Chapter Four
It's been three days since Bella left Forks and I can't concentrate. Every time I try focusing on something, I get distracted by chocolate hair, hazel eyes and rosy cheeks. It's fucking maddening.
I hate how awkward it was between us, all the silences filled with unspoken words. I wanted to talk to her about how things ended, tell her all the things I wish I'd said over the last seven years, but every time I thought of a way to bring it up she would ask me something or I would just fucking bottle it.
It's late and the light has been gone for hours as I walk toward my truck. I'm always the last to leave work, normally staying to finish off last-minute jobs or work on paperwork but recently, I've been staying later and later, hoping that if I can wear myself out enough I won't think about Bella when I get home.
The air is cold and I pull my jacket up higher around my neck to keep the wind out. I reach the truck and pat my pockets for the key. Nothing. I feel for them once more, even checking the secret pocket inside my jacket before looking around the asphalt for them.
Where the fuck are they?
I cup my hands against the glass of the truck window, looking inside the cab. I see the keys on the driver's seat, fucking staring at me. I try the handle on the truck door but nothing.
Fuck I've locked them in the truck.
What's wrong with me? I never do stuff like that.
I groan a bit before pulling my phone from my pocket and dialling Emmett's number. It rings three times before he picks up.
"I'm not coming back to work." Emmett answers.
"I don't need you at work" I tell him. "I've locked my keys in my fucking truck and you have the spare" I tell him.
Emmett laughs down the line at me.
"Are you serious?" He asks.
"No, I'm standing in the dark, freezing my balls off, talking to you for a laugh" I deadpan.
"Wow, okay Mr Touchy." He says. "Give me twenty minutes".
"Thanks" I reply.
We hang up before I lean against the hood of the truck. I scrub a hand over my face and sigh a little, tilting my head back and closing my eyes. Standing here now, listening to the wind in the trees, the leaves rustling around my boots, it takes me back to a night many years ago. A night where the same thing almost happened again...
"Come on Bella" I moan.
"Who knew you were so whiney?" Bella says.
"Who knew you were so fucking slow?" I reply, unable to hide my smirk.
"Where are we going anyway?" She asks.
We've been walking for about five minutes. I picked her up thirty minutes ago, driving to the trail road by the edge of the woods before pulling her into the dark.
"You're not going to kill me are you?" She asks, sounding a little nervous.
I chuckle at her.
"Not likely" I reply.
"So where are we going then?" She asks again.
"Patience is a virtue" I tell her, reaching back and taking her hand in mine. I entwine our fingers pulling her along before we see lights in the distance.
"What's that?" She asks.
"Peter Carlsen's place." I tell her.
I look over at her and see her eyes turn a little nervous.
"The crazy guy?" She asks.
"He's not crazy. Just...different" I shrug.
"Haven't you heard the stories?" She asks me.
"The ones about him keeping kids in his basement?" I chuckle.
She rolls her eyes at me but I can tell that's what she was thinking.
"Come on Bella, it's just stories" I say pulling her closer to the house. "Let's just take a peek, it's a right of passage."
Over recent years, it's become common amongst teens to sneak into the Carlsen property and try to peek through the windows, trying to get a glimpse of the reclusive man. We reach the tall metal fence and I drop Bella's hand, placing my hand on my knee and bending down a bit.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
"Giving you a leg up" I shrug.
"I'm not going in there" She hisses.
"Oh come on Bella. I'll be with you and I won't let anything happen to you" I reassure her.
She stares into my eyes for a moment before huffing a little. She places her foot on my knee before jumping up. I lift her weight fairly easily until she can grab the top of the fence, swinging one leg over and dropping down on the other side. I jump up, grabbing the top of the fence and following her over, landing with a soft thump.
"Come on" I whisper, taking her hand again and pulling her closer to the house.
We sneak closer, seeing a light on in one of the ground floor windows. I drop into a crouch, looking over my shoulder at her and giving a little grin. She looks fucking nervous and if the situation was different it would almost be cute.
We get closer to the house before reaching the back porch. I go to walk up the steps when Bella grabs my arm. I turn to look at her and she shakes her head manically. I squeeze her hand three times before stepping on the first step, then the second, then the third. We're just reaching the top of the porch when a face appears at the window.
He's old, with white scraggly hair and a lined face. He peers out, his eyes meeting ours before he slams a hand on the glass. I jump a little at the sound but Bella screams bloody murder.
Suddenly the front door flies open and the same man, who I assume is Peter Carlsen comes flying out onto the porch shouting and yelling. I grab Bella's hand swinging us around and running as fast as I can back the way we came. My heart pounds and my breathing becomes laboured as we reach the metal fence.
"Come on, come on," I say, holding my hands out to her.
She places her foot on my hands before I lift her up to reach the top of the fence. I see a torch light shining in our direction and I can hear the long grass around us moving as he walks our way.
Bella grabs the top of the fence, throwing herself over before I jump, hoisting myself up and over after her. As we run through the woods hand in hand, I can hear Peter Carlsen yelling after us, fucking kids, fuck off, get off my fucking land. We run and run until my lungs are burning and my legs are aching.
Finally, we burst out of the woods and onto the trail path, seeing my car. I come to a halt by the car, my eyes meeting Bella's wide ones. She looks fucking terrified and for some reason, it makes me want to laugh.
"I can't get in," She says, breathing heavily, pulling the handle rapidly.
"Fuck. I've locked the keys in the car" I tell her with wide eyes.
I haven't but I want to mess with her just for a second. She stares at me with huge eyes, before I see the corner of her mouth turn up, then the other and then she's laughing, really laughing. She's laughing so hard that she bends double, her hands still resting on the car door handle.
I laugh with her, feeling my stomach begin to ache under the strain. We laugh and laugh until eventually, we both slump to the floor, our backs leaning against the car behind us.
"Fuck" I chuckle, wiping beneath my eyes.
"I can't believe you convinced me to do that" She whispers, shaking her head a little.
"Maybe you're a bad girl at heart" I say, nudging her arm with mine.
"I don't think so" She giggles. "I think I'm pretty boring, to be honest."
"No" I shake my head and her eyes flash to mine. "You're the furthest thing from boring."
"Really?" She asks, like she's genuinely surprised.
"Yeah" I chuckle. "How could you think you were boring?"
"I dunno. Maybe boring is the wrong word. Ordinary maybe" She shrugs.
"You're not ordinary either" I tell her, my eyes flicking between hers.
"How come?" She asks.
"You're not like other girls" I tell her honestly.
"In what way?" She replies.
I hesitate for a moment before giving her a small grin.
"You've not tried to get into my pants for one thing," I tell her.
She laughs at me rolling her eyes.
"That's true" She nods biting her bottom lip and looking a little unsure. "But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it" She whispers.
Her eyes flash to mine as her cheeks turn red. I stare into her eyes, feeling warm and tingly and like I suddenly can't catch my breath.
"Really?" I ask, my voice deeper than before.
"Yeah" She laughs quietly.
"I've thought about it too" I admit quietly.
"Really?" She asks, looking surprised again.
"Well, yeah" I chuckle.
We smile at each other a little before falling silent. Our eyes never leave one another and suddenly I realise we're leaning forwards, so slow it's almost like it's not happening. My eyes drop to her mouth and I see her do the same to me.
I swallow slightly, feeling my heart beat faster and harder under my ribs. My breathing turns slightly laboured before we're so close she's out of focus. My eyes flash to hers once more to check that this is what she wants, but she's just staring at my mouth, her cheeks turning rosy.
I move forward an inch, then another before my lips lightly press against hers. As soon as our mouths meet it's like electricity is pumping through my body. I inhale through my nose before I deepen the kiss slightly, tilting my head and moving closer. Bella kisses me back, one of her hands lightly resting against my chest as mine goes into her hair, fusing her mouth to mine.
I hear her breathe heavily against my lips before I slide my tongue along her bottom lip asking for entrance. She inhales sharply before her mouth opens slightly and I tangle my tongue with hers. I restrain a groan at her taste before I feel her pull away, breaking the kiss.
My eyes flutter open and I look into Bella's dark gaze. Her cheeks are pink and her lips are red from my kisses. She looks fucking hot.
"Wow," She whispers before her eyes widen slightly and her cheeks turn bright red.
I chuckle quietly before biting my bottom lip and grinning at her.
"I concur" I tease.
She laughs a little, rolling her eyes and shoving my chest. I grab her hand, pulling her towards me again, fusing my mouth to hers once more. Bella squeaks in surprise and I can feel us both grinning into the kiss. I kiss her firmly, moving my mouth against hers before pulling away again.
"What was that for?" She asks breathlessly.
"Do I need a reason?" I reply, grinning at her.
She shrugs before giggling. We're quiet for a moment before she looks up at me.
"I can't believe that just happened" She giggles.
"Are you pleased we got locked out of the car now?" I ask.
"Oh fuck, I forgot. How are we gonna get in?" She asks, her eyes worried.
"Calm down" I chuckle. "We'll just use these," I say before lifting my hand and showing her the keys swinging from my index finger.
She looks at them for a moment before looking at me again.
"You fucker!" She cries, shoving me in the chest. I laugh loudly at her.
"What?!" I chuckle. "Are you seriously going to tell me you'd miss out on that kiss?"
"I can't believe you!" She says, "I thought we were going to die in those woods!".
"But we didn't" I chuckle. "And you got the kiss of a lifetime" I tease.
"The kiss of a lifetime" She scoffs, rolling her eyes at me.
"Are you saying it wasn't the kiss of a lifetime?" I ask, feigning hurt.
"Far from it," She says, her eyes teasing.
"Hmm, well maybe we should try again then," I say before my hands move to her hair and my mouth finds hers once more.
"Yo, Ed!"
I hear my name being called and snap out of my thoughts, shaking my head slightly and clearing my throat.
"Hey Em" I say, rubbing the back of my neck and moving away from the truck.
"I come bearing gifts" Emmett says, swinging my spare keys from his finger.
"Thanks. I owe you one" I sigh.
"You okay?" He asks.
"Yeah, why?" I reply, unlocking my car and grabbing the offending keys.
"You never lock yourself out of anywhere. You're a control freak. It's what you do" Emmett shrugs.
"I'm not a control freak" I argue.
Emmett gives me a pointed look before shrugging a little.
"You seem distracted recently. I just want to make sure you're okay" He says.
"I'm fine" I murmur but I can tell my tone is defensive. We're quiet for a minute. "I'm fine" I repeat. "I'm just...a little tired" I lie.
"Okay" Emmett sighs. "Well, if you want to talk about anything, I'm here." He says.
"Thanks" I nod.
"Well, I better get back. I left my food in the microwave" He says.
I chuckle at him before waving him goodbye and sliding in behind the wheel of my truck. I turn the car towards home and lean back against the headrest, driving back to another sleepless night.
"Bella, do you want more wine?" Rose calls from the kitchen.
"Please!" I call back.
I'm at my best friend's apartment. Rosalie Hale is the hottest model in New York and if she wasn't so fucking nice, I'd hate her. We met when I attended New York fashion week a few years ago and bonded over our hatred of caviar.
"Alice?" Rose calls.
"Yes please," She shouts back.
Alice is my other best friend. She's an incredible fashion designer and used to work for the brand Michael Urgo until she broke out on her own. We met a couple of years ago when I wore a Michael Urgo gown and we've been inseparable ever since.
"So, how was your time in your hometown?" Rose asks, placing our glasses down on the coffee table.
"It was...good" I nod.
"Just good?" Alice asks, glancing at Rose.
"Yeah I mean, I hung out with my parents, bumped into a couple of old friends..." I trail off.
"Anyone exciting?" Rose asks, grinning behind her wine glass.
"My old friend Angela." I tell them "We used to be friends in high school. She's married with a baby now" I tell them.
"Awww I love babies" Alice coos.
"Who else?" Rose asks.
"No one really" I shrug.
Alice and Rose both stare at me and I know they can tell I'm lying.
"Spill Swan," Rose says.
I'm silent for a moment before sighing and rolling my eyes.
"I bumped into my old boyfriend," I tell them quietly.
"Oh my god!" Alice cries. "That's huge, what was he like?" She asks.
"The same...but different," I say, smiling a little.
"How?" Rose asks.
"He looked the same...kind of, although now he has a tattoo and drinks wine" I giggle. "He works in construction and...he was incredibly awkward around me."
"Wait is this the one that you told us about?" Alice suddenly asks.
"Yeah" I whisper. "Edward" I nod.
"How do you feel after seeing him?" Rose asks, sipping her wine.
"I don't know. Weird I guess. I thought if I saw him I might be able to talk about...what happened, get some closure but...I just couldn't bring myself to do it so if anything I feel like it's opened everything up again." I admit.
"So what happened? Did you just speak in the street or something?" Alice asks.
I sigh a little before launching into the whole story. I tell them about bumping into him at Angela's and how he turned up to apologise for his behaviour a few days later. I tell them about our first drink and how awkward it was and then how he invited me over again and finally how we exchanged numbers before I left.
"It sounds like he felt the same way about seeing you if your story is accurate," Rose says.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well, he asked to see you again. It sounds like he was unsure of how he felt too" She shrugs.
"Wait, you exchanged numbers?" Alice asks.
"Yeah" I nod.
"Have you texted him?" She asks.
"No. I...I didn't know what to say" I admit.
"Get your phone out," Rose says.
"What?" I laugh.
"Get your phone out!" Rose commands, coming to sit next to Alice and me on the couch.
I roll my eyes before grabbing my phone from my bag and unlocking it.
"Open a new message," Rose says.
"I can't just text him randomly!" I argue.
"Of course, you can! Why'd you ask for his number if you were never going to message him?" Rose asks.
I stare at her open-mouthed. I have to admit, I don't know why I suggested swapping numbers. I guess I just didn't want to end what mediocre relationship we had by me leaving again and if I'm honest...I wanted to hear from him again.
"Why not just text hello?" Alice suggests.
"No, it needs to be a question. It needs to be something he has to answer." Rose argues.
"Hi, how are you?" Alice suggests.
"How about, 'hi how are you doing?" Rose says. "A bit more casual".
Alice shrugs before I type out the message with shakey fingers.
"This is ridiculous, I can't just-" I say before Rose leans over and hits send. "What did you do?!" I cry in horror as I watch as the message gets sent and then delivered.
"It's just a how are you text!" Rose argues. "It will be fine."
"He might not even reply" Alice points out.
"Oh my god." I groan, covering my face with my hands. I hear them both laugh before handing me my wine.
"Have this" Rose giggles.
"I've never seen you like this before?" Alice says.
"Like what?" I ask.
"Nervous around a guy. Normally you don't even acknowledge them" She shrugs.
"It's just our history" I reason. "I don't want him to...hate me, you know?"
It's a half-truth. If I'm honest, I also liked him, the little bit of the real him I saw anyway.
"He spent two evenings with you and exchanged numbers. It doesn't sound like he hates you" Rose says.
I give her a small smile before my phone suddenly pings and Edward's name appears on the screen. We all scream at the sight before Alice grabs my wine from me.
"Okay, okay, remain calm!" Alice squeals before I open the message.
My heart pounds and my palms sweat as I read the words on the screen.
Hi. I'm good. How about you? - E
"Oh my god! What do I say?!" I cry.
"Tell him the truth" Rose giggles.
I bite my bottom lip before typing out a reply.
I'm good. Just kind of tired from meetings - B
"You sound a blast" Alice giggles.
I flip her off before seeing his bubbles appear as he types.
"Oh my god! He's typing" She squeals, sounding more excited than me.
How many did you have? - E
"Ask him a question," Rose says, "Keep the conversation going".
Only three. How has your week been? - B
Again, the bubbles appear.
It was okay. The house I've been working on is coming along nicely. - E
That sounds good :) - B
I sigh a little.
"I don't think he wants to talk to me," I tell them.
"He probably doesn't know what to say either" Alice says gently.
"He's typing!" Rose suddenly cries, pointing toward the phone.
I see the bubbles before a new message comes in.
I got locked out of my truck the other night. That was fun - E
"What do I say?" I ask.
"Anything. He's trying to keep the conversation going." Rose says, nudging my arm.
Oh dear. Did you manage to get it unlocked? - B
"No, he's still stood in the cold outside it," Alice says sarcastically.
"Fuck off, I'm panicking" I moan.
Yeah, I did. Emmett has the spare key. - E
I think the conversation is over before a second message comes through.
How's New York? - E
It's good. I've seen some friends recently which is nice. Have you ever been? - B
"You're on a roll B" Rose giggles, reading the messages over my shoulder.
That sounds nice. Are they actors too? No, I've never left Washington - E
No, Alice is a fashion designer and Rose is a model. Well, you should visit. It's a beautiful city - B
"A supermodel I'll have you know," Rose teases.
I roll my eyes at her.
Yeah maybe. Wow, you really do have high-flying friends. You must've felt like you were slumming it in Forks - E
"What do I say to that?" I ask.
"Deny it," Alice says.
"Yeah, he's asking for validation. He's worried he's not interesting enough for you" Rose says.
Not at all. I enjoyed my trip - B
It was nice to see you again - B
I send the message before I can bottle out.
"Woo, Bella, getting in there with the serious texting moves" Alice giggles.
"Fuck, I shouldn't have said that should I?" I groan.
"Yes, you should! Look." Rose says.
It was nice to see you too. If not a little weird - E
Weird? - B
Yeah. I wasn't expecting you to be the same. I thought all these years would have changed you. I wasn't expecting to...know you. - E
I bite my lip and look at my friends.
"What do I do?" I whisper.
"Fuck if I know" Rose replies.
I give her the stink eye before typing out another message.
I thought you'd be different too. Turns out you just drink wine now! - B
"Ooo get a bit of humour in there Bella" Alice giggles, nudging my arm.
"If I didn't know better I'd say she was flirting" Rose laughs.
Well, I am a grown-up if you hadn't noticed :)- E
"Flirt with him, flirt with him" Alice whispers into my ear.
I had - B
"Ahhh!" They both squeal.
I wait for a reply but none comes.
"Fuck I freaked him out" I moan.
"Just give him a minute, he might rubbing one out!" Rose says laughing.
"Rose!" I cry, looking horrified, although the image is weirdly not unappealing.
They both laugh at me before a final message comes through.
I noticed you are too - E
After that night Bella and I text back and forth more regularly and over the past couple of weeks, it's almost become a habit and if anything, it's made things a little easier between us. I'll be honest, I was so fucking surprised when her message came through, it kind of knocked me for six. For some reason though, I found it easier to talk via text. Maybe it's because I couldn't see her face, couldn't see her eyes watching me, studying me, making my skin tingle.
Then she'd said that thing about noticing I was grown up and I kind of wished she was here, was in front of me, was looking at me with those dark eyes.
Hey. How's your night going? - B
I feel myself smile a little at the message, placing Finn's food down on the floor and grabbing my phone.
Not too bad. There's a storm here and we keep getting power outages. How about you? - E
Shit, really? It's kind of windy here too. Not bad, I'm kind of bored. - B
I bite my lip as I grab my beer and head into the living room. I sit on the couch, trying to think of something to say.
How come you're bored? - E
That's kind of neutral right?
I don't know. Not much to do. Nothing good on TV. No one to talk to. Normal boring stuff - B
I resent no one to talk to! - E
I didn't mean you. I meant in person - B
I bite my bottom lip hard. I could offer to call her. I mean, that's what the conversation kind of segues into and I've kind of been toying with the idea the last few days. I feel like, since our meeting at Christmas, things have been a little smoother between us, like we've found a common ground. But what if it gets awkward? What if it ruins how we talk to each other now?
I go back and forth over the idea before I look at Finn. His big brown eyes bore into mine.
"What shall I do? Do I offer to call her?" I ask him.
He lets out a quiet woof.
"On your head be it" I mutter before typing out the message.
We could talk if you want. - E
You mean vocally? B
I roll my eyes a little.
Yeah :) - E
There's a pause and I wonder if I've freaked her out before my phone suddenly starts ringing. I stare at it in horror before looking at Finn.
"I blame you for this" I whisper. He just wags his tail.
I answer the phone taking a deep breath.
"Hello?" I answer, trying to not breathe too heavily.
"Hi" Her voice says on the other end of the phone, making my chest feel weird. "Is it okay to talk?"
"Yeah" I reply.
"You're not eating dinner or anything are you?" She asks.
"No" I chuckle, "I ate ages ago."
"Oh okay" She says quietly, sounding a little nervous. "It's weird to hear you" She says.
"Yeah, it's weird to hear you too" I chuckle.
"So what are you doing?" She asks.
"Not much really. Just...hanging out with Finn" I say before rolling my eyes at myself.
I sound a fucking blast.
"Aw, tell him I say hi," She says, giggling slightly and the sound makes my traitorous heart stutter.
"I will" I tell her, smiling a little.
"So there's a storm?" She asks.
"Yeah, a pretty big one too. It's making the windows rattle" I tell her.
"Yeah, it's pretty windy here too. The palm trees are swinging around outside" She tells me.
"It's weird you can see palm trees right now" I reply, chuckling quietly.
"Yeah, I guess it is." She admits, giggling slightly. "So how was your day?" She asks.
"It was okay. Long" I reply, leaning back into the couch and sipping my beer.
"How's the house coming along?" She wonders.
"Not too bad. We're starting the last of the second fit this week" I tell her.
"What's second fit again?" She asks.
I chuckle a little and it feels good to laugh. I don't do it often.
"It's after building the house but before you paint the walls" I explain. "So electrics, plumbing, insulation, drywall..."
"Oh that's exciting." She says.
"I guess so. It's kind of every day to me" I admit. "How did your meeting go?" I ask.
"It was good. Apparently, I can meet the director in a couple of weeks" She says, sounding excited.
"Oh right. That sounds good" I reply.
"Yeah it is" She agrees.
I sip my beer again, just listening to her breathe on the other end of the phone.
"Um..actually, I'm planning on coming back to Forks for a week," She says.
I freeze with my bottle to my lips. Come back? Again? I thought that would be it.
"Oh really?" I ask, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.
"Yeah. It would be in March" She tells me.
That's only a few weeks away.
"Oh right, that's...cool" I reply lamely and I even hear Finn sigh at me.
"Yeah well, if I get this role I won't be able to travel for a few months so I thought I would come and see Mom and Dad for a bit." She says.
"Right" I nod.
She's seeing her parents. She didn't mention anyone else.
"And um...I wondered if you wanted to meet up while I was there?" She asks. "Just for a coffee or something, no pressure obviously" She rambles.
"No," I say quickly, "That um...that would be good. It would be good to see you again. I er...I actually wanted to talk to you about a couple of things too." I tell her, wincing slightly.
"Oh really?" She asks, sounding a little nervous.
"Nothing bad. Just some things I wanted to...tell you I guess. I would tell you over the phone but I feel like we need to be in person" I admit.
"Okay well, as you hosted the last two times how about a coffee at the cafe in town? My treat" She says.
"Sounds good." I nod.
February turns into March and as the days drag on I become antsier and antsier about seeing Bella. I try to act casual in front of the guys but I can tell they know something's up. Eventually, Jasper snaps first.
"Okay spill," He says, pointing a paintbrush at me.
"What?" I ask.
"You've been tapping your fucking steels against that ladder for the past forty minutes," He says, "You sound like fucking Dick Van Dyck!"
"Sorry" I murmur.
"Why are you so fucking nervous?" He asks.
"I'm not" I lie.
Emmett, Ben and Jasper all give me a pointed look that says they're not buying it.
"I repeat. Spill" Jasper says.
I stare at them all before sighing a little.
"Bella's coming back to town," I tell them.
"Fuck, seriously?" Emmett asks.
"She doesn't come back for years and now twice in a couple of months?" Ben says.
"She's coming to see her parents. She's up for a big movie and she might not be able to travel for a while" I shrug.
"And this bother's you why?" Jasper asks.
"Because I agreed to meet up with her," I tell them.
They all freeze behind me. You could hear a pin drop.
"Why?" Jasper asks.
"Because she asked me to" I shrug.
"But you haven't spoken to her in months" Ben reasons.
I'm silent, avoiding their gaze. I might not have mentioned that we text or talk or have generally been in contact.
"Right?" Jasper asks.
"Edward?" Emmett warns.
"I might have texted her a few times. And we spoke on the phone once or twice" I shrug, trying to play it cool.
"Seriously?" Jasper asks, sounding surprised.
"Yeah, I mean. We kind of...reconnected when she was here." I tell them.
I notice Ben raise an eyebrow and I roll my eyes.
"Not like that," I tell them. "Just like..old friends you know? It wasn't as horrific as I thought it would be." I admit. "She wasn't...mad at me".
"So you're going to meet up again?" Jasper asks.
"Only for a coffee. What's wrong with that?" I ask.
"Nothing" Emmett says. "Nothing is wrong with it. We just don't want you getting hurt again when she steps on that plane and flies back to La La Land" He reasons. "And I don't get why you still think she has something to be mad about. She left, remember."
"Of course, I fucking remember. I was the one it happened to" I reply bluntly. "And you know the way we left things wasn't that simple so don't try to make it black and white" Emmett at least has the decency to look sheepish.
"I'm not going to get hurt," I say, rolling my eyes. "It's just coffee and the occasional text. Sometimes she's bored and I'm bored at the same time. And the coffee is just a... you know, what's up, how's it going, kind of thing. What's the big deal?" I ramble, trying to reason with myself more than them.
It is a big deal. That's why I'm fucking nervous.
"We didn't say it was a big deal," Jasper replies. "It was you being Dick Van Dyck".
Today's the day that I meet Edward for coffee. I'd texted him when I arrived in town suggesting Sunday afternoon at three, thinking that we could spend a couple of hours catching up before heading our separate ways. I was really nervous about what he wanted to talk about, about whether this whole thing was a ruse for him to scream at me in public, then I would remember I invited him and feel marginally better.
I'm walking up the main street, already feeling my heart begin to pound before I open the cafe door and walk into the warm room. I scan the cafe before my eyes land on Edward. He's wearing a sweater, jeans and a beanie covering his auburn hair. His head is bent low as he reads a book, his thumb rubbing his bottom lip as he concentrates.
I swallow hard before squaring my shoulders and walking over to him.
"Hi," I say quietly.
Edward's eyes snap up to meet mine and I see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows.
"Hi" He replies, giving me a slightly shakey smile, standing from his chair and shoving the book he was reading into the pocket of the jacket that hangs on the back of his chair.
"It's good to see you," I say, giving him a small smile and sitting down in the armchair opposite him.
"You too" He nods, smiling.
We stare at each other for a moment, laughing awkwardly, before my eyes move to the hat on his head.
"Nice hat" I smile.
"Oh er...thanks," He says, chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. "Can I get you a coffee?" He asks.
"Sure, a latte would be great," I say.
Edward nods before standing from his chair and heading over to the counter. While he's away I take a moment to collect myself, smoothing my pants and fiddling with my sweater. I glance over and see Edward standing in line. He's looking around the cafe, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he rocks back and forth slightly.
While he's distracted, I allow myself a moment to ogle. He really does look good. The grey beanie on his head gives him a laid-back feel, and the sweater he wears fits snugly around his body, showing off the slight definition in his arms and his broad shoulders. His jeans hug his ass in just the right way before ending at the slightly dirty work boots on his feet.
I feel eyes on me and snap my gaze back up to his face. His eyes meet mine and I immediately I feel like I've been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I feel my cheeks warm and I swallow hard before I notice Edward's mouth turn up at the corner slightly. I think he's going to smirk at me but suddenly he turns away, taking his turn at the counter.
I let out a slow breath, trying to rein in my overactive heart before Edward reappears holding two coffee cups.
"Here you go," He says, placing the latte down in front of me, his eyes flashing to mine for a second.
"Thanks," I say quietly, avoiding his gaze and feeling mortified that he caught me staring at his ass.
He takes his seat again, looking over at me and crossing his legs.
"So, how have you been?" He asks me.
"Good. Busy" I nod. "You?" I ask.
"Yeah, same really." He nods,"Did you meet with your director guy?" He asks.
"Yeah, I did. It seems promising." I smile.
"That's cool." He nods, giving me a small smile.
There's a beat of silence and I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest.
"So I wanted to talk to you about-" He begins
"I need to talk to you too...about how it ended" I blurt out.
I don't know why I interrupted him but I almost feel like I need to get in there first so that I can apologise and deflect whatever he's going to say.
"Oh okay." He says looking a little surprised.
"Can I go first?" I ask, wanting to get it over with.
"Sure" He nods.
I take a deep breath, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist before fixing my eyes on him.
"Fuck, I've thought about this so many times and now that I'm here I don't know what to say" I laugh breathlessly. "I want...I want to apologise for how things ended between us. I'm so sorry for what I said and I'm even more sorry that I didn't have the nerve to call or write or...something. I didn't mean what I said, not the way you thought."
His eyes watch me and I feel like I'm drowning in his eyes. I drop my gaze, unable to continue while looking at him.
"When I said I wanted more than this I never meant you. I never meant us. I just wanted more than a small town life. I wanted a chance to be somebody and I didn't know how to do that here. But I never...ever...didn't want you."
I finish my little speech and wait for the reckoning. There's a beat of silence and eventually I have to look up at him to gauge his reaction. He's looking at me with nothing but surprise.
"Bella...you have nothing to be sorry for," He says quietly and I know my face conveys my own surprise.
"Yeah, I'll admit what you said hurt me and for a long time, I felt like it was me that you were leaving and in a way you were but...I know it was just because you wanted to have a better life. And I should never have told you not to go. I loved you..." He says and the admission makes my heart somersault.
"And if I loved you I should have supported you, encouraged you, not acted like a little bitch asking you to stay. I get why you wouldn't want to be with the guy you dated at eighteen forever, especially one working in construction in Forks!" He chuckles.
"It wasn't about that." I insist. "I always wanted you. Even after I left."
"I wanted you too" He says quietly.
There's a beat of silence and I suddenly feel very warm.
"So...can you forgive me?" I ask.
He chuckles, tilting his head back and closes his eyes for a minute.
"Bella, I forgave you a long time ago. Can you forgive me?" He asks.
"Nothing to forgive" I reply instantly.
"So...friends?" He smiles.
"Friends" I nod but for some reason the word kills me a little.
We smile at each other, sipping our coffee and I realise I feel lighter, lighter than I have in years. Edward suddenly chuckles quietly and I can't get over how incredible that noise is.
"What?" I ask, smiling at him.
"I'm just so glad that's over" He says. "I've been agonising about it since I saw you at Angela's." He admits.
"Really?" I ask, kind of surprised. He nods a little and drops his gaze.
"I've been agonising about it too. I wanted to bring it up when we had a beer but..." I shrug a little.
"I get it" He nods.
We finish our coffee in comfortable silence, just smiling at each other occasionally before Edward speaks again.
"Um...do you wanna go for a walk or something?" He asks.
I look at him and he's watching me curiously.
"Sure" I nod.
"You don't need to get back for anything?" He asks.
"No, I'm good" I smile.
He nods before we both stand and he grabs his jacket, slipping it on. I follow him towards the door before he holds it open for me, letting me step out first. As I pass him I get a whiff of his washing powder and aftershave. It makes my head spin a little.
"So, where do you want to go?" I ask when we're out on the street.
"I dunno, we could just...wander around" He shrugs.
"Okay" I nod.
We head off down the main street, passing the few stores in town.
"So, when do you head back to LA?" He asks.
"On Tuesday" I tell him.
He nods a little.
"Have you got a lot lined up when you're back?" He asks.
"Er...I have some meetings with my agent and publicist and then I have another meeting with the director for Girls of Yesterday" I tell him. "I've also got my friend Tanya's birthday party...well...friend might be a bit of a strong word" I admit.
"You don't like her?" He asks.
"No, I do. I guess she's just a bit...Hollywood, you know?" I mumble, looking over at him.
"No, I don't know" He says, giving me a small smile.
"Oh...well, she's a bit fake. She says what she thinks people want to hear and she flirts horrendously with anyone that might help her career. She also has boobs to rival Lauren" I tell him.
He chuckles a little and I revel in the sound.
"She sounds a delight" He says. "So, why are you going to her birthday party?"
It's a good question and I'm not sure of the answer.
"I guess because she invited me." I shrug. "We worked together a few years ago and now we're kind of stuck with each other".
He nods a little in understanding.
"How about you? Have you got much planned over the next few weeks?" I ask.
"Just work really." He shrugs.
"Work is a big part of your life huh?" I say, looking up at him.
"Yeah I guess. I mean, I don't have any glitzy birthday parties to attend if that's what you mean?" He shrugs with a small smile.
"What do you like to do in your free time?" I ask, genuinely curious.
Now that I know he doesn't hate me I find I want to know everything, all the little things about this Edward. I spent too much time agonising over the old one. .
"I guess I like to read" He mumbles, "I cook too and I hang out with the guys sometimes." He says. "I dunno, nothing that interesting".
"I didn't know you cooked" I admit.
"Yeah. Living on your own means you either learn or live off takeout for the rest of your life" He chuckles.
"What's your favourite dish to cook?" I ask, trying to do as Rose said that night and keep the conversation going.
"Hmm.." He thinks, "I guess maybe..lasagna?" He says.
"Wow, that's pretty complex. I was expecting you to say something like burgers and fries" I admit.
"I'm a complex kind of guy," He says, his eyes meeting mine and for a second I see a tease behind them that reminds me of being a teenager. "How about you? Do you cook?" He asks.
"When I can. Although I spend a lot of time eating out too" I admit.
"What do you like to cook when you do?" He asks.
"I guess anything pasta related. Or risotto, I love that too" I nod, getting slightly lost in my thoughts over the gooey mushroom dish I make sometimes.
"That sounds good. So, what do you do in your spare time?" He asks.
"I don't know. I attend events, meetings, read scripts..." I shrug.
"That sounds like working more than relaxing" He admits.
I look up at him. His gaze burns into mine and I suddenly feel a little too seen. I shrug a little, trying to smile before the wind picks up and I shiver.
"You cold?" He asks.
"I didn't bring a jacket. I'm fine" I tell him, crossing my arms across my chest.
"You didn't bring a jacket to Forks?!" He asks, chuckling a little at my stupidity.
"It's March, I forgot it's still pretty cold here" I shrug, giving a sheepish smile.
Suddenly he's shrugging out of his jacket and holding it out to me.
"Here" He says.
"Oh Edward, it's fine. I'm not that cold" I argue.
"Just put it on. I'll feel like an ass otherwise" He tells me with a small smile.
I stare at him for a moment before he rolls his eyes and places the jacket over my shoulders. I feel my heartbeat pick up speed and my breathing goes a little laboured as the fabric rests on my shoulders. The backs of his fingers just brush to the soft cashmere of my sweater before he pulls away, staring at his shoes.
I swallow hard before sliding my arms into the sleeves. His jacket drowns me and hits about mid-thigh and with it wrapped around me, his scent that I only got a whiff of earlier is almost overpowering and immediately makes me think back to seven years ago...
"So, what do you want to do this weekend?" Edward asks me.
We're walking around town, looking in the few store windows and sipping hot chocolate.
"Oh you're just assuming I'm free?" I counter.
He gives me a pointed look and I roll my eyes at him. I'm always free.
"I don't mind" I sigh. "What do you want to do?"
"I thought maybe we could catch a movie?" He asks.
I look up at him and give a little smile.
"Yeah, that sounds good". I nod.
Since Edward and I tried to sneak up to Peter Carlsen's house we've been almost inseparable. It's like we can't get enough of each other. We spend most weekends together, just hanging out and talking, it's easy and simple and I love it. Not to mention we kiss. A lot.
I don't know what it is about Edward's kisses but even thinking about them makes me feel a little weak in the knees and lightheaded. I feel my cheeks warm at the thought.
"What you blushin' about?" He asks, grinning down at me.
"Nothing" I giggle.
"Tell me" He whispers, his mouth right by my ear.
"I was just thinking about Peter Carlsen's house," I tell him, keeping it vague.
He looks at me and I see a smirk cross his face.
"You mean you were thinking about after Peter Carlsen's house" He teases.
I roll my eyes but don't deny it.
"You getting hot and bothered by my kisses Swan?" He chuckles.
"Fuck off" I murmur.
He laughs before grabbing my hand and pulling me into his chest. I try to keep my breathing even and not think about how I can feel his firm chest under my hands or smell his aftershave and cigarettes. He grins at me and I can't help the little smile that forms on my face.
"Want me to kiss you now?" He whispers.
"Do you want to kiss me now?" I reply, avoiding the question.
"I want to kiss you all the time" He admits.
"Very smooth" I reply, rolling my eyes at him.
He chuckles before I feel his lips press to mine in a slow kiss. I can feel him smiling against my mouth and for some reason that makes it hotter. I kiss him back, expecting him to deepen it but he pulls away, winking at me. I shiver and I know he notices.
"Cold?" He asks.
"A little" I shrug. I'm not but I don't want to admit how he affects me.
I watch as he shrugs out of his jacket before wrapping it around my shoulders. I can smell his washing powder, cigarettes and aftershave. It makes my mouth water and my skin tingle.
"No! You'll get cold" I argue.
"Well you'll have to keep me warm then," He says, smirking at me. "So, what movie?" He asks, taking my hand in his and swinging them slightly between us.
"What?" I reply eloquently.
"What movie do you want to see this weekend?" He chuckles.
"Oh I don't mind" I reply. "Actually, have you seen that new one, The Last Song?" I ask.
"No, what's it about?" He asks.
"It's a rom-com thing. It was written by Nicholas Sparks" I tell him.
He looks at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about.
"Nicholas Sparks? The Notebook? Dear John? Nights in Rodanthe?" I question.
He shakes his head and I feel my mouth drop open.
"Okay, we need to educate you" I giggle.
He rolls his eyes, chuckling.
"So you wanna see this rom-com thing? The Final Song?"
"The Last Song" I tell him, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I mean...if you wanna?" I ask.
"Well, I wouldn't normally see a rom-com" He admits and I bite my lip feeling awkward, "But for you? I'll suffer through it" He grins.
I look up at him and he's looking at me with almost a tender expression on his face. It makes my chest feel weird.
"The soundtrack sounds good" I say quietly, feeling the need to say something.
"Oh yeah?" He asks, grinning at me.
I nod before digging into my back and grabbing my iPod. He chuckles a little before I hand him a headphone. He rolls his eyes taking it from me and sticking it into his ear before I scroll through and find the album I'm looking for. A few seconds later the song When I Look At You by Miley Cyrus fills our ears.
Edward glances over at me and I see him trying not to smile.
"Give it a chance" I grin at him.
He rolls his eyes before turning serious and listening to the song. We continue walking, sipping our hot chocolates and holding hands. It's nice and the realisation that Edward and I are hanging out together makes my stomach feel weird. I burrow further down into his jacket and inhale a little, trying to commit his scent to memory.
"So? What did you think?" I ask when the song comes to an end.
"I think you're really fucking cute" He grins. "And I think I want to kiss you again"
"So what do you need to do to get this movie role?" Edward asks snapping me out of the memory.
"Um...I need to audition and meet James Witherdale, he'd be my co-star." I explain, feeling a little breathless.
"He's famous right?" Edward asks, frowning a little.
"Yeah" I giggle. "He was in that superhero movie a few years ago".
"Oh right. I didn't see it" He shrugs.
"You don't watch much TV, do you?" I ask.
"Not really. Guess I'm normally working" He shrugs. "And when I'm not I can never find anything worth watching" He admits.
"What's the last movie you saw?" I ask.
He thinks for a moment before shrugging.
"I don't know, maybe...Deadpool?" He says.
"Deadpool?!" I cry. "That was out like...five years ago!" I argue.
He chuckles at me and I feel my stomach fizz at the sound.
"What can I say? I don't watch many movies." He says.
"We need to work on that then," I tell him, "I have a tonne you could start with".
"Yeah" He nods. "Sure, that would be good."
"I'll write a list and text it to you," I tell him.
He gives me a genuine smile and I feel my own cheeks rise in response.
We keep walking for a while, talking about our lives and jobs, talking about movies, music and cooking. It's staggering how much easier it is to be with him since we talked. I didn't realise how much tension we were both holding.
Eventually, we end up back outside the cafe. The air has turned colder and I pull his jacket around me tighter but Edward seems completely unaffected by it.
"So, I guess I better get going," I say.
"Yeah" He nods, giving me a small smile. "Well, thanks for meeting me," He says.
"Yeah, thanks for meeting me too" I laugh lightly.
We stare at each other for a moment and I feel this pull.
"Oh! Your jacket!" I say before shrugging out of it.
"Oh right, thanks," He says, taking the jacket from me and holding it in his hand.
"Pet Finn for me," I say, knowing I need to go but not wanting to.
"Sure" He chuckles.
"Okay well..." I trail off biting my bottom lip and trying to think of how to say goodbye without looking like a fucking idiot.
We look at each other for a long minute before Edward lets out a breathy chuckle.
"Fuck, why are goodbyes so weird" He asks, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I know right?" I laugh. "Do we walk away? Do we shake hands? Do we hug?" I ramble.
"Do you want to hug?" He asks taking me by surprise.
"Um...I mean...yeah, if you wanna" I shrug, feeling my cheeks burn at the realisation that I basically just said I wanted to hug him.
He nods a little and I notice his chest begins to rise and fall a little faster.
"Um..." He mumbles before moving toward me and opening his arms. I feel my heart stutter before I move slowly towards him and between his arms. I wrap my arms around his waist and feel his arms envelope me around the shoulders.
It's tame, barely even worth acknowledging but my entire body feels like it's about to burst into flames and I feel like I can't catch my breath. His scent is completely surrounding me. I can feel his hard chest under my cheek and his muscular back under my hands. I can feel his breath moving my hair and I'm sure he must be able to hear my heart pounding under my ribs.
The hug lasts less than five seconds before we move away and I look up at him and suddenly feel far too close to him and that I might do something stupid.
"Right" I breathe, laughing a little. "Well, I guess I'll...speak to you soon?" I ask.
"Yeah" He nods with a small smile. "Speak to you soon."
We stare at each other for a beat too long before he chuckles breathlessly, nods and turns to walk away, heading in the opposite direction to me. I watch him for a moment before he turns and gives me a little wave. I wave back before turning to walk back to my parent's house.
We shouldn't have hugged...
