AN: Hey everyone! I'm not a fan of big author's notes, so I'll keep this as brief as possible. I recently fell back down the Divergent rabbit hole. Part of it was actually finding an old fanfiction I started, called "Be Brave, Mia." I still like the overall ideas, so I decided to re-write and finish it! No war AU because I'm a sucker for happy endings. I also decided to put all the initiates except for Tris, Will, and Christina back a year, because they deserve happiness, ya know?
CONTENT WARNING: mention of child abuse
Chapter One
"Honestly, Mia." My mother sighs, dropping her head to rest on her hand. Her other is holding onto a piece of paper. A perfectly timed report card. Right before our aptitude tests. She drops the paper on the table before removing her glasses from her face. They were glasses she didn't even need to wear. Her light blue eyes are filled with disappointment. I drop my eyes to the table in front of me. My food is still untouched.
I knew this conversation was coming.
"Look at me when I speak to you, child." She says, her voice hardened. The dread pools in my stomach as I look back up to her. Her long blonde hair, normally pulled back in a tight bun for work, is now hanging loosely down her back. It contrasts with her deep Erudite blue blouse, steamed earlier this morning for perfection.
"I apologize, mother." I say after a moment of her assessing me. "I am ashamed of my inadequate performance." I don't need the aptitude test to tell me that I'm not meant for Candor.
"Have you been following the study schedule I set for you?"
"Of course!" I can't stop the outburst, but I immediately regret it. Her disappointment turns to anger as I see her hand clench into a fist. "I'm sorry." I say quickly. "I've been staying up even later to spend extra time on everything-"
"And yet your grades continue to remain the lowest amongst your peers." I fight the urge to look down again. She's already angry enough, I don't need to add fuel to the fire. "Mia, how do you think you will survive in Erudite with low performance like this?" She asks, but I have no answer for her. "How do you think you will survive initiation?" She whispers this time, but I know she's not trying to be gentle. It's the quiet before the storm.
I don't know what's worse. My punishment tonight. Or the fact I might end up factionless if I try to complete Erudite's initiation.
"I'm trying." Is all I manage, my voice cracking. Now that was the truth. I'd been staying up until two or three in the morning most nights. I kept reading until the words turned to a jumbled mess across the page. No matter how hard I studied, it wasn't enough. I was always at the bottom of the Erudites in my classes.
"Well, obviously you're not trying hard enough." She sighs again while standing from her seat at the table.
"I sleep three hours a night, I don't have friends, all I do is study. What more am I supposed to do?" The look in her eye makes me immediately regret my words. Stupid. As per usual. Great job, Mia.
"Well, first you are going to clean up this mess." She says, waving her hand at the leftovers on the table. "And then you are going to your room. Grab one of your belts and stand by your dresser." She leaves the room quietly, her head held high. I feel a mixture of emotions.
Dread, anger, panic, sadness, but most prominently, I feel fear. I clean quickly, making sure there are no spots out of order before I run up the stairs. The longer I keep her waiting, the longer it gives her anger to brew. More anger is more violence, and the last thing I need is for the stinging in my back to distract me from whatever the aptitude test is.
I was already at a disadvantage.
I suck at tests.
The stinging in my back is mild compared to the same punishment I received a couple weeks ago. I feel it the most when my shirt brushes against my back as the bus jostles me from side to side. I was the only non-abnegation standing. An older Abnegation man offered his seat to me, but I refused. Could I survive in Abnegation? The initiation seemed easy enough from what I'd heard in whispers throughout the past week. Just thirty days of volunteer work. I couldn't mess that up, right?
I let out a small hiss between my teeth as the bus goes over a particularly large pothole. An Abnegation woman gives me a concerned glance, but does not ask if I'm okay. Instead, she quickly drops her gaze back to the ground in front of her. I don't blame her. If things were anything like they were in school, she had every right to not want to chance engaging with an Erudite. Our faction has taken up the new pastime of tormenting Abnegation at any possible chance.
A memory of walking through the halls last year comes to my mind. Beatrice Prior, daughter of Andrew Prior, a city councilman, was knocked down in the halls by another Erudite student. I went to help her, but was pulled back by my cousin. He just shook his head stiffly at me before pulling me along. He was in the same year as her. She transferred to Dauntless last year, bringing a deep shame to her family. My cousin stayed in Erudite after the shame that was put on our family by my brother transferring to Dauntless three years before her.
I haven't seen my brother Cade since the day his blood spilled over those hot coals. My mother's anger seemed to only escalate since then. Cade's grades were flawless, he was the top student in the school. And he still transferred. She couldn't have another kid transfer. So she started making me follow a strict study regime, forcing me to leave all my friends behind. All to focus solely on Erudite initiation. She couldn't have another kid screw up. It'd damage her reputation even more. The last thing a high ranking Erudite like her would want.
The bus jostling again brings me out of my thoughts. I feel a hand on my shoulder, steadying me. I look up to see an Abnegation man, his eyes kind as he looks down at me.
"I believe this is your stop, Miss." He gives me a tentative nod before releasing my shoulder and looking back down. I look up to see the school and I go to leave the bus, but turn around at the last second.
"Thank you, sir!" I call out, hopping off the bus onto the sidewalk. I see a shocked expression cross his and many other Abnegation members' faces before the doors close. It's on that bus that I realized that I cannot stay on this sinking ship. I can't doom myself to become factionless, to fail Erudite initiation. To do all of this for a mother that has only loved the idea of the perfect Erudite family. Not a mother that loves me. I guess I know of three factions I do not belong to before I walk into school for my aptitude test. Candor. Erudite. Abnegation.
I feel a twinge of hurt at the last thought. The Abnegation were always kind, caring. It would be a welcoming, supportive community. I could find a nice boy to settle down with, to start a small family of my own. To live in quiet service to the city. But if I'm not selfless enough to stay in my faction for my current family, if I make the decision to transfer to Abnegation for myself, then I'm being selfish, right? As much as I would love such a supportive community, a place where I know I could be content. I know I would not be truly happy.
And knowing me, I'd somehow manage to screw up the required volunteer hours.
"Alright, alright!" My math teacher yells over the chatter in the room. I look up from my book to see her standing with a stack of papers in her hands. Great. We're getting our finals back the day before the Choosing Ceremony. Maybe I can get away with my mother not finding this grade. Hopefully. The stinging in my back is enough of her to carry with me into my new life.
"I know you all are either nervous, excited, or a mixture of both of those things for your upcoming aptitude tests, but this is the last graded assignment you will receive from me-" the Dauntless in the room immediately erupt in whoops and hollers and I can't help but smile at their enthusiasm.
I was doing the same thing in my own head.
She rolls her eyes and waits for the room to silence again. "So I would like you all to please calm down a little, this is your last chance to relish in your current normal lives." She was right, we'd be going to the lunch room after this to be called for our testing. I feel my hands start to shake as the room goes back to its normal chatter.
The boy sitting in front of me turns around, the blue in his eyes matches the blue of his shirt. He smiles encouragingly at me, but I struggle to return a forced smile. He'd spent our lunch period the last few days to help me study for this, confident I would get a good grade. I hated wasting his time. Edward would surely graduate at the top of the Erudite initiation group this year.
"Ready for this class to be over?" He asks, amusement clear in his eyes. I'm thankful he's talking, it's distracting me. But I also know he's doing it because he feels sorry for me. This is his favorite class.
"I know you're not." Are the first words that make it out of my mouth. He laughs loudly at this before shaking his head.
"Not what I asked."
"Yes, I'm excited for this class to be over." I concede, feeling a small smile make its way to my face. "I'm more excited to not have to deal with more grades from it."
"What?" I hear James, a Candor boy, say loudly beside me. I roll my eyes and try not to pay attention to him. My desk was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. "A Nose is excited to not receive any more grades? It must be the end of the world!" Many on the outside might see this as a harmless joke, but it is not. I notice the cruel undertone in his cocky voice.
"Oh, shut up would you?" I hear a voice from my other side cut in. I look over to see Uriah Pedrad wearing an unamused look on his face. It was weird seeing him without a smile. Uriah is one of the few people I still talk to at school. When I said that I was forbidden to have friends at school he just laughed before handing me a part of his sandwich.
I hear James scoff and I look back over to him. I can't help it. Seeing him opening his mouth to continue running it, I just lose my normally perfectly calm demeanor. I'd spent years perfecting it since dad died. But from all the stress, the lack of sleep, and the burning in my back, the last thing I need is to deal with an annoying brat who can't shut up.
"Can you not shut your mouth for five fucking seconds?" As soon as I say it, I know I've been spending too much time with Uriah between classes. He immediately starts laughing loudly, not caring about the looks he's getting from others around us. I feel heat spread across my cheeks. I look back towards the front of the room and see Edward has turned around, obviously not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.
"What, Nose?" James asks. "You going to transfer to be with your boyfriend? You would not last 5 minutes in Dauntless." He laughs. I clench my fist. How dare he? I turn to look at him and see a proud smirk on his face. He's getting what he wants by me getting upset. I can't let him win.
"Well, it's obvious you won't be staying in Candor, now James." I say after a moment. He looks confused and shakes his head.
"What are you talking about?"
"You're a terrible liar." I shrug, turning to look at where the teacher is at. She's going over a paper with an Erudite student. Out of the corner I can see amusement across Elijah's face, his eyebrows are raised almost into his hairline.
"Oh really, how am I lying?" James asks, obviously embarrassed, but instead of showing embarrassment, he hardens his eyes.
"You know I can fight." I reply, looking at my teacher, she is almost to our row.
"Not really." He replies gruffly. I give a sarcastic snort.
"I knew I could punch, but I never knew I could cause brain damage." Uriah doesn't hold in his laughter this time. James had pushed me too far a couple years ago, after my brother transferred to Dauntless. I ended up knocking him out cold with one punch.
Our teacher is now at our row. She gives me the what the heck are you doing look. I just smile politely at her as Uriah tries to compose himself. She then turns her attention back to him.
"Good job, Uriah." She smiles down at him as she hands him his test. It is an A. I quickly look away and focus on my desk to hide that I was snooping. The math teacher ruins that as she drops my test on my desk in front of me, disappointment shining clear in her eyes when I look up at her. She shifts the papers in her arms before leaning down to speak with me quietly.
"I know you can do so much better than this, Mia." She whispers to me. "Your grades are near perfect in your humanities classes, but in order to pass Erudite initiation you know you're going to need math as well."
"I understand, ma'am." I say, looking down at the paper. The bright red "D" is clear to see. I hear the teacher sigh before she stands to her full height. She moves on to talk to James beside me, and much like the Erudite before he takes his time going over each answer he got wrong with her.
"And he calls you a nose." I hear Uriah whisper over to me. I shoot a quick smile his way before another Dauntless gets his attention. I use the free moment to breathe and observe the room around me. This could very well be my last time in a classroom. The thought doesn't terrify me like it should. It excites me.
I look to the Abnegation and see them sitting in their seats quietly, looking at the desks in front of them. I look at the Erudites around me, each of them are sitting on the edges of their seats, ready to receive their grades. They're eager to compare them with each other, to find out who had the top spot. The Amity are busy drawing in each other's notebooks. One girl is braiding the hair of the boy in front of her. I have no idea what the Amity initiation is like. Is it like just a long karaoke bender? I glance over at the Candor, they're not too interested in receiving their grades, instead they just talk amongst themselves. And lastly, I turn to the loudest group in the room.
The Dauntless. They're unapologetically loud in their conversations, their contact with each other, there's constant hugs or shoulder punches, and they all constantly have smiles on their faces. Was my brother okay? Was he able to find a home among them?
I think of Cade, his dark brown eyes like my own contrasted our mother's blue eyes. Just like our brown hair contrasted hers as well. We both looked like dad. The only way you could tell the difference between Cade and pictures of dad at his age, was the missing tattoo on Cade's neck. The flame tattoo that spread from under my dad's collar up the front of his neck. The same tattoo his entire family carried. The tattoo he carried when he transferred factions to live with my mother after he found out she was pregnant. Was Cade able to find dad's family? Would they want him? Would they want me?
My thoughts are cut off by the bell ringing.
It's time for the aptitude test.