Note:My first long-fic, dedicated in using untapped characters and because I had nothing better to do and I take pleasure in tormenting stereotypical characters.
Yes, the title is a pun to a movie, guess wich.
Disclaimer:I own and regret NOTHING!
if there is one thing Robbie Valentino has learned from life, it's that nothing good stays forever. His friends and parents may joke about that and call him an emo; that this was some kind of "phase". But that's just the way he knows things tend to be.
Take his last relationship for example. Though he'd never admit it to anyone, Robbie was inexperienced when dating Wendy. Turns out that nowadays the emo shtick is no longer considered as universally attractive, and that scrawny kid with a weird name certainly hadn't helped either, He admits ripping off a band wasn't exactly the best idea, especially with that backward message which made the situation looked like as if he was roofying her.It's a miracle that Wendy didn't kick him in his balls, although he did get a beat down one time when he was massaging her by her beast of a dad, typing ';(' after that in order to gain sympathy from her, except that never worked… Oh well, knowing Manly Dan's reputation, it could have beenfar worsethan just a black eye. 'Still, better to avoid him and Wendy's brothers and their home for… forever, unless I want a death wish'.
Even though he and the kid are no longer enemies, they aren't friends either. Just… acquaintances, since after he and Tambry started dating, there was no point in continued animosity, and considering that kid fights monsters on a weekly basis, once brought an arcade game to life which tried to kill him, the kid's Grunkles 'what the heck kind of family title even is that?' killed aliteralLovecraftian god of insanity, and don't even get started on that 80s cliché wannabe jock who got beaten into a pulp by him. Robbie would rather not be on that kid's bad side anymore.
Today is winter, and most importantly Christmas. 'Not that I believe in all that crap', I only do it for fun.'Thompson has prepared a party for the gang in his house after his parents went outside of the town due to their jobs and Robbie woulddefinitelytake any chance to not spend the holiday with his way-too-cheerful parents. 'I swear to every depressing metal band that they are constantly high on smile dip or something.'
Every members of the group were at the party, minus Wendy, who despite getting permission from her father to spend the holiday due to being the only Corduroy who wasn't used as a glorified furniture. 'Though, that was pretty sick'She decided that instead of hanging out, spend the holiday with the odd twins.
Others shrug it off, but he knows better.This is only the beginning. During that crazy summer she was gradually hanging out more and more with the twins and less with her friends. Even when he and Wendy were dating, she spent more time with the kid than him. 'She even had movie marathons with him! And they wonder why I felt threatened.'And since the whole "Never Mind All That" lunacy was over, 'still not over the fact that I lost my chance for a selfie. It would have been so metal'she kept moaning about how everything dull has become without the twins. It's only a matter of time before she forgets all about the gang for being boring. 'Call me a pessimist, anyway I suppose there is no point in it-'
"Hey Robbie! Are you done moping around?"And that is Tambry, Robbie's goth girlfriend who, unlike him, has actual fashion sense.
"I wasn't moping! I was… thinking about philosophy!" Robbie replied.
"Oh yeah, and I use my cellphone to learn actual useful knowledge and skill instead of updating my status every 4 hours." She rolled her eyes in kind.
"Whatever, I'll go grab some drinks," Robbie replied in a slight annoyance.
Currently, it's just the two of them, Thompson, Nate, and Lee. Thompson had of course taken a dare, this time to eat a ridiculous number of spicy snacks, with Nate and Lee egging him on. The gang of miscreants have tried to invite other teenagers to their party, but the others are busy having the time of their lives at McGucket's new mansion'Seriously, who the hell puts their investment in an apocalypse!? And that snob wonders why even his own daughter hates him…'who has invited everyone in the town.Literallyeveryone.
In the Mansion….
"PULL! PULL! PULL LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" shouted Mr. Poolcheck in his typical military drill-sergeant way who with some of the town's human residents were in a rope contest with the town's anomalous inhabitants which included a few gnomes, a Manotaur, an unicorn who only came for the drinks and a rabid weird-looking sock-eating goblin with other weird beings. The rest of the colourful citizens of Gravity Falls were cheering, with the mayor chanting his signature line "Git em! Git em!".
Who is going to win_ "YEEES! Suck it you milk-drinking-skinny apes!" …Never mind. With that, the supernatural group won with the declaration of the Manotaur in question and the audience's cheers got higher, except for the Unicorn who is currently being suffocated between the wall and Manotaur's coat "I regret everything….".
Mr.Poolcheck with a thunderous vein on his forehead looked at his comrades and shouted "YOU ALL A DISGRACE! Somewhere you mommies are crying in disappointment!" and with that, he left them in fury.
In another part of the mansion, Pacifica is chatting with Candy since her oldsupposedfriends only ever hang with Pacifica for being rich, now she and her family are only somewhat rich.
"Have you seen Grenda? I haven't seen her in the party," Pacifica asked.
"Oh, she and Marius are spending Christmas with his mother to get her blessing.운이 좋은 그녀(Lucky her)…" Candy replied, "by the way, don't you feel a bit weird being in what used to be your home?" .
"Oh I do, especially with my room now housing all manner of techno babbling weirdness" Pacifica said in kind.
In Pacifica's used to be room…
"All sentient organic life forms shall be upgraded for the glory of the Machine God!" said a deranged disembodied robot.
Back to the conversation…
"-but, I would rather not attend one of my parent's frankly BORING balls and be their doll, so I secretly ran to this party".
"And you aren't worried about them punishing you?" Candy replied in worry.
"No, I mean what's the worst they can do? Give me the bell? HA! Turns out raising kids with a bell is considered as problematic and with our reputation flushed down into the toilet thanks for dad trying to ally with…You-Know-Who and me secretly leaking information about the bell thing, they are now constantly under surveillance by child service for foreseeable future, so they can't do anything to me." Pacifica finished with a smug smile befitting of a Northwest, followed by Candy giggling.
In Thompson's house…
While Thompson was busy drinking a tank filled with milk to put down the raging inferno in his mouth, who is unsurprisingly surrounded by Nate and Lee's cheering, Robbie brought two cups of soda for himself and an all too busy Tambry.
"This sucks, I told you we should have gone to that crazed hippy's party" Robbie whined and gave one of his cups, he still couldn't believe the same guy who used to live in garbage, is now a rich inventor whosomehowmanaged to buy the Northwest Mansion and was currently throwing a wild party.
"Thompson wanted this to be an only us party, shame Wendy and Dr.Funtime isn't here" Tambry informed him.
"'Dr.Fun this, Dr.Fun that,' why does everyone keep talking about him and his weirdly cheerful sister?" Robbie said in irritation.
"THAT weird girl is the reason why we even dated in the first place; besides, he and his family are responsible for saving the town, It's kinda hard to not talk about them and it's not like you've ever done anything substantial" Tambry responded.
"Me not doing anything substantial?! I'm not the one whose face isn't constantly glued on his phone, even when someone is talking to him!" Robbie exclaimed, pointing at Tambry who is still using her phone.
"Oh here we go, It always has to be about Robbie Valentino! I'm not the one who keeps missing the date with excuses or, I don't know, can't even be honest with me for 5 MINUTES!" Tambry upbraided with a sarcastic voice, before she left her phone.
"I was busy training on the guitar!" Robbie voiced in outrage.
"Oh please, the only thing you're competent about is ripping off a band for mind control." Tambry commented, clearly she was still not letting that go.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, I didn't know about my backward message! and since when were you a believer in the 'mind control music' conspiracy!?" Robbie refuted.
"Well duh, have you LIVED in this town? With everything we have seen, I'm open to anything and honestly, sincerity is not your best suit, Especially when you were insecure enough to bully a 12 year old to fill that void of yours you call esteem." Tambry remarked.
"You know what? I need refreshment, I will see you when I'm back!" After his reply, Robbie continued walking to the bathroom with a heavy stride.
"Don't take too long brooding, with the amount of milk Thompson drank he's going to need it soon!" Tambry's remake was answered by a grunt from a walking Robbie which was followed with Tambry updating her status quo; 'STATUS: never date an emo viewers because all they are good at is whining' and then wondering if she should have dated Lee or even Dipper instead, it's not like a 2.5 year age gap was big nono now that he is becoming a teenager anyway.
As Robbie reached the bathroom, he shut the door and started washing his hands "how did everything went wrong with us?" he wondered with a whisper.
Everything was great back at the beginning during the festival, yet since then their relationship has declined. It wasn't something sudden, It occurred slowly, like an apple rotting with time. each day they become more distant, their fights become more common and now their relationship feels more like a commitment than a loving relationship'Blah,using the L word always give me oogies' Robbie reacted in fake disgust before changing back, and that was when he heard the sound of a chihuahua in distress coming out of a small window up in the wall.
" What the…" as he turned he saw none other than Gideon in a hurry, coming out of the small window. It would have been amusing for Robbie if he wasn't contemplating his relationship issues and wasn't doing it from the bathroom of all places.
"Gideon? What are you-!" before he gets to finish Gideon shakily said:
"PSSST!He could be near…"then erraticallykeptlooking over, before he came out of the bathroomall I ask is one normal day, is that too much?And an annoyed Robbie followed him.
"HEY! I'm talking to you twerp!WhatARE you doing here!?" but he kept being ignored, which served to irritate him further.
"Woah, is that little Giddy?" Nate exclaimed, with Lee shrugging with shoulders.
Gideon was busy looking at the windows, and then looked back and asked:
"have you fellas done anything 'Lawbreaking' in the past months?" from the look of Gideon, It was clear he was shaken.
"What? Dude, we're teenages, that's literally our job description" Lee remarked in confusion.
"Oh dear, oh dear, none of us are safe!" Gideon started shaking up and moving his hands erratically.
"What are you talking abou-" before Nate can even finish, a bell rings echoes from the door to the outside of the house.
"I'LL GO" stated Thompson, as he walked towards the door.
"NO DON'T-" too late, Thompson opened the door to see who it was and he regretted his action within nanoseconds.
What rung the bell was a humanoid being with long nails, two big goat-like horns, greyish-brown skin and a dirty-looking cloth, which looked like one Pacifica wore during Weirdmaggedon, with a hood, but even then, the worst part was that the entity's face which had two black eyes, a small pointy nose, ragged beard and a grin of long, predatory teeth. It was as if he was staring at Satan himself, Thompson's face twisted in shock and horror from seeing the unholy monstrosity in front of him.
"Helloooo~" It vocalised with an accent as it used its fingers in a gesture of hi, that was then Thompson let out a scream which grabbed everyone else in the house's attention to their inevitable traumatic misadventure.
Note:This my first long-fic, so constructive criticism is welcomed.
Yes, I'm no big fan of Robbie.
And yes I got that headcanon about Robbie being beaten by Manly Dan from MoringMark.
Shout out to TheoryOfWeirdness for the tips and Undynlicia for being my Beta-reader, I couldn't do this without their help.