Mattox stood just inside the door of Sabrina's room as she packed her things. His mind raced, wondering what he should say. Should he offer to help? Or offer his apologies for what just happened?
His shoulders slumped. No matter what he came up with, nothing sounded right in his head. Even if he could find the perfect words, he wasn't sure he could utter them. Instead, he opted to do the only thing he could manage–stand in silence and wishing he could wake from his worst nightmare.
A few moments later, Sabrina swung her pack across her shoulders and turned to face Mattox. "Would you mind giving me a hand?" she asked with a weak smile.
Without a word, he rushed to her side and hoped his enthusiasm wasn't too evident.
She tugged at the straps of her bag. "Can you help me tighten these?"
He studied her face a long moment, drinking in every detail and committing them to his memory. He adored the way her nose and cheeks always bore a slight pink hue after any physical exertion and how the large freckles that peppered her nose and cheeks were tinged with the tiniest hint of red. Everything about her left him breathless.
"Of course," he finally replied in a strangled voice.
After glancing down long enough to position his hands in the right spot, he looked up to become lost in her eyes. As he cinched the pack tighter to her shoulders, he refused to shy away from her gaze. The voice of reason, the one controlled by his sense of duty couldn't deter him. He wouldn't allow it.
"All done," he whispered, still staring at her with all the adoration his heart possessed.
Although the words were lost to him, he hoped she could see everything he felt written in his eyes. How much he worshiped her. How much he would miss her.
With a heavy sigh, her gaze trailed to his lips for only a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck to draw him in for a long, soft kiss. His first instinct was to shy away, but he denied the interference of those nagging voices, choosing instead to encircle her waist with his arms and squeeze her tighter against him.
Intoxicated by the scent of her perfume, the world stopped as he became lost in the feel and taste of her lips. Running his right hand up the length of her spine, he entangled his fingers in her thick, honey blonde ringlets as he prayed the kiss would never end. It was everything he ever dreamed it would be–all he ever wanted.
When their lips finally parted, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek then peered up at him, her blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Goodbye, Mattox. I'll never forget you."
Without waiting for his reply, she skirted past him to walk out the door. As much as he wanted to follow her, to stop her, he couldn't will his feet to move. They felt glued to the floor as he leaned against the bedpost to prevent his knees from giving way, barely able to hold back his own tears.
What are you doing, you stupid prat? This is your last chance to tell her how you feel.
Shaking himself out of his misery, he dashed from the room to catch up to Sabrina, but by the time she was in his sights, she was already on her way out of the main entrance with the Grey Warden The young templar's spirit deflated as he watched the huge double doors shut behind her. All at once, exhaustion settled over him like a summer storm. It was only a quarter past five in the evening, but he could barely keep his eyes open.
As he turned to head toward the barracks, he was comforted by one thought. At least he could still dream about her. In that idyllic realm, they could be together. In that plane, there was no duty, no law, and no one or nothing could come between them. In his dreams he could be happy, unlike his reality where he would never know joy again.
Days turned into weeks following Sabrina's departure from the Circle. In all that time, barely a moment went by when Mattox didn't think of her. Most days, he felt like a dead man whose body hadn't caught up to his soul. The rest of the time, he swore he would be crushed under the weight of his shattered heart. Without Sabrina, his life continued as he feared, joyless and hopeless.
Nearly two months passed with the templar haunting the stone corridors like a wayward ghost until the day he saw Senior Enchanters Wynne and Uldred walk in through the main door. He knew they had been in Ostagar and found himself straining to see above their heads as he looked for Sabrina to follow them in. As Mattox suspected, she wasn't with them, so he decided to return to his duty upstairs. He stopped in his tracks when Wynne began to relate the news of the battle to Greagoir.
"It was tragic, Greagoir. Just when he was needed most, Teyrn Loghain quit the field. The king and all the Grey Wardens fell. Uldred and I barely escaped with our lives."
The Knight Commander was visibly shaken. "King Cailan? Dead? This is dire news indeed. What of the other mages?"
"Gone – all of them" Uldred replied. He didn't seem nearly as upset by the events as Wynne. In fact, he seemed distracted.
Greagoir shook his head. "Well, I'm glad that we only sent seven mages. It would have been a damned shame if we would have relinquished anymore people to an obvious lost cause."
"Actually, there were eight mages all together. I saw one of our younger ones there with the Grey Wardens." Wynne observed.
The older templar snorted. "Yes, well the last one was taken without my consent. That Warden Duncan conscripted her right out from under my nose. It's nice to hear she got the punishment she deserved after all."
Mattox felt his face turn hot and he wanted nothing more than to punch the Knight Commander in the face. Then the reality of Wynne's words hit him. She said that all the Wardens fell, which meant that Sabrina would have been among them. He hurried back to the second floor in hopes that he could talk to Wynne alone to ask her about Sabrina.
As soon as he saw the older mage walking down the corridor headed to the library, Mattox stepped in front of her. She smiled at him warmly.
"Is there something I can do for you young man?" she asked.
He began to fidget as he spoke. "Um…yes." He stammered, his heart pounding in his chest. "I heard you talking to the Knight Commander about Ostagar. You mentioned that there was a mage with the Wardens."
Wynne's face dropped into a sad, knowing frown. "Yes, I saw Sabrina. I even spoke to her for a few minutes before the battle. She was with another young Grey Warden, but I didn't see her at all after the battle started."
Uldred, who overheard their conversation as he was walking by, interrupted. "Yes, I remember seeing that girl. King Cailan assigned her and another Warden…what was his name? I suppose it's not important. Anyhow, he assigned them the duty to light the beacon on the tower. Seeing that it was lit, I would assume that she made it that far."
A glimmer of hope crept into Mattox's heart. "So do you think she…I mean they survived?" he asked.
Wynne's smile was encouraging. "Well, Uldred and I did, and Sabrina has always been a very talented mage. I suppose anything is possible."
Uldred crossed his arms and glared at Mattox suspiciously. "Why does a templar care about one mage anyway?"
Wynne answered for him. "Well, they are around the same age, Uldred and despite what you believe sometimes templars and mages can actually be friendly toward each other. I know that over the years, I've had many templars that I considered friends of a sort, especially ones that I met in my youth."
The bald mage harrumphed in disgust. "I guess it would be easier for female mages to get the jailers to be more lenient. Being a man, I have never been given that type of consideration. Well, there was that one templar, but we won't go into that."
Wynne shook her head. "Did you ever think that maybe it has more to do with how you talk to people than any ulterior motive they might have?"
Mattox could see that an intense argument was about to start, and he really didn't want to be any part of it. While the two mages continued their discussion, he managed to slip away unnoticed. As he passed the chapel, he decided to stop in so that he could light a candle in prayer for Sabrina– that she remained safe and well. As he rose from his knees, he wondered if the Maker would even listen to a prayer motivated by forbidden love. Mattox knew his sin as well as the Maker did but hoped that He might grant the request in spite of it.
Another two months passed before Mattox heard the news that Teyrn Loghain had put out a bounty for any remaining Grey Wardens. It was rumored that a female mage and a male warrior had survived the battle, and Loghain was seeking them out. Mattox's heart leapt at the news. She was still alive, and even though he would probably never see her again, at least he could find comfort in the knowledge that she had not perished at Ostagar. He made sure to offer a prayer of thanks to the Maker for sparing her life.
Almost three weeks to the day after receiving word about Sabrina's survival, Mattox woke with a feeling of foreboding. Something was wrong. He felt it in his bones. The feeling continued as he ate his morning meal and reported to his post. Everything seemed normal, but his gut told him that it wasn't.
As he stood his post, Mattox noticed two senior enchanters speaking in hushed, frantic tones as they passed. The taller mage's eyes kept darting toward Mattox, raising the templar's suspicion even more. When they finally entered one of the nearby rooms, Mattox followed them as quietly as he could. Stealth in heavy plate armor was a skill that recruits had to learn before taking their vows–a necessity to combat conspiracy among mages within the Circle. The ability was also found to be instrumental in capturing apostates.
Mattox listened in on their conversation and learned that Uldred had called a meeting with many of the other senior enchanters, including First Enchanter Irving. In reality, the assembly was nothing but a ruse to gather the most powerful mages in one place to persuade them to take over the tower. Uldred was prepared to use any means necessary–including utilizing blood magic to convince the others to join his cause.
Before the mages finished their discussion, Mattox crept away. He then rushed up the tower steps toward the Harrowing Chamber. Along the way, he grabbed as many templars as he could. He only hoped they weren't too late, and they could stop Uldred before things went too far.
As soon as they reached the templars' quarters on the fourth floor, Mattox became aware of just how deep Uldred's treachery ran. Bodies of dead templars littered the floor, some slain in the most horrendous ways. Blood and entrails decorated the stone walls and floors. The place looked like something out of a nightmare. As they avoided the bloody, gooey sacs that had appeared throughout the corridors and rooms, there was little doubt that the décor was the result of blood magic and demons. They made their way to the stairwell leading to the fifth floor and the Chamber. As bad as things had appeared on the rest of the fourth floor, it wasn't until they arrived at the room housing the stairs that all hell broke loose.