Standing at the abyss another path's ending down here.
Still I bar the storm inside blurring my eyes.
Banishing the farewell-cut, deep in my heart with the fear
Of another black cruel decision of life...

"...inta..." I hear a voice, and someone's hand is on my head.

"Quinta..." the voice becomes clearer, and suddenly the word 'petting' comes back to me. It's the woman who saved me and said we would escape as soon as everyone else was asleep. I open my eyes and see it faintly lit by the moonlight.

"Good morning. Even though it's night." Her voice sounds lighter than before I fell asleep, and after hearing it I realize I'm still holding the magic tool she gave me. "Ready to go away?" I sit up on the bed and nod, staring straight in the direction of the voice. I can already feel my heartbeat increase as I'm eager to leave this place.

"Let's get you changed, you can't go out in your nightwear." She says, and I notice the folded clothes on my nightstand. I don't recognize them. "Can you change your clothes?"

I shake my head. Sometimes when we kids are all preparing to take a bath, the caretakers tell us to take off our clothes by ourselves, but more often than not they stop us before we can finish, saying we are really bad at it. I've never actually tried to put them on by myself.

"Let me help you." Before I can understand what she's saying, I feel her fingers working on the buttons on my cuffs. She undoes the left, then the right, and I feel my face and my ears grow warmer. When her hands reach for the hem of my shirt, I stop her, my head facing down.

I've seen it from the windows. Sometimes, when the princesses receive the men from outside in the garden, they both get naked and the men do strange things to the princesses. It must be something painful, because the princesses always scream -and sometimes the men too. I really don't want to do something like that to this woman.

She gently pushes my hands up, but I keep them in place using all my strength. I can't have her take off my clothes.

She sighs. "We don't really have time for this... Can't you think of me like an attendant changing you?"

I shake my head, still looking down. "You are... a woman..."

"Indeed... But mothers change their children everyday, it's nothing strange... When I was your age, it was my father who changed me."

"What are mothers and father?"

"...People who look after children." She answers after a long silence.

"Like the caretakers?"

"More or less... Mothers are women, fathers are men."

"Did your father... do bad things to you like the men from outside do to the princesses?"

"Bad things? What do yo- OH! NO! NO! NOTHING LIKE THAT! NEVER!" She sounds much more panicky than she had until now, but I feel strangely relieved by that.

I hear her breathing heavily for a while, and once she seems calm again she continues "...were you worried I'd do that to you?"

I shake my head. "The caretakers say it's a man's duty to do those things to women when they take off their clothes... but I don't want to do that to you."

Her hands reach for both my cheeks and she pets them with her thumbs for a while. "You're such a sweet child... You don't have to worry: there is no such duty, and even if there was, you are a child, it would have nothing to do with you."

I feel my eyes grow wide as she lifts that weight from my heart. "Truly?" I ask, eagerly.

"Truly. But, more importantly... How do you even know about those bad things? Did they make you watch what they were doing? Did the men from outside do something to you?" her voice changes from warm and sweet to cold and angry. I'm scared, did I do something I shouldn't have?

I timidly shake my head, afraid that the answer I'm giving her might anger her even more. "I've seen them from the windows..."

"The windows? ...I see." I feel relief as her voice doesn't sound as angry as before. "Let's get you changed. I need to take you away from this accursed place right now."

I nod. I, too, want to leave this place as soon as possible. She resumes changing me and this time, knowing that I don't have to hurt her in any way, I make no resistance and the clothes on the upper part of my body get changed very quickly, despite the fact that the ones she prepared for me are much more complicated to wear than the ones I'm used to, as well as much warmer. However, when she's about to take off my underwear, she stops and tells me to turn around. For a moment I think that is because she wants me to relieve myself in the chamber pot, but that's not the case as I'm not allowed to face her until after I have the new underwear on.

When I'm all dressed I realize she has arranged my nightwear on the bed to look like I was curled up and wearing them. "We'll trick the guards into thinking you..." a big feystone appears on my nightshirt "...turned into this..." she moves it inside the clothes, in the middle of the chest "...so they won't come looking for you."

I finally see why it was so important for me to change. I'm also amazed at the size of the stone she hid between my nightwear. "My feystone would have been that big?" The caretakers always use stones that aren't even half as big as this one to drain mana from me.

"It's actually a little too small, but that's what I could do with the feystones filled with your mana." I wonder what she means, but my question is quickly forgotten when I see her grab my chamber pot and pour the content on my bed, over the crotch of my trousers. As I'm trying to understand what is she doing -and especially why- I see the jug rise from the nightstand and its contents being poured inside the chamber pot. After she says some words I don't understand, a very tiny rain falls on my nightclothes, making them damp.

"Wha-" I start asking, only to stop midway. What I am even going to ask?

"We need the guard to believe our set-up... Remember how drenched you were? We aren't fooling anyone if we leave your clothes all dry and clean." Well, that does make sense, but...

"Wasn't water enough?" Last time I wet the bed was almost four years ago. This is not just dirty, it is humiliating.

"When ...dying... it's normal for the bladder to empty itself. And since I was at it, I tried making the sweat more credible than with just water."

'Dying'? Does it mean 'Turning into a feystone'? And why would water with waste resemble sweat more than just water?

"Don't worry about it, you aren't going to use this bed anymore, so it doesn't matter if it gets dirty."

That's right. I'm going away. That's enough to make me forget all the nonsensical things this woman is doing.

"Are we going now?" I ask, eager as I've probably never been before.

"Just one last thing..." I see something appear in front of me, a feystone attached to a long loop of string. "This is an amulet. I'm wearing an identical one, it's thanks to it that you can't see me. If you wear it people won't be able to see you, but they will still be able to bump into you or hear any noise other than your voice, so be very careful. Also, touching something or picking it up is not enough to make it invisible, you need to hide it on your clothes to make it disappear." She makes the amulet swing and then briefly disappear to make me understand what she means. "All clear?"

I nod, and she slips the amulet over my head and under my clothes. When I feel it against my skin, I look down at my hands and find that they look blurry. I then look toward the woman, and finally I can make out a faint outline, but still I can't see her clearly.

I feel her reach out for my right hand and firmly grab it. "No matter what happens, never, never, let go of my hand until we are safe." she speaks in a serious tone. I nod, in an equally serious mode.

She is silent for some moments. "You're invisible to me as well, so if you nod or shake your head I won't be able to see it." She squeezes my hand. "Do this if you want to say 'yes', and..." she squeezes it twice, quickly "...this is you want to say 'no'. Understood?" I answer her by squeezing her hand once.

"Good. Now we're really ready. Let's go." I squeeze her hand and she begins to move toward the door. She pauses briefly, then starts moving down the hallway after saying there's nobody around.

As we walk down the hall and pass the open doors of Sesta and Settima's rooms, the faint light of the moon allows me to see them sleeping in their beds. Knowing that one day they will go through the same suffering I have gives me a strange, unknown sensation, like something is gripping my chest. I am running away, grasping the hope to live, but they will not have the same chance. I wish we could take them away as well, but I say nothing. I have long since learned that I have to be grateful for whatever little thing I'm given, and this woman has given me the chance to live. How can I even ask for more?

"Believe me, I wish we could take them away as well..." she says, making me wonder how she realized what I was thinking. "But I can only take you with me."

I squeeze her hand even though there was no question to answer, and I find it comforting that she squeezes it back.

We reach the stairs and she pauses again. Curiosity taking over, I try to sneak a peek to what lies beyond the boundaries of the everything I've known so far. The stairs turn around so it's difficult to see, but the floor below is faintly lit and there is a guard standing at the bottom of the stairs. After telling me to be extra careful not to make any noise, the woman starts leading me down the stairs.

I look down at the steps and I realize that I have no idea what to do to reach the next one. I feel the woman pulling on my hand, but I put my feet down and pull back. How do you even walk on something that is not flat? I've never done it before.

I start to panic. What if I can't escape because I'm unable to move down the steps?

The woman seems to have noticed my trouble, because she's no longer pulling my hand. "What's wrong?"

"How do you go down the steps?" my voice sounds much more whiny than I expected. I still have to leave the boys' floor and I'm already this scared.

"Calm down, take a deep breath." the woman says, squeezing my hand. I close my eyes, doing as I'm told. I feel the woman's other hand on my chest. "I'll help you. I'm here, I won't let you fall. You can do this!"

I'm still scared by the different height of the steps, but if she is helping me, maybe I can manage. I have to manage, I tell myself, because the guard is coming tonight. I take a deep breath to prepare myself, and nod. Then I remember that she can't see me and I squeeze her hand.

"I'll do it!" She squeezes my hand back, giving me confidence.

"First of all, hold onto the handrail." I do as I'm told, even though it takes me a moment to recall what an 'handrail' is. I squeeze her hand when I'm done. "Now, start taking a step like you normally would. Don't be afraid, I'm holding you."

I do as she said, and my foot is now hanging above the next step. As I'm wondering how to reach down, she gives me the next instruction. "Now turn your foot down and slowly bend the other knee. Slowly."

I make a few movements with my leg, trying to figure the right one to do. I think I've understood the first part, but I can't see how bending the knee will help me reach the next step. If nothing, it takes the foot further away, as I notice trying to stretch my foot to touch down. It then suddenly occurs to me that it's the other knee that I have to bend, the leg still set on the ground.

A bit wobbly, leaning on the woman, but I successfully manage to move down a step for the first time in my life. "Ah!" I involuntarily let out a satisfied sound, and after moving down the other foot too, I try taking the next step.

"See? It wasn't difficult at all." I can tell by her voice that she's trying to encourage me, however her words make me realize just how pointless my fear was, dampening my satisfaction a little. She moves down another step, and I follow her. After a while we reach the bottom of the stairs, just a few steps above the guard.

"Be careful now, don't make sudden movements." I squeeze her hand and we slowly take the last few steps. When I finally set my feet on the pavement I feel many emotions at the same time, some of which I can't really identify. I know for certain that I'm making the same expression I made before I fell asleep, but much more pronounced. I can tell because my cheeks are hurting.

We take only a few steps on the flat pavement, just to get around the guard, before we go down more stairs. This time I feel a bit more confident, and I'm a bit faster than before. As we move down, I smell a sweet familiar scent. It's much stronger here than on the boys' floor, almost sickening. Once we reach the last step we pass another guard, making sure not to disturb the air around him. This time, however, there are no more stairs. From what the caretakers say, and if each stairs connects a floor with the one below, there should be another set of steps.

The woman doesn't seem to think twice about the stairs and she starts leading me down a hallway that is much larger than the ones in the floors above. After a short distance, I see a closed door.

'The guard is visiting someone.'

I suddenly lose the good mood I got from managing to reach two floors below. I squeeze the woman's hand, wishing she could take away this sadness.

"What is it?" she asks me as she keeps on walking, as if there was nothing bad going on.

"The door..." I whisper. That alone should be enough for her to understand. I don't want to say what is happening.

"What abo-" "AAaahhhh! AAAahhh! HHHhhmmm!" The woman's words are interrupted by the screams coming from behind the closed door. I hear the woman make a "Bwhu?!" sound as I turn my head toward the noise.

Those aren't the screams of the kids being turned into feystones, rather, those are the screams the princesses make when the outside men visit them. Does it mean that the princess behind that door will not turn into a feystone? I feel relieved, even though the man is being mean to her. But then, why is the door closed?

"Let's go away, this place isn't-" The woman starts saying, but she is interrupted again, this time by the man's voice.

"Scream! Scream like the whore you are!"

The woman gasps loudly and then suddenly pulls on my hand so hard that I stumble on my own feet. I manage to stay on my feet, but the magic tool to avoid being heard slips away from my fingers and falls down, making a distinct sound.

I turn my head back. The guard is looking in our direction, searching the floor. Did he realize we are here? Are we going to get caught? He straightens himself, trying to get a better look, and my breath gets shallow. I don't want to go back. I don't want to suffer everyday and be turned into a feystone. I don't-

I gasp loudly as something is pushed between my and the woman's hands, only to clamp my now free hand on my mouth. I'm no longer holding the magic tool, the guard must have heard me. He's going to take me back, take this woman and-

"Quinta!" I hear the woman call me, the now familiar alteration of her voice telling me that the magic tool is at work. I look at our hands, seeing it between them. I take a breath of relief and turn back to the guard. He's still watching over the hallway, but now his eyes are directed toward the closed door, and he's making a weird face. Seems he's not going to come after us.

"I'm sorry, I was too focused on taking you away from those noises." I wonder for a moment which noises she is referring to. If she's talking about the screams of the princess and the man, I've been hearing those noises ever since I can remember.

"Let's move now, the faster we get outside, the better." I squeeze her hand to tell her I'm ready to go, only to realize that my hand is too small to squeeze hers and hold the magic tool at the same time.

"Give me your other hand. If you close it around the stone, nobody is going to see it." She says, pushing her fingers between our hands to take the little stone.

I do as I'm told and we start moving down the hallway. At some point the wall on our left ends, revealing a set of very long steps leading to a room that is two... maybe three times as large as the common room in the boys' floor and twice as tall. Only a couple of lamps are turned on, but the room is beautifully lit by the moonlight.

On the side opposite to the stairs there are many windows going from the floor almost all the way to the ceiling. I'm feeling both amazed and jealous at the same time, as the biggest window I've seen so far was shorter than me and covered with various decorations to block the view.

"We need to avoid the handrail here. Do you think you can do it?" The woman's voice takes me back from my admiration of the windows. I look at the bottom of the stairs and I see two guards standing on both sides of it, at the end of the railings. The simple idea of taking a step down without support is already enough to scare me, but I will do it. Nothing can scare me as much as going back.

I squeeze the woman's hand, looking for something to give me courage. "I can do it." I say, determined. I'm still holding onto her hand; if she guides me like she did before, I will be able to go through these stairs as well.

"Let's go. Tell me if I'm going too fast." We start going down, one step at a time. I'm moving very slowly as the lack of any visible support near me makes each step look much bigger than the ones I've managed to descend so far. After a while, when we've reached the middle of the stairs, a guard comes in from one of the big windows. He moves quickly across the big room, and when he reaches the stairs the other two hold a fist against their chest, saying "Captain!"

"All the princesses have guests tonight, sir. Were you not informed?" one of the guards tells the 'captain'.

"Yes, they are all regular guests. I came to harvest tonight." I recognize his voice. I've heard it before, and it's a constant presence in my nightmares.

This man is here to turn me into a feystone.

My blood goes cold, and my vision is fixed on him. I see him talking with the guard, but I don't know what they are saying anymore. They speak, make some gestures, he laughs cruelly, and then he moves away from the guard and starts climbing the stairs, moving straight toward me. His eyes move up until they meet mine.

My heart starts beating faster. His cruel eyes look straight at me as he moves closer, and a strong fear grips my stomach. I stare back at him, unable to do anything but wait for him to catch me.