whatever it had been, had yet to be amended.
"My apologies, my Lord," he said, with a small voice. Azulon scoffed, shaking his head as he turned to Iroh.
"To think he dares question your achievements… nothing but a childish tantrum," he said. "The members of the hunting party offered their accounts of your slaughter of the beast, and he believes he has any right to dismiss it, merely because of his pathetic jealousy of you. Tell me, boy, do you truly expect that I, Fire Lord Azulon, could be tricked in such a foolhardy manner? That I could be fed false stories and swallow them whole, as though I were as unthinking and naïve as you are?"
"I… I did not mean to offend," Ozai said, and Azulon scoffed anew. "All I want… is for you to have what you seek. I want to ensure that every dragon is dead because those were your orders, my Lord. Had Ir-… the Crown Prince brought evidence of his deed, I would have no complaints. All I want is… is to do what's best for you. For the Fire Nation. That is all I ever wanted."
"Oh, truly?" Azulon asked, eyes flickering coldly towards his younger son. "And I'm sure you believe you, the untested, green child who has never seen a battlefield, whose weak hands have never been dirtied, would have a better chance at slaying a dragon than the Crown Prince, if you were somehow correct in suspecting that Iroh failed at doing so?"
"I… I would do anything. Anything to serve you, my Lord," Ozai said, submissively, closing his eyes. "My loyalty is yours. My life is yours. You can do with them as you see fit."
The feigned humility could not fool the Fire Lord. He scoffed at his youngest son's behavior, tempted immediately to seek a proper punishment for his spinelessness…
But there was a most curious way, perhaps, to fulfill Ozai's childish requests and to punish him just as well. One way to kill two birds with one stone, if Ozai were miraculously successful… oh, but he wouldn't be. Not a born failure like Ozai, to be sure. Still… even if he failed, it would mean months, hopefully even years, without the irksome pest chasing after him, begging for scraps, expecting attention he had yet to earn or truly deserve. Yes… perhaps it was time to grant Ozai exactly what he wanted, only for the fool to finally learn, for once and for all, that he was not cut from the same cloth as his father and brother. He was no warrior… he was no leader. He was weak, whimpering and cowardly, and he would certainly show his true nature as soon as Azulon's newest decision was spoken aloud.
"You believe in yourself quite readily," he said, and Ozai tensed up. "I am almost tempted to agree to this venture of yours…"
"Father?" Iroh said, puzzled: Ozai gasped, but a smile spread over his face moments afterwards.
"I… I won't let you down!" Ozai exclaimed. "I will bring back the horns if the head is truly too large. If the dragon has already been slain, I swear I won't take the credit, I will credit my brother as I'm expected to-…!"
"Hush now, or I will lose whatever goodwill I had when I decided you might not be so worthless after all," Azulon hissed: Ozai's enthusiasm froze immediately, and he nodded in compliant submissiveness once more. "You may be much too young still, but perhaps it is time for you to test yourself in the battlefield, and as a leader, too…"
"Yes. If you will it, I… I won't fail you," Ozai said, with determination.
Azulon smirked.
Only at that point did Ozai slow down to ponder that, perchance, what his father had in mind would be nothing but another onslaught of humiliation with him as the laughingstock. He shivered in place, unable to smile back as Azulon cocked his head up, carefully, as though weighing him.
"You will be granted a ship," he decided. "With enough sailors to carry you out of the harbor, at the very least. You will, however, need to recruit willing men to your cause just as well… using your charisma, if you have any, of course. Whoever wishes to follow you will be, of course, most welcome to do so… though your target won't be the last dragon, of course. Your brother has already slain it, therefore…"
"W-what…?" Ozai blurted out, carelessly. "But you just said…"
"Silence!"
He shrank in place once again. Azulon's glare was unyielding.
"You are being granted one opportunity to prove yourself, and this is how you thank me?" Azulon hissed. "Ungrateful brat…"
"I apologize. I won't interrupt anymore. I will do as you ask," Ozai near pleaded, and Azulon scoffed. "Whatever you ask… I swear it, my Lord."
"Another mistake, and I will have you locked up for a month," Azulon hissed. Ozai trembled and nodded. "Very well, then. I shall overlook the insolence… and I shall grant you a greater honor than any Iroh has been bestowed so far. The mission I have in mind for you, Ozai, will either see you rise in the eyes of the Fire Nation as the grand, heroic young prince who could stand beside his excellent brother… or sink down to the depths of disgrace, with nothing to your name but a monumental failure, should you fail indeed. I suppose it is a given that the stakes would be quite so extreme when I'm about to order you to hunt down the greatest and most dangerous of all enemies of the Fire Nation…"
Ozai's eyes widened as he regarded his father with uncertainty: Iroh, as well, appeared daunted by the Fire Lord's words – was that concern for Ozai's sake in his eyes? Or was it merely jealousy that he had been granted a greater mission, one deemed too important even for him to achieve? Surely it was the latter, it had to be…
"You, Ozai, will find the Avatar," Azulon declared, his merciless glare digging into Ozai's very soul. "If, out of some miracle, you prove competent enough to track him down, you will bring him back to me, alive. Am I understood?"
"Y-yes. Yes, my Lord…" Ozai said: he couldn't seem to stop trembling, and he hid his shaky hands behind his back.
"I don't expect you to succeed… I never would," Azulon clarified, surely hoping his words would cut Ozai just as much as his glare did. "So prove me wrong, will you? Show me just how competent you truly are. Grow out of that childish mind, and come home a man worth respecting, with the Avatar safely in your custody, or don't bother returning at all."
Ozai's eyes flickered to his brother quickly: as jovial and relaxed as he always presented himself, Iroh suddenly seemed frightful… surely, daunted by the prospect of losing his place at his father's right side. Good. He should be.
For Ozai would stop at nothing to succeed: he would find the Avatar… and he would pay a visit to the last dragon's so-called corpse on the way there, too. He would bring both to his father… he would dump them at his feet. His worth would never again be questioned.
This was a chance of a lifetime, and he refused to waste it.
"It will be as you ask, my Lord."
He had grown accustomed to such words, over the years: for the past decade and a half, he had grown used to hearing them, no longer needing to utter them at all. He had been set free from the curse of enduring no end of humiliation by the hand of the man for whom he'd been less than an eyesore…
Today, he stood by the towering refuge of the actual last dragon, suspecting he would bring his teenage ambitions to term at last. Ambitions he had long discarded… ambitions he had been proud to set aside when he had gained power and glory that had been promised to someone else. In his many rebellions against his father, he had chosen to see dragons as tools Azulon had squandered deliberately, as the ideal weapons to wield against countless foes. He had determined he would never commit any crimes on par with his father's, or his brother's, against their kind…
But he stood indeed at the very gates of committing it. He had commissioned that blade, he had ensured to give out every necessary order for the Princess's dragon to be perfectly restrained and killed when the time came… or merely restrained and held hostage to ensure his daughter's compliance in the coming years. What a cruel fate to subject the magnificent creature to… but who was to blame for it, really, if not Azula herself?
The rain dwindled by dusk, spraying across the Palace grounds along a light breeze. Crickets chirped someplace out of sight, accompanied by the dripping sound of the water that continued to fall upon the earth. The sounds that had shaken the very foundations of the Palace, the fierce, terrified roars of a restrained creature, had drifted into silence by now. Almost as though it was already done… as though he had already given the command.
She still had a few more hours left. Perhaps half a day, he'd give her that much. He'd go from piece to piece of the Pai Sho board if need be, until she surrendered… and while a part of him certainly regretted making the dragon his very first victim – he would rather it were the second, right after the damned slave, but Azula had prevented that –, he knew it was the only way to make her submit. The creature was her quick escape… the easy way out of every predicament. That would end tomorrow, one way or another. She would surrender indeed, or he would break her into giving up, instead.
Everything would proceed according to his designs. There was no reason why it wouldn't, no way his daughter would ever outsmart him at this stage, not when she lacked resources, support, even physical strength… she couldn't defeat him anymore. If she tried, he would strike her down far more mercilessly still… but he didn't expect that would be necessary. Those weaknesses she had nurtured ever since that vile worm had filled her mind with pointless fantasies of love would be her undoing: her willingness to protect whoever she foolishly had grown attached to would be easily exploited until she lost her will to fight, altogether.
An approaching set of footsteps didn't convince him to draw his gaze away from the dragon's refuge just yet. He waited silently until the new arrival announced himself, and he immediately recognized the voice of the man who had been promoted recently into the role of Captain of the Third Squad of Imperial Guards:
"My Lord, The Princess has returned," Renkai said, solemnly. "She wishes to speak with you."
"She has made her choice already?" Ozai asked, eyes narrowing.
"It seems so, my Lord."
Whatever the choice might be… she would be punished. She would suffer for her misdeeds, without a doubt: a deadly blade remained suspended within the dragon's refuge, waiting to swing down upon the creature's neck: as much as he didn't wish to make use of it, Ozai was ready to give out the order that would end the life of his daughter's faithful dragon. If she had chosen a path without confrontation, though… if so, it would still mean she would suffer for it, and he would win. It would mean she had surrendered. Curses, how he looked forward to that moment, even if he doubted it had arrived just yet. She would still try to fight and he would defeat her, just as he had intended to defeat the very man after whom he had named her…
"Take her to my Throne Room, then," Ozai declared, firmly. "The sooner I know what her choice has been, the sooner I can take action."
"I will convey your orders immediately."
Perhaps this was the part where he should have smiled, where he should have rejoiced in the triumph he could nearly taste already… yet there was no enjoyment in the situation altogether. How could there be, when Azula had brought all this misery upon herself? He had never wanted to do this… it was by her choice, and her choice alone, that he had to punish her this harshly. This wouldn't have happened at all, none of it, if she had known any better… and she should have known better from the start. He had not raised that child to become the arrogant fool she had proven to be over the course of the last month…
He scoffed and turned on his heels: the guard was already far down the corridor, no doubt on his way to collect Azula and take her to the Throne Room. Ozai would be there before she arrived. Long, powerful strides would carry him forward as his heart pounded furiously, anticipating eagerly the moment when he'd finally know which form of damnation Azula had chosen for herself…
The flames sprung into existence with a flicker of his hand: a full barrier of orange, wild, merciless fire to daunt anyone who entered the room. His throne waited, and he could have taken his seat immediately, but he impulsively chose to linger on his feet instead, right before the most honored seat in all the Fire Nation.
He waited. His eyes were set on the curtain at the other end of his Throne Room, and he waited. It wouldn't be long, he expected. Sooner or later he'd known what she had chosen, he'd give out the necessary commands and take action right away, regardless of Azula's likely pleas for mercy…
Two minutes passed since his arrival when the curtains rustled, and footsteps echoed down the Royal Gallery, reaching Ozai. He scowled prominently, his piercing eyes set on that curtain: two Imperial Guards walked in, escorting Azula as two others held the curtain open.
The Princess had changed out of her previous attire into a dark outfit that Ozai couldn't imagine belonged to her – it appeared as though her friend Mai had offered her a change of clothes, for whatever reason. Yet even if her hair was better-composed, and the new attire almost afforded her elegance, the Princess didn't look good. She had seemed sickeningly pale earlier too… but now her gaze was lost as she was brought to him, as though she couldn't even recognize the flames that burned before her… as though she had detached herself from reality to some degree.
She knelt again, this time without needing the guards to force her to do so once she reached the right spot where any petitioner would stop to receive Ozai's judgment. He raised his head haughtily as she perched down, without performing, yet again, the proper salute for the Fire Lord. Unsurprising, though not offensive enough to push him into slaying her dragon just yet. Her upcoming choice would be what would determine the creature's fate, as promised.
"I have been told you've made up your mind, Princess Azula," Ozai spoke up, his voice booming, challenging and cruel. "Speak up, then. The sooner I know what your choice shall be, the better for us all."
The Princess lingered in silence, but she shuddered and trembled where she sat. Ozai's eyes narrowed, knowing he would have to exercise some patience… if just some. Sooner or later, she'd speak, he'd learn what her choice had been, and he would act accordingly. For now, she seemed to gather her determination and strength to speak, though no sounds came from her yet. But they would soon, of course they would, and once they did…
She hadn't even spoken a word, but the furious, desperate roars of the dragon, the Fire Lord's most valuable prisoner, started to echo in the distance once more. Then, her lips parted.
Azula's voice, weak and frail, finally left her throat… and Ozai knew, before hearing a single word, that he had triumphed over Princess Azula at long last.