When I make my way back into the lunchroom, I flinch. The memories of the dog flash before my eyes, but I force myself to continue walking back to the table I sat at earlier. As I sit back down at the table, I smile at the three dauntless. Uriah's forehead wrinkles.

"What happened?"

"Can't talk about the test," I shrug.

"Can't talk about the results," Lynn says, leaning forward.

"I didn't eat enough before the test and got sick," I say as I rub the back of my neck like I had earlier. The three in front of me visibly relax. "The cake was worth it, though." I can't help but crack a smile.

Lynn rolls her eyes. Marlene lets out a quiet snort. Uriah bursts into loud, carefree laughter. This solidifies my choice. I'm not smart enough for Erudite. Too angry for Amity. Too easy of a liar for Candor. Too selfish for Abnegation. I might not be brave enough for Dauntless, but I have to at least try.

Lynn and Marlene are called in the next group. Uriah moves to my side of the table before he throws an arm around my shoulders. In Erudite, this would never happen. I look over to a table filled with Erudite kids, all of them arguing with each other over the papers in front of them.

The weight of his arm on my shoulder reminds me of my brother's just a few years before. While we were in Erudite, when it was just my dad, Cade, and myself, we were Dauntless. I blink back the tears that burn the back of my eyes.

"You sure you're okay?" He asks quietly, ignoring the looks from the other dauntless further down our table.

"Yeah, it just made me nauseous," I say while looking down at the table.

"Well, I know you're not going to Candor."

"No shit," I laugh. And for once, my laugh isn't forced, it flows freely from my chest. Uriah joins in and soon we're leaning on each other, a shaking mess. We sit like that until Marlene and Lynn come back from testing.

They sit by each other on the other side of the table. Lynn looks like she's about to be sick at any moment. Was she divergent too? Or was it because of the simulation?

I don't even think about actually asking her. I wouldn't put that target on either of our backs. Especially if we may end up in the same faction.

"Uriah Pedrad," the Erudite man calls in the next list of students. I feel him squeeze my shoulder tightly before he stands up. He gives a carefree grin to all of us as he waves and walks away.

But for a split second I can see the fear in his eyes. I think of my own experience again. The thought of carefree, loving Uriah having to go through that makes me feel as sick as I was supposed to be after the test.

None of us talk while Uriah is testing. Marlene keeps sending concerned glances at the door every few seconds. Lynn stares down at the table, her eyes a million miles away.

I don't know what I look like. I wrap my arms around my stomach and hunch over a little. It doesn't do much to comfort me. I stare at the table in front of me and try to focus on keeping my breathing even. That is, until I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders again.

"How much did we need to eat to not get sick during that hellscape?" Uriah asks. I feel my mouth twitch. I look up from the table to see both Marlene and Lynn seem closer to themselves. Marlene wears a relaxed smile while Lynn's shoulders have dropped.

"I don't know, but sweets were not a good idea," I shake my head. Uriah opens his mouth to say something, but he's interrupted by the Erudite man.

"Testing has been completed. You all are free to go home. Take your time tonight to think hard about your decision, and do not tell your results to anyone." You don't have to tell me twice.

But the thought of going home makes my throat tighten. How would my mother react after hearing I'd gotten sick? Would I be punished for messing up this test, too? Or would I be punished for the math test instead?

Knowing my mother, I would receive a double punishment for both. Uriah and the others at the table stand up. I follow their lead and grab my forgotten bag. I sling it over my shoulder as I walk out of the cafeteria, trailing behind Uriah and Marlene. Lynn walks beside me, her hands in her pockets.

As we walk outside, I can see Uriah is lost in thought. I quietly walk closer to him before I poke his sides. He flinches.

"You're ticklish?" I laugh. Marlene snorts and nods. Uriah just shakes his head.

"You're mean." He pouts. I laugh harder.

"What's so thought provoking?" I ask him as we walk towards the train tracks.

"I didn't see a car, and the bus is on the other side of the school, how are you getting home?"

"I planned on walking, but I think I'm going to take the train," I say. I wanted to walk to clear my head. To really be alone and not have anything to do while I ran through everything that had happened earlier in the day.

But I don't need another reason for my mother to punish me. And if I'm late, that's a punishment. Even if it wasn't my fault.

"You take the train?" Marlene asks, looking back at me. I nod slightly.

"Sometimes I take it if I'm too lazy to walk all the way home." Or if I missed the bus. Most times, the train was faster. I'd just wait for the last car. She just shakes her head at me.

"Well," Lynn says casually. "We'll see if you can keep up."

"Wanna make that a bet?" I ask, looking at her.

"I bet you won't be able to keep up with us and you'll have to take a later car," she says, grinning.

"Well, I bet I'll keep up with y'all," I can't help but grin as well. Anything to take my mind off all the things running through my head was good. Even if it was slightly dangerous.

"What's the prize?" Marlene asks.

"Why do we need one?" I ask. I see her mouth twitch as she turns around to look at the tracks.

"When will the train get here? I left my watch at home.
"In about two minutes," I say after checking my watch. I feel the eyes of the three Dauntless on me. "What? I said I take the train sometimes?" It comes out more like a question than an answer. Uriah snorts before pulling me into a headlock.

"Hey! No fair!" I squeak, trying unsuccessfully to get out of it. I could never get out of dad's either. Uriah's warm laugh fills my ears and I can't help but laugh loudly. Was this what it would be like to be in Dauntless? To be carefree and open like this?

I hear the sound of the train coming and tap on Uriah's arm like dad had taught me to growing up. Uriah immediately releases me and I start running for the train. Other Dauntless have already hopped on the train, but there's still a few cars left. I hear Uriah's laughter beside me as I grab onto the side of the train.

I hit the button quickly, opening the door to the train car, and fling myself inside. I grunt when my back hits the floor, but carefully sit up just in time for Uriah to swing inside the train car.

Marlene and Lynn soon follow. Both wear matching grins on their faces.

"See?" Uriah asks them, waving his arms wildly. "She's totally Dauntless material!"

"Oh shut up pansycake," Lynn rolls her eyes as she sits down against one of the walls of the train car. Two other Dauntless hop into the car, but I don't recognize them.

"Really?" Uriah deadpans. I look closer at the young man that's hopped into the car. And then I grin.

"Really?" He mimics Uriah, and my theory is confirmed. It's Zeke, the older brother Uriah always mentions.

"Move, I'm not falling off this damn train," the girl that hopped into the car says. Zeke grins and moves to the side.

"Sorry Shauna," he gives her a sheepish grin. Shauna rolls her eyes and moves to sit down beside me.

"So what's a nose riding the train for?"

"C'mon Shauna, Mia's cool," Uriah cuts in.

"So this is the nose you're always talking about," Zeke teases while leaning by the open doorway. I raise an eyebrow at the red that starts to form across Uriah's dark brown cheeks.

"I just think you should've been in Dauntless!" Uriah says, holding his hands up as he looks at me. I just shrug.

"Maybe I will be soon." Uriah's face is lit up by his sunny smile, but it's Marlene that laughs.

"I knew I shouldn't of given you that chocolate cake."

"Please don't tell me you're going to transfer just because of food," Zeke says quickly.

"My mom's an accountant."

"Okay, maybe transfer for the food."

"Zeke!" Shauna yells.

"Well would you look at that, we're almost at Erudite!" Zeke says in a posh tone. I can't stop the small giggles that bubble out of my throat. It's hard not to laugh around Uriah and Zeke.

I look outside the fast moving train and see the patch of grass where I normally jump off at. I stand up carefully and walk to stand beside Zeke. I brace myself for the jump.

"See ya tomorrow pansycake!" I call behind me as I jump. I look back at the train as it curves, I see a middle finger pointed at me from Uriah's side of the car. I laugh to myself as I dust myself off. But then I look down at my watch. Crap. I'm supposed to be home in five minutes.

I run through the streets, not caring about the annoyed glances thrown my way by Erudites. I check my watch again. Two minutes. I push myself to run even faster. But when I get to the house, I realize that I'm too late, even though I'm exactly on time.

My mother's car is in the driveway. I stand on the sidewalk for a couple of minutes to catch my breath before I finally walk up to the front door. I pause at the handle. Could I sleep somewhere else tonight? Did I have to see her again?

I hear a bang from somewhere in the house and sigh. I don't have anywhere else to go. I turn the handle and walk inside. I drop my backpack in its normal spot on the bench beside the door. I hear footsteps in the kitchen area and walk towards them.

It's best to get this over with.

My mother ignores me, one of her common tactics. If I walk away I know things will be worse later. So I stand in silence as she cooks. Everything about her is the opposite of me.

She is very skinny. I am not. The medical condition I inherited from my dad's side of the family made it hard for me to lose weight. At least, that's what the doctor said.

She wears bold glasses on her face. I do not. Neither of us need them, our vision is perfectly fine. Still, she wears them.

Her long, straight blonde hair hangs down to the middle of her back. My short brown curly hair hangs just below my shoulders.

"Where have you been?" She finally asks as she drains the bland pasta.

"I was tired after my test and missed the bus, so I took the train."

"You could have asked Jacky to drive you home," she says. Jacky was one of the Erudites helping with the testing today. "She said that you got sick during the test, that there was an issue."

"I forgot my lunch and the serum made me sick." My mother turns to finally look at me. Her eyes pierce my own.

I can lie to everyone except her. And she knows it. She nods after a second.

"I found your lunchbox when I returned home," she says. "That was thoughtless of you."

"I apologize, mother."

"What did your test say?" She asks.

"We're not supposed to discuss our results, mother." She turns to me, her eyes set in a firm glare. "Besides, the test results don't have to change our choices." She pauses for a second before I see her shoulders relax just a little.

"Bring your graded work to the dinner table," she says. "Jacky said your math results came in today." Of course Jacky did.

I go back to my bag and pull out my math test before going back to the table. I put the test face down on the table as she starts to put the pasta and chicken on my plate.

"Eat," she says. I follow her instructions. I'll need as much fuel in me as I can get before I transfer tomorrow. I've finished almost all of my dinner before she sits back down. She reaches her hand out and I hand her my test. She gives one glance at the grade before she puts the paper face down and begins to eat her own food.

I finish my food in silence.

I stare at the table as she continues to eat. It's like she purposefully takes her time and eats slower than usual. This has happened before with more important tests. But not a test like this.

But maybe this was the most important one, after all.

How could I pass Erudite initiation if I couldn't pass an upper school math test?

The punishment was the worst one I've faced in years. The only one that was worse than this was the night Cade left. The first night. I wince as I turn slightly in bed. I'd already put on the burn cream last night but this, this might be too much.

How am I going to go through initiation after this?

I reach under my pillow and pull out my dad's old journal. He left it to Cade first, with the instruction to give it to me after Cade took the aptitude test. Most of the journal so far has been stories of him growing up, stories of our abuelita, and personal letters to both me and my brother.

But I flipped through the journal last night. He gave all the information a Dauntless born would know about Dauntless initiation. That is, if it hasn't changed in the time since he was a kid.

And knowing Dauntless, it probably hasn't. From dad's stories, traditions are everything.

I hear my alarm go off. I slowly move to shut it off. I don't want to irritate the burn on my back more. As soon as the beeping stops, I groan and bury my head into my pillow. Today is the choosing ceremony.

I slowly raise myself up from my bed, making my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I slide my loose night shirt off and grab a healing salve from the cabinet. I do not want to look at the wound, so I don't glance in the mirror. Instead, I close my eyes and lock my jaw. Slowly applying the salve.

It burns more than anything I've ever felt in my life. A choked gasp makes its way out of my throat as I start to sob from the pain. I can barely see in front of me from the tears in my eyes.

Even if I can't finish the physical part of the Dauntless initiation like this, I at least have to try.

I grab a few extra burn salves from the cabinet - mother always kept it stocked well. Claimed she had kitchen accidents to her co-workers. But what happened in the kitchen last night was not an accident. The image of the skillet comes to my mind but I push it away. That's the last thing I will think of today. Because that's the last time it will ever happen to me again.

Because starting today I will be Dauntless. I will be free.