For my spouse and the many love letters I gave them through the years. (and the one that stayed in my pocket )

You're the one I want to haunt for the rest of eternity. I want to keep meeting you again and again, and pretend it's an accident. I'll keep waiting for millennia, for years, for months, and for weeks, for a glimpse of your smile. For a word, a single one. For the spark of recognition in your eyes when you notice me. To be blessed with your audacity to be beautiful in this ugly world. You are always worth the wait.

I want to call out your name with the fire of hell burning in my throat and the softness of the wind carrying my words.

You make me feel alive, like all my sins are lifted from my vile demonic shoulders, even though the only evil I'll be ever be cursed with, is to be in your presence and stay silent. You are both my delivrance and my punishment. You make me feel emotions I've never thought I would feel. Emotions that go beyond their futile meaning. You make me feel human, full of hope and fear of endings. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, if I had a heart, its beating would be tuned to every breath you took.

You're my best friend, my Angel, my downfall and my purpose, I know you'll understand and forgive me for the wildness of my words.

Here I am, bearing many sorrows and grief, so much hope too, I guess, begging of you to hear what I'm trying to say. Trying to make you understand, to make my way out of this fine mess. Trying to walk into the unknown with you. I guess, in a way, what I'm saying is the only heaven I've ever been to is when I'm alone with you. You are the safe haven I've been yearning for since the fall. Being with you is the only way I'll dare feel holy, safe and happy again.

What I'm trying to say is, I care about you more than I should. More than I even though I would. I've gotten to know you in a way that feels so intimate and familiar, and yet, leaves me wanting more.

I'm so lucky to have known you since the beginning. To have been captivated by your grace even since.

My mind is filled up with you, I can't help it. I know which melody makes you sing along, which ones fills you up with sorrows and which one makes you dance. It's such a small thing, but it makes me feel so close to you.

I crave those little details about you, the same way I crave eternal rest of this harsh and cold existence. I want to spend this lifetime, the next, and every each one my eternal life will allowed me to have, until the end of times, learning about you. I can't get enough of you.

I know your favorite order at the Ritz's, your favorite chocolate and your favorite wine pairing. I hunger for the redness of your angelic cheeks after a bottle. The pearls of tea on your lips, the sparkles in your eyes when you try a new meal. I'm even jealous of the crumbs that falls from your mouth. How I wish I could lazily lay on your lips in a similar way, teasing the tip of your tongue, brushing against your cheek. The unholy thoughts that you give me, Angel. I didn't know I could have an appetite like that for another being. You've awoken the demon in me in ways I thought impossible.

I know your favorite book, your favorite path in the park - the one we discovered together and has been your favorite even since -, your favorite tea shop. I noticed how you curl your lips when you concentrate, how you instinctively reach out for a hand - mine maybe ? - when you're surprised, how you start stuttering when you had a long day, how you twirl a curl - always the same one - between your finger when you're anxious, how you smile when you blush. All these quirks, mannerisms, qualities and flaws, tastes and special little things that are yours, and yours only, charm me greatly.

You feel like the end of the world, the ashes of destruction and what shouldn't be. Hell and Heaven become nothing more than words to me when I'm with you. I don't care anymore. Please forgive the urgency of my words. Everything feels meaningless without you knowing the hold you have on me.

What im trying to say, mostly, is that I love you. I have been in love with you since the dawn of time, Angel.

Are demons even allowed to fall in love? If I did, will you let me?

I hope this small love letter/declaration of love/pure yearning fluff brought a little joy to someone today. It's a really fun exercise to get back to writing. Hopefully more things will come soon! Lots of love ~

Sam