Chapter Seven

Fuck I'm nervous. I kind of wish I'd never suggested this.

I'm standing outside of Charlotte's apartment, waiting for her to answer the door so that we can go for a beer. I had texted her as I promised with a place and time before offering to pick her up. Now I'm kind of regretting that offer.

Suddenly, the door opens and Charlotte is standing there in tight jeans, a low-cut blouse and a leather jacket. She looks good, really good and it kind of makes my stomach turn.

"Hey" She smiles.

"Hey" I grin.

"Thanks for picking me up" She says.

"No worries. Are you ready to go?" I ask.

"Yeah" She nods before grabbing her bag and following me out.

We head over to my truck, climbing in before I turn on the engine.

"So, I assumed you didn't want to go to Michael's as you work there," I tell her.

"Not really" She giggles.

"So, I wondered about Anderson's Pub?" I suggest.

"Yeah sounds good" She nods.

Anderson's is probably the trendiest place in Forks. It's a craft beer place with a pub garden and live music on Friday and Saturday nights.

We make the short journey to the pub before I pull into the parking lot and climb out. We head inside and I see it's already fairly crowded with a happy and slightly noisy crowd. We make our way up to the counter and I wait for Charlotte to choose from the menu.

"What can I get you?" I ask.

"I'll have a...blonde bombshell I think," She says with a smile.

I nod and order two before taking the glasses and following Charlotte over to a table outside. The weather is nice and warm for this time of year. We slide onto one of the picnic tables before I pass her beer to her and sip mine.

"Mm, it's nice" She nods.

"Yeah it is" I agree.

"So, how was your week?" She asks, leaning her elbows on the table.

"It was good. Finally got that house done" I smile.

"Are you pleased with it?" She asks.

"Yeah. It turned out well and the Marshalls are happy so.." I shrug a little.

"Their granddaughter is in my class," She says.

"Oh yeah?" I reply. "Emily Jane?"

"Yeah" Charlotte laughs. "She's a cute kid."

I nod a little, sipping my beer.

"So, what have you got lined up now? Work wise?" She says.

"I'm starting a deck next week," I tell her.

"Wow, good luck in the heat" She replies. "It's supposed to be really hot".

"I'm used to it" I shrug.

She nods a little, biting her lip as our eyes meet.

"How about you?" I ask. "How's your week been?"

"Oh it was good. Bit rowdy but good. I don't know what it is about the wind but it makes kids naughty" She laughs.

I chuckle with her.

"Not just kids, you should meet my friend Emmett" I joke.

She laughs with me and I find I'm actually enjoying myself. Charlotte's easy to be around and talk to and she seems to find me semi-interesting.

"So is it your company or...?" She asks.

"My dad started it and I started working there after high school and have been ever since" I tell her.

"That's cool." She nods. "Did you always want to do construction?"

"I guess. I kind of just assumed really. School wasn't really my strong suit" I admit, giving her a small smile.

"Ahh, you were one of the naughty ones then?" She teases, her eyes flirty.

"Guilty as charged" I admit, chuckling with her. "What made you want to teach?" I ask.

"Always liked kids and unlike you...I thrived at school." She winces, "Massive geek" She nods.

"You don't strike me as geeky" I chuckle.

"I hide it well" She whispers and I chuckle again.

We smile at each other as we sip our beer and I feel myself relax a little, the alcohol taking effect.

"So, what about your family?" I ask. "Are they still in Port Angeles?"

"They are. Dad's an engineer, Mom was a secretary" She says. "Brother is now a professional wrestler" She adds, raising her eyebrows.

"Wow" I chuckle. "That's..."

"Yeah. It really is" She laughs. "The funny thing is he was so anti-sport at school".

"I'm kind of impressed" I admit. "If not a little terrified."

She laughs, rolling her eyes.

"He's not that bad. You just have to remember that he's more scared of you than you are of him" She teases.

I chuckle again before sipping my beer.

"How about you? Any siblings?" She asks.

"No, only child" I nod.

"So you didn't have to share growing up. Lucky you" She grins.

"Some would argue that's a bad thing." I tease. "Kind of controlling," I admit.

"That's not always a bad thing," She says and I see a flirt in her eyes. I feel the back of my neck warm and chuckle, averting my gaze.

We talk for a while, about nothing in particular, family, friends, work until I get up to grab another beer. When I return to the table, I feel lighter than I did before, like the alcohol has gone to my head and made me mellow.

"This is nice" She smiles. "I'll admit, I was kind of surprised you asked to meet me".

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah, I mean...I kind of got the vibe you weren't really looking to meet anyone when we had a coffee" She admits.

"I guess I wasn't" I admit. "But...I had a good time so..." I feel a bit awkward but Charlotte's grinning at me so maybe that was the right thing to say.

"Same" She grins.

We stare at each other before laughing awkwardly and looking away.

"I was surprised you gave me your number in the first place" I admit. "I mean, I wasn't exactly at my best that night".

"No" She chuckles, "But you were the only person to smile at me and not touch my ass so..." She shrugs.

I laugh a little.

"People really do that?" I ask.

"Oh yeah" She nods. "You were refreshingly un-letchy".

"Well I'm glad that worked in my favour" I chuckle.

"Not to mention you're kinda good looking" She says, her eyes flirty and her cheeks tinging pink.

My stomach feels weird and I feel warmth creep up the back of my neck before I swallow my beer.

"So are you" I say quietly.

It's not a lie. She's pretty and has a nice smile and her easygoing personality makes her more attractive. But then she smiles at me, biting her lip and it reminds me of Bella.

"Want another?" I ask, feeling the need to change the subject.

"No I'm good." She says. "I guess it's getting kind of late."

"Yeah. Are you er...ready to go?" I ask.

"Yeah" She nods.

We head out of the pub before climbing back into my truck and making the short trip back to her apartment. As we drive, I notice Charlotte holding her arm out of the window, the cooler evening moving between her fingers. At a quick glance, she looks just like Bella, her dark hair blowing around her face and the sight takes me back to a similar moment seven years ago...


"Where are we going?" Bella asks, glancing out the windows of the car.

"I thought we could just go for a drive" I reply, smiling over at her.

"Sure" She grins.

I reach over and take her hand in mine. It's summer and the nights are warm so we've got the windows down, some country love song playing in the background. Bella has her arm hanging out of the window, her hand floating on the summer wind blowing past us.

"I love nights like this," She says quietly.

"Like what?" I ask.

"When the air is still warm" She smiles.

As we drive, I find I can't stop looking over at Bella in her little sundress. It's the first time I've ever seen her bare legs and it makes my stomach feel weird to look at them.

"What you looking at?" She asks a small smirk on her lips.

"You" I reply.

"What about me?" She continues.

"I was looking at your legs" I admit, not caring if I sound like a perv. She makes me feel dirty things.

"My legs?" She giggles. "And why were you looking at them?"

She's teasing me. I can hear it in her voice.

"Because they're long and smooth and right fucking there," I tell her, glancing over before I slide my hand onto her bare knee, squeezing gently.

I hear Bella's breathing hitch a little and I can't help my smirk as I feel my pants tighten. I continue driving for a couple of minutes, my hand still on her knee, my thumb rubbing small circles on the soft skin of her inner thigh.

"Edward?" Bella suddenly breathes.

"Yeah?" I reply, glancing over to look at her.

"Can we pull over?" She asks.

"Er...yeah, hang on" I tell her before finding a pull-in on some dusty road in the middle of nowhere.

I look over at her, a little worried she feels sick or something but then her mouth is crashing into mine, kissing me for all she's worth. I grunt at the feeling before my hands go into her hair and hold her closer. I feel her fumbling around until I hear her seatbelt unclip and she's suddenly crawling towards me.

As she swings her leg over the centre console I unclip my seatbelt, pulling her into my lap and groaning when she comes into contact with my hard cock. We kiss hard and fast and hot and I feel like my head is spinning and I can't catch my breath when she begins to grind her hips into me.

"Mm" Bella moans against my lips, her hands going into my hair and scratching her nails against my scalp.

I groan in response, my hands going to her hips to move her faster over me. I begin to feel my head swim before Bella pulls away from my mouth, breathing heavily. I look up at her, her eyes dark, her cheeks flushed and her hair hanging into her eyes. She looks fucking hot.

"Edward...touch me" She whispers and it's hands down the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I groan quietly before I slide my hands down to her knees, bent on either side of my hips. I slide my hands higher up her thighs and under her skirt before I feel the damp cotton between her legs.

"Urgh" She moans, her eyes fluttering as I begin to rub small circles over her bundle of nerves. "More" She whispers.

I feel like I might cum just from her saying that before I slide my hand into her panties and stroke her wet flesh. Bella still hasn't felt comfortable with me seeing it and I'm fine with that, I have a pretty good imagination and as long as she keeps letting me do this, I don't care how many fucking layers she's got on.

Bella moans and begins to rock her hips as I pump one finger in and out of her. I watch her, thinking how hot she looks before her eyes open and she fixes me with a dark stare.

Suddenly her hands go to my shorts, popping the button and dragging the zipper down. I hear my breathing speed up before she's reaching into my boxers and pulling my cock out.

"Oh fuck" I breathe as she begins to pump me in a steady rhythm.

Bella moans, her mouth meeting mine as we continue to get each other off. It's one of the hottest experiences of my life.

I have to break away from her kiss to breathe before she begins to move her hips a little faster, her moans becoming more regular. Hearing her, feeling her, while she touches me makes the beginnings of an orgasm begin to tingle at the base of my spine and I begin to grunt and groan as she speeds up her movements.

"Am I doing it right?" Bella pants.

"Yeah" I nod manically. "Just like that baby...fuck..."

"Urgh shit" Bella moans, her eyes suddenly popping open and looking manic.

"Right there?" I ask, curling my fingers against that spot again.

"Yeah...yeah...right there" She nods, a small frown appearing on her face.

"Fuck...you're gonna make me cum" I tell her, feeling my orgasm approaching rapidly and struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Me too" She whispers and that small declaration is enough to make my back arch and a groan leave my lips.

I move my fingers a little faster before adding a second and rubbing against that spot. Bella whimpers into the air around us and I groan when she squeezes her hand.

"Harder baby" I grunt.

She tries but I can tell she's holding back. I reach down with my free hand and squeeze her hand harder around me, moving her hand a little faster.

"I'm gonna cum" She whimpers, her breaths coming out in short pants.

I groan before she moans loudly, her body shaking above mine as she cums. I watch her for a second, so close to my own release. Bella's hand slows down as she rides out her orgasm before stopping completely as she breathes heavily against me.

Her eyes flutter open as I reach down, continuing to move her hand over me. I can tell I'm going to cum so I rip my hand out of her panties and grab my t-shirt, shoving it up just before my back arches and my eyes close.

"Fuck" I groan, breathing heavily as I empty onto my stomach.

I flop back against my seat, panting hard before I feel Bella begin to kiss along my shoulder and up my neck. I moan quietly, my hand leaving my shirt and rubbing up her back.

"Watch your dress" I whisper into her ear as she sucks on the skin behind my ear.

She moves away from me before my eyes flutter open and I see her smiling at me softly.

"What's that smile for?" I ask, grinning myself.

"You just make me smile" She shrugs.

I smile at her before looking down at the mess on my stomach.

"Um..." She looks around for something to hand me.

"There are some napkins in the glove compartment," I tell her.

She leans over and grabs a few napkins before handing them to me. I clean myself up before tucking everything away and doing up my pants. I look up at her before sliding my hands into her hair and kissing her softly. She sighs against my lips before letting out a giggle.

"What?" I chuckle, pulling away from her.

"I'm sorry for mauling you" She laughs.

"I'm not complaining in the slightest" I chuckle.

We smile at each other for a moment before I hear her stomach rumble and her cheeks flush red.

"You wanna get something to eat?" I ask.

"In a minute" She grins before kissing me softly once more...


"It's this turning here" Charlotte suddenly says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I blink a couple of times before indicating into her apartment building and pulling the truck to a stop. I climb out of the truck, clearing my throat a little before walking her to her door.

"Well, thanks for asking me out" She says sweetly.

"Thanks for coming" I nod.

We smile at each other and I feel nervous, awkward, and out of place. Do I walk away? Do I shake her hand? Do I hug her?

"If you ever want to grab a drink again, let me know" She adds.

"Yeah." I nod. "Yeah, definitely."

"Good" She smiles. "Okay, well...goodnight Edward," She says.

"Goodnight" I reply.

She looks at me for a moment before suddenly leaning in and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. The kiss is warm and barely there but I feel it, notice it. It's the first physical contact I've had with a woman in years, other than Bella hugging me a few weeks ago.

I swallow thickly before giving her a small smile and rubbing the back of my neck.

"Night" She says with a grin before disappearing into her apartment.

"Night" I reply.


"Hey honey," Mom says when I walk through the arrivals gate at Seattle airport.

"Hi Mom" I smile.

I give her a tight hug before following her out of the airport. As we walk she talks excitedly about the dinner she thought she'd make tonight and how my dad is looking forward to seeing me when he gets home from work.

When we reach the car, I stow my suitcase in the trunk before climbing into the passenger seat. She backs out of the parking lot before heading onto the highway and towards Forks.

"So how's the movie going?" She asks.

"It's good, we've prepped as much as we can and I start shooting in two weeks," I tell her.

"Oo, exciting" She smiles.

"So, anything going on with you guys?" I ask. "Edward said you were having a deck put in?"

"Oh, you've spoken to him then?" Mom asks, looking surprised.

"We text sometimes, just about our week or whatever" I shrug, sounding casual. I don't want to admit that it's more than that to me.

"Oh right. Yeah, we are. He's there now actually making a start with Emmett, Jasper and Ben" She tells me.

What? He's there right now. For some reason, I glance down at my outfit and then feel ridiculous for caring. It's not like Edward has a thing for me. That would be...ridiculous.

The rest of the drive passes in relative silence and I try to not freak out about seeing him. When we get to the house, I see his truck in the drive, along with a van emblazoned with Cullen Construction. I swallow thickly and try to pull myself together, feeling butterflies ignite in my stomach.

I follow Mom into the house, hearing banging and laughter in the backyard. I drop my case by the foot of the stairs before pushing my sunglasses onto my head. I try to surreptitiously check my make-up in the mirror in the hall before Mom comes back into the room.

"I'm going to tell them we're back. Want to come say hi?" She asks.

"Sure" I nod, giving a tight smile.

I follow her outside and see the guys working away at clearing the site. Emmett and Jasper seem to be doing the dirty work while Edward unloads barrows of cement sacks. I can see he's sweating in the afternoon sun, his grey t-shirt turning dark under his arms and down his back. I can see his strong arms as he holds the sack, the black ink of his tattoo peeking out from his sleeve.

I suddenly feel too warm and like a school girl with a crush. I try to act casual but somehow feel the more casual I act, the more uncasual I seem.

"Hi boys!" Mom cries. "We're back."

Emmett and Jasper look over their shoulder and see us standing there before giving us both a nod, their eyes lingering on me for a second. I feel a bit awkward under their gaze, not sure how they feel about me.

My eyes flash to Edward and see him drop the sack before turning and looking at my Mom and then at me. His eyes stare into mine for a beat too long before he rubs his arm across his forehead, wiping the sweat away.

How can he look hot even when he's covered in sweat and dirt?

"Would you guys like some lemonade?" Mom asks and I restrain an eye-roll.

Lemonade? Seriously? We never have that normally.

"That would be great Mrs S" Emmett nods.

"Please" Jasper agrees.

"Yeah, that would be great Renee," Edward says, his eyes still on me.

She nods before heading back inside, leaving me on the no-longer-existing patio, alone with them. It's a bit awkward for a minute before Edward walks over to me.

"Hey" He says, looking down at me with a smile.

I look up, squinting into the sun and feel my stomach flip-flop at his proximity.

"Hey" I smile.

"How was your flight?" He asks.

"Not too bad." I nod. "How's the deck going?" I ask.

"It's...not really going yet" He chuckles.

Suddenly, a shadow comes over my face and I turn to see Emmett standing next to us, Jasper walking over too.

"So, you're back then?" Emmett says.

"Yeah. Only for a week" I shrug.

"Not one visit in seven years and now three in six months. You're going to make us think you like us." Emmett comments and I notice his eyes flash to Edward for a moment.

"Yeah well, I'm starting a movie soon so I won't be able to visit for a few months." I shrug. "And anyway, I do like you" I mumble.

"Could have fooled me" Emmett mutters.

"Emmett" Edward says in a warning tone.

"No, it's okay" I say quietly. "Yeah, I should have visited but I was busy and there was...other stuff...going on" I say vaguely. "But that doesn't mean I didn't think about you all while I was gone."

Emmett stares at me for a long minute.

"Anyway, turns out I wasn't missing much. You're still an asshole all these years later." I add.

There's a long minute of silence and for a moment I think I might have genuinely offended him but then he chuckles and then laughs. Jasper begins to laugh too and even Edward lets out a chuckle before I giggle slightly.

"Fuck you Swan" Emmett teases.

I shrug a little before Emmett nudges my arm with his.

"You're alright" He nods.

I nod back to him and I feel like we've come to some kind of agreement, a neutral ground. Suddenly, we're interrupted by my mother coming out of the house with a tray of lemonade.

"Here we go" She smiles.

The guys all grab a glass practically downing it in one gulp.

"I brought you one too honey" Mom says.

"Thanks" I say, taking the glass and sipping it.

I feel Edward's eyes on me before he places his glass back on the tray and thanks my mom. I watch as they all go back to work, lifting and moving rubble and tree roots.

"Honey?" Mom says.

"Sorry?" I reply.

"Do you want lasagna for dinner?" She asks.

Edward's eyes flash up to mine as he carries another bag of cement over.

"Sure Mom, that sounds good" I nod.


The weekend passes and I don't see Edward. But when Monday morning comes, I awake to the sound of banging and sawing and loud voices in the backyard. I stumble out of bed and over to the window, looking down.

I can see Emmett and Jasper moving timber from through the side gate and onto the lawn while Edward begins to measure and cut them to length. I watch him for a moment before he must feel eyes on him and glances up at my window. I throw myself behind the curtain and squeeze my eyes closed, praying he didn't see me ogling him.

I take a couple of deep breaths before walking out of the room and into the bathroom. I clean my teeth and shower, taking my time and trying to avoid seeing the guys too soon before I throw on a pair of denim shorts and a vest top

Mom is in the kitchen, making toast when I find her.

"Morning sweetie" She smiles.

"Morning." I reply.

"Did the boys wake you up?" She asks.

"Yeah, but I needed to get up anyway" I shrug.

"I thought we could eat in the yard" She says.

"The backyard?" I ask.

"Yeah" She nods.

"I think we'll be in the way Mom" I murmur.

"Don't be silly, we can sit down the other end" She says."It's a beautiful day, we shouldn't miss it".

Before I can argue with her, she's sticking her head out the back door and asking if the guys can move a table down to the end of the yard. Emmett and Jasper, of course, diligently move the wooden table and chairs for us before Mom hands me a plate of toast and a coffee and tilts her head.

I try to keep my eyes down as I walk out into the yard, heading over to the table and avoiding their gaze. I cross my legs, focusing on my nail varnish before Mom speaks again.

"Don't be so awkward Bella" She laughs.

"Mom, we're literally like...staring at them" I argue.

"No we're not. We're miles away." She says rolling her eyes at me.

I sigh a little before picking up my toast and taking a tentative bite. I glance over at the guys and see that they're not paying attention to us, instead focused on their work. I catch the occasional word of their conversation but it seems to all be about wood lengths and support systems.

Mom and I chat for a bit about what I'd like to do while I'm here before she begins to look at her iPad quietly. I look at my phone, checking Instagram and liking a few photos of my friends before I glance over at the guys again.

Hidden behind my sunglasses I can sneak a peek without them noticing. I watch Emmett and Jasper bicker about something for a minute before Emmett flips him off. Then I look at Edward. Really look at him.

He's measuring some timber, moving it this way and that before starting an electric saw and cutting it. As he moves, his t-shirt stretches and tightens around his body. I watch as it rides up a little on his back as he bends over the wood, exposing a sliver of skin.

It's already hot, even though it's only mid-morning. The sun is beating down on the guys and I can see they're already sweating, their t-shirts turning dark grey.

I look away, instead focusing on my emails then doing a little online window shopping. I'm just admiring a dress on Net-a-Porter when I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I glance over and see Emmett pulling off his shirt, throwing it to one side frustratedly.

"Fucking thing" I hear him mutter before glancing toward us, probably to check my mom didn't hear. I almost laugh at how he looks like a naughty school child.

He exchanges a few words with Jasper before Jasper also pulls his shirt off, dumping it on a bag in the corner of the yard. It's weird seeing them again. In my head, they're still the teenagers I grew up with, but looking at them now, they're definitely men. Good-looking ones too.

I glance over at Edward and see him glance towards me. His eyes linger on me for a beat before he turns back to the wood in front of him. He can't see that I'm looking at him, but knowing he's looking at me, makes my skin tingle.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by my phone buzzing.

Hey B. Whatcha doing? How's the small town life? - R

I smile at the message. Rose, Alice and I set up a group chat a while ago to keep in touch no matter where we were. With all of us travelling and ending up in different cities, we don't often get together so this is our way of staying in contact.

It's good. Really hot actually - B

You seen the old ex yet? - A

My eyes flash up to Edward.

He's here actually. Working on my parent's new deck - B

Fuck, really?! - R

Is it awkward? - R

I haven't really spoken to him. I'm currently stuck outside with my mother though so we're in the vicinity of each other. I feel kind of awkward - B

Why? It's your chance to observe him in the wild - A

I laugh quietly at that and see Mom look up at me.

"Alice," I tell her.

She nods a little, smiling before placing her iPad down on the table.

"I'll be back in a minute honey. Just going to use the bathroom" She says.

"Okay" I nod.

I watch her go before going back to the group chat.

Seriously Allie, there's nothing going on - B

Doesn't necessarily have to stay that way - A

Bella, even if you don't want to eat in the restaurant you can still read the menu - R

I roll my eyes a little before hearing voices getting louder. I glance up and see Emmett and Jasper teasing Edward about something. I catch a few words, something about being a princess and titties.

Edward's laughing, flipping them off before rolling his eyes and reaching behind his head and yanking his shirt off. As soon as his chest is exposed I feel like all the air has been knocked out of me. He's bulked up in the last seven years. He's muscular with abs and biceps and that sexy v on his hips is on show where his work shorts hang low. I feel my mouth water and my breathing becomes laboured as he drops the shirt to the floor before holding his arms out and turning in a circle before flipping them off again with a grin.

My phone buzzes and I jump at the sound before reading the message.

You died over there? - R

Sorry got distracted - B

Oh yeah? By what? - A

She sends me a wink emoji and I bite my lip, hiding a smile. I decide to just be honest.

Shirtless guys - B

What?! He took his shirt off? Does he look good? - R

Rose! - B

What? I'm curious! - R

I sigh a little before glancing over at Edward. He's standing with his hands on his hips, looking at the timber around him, lost in deep thought.

Better than he should - B

Take a photo - A

I can't! - B

Just do it! - R

I bite my lip, glancing over at Edward again and see his eyes flash to me for a second. He looks away before looking back again. His eyes land on my face before moving down over my shoulders and then my bare legs. I squeeze my legs together a little, feeling pressure there.

He's checking me out.

Suddenly, he shakes his head a little and looks away, pinching the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his hair.

I re-read the message twice before thinking fuck it. I angle my phone so that it looks like I'm still texting before taking a photo of the three of them. I quickly post it to the chat.

Holy smokes - A

Fuck me - R

I stifle a laugh at the reaction.

Which one is he? - R

The one on the far right - B

He's REALLY hot - A

Bagsie the big guy - R

I like the blonde - A

Come to Mama - R

I can't stifle a laugh then and the sound must reach the boys because I see Edward glance my way. He has a small smile on his lips before I bite my lip, reining it in.

Oh my god. You guys. - B

"Bella?" I hear my name and nearly drop my phone in surprise.

I look up and see Edward standing in front of me, shirtless, sweating and looking far too good.

"Yeah?" I reply, my voice sounding breathy even to my own ears.

"Have you seen your Mom? I need to ask her about the design of the deck" He says.

"She's just gone to the bathroom. She should be back in a minute" I tell him, trying to keep my eyes firmly on his face and not the v of his hips.

"Oh okay" He nods.

"Hey Ed, Jazz and I are gonna get the cool box" Emmett shouts.

"Okay!" He calls back.

He turns back to face me, his eyes glancing at my legs. I squeeze them subconsciously.

"Wanna take a pew?" I ask, gesturing to the chair next to me.

"Thanks", He nods before sitting on one of the wooden chairs. He spreads his legs, resting his elbows on his knees and staring at the ground.

"So how's it going?" I ask, checking that my phone is locked and not showing my creepy picture of them all.

"Not bad. It's just so fucking hot" He says.

"Yeah. Good job I threw my shorts in at the last minute, otherwise I'd have had to borrow Dad's" I joke.

Edward laughs, his eyes looking over at me.

"Sounds tasteful" He chuckles.

I giggle quietly before pushing my sunglasses onto my head. His eyes meet mine and I suddenly feel more exposed than before.

"So, you have a design question?" I ask.

"Yeah" He nods, looking back to the deck. "I don't know if they want the steps central or to one side." He says.

"I think they should be central," I say, looking at the deck, "But I wouldn't know" I shrug.

"Same" He smiles.

There's a beat of silence and I feel like I'm burning under his gaze.

"So how's LA?" He asks, leaning back in his chair and letting me get a good look at those abs.

"It's LA" I shrug, laughing.

"You don't sound pleased." He comments.

"I don't know. It is what it is" I reply vaguely.

"How's Forks?" I ask.

"The same" He chuckles.

Emmett and Jasper reappear dragging a cooler behind them at the same time my mom walks back out of the house. Edward stands, shoving his hands in his pockets and pulling his shorts even further down the v on his hips. I can't help but glance down at his body before I snap my eyes back up to his green ones.

"Um...you mentioned having a beer while you're here" He says quickly, "You still up for that?"

"Sure. You say when" I reply.

"Tomorrow? Say six?" He asks.

"Cool" I nod just as Mom comes over.

"Everything okay?" She asks.

"Yeah. I just have a couple of questions" He says.

He takes her over to the deck, discussing steps and levels and how that will affect making it. I watch him as he works, it's kind of mesmerising. He's knowledgeable and well-spoken and guides without pushing too hard. I also stare at his back and how the muscles under the smooth skin move as he waves his arms around, pointing to various things.

Suddenly, he turns to face me and I see him catch me staring. My eyes snap back up to his and I feel my cheeks turn red without my permission. His eyes linger on my face before a small smirk crosses his lips.

Fuck.


I tug a t-shirt over my head, checking the clock at the same time. She's going to be here within the next couple of minutes.

I run a hand through my hair and quickly walk into the living room, checking that nothing embarrassing is on show. I don't really have anything embarrassing but you never know. Finn catches my eyes and I cross my arms, looking at him.

"What?" I ask.

He whines a little, licking his nose.

"Don't you start" I mumble.

I've been nervous about seeing Bella all day. When she sat outside in the backyard yesterday I'd done my best to ignore her, and focus on the work, but she had to wear those fucking denim shorts and have her long legs just out there and I couldn't help but glance at her.

Then Emmett and Jasper had started on at me about taking my shirt off, calling me a princess and saying I was embarrassed about my tits. I'd ignored them for so long but eventually, it was easier just to take it off. I'm still not sure whether to thank them or hate them because I definitely caught Bella checking me out.

At first, I'd been a bit surprised, she was so obviously looking at me but then I'd seen her blush and couldn't contain the smirk on my face. She thought I was hot, I could tell and that felt like heaven and hell at the same time, because if I was honest with myself, I found her hot too. As hot as I did all those years ago.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on the door and take a deep breath. I open the door and there stands Bella, dressed in a low-cut vest top and those fucking denim shorts. Kill me now.

"Hey" She says, smiling at me.

"Hey" I smile.

I step back, letting her into my house before closing the door behind us. Luckily, this time around I had enough forethought to turn on some music so it's not so fucking silent.

"Beer?" I ask.

"Sure" She nods.

I walk into the kitchen, grabbing two beers and popping the caps before returning to the room. Bella's scratching Finn's ear. As I look at her back, I realise I can't see any bra straps and briefly wonder if she's wearing a strapless one or has nothing on.

And now my shorts are getting too tight.

"Here you go" I say, forcing my mind out of the gutter.

She takes the beer from me before Finn suddenly runs and jumps onto the chair, lying down and closing his eyes. I look at him for a moment.

"Get off" I tell him.

He ignores me.

"Finn" I warn.

He continues to ignore me.

I huff a little before turning to look at Bella, who's stifling a smile. I roll my eyes at the dog before taking the spare seat on the couch next to her. It's the closest we've ever sat and I'm acutely aware of it.

"So, good day?" She asks, sipping her beer.

"Yeah not bad. Hot again though" I nod.

"Yeah. Really warm" She nods before her eyes flash to my t-shirt-covered chest. I swallow hard.

"How about you?" I ask.

"Yeah not too bad. Hung out with dad for a bit before he went fishing" She shrugs.

I nod before we fall into silence.

"The deck looks good," She says.

We made quite a bit of progress yesterday on the deck and the main frame is mapped out so you can see its shape and size.

"Yeah, it's not too bad. I hope they're pleased" I grin.

"They are" She smiles.

"So how's the movie going?" I ask. "You said you start in a few weeks."

"Yeah. Not bad. I met my co-star" She says with a laugh.

"What's he like?" I ask.

"Not too bad. Bit flirty maybe" She shrugs.

"That not your thing?" I ask. I want to add anymore but I don't and I try to ignore how my stomach feels when I hear someone's been flirting with her.

She looks at me for a moment and I suddenly feel a bit exposed, like she knows what I'm thinking.

"Not really. Not when it's not warranted...or encouraged" She says.

"Flirty how?" I ask because I'm apparently a masochist.

"I don't know. Little comments, the way he says stuff..." She trails off.

"Such as?" I ask.

"I told him I was from a small town and he said 'that must be why you look so natural'" She tells me, doing an impression of a flirty voice.

"Oh wow" I chuckle, already hating the guy.

"He also asked me if I had a boyfriend" She says.

I feel my stomach churn at the word but swallow it down with beer.

"Why did he want to know that?" I ask.

"Apparently he wanted to know if there was anyone to worry about should we have to do any love scenes" She says rolling her eyes.

Fuck...there are love scenes in her new movie?

"There aren't any love scenes" She blurts out and for some reason, I immediately feel relieved.

I stare at her for a minute and her wide eyes meet mine. I nod a little, deciding it's best if I don't speak right now.

"Do you?" I ask a moment later.

"What?" She replies.

"Have a boyfriend?" I reply.

I don't know why I ask it, I shouldn't ask it, but it's out there now and I can't take it back.

"No" She whispers.

I nod a little, feeling intense relief. It almost makes me want to laugh.

"Why'd you ask?" She says.

I stare at her, not knowing what to say.

"Jasper showed me a picture of you dancing with someone...in a club, so..." I trail off shrugging.

I can't decide if that sounds better or worse. It saves me from saying that I've been thinking about it for weeks but it reveals I've seen her Instagram account.

"Oh!" She suddenly laughs. "That was Aro" She says.

"Aro?" I ask.

"My friend." She says with a smile. "You're more his type than me" She adds.

"Oh" I reply in understanding.

He's gay. That makes me feel marginally better, not that it's any of my business.

"Another?" I ask, gesturing to her beer.

"Sure" She nods.

I stand and head into the kitchen, grabbing two more beers before passing one to her. I swig my beer, taking comfort in the way the alcohol makes me feel lighter and less self-conscious, less awkward.

"So how did you meet Aro?" I ask.

"At an event" She replies. "We were sat at the same table and hit it off" She smiles.

"And he's an actor too?" I ask.

"Music producer" She says.

"Cool" I nod.

We fall into another silence and I swig my beer, downing half in one.

"So...you've seen my social media?" She asks quietly, her eyes flashing to mine before she gives me a small smile.

"Jasper showed me" I clarify.

She nods a little.

"So, you don't do Instagram or..." She trails off.

"I have no idea how to use it" I chuckle. "Jasper keeps chewing my ass out about it" I admit.

"I could help you set it up," She says. "It's really not that hard".

Fuck, do I want to get involved in this? I'm tortured by her enough as it is, let alone seeing her perfect life online as well.

"Okay" I nod.

What the fuck am I doing? Why did I say that?

She smiles before holding out her hand to me.

"Phone" She says.

I roll my eyes before lifting my hips slightly and pulling it from my pocket. I notice Bella's eyes follow the movement and I try to ignore the tightening in my groin. I unlock the phone before passing it to her.

"Passcode. Interesting..." She says and I chuckle slightly.

"Emmett. Enough said" I reply.

She giggles before beginning to download Instagram. Once it's finished downloading she opens the app up and looks at me.

"Email and a password?" She asks.

I rattle off the work one I use for everything. She taps on my phone for a minute and I take the opportunity to study her, watching her concentrate. Her eyes flash to mine and I feel like I've been caught staring.

"You need a profile picture," She says with a smile.

"Oh er...I don't have any photos of me on my phone" I reply.

"We could take one now?" She suggests, biting her lip and trying to hide her smile.

"Like right now?" I ask.

"What? You gotta do some beauty regime first or something?" She teases.

I flip her off and she laughs at me which makes me chuckle.

"Come on. Just smile and I'll take one. You can always change it later" She says.

I roll my eyes, chuckling before shrugging a little. She grins before turning her body and telling me to smile. I do my best but I can feel it's forced.

"A real smile!" She insists.

"I can't just smile on command." I argue.

"Wanna hear a joke?" She asks.

"Have you got a joke?" I reply, talking to the lens of my phone that's hiding Bella's face.

"My husband asked 'have you seen the dog bowl'. I said 'I didn't know he could!'" She says, before giggling at her own joke.

It's a terrible joke but it does make me laugh and I hear the camera snap a picture before Bella drops my phone from in front of her face and grins at me. She finishes setting up my profile and makes me follow her account.

"Do you know how to use it?" She asks.

"No" I admit and roll my eyes when she scoffs at me.

She moves her body a little closer to mine, holding my phone between us and explaining how to post something to my feed, how to like other people's posts and then it all gets complicated with stories and highlights and reels. I kind of zone out after a while, instead looking at her profile, watching her mouth move and her hair curl around her ear.

"Get it?" She asks, looking up at me and I suddenly realise how close we are.

"Yeah" I reply, my voice sounding gritty.

Her eyes flash to my mouth for a second before she blinks and moves away from me and hands me my phone back, accidentally brushing her fingers against my own. I feel an electric current go up my arm and hear my breathing turn shakey. She looks at me, and I suddenly feel too warm, too close.

"Another?" I ask. "Or are you driving?"

"No, I er...I walked. Another would be great" She says.

I nod before standing and heading into the kitchen. I grab two beers before leaning against the counter and taking a deep breath. I glance at the pasta I have sitting on the stove, ready for later.

I take the beers and head back into the living room.

"You hungry?" I ask before I can bottle out.

She looks at me surprised and I know how she feels.

"Um..yeah, sure, I could eat" She nods.

"I've made pasta" I tell her. "I made it earlier and there's enough for two if..."

"Yeah, that would be great. Only if you're sure though." She says.

"Yeah, no worries." I nod.

I hand her her beer before disappearing into the kitchen again and turning on the stove to heat up the sauce. I grab a pan and add some water, waiting for it to boil. I sip my beer while I wait.

"Can I help?" She asks making me jump. "Sorry" She giggles, "Didn't mean to scare you".

"It's okay" I chuckle. "Um...I just waiting for the water to boil and then I can cook the pasta" I explain.

She nods a little, standing in the doorway. She crosses her arms slightly, hugging herself and the action pushes her breasts together. I can't help but look. They're as perky as I remember them and I've really remembered them over the years.

"So, what kind of pasta is it?" She asks.

I snap my eyes back to hers before sipping my beer.

"Just vegetables and tomato sauce" I shrug. "There's a bit of bacon in there too."

She nods a little, biting her bottom lip.

"You're not a vegetarian are you?" I ask, suddenly worried.

"No" She laughs. "No, not at all."

I smile before turning back to the pan and adding the pasta. I give it a stir before leaning back against the counter and looking at her. She's got a little smile on her face.

"What?" I ask, feeling myself smile in return.

"Nothing," She says, biting her lip and trying to hide her grin.

"You're just smiling for no reason?" I chuckle, tilting my bottle to my lips and feeling my head begin to swim. I need to eat something before the drink goes to my head.

"It's weird seeing you cook." She shrugs.

I chuckle a little but before I can ask what she means she speaks again.

"Can I get plates or anything?" She asks.

"Er, yeah, top cabinet" I say, tilting my head.

She nods before placing her beer on the counter and reaching up to the cabinet. As she does my eyes drop to the sliver of skin exposed at her back. Fuck, I feel like I can't do anything but look at her tonight.

"Silverware?" She asks.

"Top drawer" I reply.

She grabs knives and forks before turning back to face me. She leans against the counter before I turn around, looking for a sieve.

"Sorry" I murmur, needing to get in the cabinet behind her.

"Oh" She says, moving out of my way.

She goes to move to the other side of the kitchen but we have to brush past each other and her bare arm brushes mine. I feel my skin tingle and try to ignore the feeling before I bend down, grab a sieve and drain the pasta.

I place the pan back on the stove before realising that I need a spoon, which is now behind Bella again.

"Sorry" I chuckle, gesturing to the drawer behind her ass.

"No worries" She giggles, stepping to the left.

I step in front of her before we do this awkward back-and-forth dance. Bella laughs and I find myself chuckling too before she steps forward, moving out of my way. I go to do the same and accidentally knock into her, knocking her off balance. She gasps quietly and I reach out, grabbing her arm to stop her from hitting the fridge. I pull her upright and in turn almost into my body. We both freeze at the contact.

Bella's eyes raise to meet mine and I look down at her. My breathing becomes slightly laboured and I know I should let go of her arm but I can't seem to move my hand. She stares at me before her eyes drop to my mouth for a second and mine do the same.

Suddenly I hear a hiss as sauce bubbles over and hits the stove. The spell is broken.

"Sorry" I say before dropping her arm like she burned me and grabbing a spoon from the drawer.

"It's okay" She replies quietly.

I focus on dishing up the food, not looking at her, trying not to think about it. It was just a touch, I didn't want her to fall over, that's all. No big deal. I shouldn't have looked at her mouth. She shouldn't have looked at mine.

"Do you want to grab the beers?" I ask quietly.

"Sure" She mumbles.

I take our plates and silverware into the living room before sitting on the couch, the chair still taken by fucking Finn. He even has the nerve to crack one eye open and look at me.

Bella sits down next to me and I hand her a plate before she passes me my beer. We eat in fairly comfortable silence, but all I can think about is how close she was to me in that kitchen. I take a long drag of my beer and find the more I drink, the more relaxed I feel.

"Sorry about grabbing you earlier" I say quietly, making her eyes flash to mine.

"I didn't mind" She says. I don't know if it's on purpose but I hear a double meaning. "Sorry I tripped over" She laughs breathlessly.

"I didn't mind" I reply. "You're a hazard, remember?"

She looks at me, remembering when we met under the bleachers.

"I remember" She says with a soft smile. There's a beat of silence before she speaks again. "It's really good," She says, gesturing to the pasta.

"Thanks" I smile. "Emmett says I'll make someone a good wife one day" I joke.

"I'm sure. Good businessman, good with people, good cook, good-" She cuts off suddenly blushing.

"Good what?" I ask, unable to help myself.

She's silent for a moment her eyes burning into mine before she lets out a small, awkward laugh.

"I was going to say good-looking," She says.

Hearing her say those words makes my insides feel weird and my skin tingle and my heart pound. I stare at her for a long moment, watching her cheeks turn a darker shade of red.

"You think I'm good-looking?" I ask, unable to hide my smirk.

I don't know why I ask it. She used to find me good-looking and I don't look that different now but for some reason, I want to hear her say it, want her to look at me the way she did in her backyard.

"You know you are" She laughs.

I force myself to take a bite of food and chew slowly.

"Why'd you think I know it?" I ask.

I'm baiting her. I know I am but I can't seem to stop. I blame the beer.

"Because you're you" She says.

"What does that mean exactly?" I chuckle.

"It means you're still the same guy I knew when I was eighteen. The same guy that didn't even ask me out under the bleachers, just told me that he was picking me up at seven" She laughs.

"Is that why you were checking me out yesterday?" The words leave my mouth before I can think about them.

There's a beat of silence and she stares at me for a long minute. I begin to regret what I said when she places her fork down on the side of her plate.

"Yeah" She says quietly. "You were kind of hard to miss".

Her words make me feel like there's an army of ants in my stomach and that my heart might pound straight out of my chest.

"So were you" I tell her.

I should regret my words but I don't. They're out there now and I feel lighter for saying them even if they might backfire.

"Is that why you were checking me out yesterday?" She asks.

She saw that then.

"Yeah" I admit.

We stare at each other for a long minute before I see a small smile pull Bella's lips. I smile back and then we're both laughing. Really laughing.

"Oh shit" I groan, scrubbing a hand over my face and resting my head against the back of the couch. "I can't believe I just told you that".

"I'm flattered" She shrugs, giggling quietly and her cheeks turning pink.

I turn my head looking over at her and roll my eyes.

"You must have hundreds of people telling you that you're hot, I doubt it's news to you" I tell her.

"Not really" She says. "And even if they do. Most of them don't mean it".

I watch her for a minute before she giggles again.

"I can't believe you caught me checking you out" She says, covering her face with her hands and groaning.

I can't help but laugh.

"You don't have to hide" I chuckle.

"Yes, I do. I'm so fucking embarrassed" She mumbles and I laugh again.

I lean over and grab her wrist in my hand, moving it away from her face.

"I was flattered" I tell her, feeling my hand tingle from the contact with her skin.

"Really?" She mumbles, dropping her other hand.

I suddenly realise how close our faces are and I swallow hard.

"What do you think?" I ask.

Her eyes momentarily drop to my mouth and I do the same. I feel myself lean in but suddenly my phone buzzes on the coffee table and we jump apart.

"Fuck" I sigh, grabbing my phone and seeing a text message. I open it and see it's from Charlotte.

Hey. Beers tomorrow night? My treat. - C

I scrub a hand over my face and close my phone. I can't deal with that right now.

"You okay?" Bella asks.

I turn to look at her and nod a little.

"Yeah, I'm good" I reply with a smile.

"Something important?" She asks.

That's a loaded question.

"Nothing that can't wait." I tell her.

I know I should mention Charlotte, know I should say that we'd been out for a beer but I don't. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about Charlotte. She's nice and pretty and funny but...I don't know, I don't feel a spark with her.

She nods a little before draining her beer.

"I guess I should get going" She says and the spell is broken.

"You sure?" I ask.

"Yeah, I better go. I've already drunk too much beer as it is" She replies, laughing a little.

Bella stands from the couch before grabbing her bag and heading to the door. She turns to me when we reach it.

"Well, thanks for having me and for dinner and everything. It was great" She smiles.

"Course" I smile back.

"So I guess I'll see you when I see you" She shrugs.

"Yeah, good luck with the movie if I don't see you before you go" I tell her.

"Thanks" She smiles.

We stand in the doorway awkwardly.

"Um...bye then?" She says, opening her arms like she wants a hug.

"Yeah, bye" I nod before wrapping my arms around her and giving her a squeeze.

I keep it brief feeling like I can feel too much of her skin against mine and not sure if I can handle it. I know I've had too much to drink and I don't want to do something stupid.

"Night then" She says with a smile.

"Night" I smile before opening the door for her.

I watch as she walks down the driveway before she turns and gives me a final wave. I wave back before closing the door and leaning against it.

Fuck. I think I nearly kissed Bella.

I'm brought out my thoughts by my phone dinging again. I walk over and grab it reading the message.

Hello? - C

Fuck. I left her on read.

Sorry. Got distracted by dinner. - E

I bite my bottom lip and look out the living room window at the driveway Bella just walked down, just left by. She's going back to LA in a couple of days. I know that. I know she was only here for a week. I know she's going to go back to her life and her job and that's going to be it. So what if we nearly kissed? It didn't mean anything. It was just the drink and reminiscing.

I turn back to the message and sigh. Charlotte likes me. She wants to hang out with me. She's here. I bite my lip as I reply.

Sure. Beers sound good. - E


The following night I'm sitting in the diner, drinking beer opposite Charlotte. She's wearing a pink sundress and looks like the poster girl for girl next door. She looks really pretty and I try to concentrate on that but all I can think about is Bella's legs and denim shorts and her arm touching mine.

"So four of my kids got given detention today" Charlotte tells me.

"Four?!" I laugh. "I didn't even know you could get detention in kindergarten."

"Well, detention might be a bit of a stretch but they were definitely in a time out" She laughs.

"What'd they do?" I ask, sipping my beer.

"Spilt water on the classroom floor and then poured dish soap on it to make a slip and slide" She says.

I stare at her open-mouthed.

"Oh my god. I bet you all went ape shit" I chuckle.

"You're telling me. I had to call the janitor and I thought he was going to resign right then and there" She says.

I laugh, watching her eyes crinkle as she giggles with me.

"So, how about your week? Any slip and slide incidents?" She teases.

"No, thankfully. I started that deck I mentioned. It's looking good" I nod.

"It's been really hot though. How have you coped in the heat?" She asks.

I swallow, remembering Bella's eyes moving over me when I had my shirt off and dip my head, focusing on my beer bottle.

"I'm kind of used to it" I shrug.

"Hey, do you guys fix stairs?" She asks.

"Sure" I nod. "Why?"

"There's a loose tread in my apartment building. I've called the super like a hundred times but..." She shrugs.

"Want me to come and take a look at it?" I ask.

"Would you? I'm really worried someone is going to fall" She says.

"Sure. I'll come by one evening and look" I nod.

"Great" She says. "Tell you what...why don't I buy you dinner as a thank you?" She asks.

I look at her for a minute. I don't know how I feel about dinner. Dinner feels intense, like a relationship, like we're dating rather than just meeting up and hanging out. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that.

"Just takeout or something. Nothing too extreme" She laughs, seeing my hesitation.

Takeout. That's casual right? I could do takeout. I do takeout with Em and Jasper.

"Sure" I nod. "That would be great."

"Cool" She smiles.

We finish drinking our beers, talking about nothing in particular before she says she better get home as she has to get up early. I nod before standing from the booth and walking with her out of the diner.

"Did you drive?" I ask, looking for her car.

"No I walked" She says.

"I'll walk you home" I tell her.

"You don't have to do that Edward" She says.

"I walked too, it's no trouble" I smile.

She grins at me before we walk down the street. As we do, she tells me about her brother the pro wrestler, recounting a story of when he got knocked out in the ring by a stray knee. I'm laughing hard at her impression when we round the corner and I almost barrel into someone. I manage to right myself before looking down and seeing brown hair and hazel eyes and denim shorts.

"Oh my god! Edward! I'm so sorry!" She gasps.

She's holding a plastic bag from the grocery store in one hand, a Gatorade bottle in the other while trying to text at the same time. I stare at her for a moment before realising that I just walked into Bella and Charlotte is standing next to me.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it" I breathe.

I notice Bella's eyes flash to Charlotte curiously.

"Oh um...Bella, this is Charlotte. Charlotte this is...my friend...Bella" I introduce them awkwardly. I notice Bella's eyes flash to me when I say, friend.

Fuck my life. I must have done something bad in a previous one because I do not deserve this.

"Hi, nice to meet you Charlotte. Sorry for nearly taking you both out there" Bella says with a small smile.

"No worries. No harm done" Charlotte laughs.

There's a beat of silence before Charlotte speaks again.

"So you're friends from high school?" She asks.

"Yeah." I nod.

"Oh right. That's cool." She nods.

"Oh god...I'm sorry...I'm interrupting your evening.." Bella starts rambling.

"No! It's fine, we were just getting a beer" Charlotte says kindly. "And Edward was just walking me home".

Bella's eyes meet mine and there's an emotion behind them that I can't place.

"It's certainly the week for that" She nods, looking at me.

I look away, unable to hold her gaze before she clears her throat a little and gives Charlotte a smile.

"Well, enjoy the rest of your night. Sorry for being a hazard," Bella says before moving past us.

The phrase makes my stomach ache and I want to scream that it's not what she thinks. I'm not dating Charlotte, I'm just...seeing her. But I don't. I watch her go, walking away with her head down.

"Night Bella" I call after her, feeling fucking lame.

I turn back to look at Charlotte and she's watching me. I give her a tight smile before continuing down the road.

"So you went to high school with her?" She asks.

"Yeah. A long time ago" I say quietly.

"She seemed nice." Charlotte says.

"Yeah. She is" I nod.

More than I'd like to admit.

"I feel like I've seen her before." She says.

"Maybe. Perhaps around town or something," I nod.

I don't know why I don't tell her who Bella is but part of me feels like I should protect her privacy.

I walk Charlotte to her door before saying goodnight. We stand awkwardly until she leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. She smiles at me before disappearing inside her apartment.

As I walk home, I think about Charlotte. She's nice, pretty, clever and interesting and she seems interested in me. She's everything I should want or be attracted to.

So why am I not? And why do I feel so fucking guilty?