When I return to my room there's a blue pencil skirt and a baggy blue blouse on the bed. Typical. Mother would always do this when there was a big event happening. I ignore the clothes and turn back to my closet. There, I grab a pair of dark blue jeans before I crawl through to the back corner of my closet.
There, under two spare blankets, in an airtight bag, rests my dad's favorite leather jacket. The jacket he'd brought from home when he transferred to Erudite. Cade gave it to me the night of his aptitude test. He'd worn dad's favorite sweatshirt for his choosing ceremony. Mom didn't remember it, didn't think anything of it because he wore it all the time.
I hope the same happens today.
I leave my closet and go back to the clothes on my bed. I carefully put on the baggy blouse my mother left out for me. It was sleeveless. And it would show my very large burns if I wore it without the jacket. If I put my dad's jacket on when it's too late to grab something else, she can't argue.
After getting fully dressed, I feel a little better. I open the air tight bag and have to stifle a sob. Somehow, it still smells like him. The smell of patchouli brings back the memories of a warm hug.
I look at the time and force myself to hurry up. I sneak my dad's journal and the burn salve into the inner chest pocket of his jacket. And then, I rest his jacket on the back of my desk chair.
I walk downstairs to see my mother has made breakfast. Something she rarely does. We eat in silence. She doesn't even say anything about me wearing jeans. Although it helps that I've always avoided skirts. They make it hard to get on and off the train. After we finish eating I take my dishes and place them in the sink.
"Remember, it's your turn to do them tonight," she says. It's my turn to do them every night.
"Yes, mother." I nod along.
"I'll be waiting in the car." Perfect.
"I just need to grab a jacket," I say. She pauses at the door.
"A jacket?" She asks, tilting her head. "It's too warm."
"I need to cover up," I motion to my back and she nods after a second, not showing any emotion.
"Hurry," she says as she turns back around. I grin. She doesn't have to tell me twice. We're already bordering on being late. I run up the stairs and pause at Cade's old room. I open the door and see it's just like he left it. But then, I see something different. Something out of place.
A small piece of paper hangs out from under the pillow. I rush over to grab it and feel a shot of adrenaline when I see my name on the envelope. I hear Mother honk the horn of the car and know I won't be able to read this note now. So I do what I can. I run to my room and stash the note in the same pocket with the other items.
And then, I put the jacket on. I rush back down the stairs and open the front door. From the look on my mother's face, she's unhappy. But she doesn't say anything when I sit beside her in the car. She speeds through the city and drops the car off at the closest valet.
And then we enter the building that used to be the Sears Tower. The building that I would choose my future in. The building that's my next step to freedom.
When we get inside, the elevators are crowded.
I'm claustrophobic. There's no way I'm going up in one of those things. So I do the only other option.
"You go ahead," I tell my mother when the next elevator can only hold one. "I'll take the stairs." She raises an eyebrow but nods. I don't have to be there for everything. Just when my name is called.
So I take the stairs with the Abnegation. Many seem weary of me and keep their distance. But I ignore it. I won't be Erudite much longer. Hopefully our factions will get along better than how the Erudite treat the Abnegation.
I have a letter to read. Between huffs of catching my breath as we reach the top stories, I still continue to read my brother's letter. There's everything from tips for initiation, tips on who to stay away from, and the apartment number to go to if I need him.
Cade had snuck into our house, undetected.
Cade had left me a note that would help me through initiation.
Cade was Dauntless.
And he was okay.
I hid the note by the time I got up to the top of the stairs. Mr. Prior, one of our city's councilmen holds the door open for everyone walking through. I nod at him, forcing myself not to laugh at his shocked expression. When I enter the room, I scan it looking for two people. First, my mother. She sits in one of the front seats.
She'll regret that later.
Second, I search for Uriah. I find him already standing in line by where the Dauntless are sitting. Uriah is talking to Zeke and a guy with curly brown hair. It's not until I'm almost behind Uriah that I realize who he's talking to.
It's Cade. I force myself to not break out into a large grin. If people knew Cade and I were related, I would be target number one in initiation. It was the first tip Cade gave me. So instead of running into my brother's arms, I do the next best thing.
I slowly sneak up behind Uriah and poke him in the sides, just as I had done the day before. And just like the day before he squeaks loudly, causing all the Dauntless nearby to burst into laughter.
"I'm going to get you for that, Mia!" He grabs me, pulling me in a headlock like the day before, but this time I flinch. Badly. "What's wrong?" He asks, immediately removing his arms from around me.
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Good thing you're not transferring to Candor, Mia." Zeke says from behind Uriah. I look over to see worry in both Zeke and Cade's eyes.
"After dinner, bring her up to mom's Uriah." Zeke says, in a you have no choice in this tone. "And you should get to your spot in line, missy." He waves his finger at me. I roll my eyes and salute.
"Sir yes sir!" He snorts and Uriah pushes me towards the back of the line, by the arm, careful not to push my back this time. I walk to my own place in line and immediately miss where I had been before.
I zone out for the ceremony until I hear Uriah's name called. He searches the crowd before he makes his choice. First he looks to his brother and gives him a huge thumbs up. Zeke rolls his eyes and makes a stabbing motion, urging him to hurry up. Uriah grins before turning to look back at the line. I see Marlene and Lynn already over with the Dauntless. Who is he looking for?
And then I realize it. He gives me a large grin as he cuts his palm, his blood sizzling on the Dauntless coals. "Your turn," he mouths before going to the other Dauntless. I can't help but grin as there's a loud cheer from Dauntless.
Soon that would be me.
I stand next to Zeke who taps my arm lightly. I turn to look down at him and he gives me a reassuring smile. "See you soon, Nose."
"Yeah, yeah. See you soon pansycake." Cade snorts, sounding so much like dad. I have to force myself to not look at him. Instead I step forward. There's only one person in front of me now.
She chooses Abnegation.
I pause for a brief moment and question my decision. But then I look back at the Dauntless and see Uriah, Marlene, Lynn, Zeke, and finally I see Cade. And I know I can't change my mind. My true family is waiting on me.
"Johnson, Mia." Marcus calls my name. I walk up to the bowls confidently. I don't even look at my mother.
My blood sizzles over the coals, prompting a gasp from many in the room. My mother was directly under the head of Erudite. It's almost as bad as a council member's kid transferring.
I ignore all of them. I relish in the cheers coming from Dauntless as I walk over to join them. Uriah wraps his arm over my shoulders carefully and for once, I can't wipe the stupid smile off my face.
I'm going home.
As soon as the ceremony is over, we start running. We run down the stairs and through the streets of the city. I'm sweating, thanks to dad's jacket, but I ignore the heat and instead focus on the sounds of feet beating against the pavement. The yells and laughter of the Dauntless around me propels me forward.
Until we get to the train tracks and stop. I see a few Dauntless check their watches and can't fight the grin from making its way to my face.
"They can't be serious." I hear Peter, a Candor who reminded me of James, says as he breathes heavily behind us.
"No we're just going to stand here and watch the sunset." I say.
"If you didn't want to have to work, you should have chosen a different faction, Candor." Marlene says. He opens his mouth to retort but Marlene shoots him a look to shut him up. I shoot her a grateful smile which she then I hear the train in the distance.
"Trains coming, you ready pansycake?" I hear Uriah tease behind me. I roll my eyes.
"I was born ready, Uriah." I hear him laugh and I see the weird look Peter gives me, one of jealousy, and anger. I would have to watch him.
I see the train coming and I begin running along the track behind Marlene, and in front of Uriah. He could have easily gone before me, but he wanted to watch me. I see Dauntless jump in the cars ahead of us, but as far as I can tell, we're the first initiates to be so close.
As soon as Marlene is on the train, I grab the door and pull myself in. I feel a strong hand pulling me from the door as Uriah jumps in. When I look up, I see it was Zeke. I shoot him a smile and he returns it, and then leads me to sit down. I look around the compartment. Cade isn't here. Instead, I see a guy with longer hair, and a lot of piercings. His brow is raised. I can't shake the feeling that I had seen him in Erudite before.
I sit down between Uriah and Marlene. Lynn sits on the other side of Marlene and across from the guy with the piercings. Across from me sits Shauna who greets us with a large grin.
"It's been a few years since initiates made it this far up."
"You're not going to just call us initiates all the time now, are you?" Uriah groans from beside me.
"Well, that's what you are," Zeke says, his shoulders shaking. Two other people hop into our car, a man with short hair and a tattoo that sticks out the top of his t-shirt, and a small woman with three birds tattooed on her collarbone. I recognize her almost immediately. Beatrice Prior had transferred to Dauntless just two years before us.
"A transfer?" The man asks as he raises an eyebrow at me. He sits down beside Zeke, pulling Beatrice with him.
"She's Dauntless through and through," Uriah beams beside me. "You should've seen her face the first time she tried chocolate cake!"
"It wasn't that funny," I say, turning to look at Uriah.
"It was," Lynn says. I cross my arms over my chest and lean back against the wall carefully.
"They've got to be serving chocolate cake tonight, right?" Zeke asks Shauna who shrugs. Soon the discussion in the train car is off of me and on to food and I feel myself start to relax. I close my eyes and listen to the chatter in the car, not paying too much attention. I didn't get much sleep last night. Every time I moved I felt the pain in my back intensify.
I feel myself falling asleep until I'm gently shaken by Marlene. I open my eyes to see all the Dauntless starting to stand up. I quickly follow their lead and stand. We were at the Dauntless headquarters, then. I look out the door and feel my chest tighten slightly. We were still high up in the air.
Where the hell were we jumping off to?
Just as I ask the question in my mind, I see it. We're jumping onto a roof. I don't know why this surprises me. The guy with the piercings jumps off first, followed by Beatrice and the man she jumped on the train with. Zeke and Shauna are soon to follow. Uriah and Marlene jump next. Lynn and I are the only ones left in the compartment.
She stares at the gap, her eyes filled with fear. I feel a small relief, knowing that I'm not the only one scared by this. I grab her hand, we're running out of time.
"Together?" I ask her. She snaps out of her daze and nods.
"One," she says.
"Two, Three!" We jump together, but our hands come apart as we land on the roof. I'm immediately blinded by the pain, my mouth opens but no sounds come out. I'm paralyzed as I lay on the roof, unable to move. My eyes blur from the tears as I struggle to breathe. Of course I would fall on my back
"Mia? Mia!" Uriah, Marlene, and Lynn crowd around me. I try to say that I'm okay, but I'm not. I still can't talk. I can't move on my own, but Uriah slowly props me into a sitting position where I finally hiss in pain. I feel my jacket move a little before there's a quiet gasp.
"Mia," Uriah says, his voice trailing off.
"I'm okay," I say after a second. He starts repositioning my jacket, covering the burns.
"You're not okay," Uriah says firmly.
"Uriah-"
"Tell whoever is in charge of your training. Tonight." Marlene says, her eyes hard.
"Don't let this hurt your chances, if they know you're hurt they'll score you fairly," Lynn says.
"How the hell am I going to manage this without the other transfers finding out?"
"Carefully," Uriah grins.
"And maybe get up before they start jumping off the train," Lynn tacks on. I let out a small laugh and hold onto Lynn and Uriah's arms as they help me from my sitting position. We walk over to where some of the Dauntless stand beside a ledge. Dread fills me, practically swallowing me whole. Dad's journal and Cade's letter didn't mention any of this.
The general chatter is interrupted by a scream.
"Rita! Rita!" A Dauntless born says, struggling to keep a girl from going over the edge.
"What happened?" I ask Uriah. For once he doesn't have a carefree smile on his face. Instead, he looks solemn.
"Her sister didn't make it."
"Oh no," I whisper. Rita is soon surrounded by Dauntless members, hands rest on her shoulders and arms in silent comfort. I can see some of their mouths move in quiet whispers as some of the transfers look over the edge of the building.
What is wrong with them?
"A lot," Lynn mutters next to me. I look to her to see other Dauntless nearby have turned to look at us. I hadn't even realized I said it out loud.
"My name is Max, I am one of the five leaders here at Dauntless." A man says as he stands on the ledge. He pulls all the attention towards him as he slowly accesses all of the initiates. I see most of the transfers lower their eyes. When he gets to me, I don't lower mine. If you can't look a leader in the eye, then why even bother being here?
"As per Dauntless tradition, we let the initiates enter first. All you have to do is jump off this ledge." He smirks as he steps down onto the roof from the ledge. "So who's first?"
"What, is there water at the bottom of it or something?" An Erudite asks. I recognized him, Edward. He was always nice to me, one of the only ones to not look down on me for my grades.
"I guess you'll find out." Max smirks at him. I see some of the dauntless laugh beside him. I see Zeke watching Uriah closely. There logically had to be a net or water at the bottom. No one would willingly watch their family jump and kill themselves.
"We just jumped, now they want us to jump again?" I hear a candor say beside me. I snort.
"No shit, Sherlock." The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. I feel my cheeks heat up as some of the Dauntless laugh. No one moves to jump, though. I look around and feel the fear well up in my throat.
So I take a step forward. And then another. And then another. And soon I'm standing on the ledge, staring down into a dark abyss. I take a deep breath.
And then I jump.