A/N: It's been a while since I wrote a KUA story, but this little worm crawled into my mind and wouldn't go away.

Hyacinth took a moment to smooth a miniscule wrinkle out of her new floral dress (Richard had protested at the price, but she just couldn't start a new business venture in something already worn) before stepping into the private hall her new clients had rented to host her. Beneath her collected demeanor, Mrs. Bouquet was elated. Twenty people wanted her entertaining advice. She'd teach them everything: guest selection, fork placement, lighting, how to word invitations, menus, and getting rid of unwanted visitors.

Smiling serenely, she stepped into the hall, only to be greeted by a crowd of elderly men and the strains of some very sultry base music playing on a radio. Hyacinth looked at them and they at her for a long, measured moment. These men certainly didn't look like they wanted her advice on being a hostess. Well, host. The way they were dressed! And what of that very suggestive music? Hyacinth vaguely recognized the crooning voice of Barry White, just as someone snapped off the radio.

"Hey, Frank, what gives? I thought you hired a stripper!"

Hyacinth was nearly in shock.

"Excuse me? I am offering exclusive guidance on hosting elegant events!"

The rangy man who'd spoken nodded toward Frank, a thin man who had to be at least eighty years old.

"Well, it did sound like adult entertainment! Scintillating Socializing?" Frank said in a surprisingly clear voice. "And the ad didn't help, either! It sounded quite coy!"

"Oh...oh...oh..." a flustered Hyacinth said. "I should have known that so many people wouldn't want hostessing advice in this crude era that has forgotten elegance and class. But to be embarrassed like this! You men ought to be ashamed!"

"Terribly sorry, madam," Frank said, looking genuinely distressed.

"Never mind," Hyacinth said with as much dignity as she could gather. "I'll leave you to your friends and your baser instincts. I'll be going now."

She paid no more notice to the men, head held high but her hands shaking and face twitching. Of all the humiliation! It took all her self-control not to just run for the exit. Comportment first, in all areas. But perhaps it would've been better if she had. Just as she turned to leave, a familiar man shuffled out of a side hall.

"Well, I'm done on the loo. Is the broad here yet?"

Hyacinth felt like she'd been hit by a Mercedes.

"Daddy?"