The Tragical Comedy of Rick and Romeo, Juliet and Kate

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, but I do owe a debt to Will Shakestail, the Bard of Vorlag, for this. Rating: K Time: Shortly after the last season of Castle.

"You want to go to Vorlag, Martha?" Kate didn't quite believe that.

"Oh, yes. The last time he was here, Don Vorleone was fascinated by performance as Desdemona in Othello. This time I've been showing him some of the better films made from the Bard's plays. There's Branagh's Henry V as well as Olivier's. I threw in Taylor and Burton's Taming of the Shrew, although it's not their best work. Zefferilli's Romeo and Juliet and I did show him the one with Leo DiCaprio, although modern renditions of Shakespeare are not my favorites."

"I did find Julius Caesar to be fascinating." Don Vorleone said. "What was that line that fellow used? Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?"

"isn't that from The Godfather?" Rick said.

"A wonderful film. I do love a happy ending." Don Vorleone said, smiling.

"Anyway," Martha went on, "Don Vorleone wants to produce some of the Bard's plays on Vorlag and he wants me to direct. Who could pass up an opportunity like that?"

Lots of people. Kate thought but said nothing.

Kate turned to Alexis.

"You can't go, Alexis. You have a summer internship with your psychology professor."

"Not anymore. Do you remember me telling you that one of the students in my class was a dancer? Gracie Anders?"

"Oh, she's a lovely girl and a very good dancer. She was actually in an off, off, off Broadway production. It was a comedy about zombies." Martha said.

"It closed." Alexis added. "But she got a job as a showgirl at a casino in Atlantic City. Professor Morrison went to see her and got into a poker game. I guess all that psychology taught him how to read people because he won seventeen thousand dollars over the weekend. He came back to Columbia, quit and moved in with Gracie in Atlantic City. They're thinking of moving to Las Vegas."

"I'm certainly glad Alexis isn't hanging around someone who's sleeping with a showgirl." Rick said.

"As opposed to someone who was sleeping with a cop?" Kate said with a smirk.

"That's different. You're… You're… You're…"

"Not a showgirl?" Kate finished for him. "Perhaps you don't think I have the legs to be a showgirl."

"I'm quitting while I'm behind." Rick said.

Since everyone was so excited about a trip to Vorlag, Kate agreed to go. Of course, the fact that Don Vorleone had brought Dr. Who to cure her had some influence on Kate.

Everyone packed what they needed to take, which was very little. Don Vorleone said they'd need new clothes in local styles anyway once on Vorlag. They went upstairs to the roof where they had parked Don Vorleone's spaceship. Curly turned off the cloaking device he'd built and there was the ship. It looked very much like a 1933 Cadillac V 12 Town Sedan, a favorite of getaway drivers back in the day. The ship was solid black except for the white gangster sidewall tires. Buggsy drove, Rick called shotgun and the rest piled into the back.

In seconds they had shot into space and looking out the back window, they could see all of Earth. In front of them, and growing larger with each passing second, was the Moon. Buggsy swung around to the far side of the Moon and landed at Don Vorleone's local headquarters which were located in a cavern.

Much had changed since Rick and Kate had last been there. The landing bay was filled with large capacious transport ships along with a few speedy ships. The cavern had been enlarged so that ice cream making machinery could be installed. All around were Vorlags in white lab coats keeping track of every detail. The Vorlagfather was not going to sell any ice cream that didn't meet his high standards.

His office was the same, with a Vorlag secretary sitting at a desk.

"Good day, Boss. Have a good trip?"

"Just fine, Trixie."

Trixie pointed to the Don's office.

"Don Squeaky is on the old Ameche doing business."

Don Squeaky was sitting behind Don Vorleone's desk, talking on the phone. He was a gigantic Vorlag, over eight feet tall and more massive than all three of Da Boyz put together. He was the strong right paw and consigliere to Da Boss, Don Vorleone. He'd gotten the name Squeaky as a young fellow. When he got into a fight, as he often did, instead of punching his invariably smaller and weaker opponent, he'd simply sit on him until the other fellow squeaked.

"Listen up, Sport." He said into the phone. "If da Hynerian Empire wants foist class, one hunnert percent gourmet Earth ice cream, youses has got to pay da going rate. Unnerstand?"

Then he slammed the phone down.

"Just doin' a bit of negotiating, Boss." He said, getting out of the Don's chair.

"Is everything ready?" Da Boss asked.

"All youses has ta do is git on da ship."

And with that, they headed back to the landing bay and all boarded one of the sleek looking ships.

"We'll take Dr. Who along with us." Said Don Vorleone. "Just in case."

"Just in case of what." Kate demanded.

"A relapse." Don Vorleone changed the subject. "We need to give all of you translator microbes so you'll understand everything that's said to you. And Dona Katherine and Don Richard, you'll need to take one of these pills."

"What's in the pills." They both asked at once.

"All you'll need to know about Princess Flavia. And Don Richard's cover story as to how he happens to be with Princess Flavia."

Kate looked at the large pill in her hand.

"Do I really need to do this?"

"How far do you think our little plan will get if Princess Flavia doesn't recognize her own ladies in waiting or her childhood nurse?"

Kate nodded and swallowed the pill.

"Just like being undercover. I'm not Detective Kate Beckett pretending to be Princess Flavia, I am Princess Flavia."

She turned to Rick, Alexis and Martha.

"From now on, I am Princess Flavia and no one else. Understand?"

They all nodded.

Rick also took the pill.

Both humans found themselves flooded with memories that were not their own, and by the time they reached Vorlag several hours later, they knew all that Don Vorlone could have found out about Vorlag, Ruritania, the Ruritarian Royal Family, their aristocracy, and so much more.

They landed on Vorlag and left the ship. Don Vorleone was greeted by two distinct groups. One group was dressed alike in conservative three piece business suits with pince-nez glasses perched on their furry noses. Behind the three in front stood a phalanx of similarly dressed Vorlags, but these clutched briefcases, some kind of electronic pads, and comm devices.

"Princess Flavia, may I introduce my Vorlags-at-law, Dewey, Cheatum and Howe." The three bowed and mumbled something that sounded to Kate like Latin.

"Princess Flavia…," Said Dewey.

"Don Vorleone has asked us…" Continued Cheatum.

"To file some appropriate motions…," Said Howe.

"With the courts in Ruritania…" Back to Dewey.

"Asking for relief of the absurd…" That was Cheatum.

"Requirement that you be crowned…" Howe again.

"So soon after your father's demise." Dewey ended the conversation.

"They have been filing writs, motions and appeals constantly and have brought the entire Ruritanian justice system to a halt." Don Vorleone said proudly.

He turned to his Vorlags-at-Law.

"Now, go about your business."

They went.

The second group were a lot rougher looking than the first. A man wearing a white suit topped off with a white Panama hat approached Don Vorleone. He bowed and kissed Don Vorleone's hand.

"You have my utmost respect, Don Vorleone."

"As you have my utmost respect, Don Cheech."

Kate noticed that while Don Vorleone did bow, it was not as deep as Don Cheech's bow, nor did he kiss Don Cheech's hand.

Don Vorleone turned to Kate.

"Princess Flavia, I have asked my good friend Don Cheech to lend you a few fine fellows as your escort. You will, of course, have Buggsy, Muggsy and Puggsy, but I thought two dozen of the Derby Hat Mob would be appropriate."

The Derby Hat Mob was not as well dressed as the three of Da Boyz, tending more to leather jackets, khaki trousers, heavy boots and yes, derby hats.

"I'm not familiar with your organization, Don Cheech." Kate said. "What exactly to you do?"

"We take part in many activities that help our fellow Vorlags." Don Cheech replied. "We're in the candy business. We're not anywhere near as large and as respected organization as Don Vorleone's, but we do well. And do not worry, Princess Flavia, my people are perfect gentlevorlags."

The effect of that last remark was somewhat diminished when one of the Derby Hat Mob dropped a blackjack.

"Princess Flavia, I see your escort approaching. If you will forgive me, I must leave, I have other business to attend to." Don Vorleone bowed deeply.

"Of course, Don Vorleone. And thank you for your help."

Don Vorleone bowed again and walked off back to where Martha, Alexis and Dr. Who were. As he approached them, a large and very luxurious aircar landed.

"Dona Martha, Dona Alexis and Dona Who, if you would please enter my aircar?"

The four got in the back seat, which had plenty of room as it was designed for Vorlags. Martha was excited about being on another planet and was looking every way at once. Alexis noticed that in addition to a driver, another Vorlag was literally riding shotgun. She decided not to mention anything to her grandmother.

As they soared over the city, Martha caught sight of a familiar looking building.

"Don Vorleone, that building looks exactly like Shakespeare's Globe Theater. The one they have in London."

The Vorlagfather smiled.

"Dona, it is Will Shakestail's Globe Theater and I had it built especially for you. I do hope you like it."

They landed and went inside. Martha didn't just like it, she loved it.

"It's just like the original Globe, isn't it?" Martha enthused. "The stage projects out into where the groundings stand and…"

"Groundlings, Gram?" Alexis asked.

"Yes, dear. In Elizabethan times the people nearest the stage had to stand. They were called groundlings. They would occasionally heckle the actors if they made a mistake, or cheer on a well-received speech, or just comment on the play. It was all very informal."

"Ah, here comes Master Shakestail now." Don Vorleone said.

Master Shakestail was dressed for the period, wearing parti-colored hose, short pantaloons, a coat with slashed sleeves through which had been pulled the silk lining of the coat, a starched ruffled collar around his neck and a tall hat with a narrow brim but with a very large feather.

Master Will bowed to the women.

"Dona Martha, Dona Alexis, Dona Who, I am so happy to welcome you to my theater." Don Vorleone cleared his throat, so Master Will added, "Don Vorleone is what you call a silent partner, I believe."

"Thank you so much, Master Will. I'm so looking forward to this."

"Master Will will make a few minor changes in the script so that they are intelligible to persons on our side of the galaxy. For instance, drinks such as wine or brandy are unknown here, so references to those drinks have been replaced with the word raslak, a local alcoholic beverage." Don Vorleone explained.

"I'd really like to meet my actors if I could?"

"Certainly." Master Will turned around. "Actors! Places everyone! Our director has arrived."

The actors came running from all over the theater and stood in a row facing Martha.

"This is our Romeo, Dona Martha, Rex Vorlag."

Rex bowed low and kissed Martha's hand.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you about my character, Dona Martha? His inner turmoil. He loves Juliet, but he is a Montague, and she is a Capulet. How does one express such inner turmoil?"

"Are you a method actor by any chance?" Martha asked.

TBC