The Tragical Comedy of Rick and Romeo, Juliet and Kate
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle but I do owe a debt to Will Shakestail, the Bard of Vorlag, for this. Rating: K Time: Shortly after the last season of Castle.
"So, what's this cunning plan?" Rick asked.
"I'll bet the palace has lots and lots and lots of secret passages. We can leave via one and sneak back in."
"Why not just walk out the front door?"
"Smoke, do you think Mming has spies among the palace staff?"
"He'd be a dummy if he didn't, and he's no dummy. A lot of the palace folks would be trying to play both ends against the middle to make sure that no matter who gets put in the throne, they'd be seen to have backed the winning side."
"Plus, if we do get the real Flavia out of this castle, she'll need to come back here. And we can't have two Flavias strolling into the palace without causing a stir. Now, I'm sure that there must be some sort of secret passages leading to and from the princess' bedroom. Everyone get busy looking."
They spent the next hour pushing on wall panels, sconces, moldings, the windows and anything else that looked like it might move. They found nothing.
"They do build secret passages in castles around here don't they, Smoke?" Rick asked.
"Sure. Everybody with a castle has some way of getting out if revolting peasants, bill collectors, or folks trying to sell you an extended warranty on your spaceship show up at the front door. Don't you have something like that back in your place on Earth?"
"I find living with an armed cop works better."
"Rick, what are you doing?"
"Seeing if the drawer will open a secret panel or something."
"That's my underwear drawer. Get your hands off my unmentionables."
"I love the way you mention them when I…"
He was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" Flavia called.
"It's me, Curly. Can I come in, Princess Flavia?"
"Sure, Curly."
The young Vorlag came in and quickly closed the door behind him.
"What do you want?"
"I just need a place to hide out until Dona Martha cools down, Your Highness."
"And why does she need to cool down?"
Curly tried to look as innocent as possible. He wasn't very successful.
"She has some music she wants played as the background for Romeo and Juliet. Bor-ing! So, I thought I'd see if I could improve it a bit. I forgot that I had the amp for my electric guitar set on twelve."
"Oh, and it was loud?"
"The ground under Master Will's Globe Theater began to liquify. I pulled the plug before anything major happened, but Dona Martha was not happy."
Rick struggled not to laugh.
"I can see that she might have a problem with that. But how's the production going otherwise? We've been kind of busy here."
"She's told Don Vorleone that it's going to be great. I'm not sure she'll let me play my guitar though. Even if I go acoustic. Luckily, I have a plan B."
"And that is?"
Curly pulled out an odd-looking device from under his tee shirt.
"I built an electric harmonica. All the old-time blues greats played the harmonica as well as people like John Lennon and Bob Dylan."
"Does the amplifier go up to twelve?" Flavia asked.
"Um, thirteen, actually."
"Just don't play it around here, okay?"
"Of course, Your Highness."
"Now, maybe you can help us. We've been looking for secret passages here in the castle but haven't found any. We want to be able to get in to try to get the real Flavia out of Zenda Castle. That's where she's being held. And we'll need to get her back here without being seen. Can you start pulling on things to see if we can open a secret passage?"
"Okay, but wouldn't it be easier to just use the secret passage finder app on my tricorder?"
"You have a tricorder?" Rick and Flavia said together.
"Just like the ones they have on the USS Enterprise. Do you know if Captain Kirk or Captain Picard are ever going to come to Vorlag? I'd love to meet them."
"I'm sure they're busy, Curly, but maybe someday."
Curly quickly found three secret passages and opened them all.
"This one goes to the kitchen." Curly said, looking at his tricorder. "I guess if the Princess got hungry at night. The second one goes to the princess' tutor's classroom. You don't suppose she goes down to get extra credit homework, do you?'
Rick thought it more likely that the princess looked up the answers to exams but said nothing.
"Okay, this one goes outside. And it goes right past the stables. You can get unicorns. Zenda is kind of a long way."
The four sat and decided that the next night they'd go on a reconnaissance only. They'd scope out Zenda Castle and decide what to do when they got back to the Palace.
"You know, I could stay the night and sneak off to the kitchen early in the morning." Rick said.
"Too dangerous." Flavia replied.
"Not really. I mean, I know Vorlags can get a bit cranky before they have their morning coffee, like some other… "He stopped as he was held in the powerful Kate Beckett glare.
"Really, too dangerous. See you tomorrow."
"I'll make it up to you at home." She promised.
"You'd better."
They prepared for their scouting trip. Luckily Kate had brought along some jeans and boots since ball gowns and ballet slippers, which is what the real Flavia wore just wouldn't do. Luckily Rick, Smoke and Curly also had clothing for working outdoors.
After dinner, Flavia announced that she had a terrible headache and was going to bed. She told her ladies in waiting not to disturb her for anything. Since the ladies were convinced that Flavia was sleeping with the handsome man who had found her when she was lost in the forest, they smiled and quickly agreed.
Once dressed properly they opened the secret passageway and left the palace. There were no guards at the stables and all of the grooms and others who cared for the unicorns had long since left.
"I forgot to ask." Flavia said. "Does everyone know how to ride?"
"I rode a horse once." Rick answered.
Flavia rolled her eyes.
"That's all?"
"How hard can it be?"
Luckily both Smoke and Curly knew how to ride. Flavia hoped Rick wouldn't have any trouble.
They rode quietly through town and out into the countryside. It appeared that the city of Streslau, the capitol, closed down fairly early, which suited the four riders perfectly.
"What do they do for fun around here at night?" Rick asked Curly.
"They go to a Vorlag city."
Rick thought of something.
"Do we have a map?" Rick asked. "Do we know where this Zenda Castle is?"
"I have a VPS system on my tricorder, Mr. Castle." Curly said.
"VPS?
"Vorlag positioning system."
"I should have known."
They soon came to the forest and rode slowly through the trees until they could see the lights of the castle ahead.
"All lit up like downtown Vorlag City on a Saturday night." Smoke said. "They'll see us coming in no time."
"Are there guards?" Flavia asked.
"I can see five on the walls." Smoke replied.
Curly got out his trusty tricorder.
"There are seventeen people inside all together. One has to be Flavia. I think she's in the tower in the center of the castle. She's the only person there. The rest are either on the walls as guards, or in the barracks."
"Can you see any secret passageways?" Flavia asked.
"Let's see. There's one, but it starts in the castle's moat. Ah, there's another, but it leads to the dungeon and there's no way into the castle itself without going through…. four doors that are all locked from the other side."
"That's it?"
"No, wait. There's one that looks kind of old and overgrown, but it starts in the forest, not too far from here. It ends up just behind the barracks."
"We'll go check this end out."
Flavia led her companions towards the concealed entrance to the secret passage. Curly found a large oak tree that had a concealed door. Within the oak was a staircase heading downwards.
"I'll check it out." Flavia said.
Rick grabbed her.
"No, you won't we need you since you're our only Flavia."
"I'll go." Said Smoke.
"Oh?" Rick said. "Look at the size of that stairway. It wasn't built for anyone the size of a Vorlag. I'll have to go."
Flavia stared at him and then nodded.
"You go, but you'd damn well better come back."
"Don't I always? Besides…"
His words were cut off by Flavia's kiss.
"That'll make sure I come back."
Rick went down into the passageway. Flavia, Smoke and Curly settled in to wait. Curly assured them that his tricorder could detect anyone coming towards them.
The longer Rick was gone, the more worried Flavia got.
"I'm going to go look for him." She announced.
"Your Highness, if you do that and he's in trouble, you'll just get yourself in trouble." Curly told her. "And if Mming ends up with both Flavias, Rurutania has had it. You should stay here."
Flavia grumped but stayed where she was.
Later, she was about to insist she was going after Rick when she heard a voice.
"Hi, ho, hi, ho, it's off to work we go…"
"Castle!" She snapped. "What are you doing?"
"Singing. I realize I don't make a good dwarf, but I could be all seven…"
"No, you'd be just one: Dopey. Suppose someone heard you?"
"If you heard me, you'd know I was okay. If anyone else was up here, they'd have wondered who and what I was. That could have given me enough of an edge to get away or rescue you."
"You could have just looked up and seen it was us."
"Anyone could do it that way."
Flavia rolled her eyes.
"We should leave." She announced.
"Oh, and I found out that the passageway is quite wide once you get down the stairs. The Vorlags'll have no trouble with it, although you'll have to squeeze down the stairs."
By the time they got back to the palace, Rick was discovering that riding a unicorn was a lot harder than it looked. Harder on his butt, for one thing. He managed to get off the steed and staggered to the entrance to the secret passage headed back to Flavia's quarters.
"I'll be sleeping on my stomach tonight, thanks." He said. "See you all tomorrow."
"I have some Vorlag liniment that should help you, Mr. Castle." Curly said.
"Thanks. I could use some help."
Surprisingly, Rick felt just fine the next day. They spent the day planning the raid on Zenda Castle.
They'd take Da Boyz and all of the Derby Hat Mob, who'd assemble outside the city and wait for the rest. Flavia, Rick, Smoke and Curly would leave through the secret passage, grab some unicorns and meet up with everyone.
They made it to the secret passage into the castle and came up behind the guards' barracks. Everything looked good until…
Bright lights it them up as they stood in the middle of an open area behind the barracks. Behind the lights they could see heavily armed guards. Lots of them.
And Prince Mming.
"Did you really think I was that stupid that I was completely unaware of the secret passageway into Zenda Castle, or that you'd be coming to get poor Flavia? And now that I have you, I have no need of any of you. Guards, ready, aim…"
"One last thing." Cried Curly.
Mming smiled coldly.
"Doubtlessly you want to know just how I managed the fiendish plan that will lead to your demise? That's what the heroes always want to know before they're killed. However, you don't look much like a hero to me."
TBC
