DISCLAIMER
The Ocarina of Time's complete power relies on the magic of the wielder and the direct channeling of deific power via the Triforce. Do not attempt to play any magical songs on the Ocarina of Time without first acquiring a piece of the Triforce.
Do not invoke the power of the Ocarina of Time without proper two-hand fingering and positioning, Failure to do so may cause mild implosion, acute tachycardia, myocardial infarctions, spontaneous cranial combustion or headaches. Usage of countryball toffee is not recommended, especially during winter seasons. Do not invoke the germanium difluoride trolleybuses on pain of anomalous spontaneous vehicular impact.
Remain in contact with the ground at all times while using the Ocarina of Time, save while implementing songs of flight or levitation. Do not attempt to reverse songs unless said reversal is a song in of itself. Remember to keep a 4/4 beat at all times and refrain from utilizing half or eighth notes unless playing a song marked with a square.
Do not attempt to prosecute the Ocarina of Time. Do not allow the Ocarina of Time to run for mayor. Do not allow the Ocarina of Time to commit arson or theft.
Do not play the Song of Time consecutively in the space of less than an hour. This may cause your individual timestream to shatter irreparably into dozens of scattered fragments, paradoxes, time loops and severe headaches.
Members of fingerless species should not play the Ocarina of Time without consulting Section Three.
Clean the Ocarina of Time's interior with a soft, dry cloth wrapped around a rod after each usage, unless quae nuper intra montem, tum baptizo ocarina salsa vel potat aqua.
Do not drop or throw the Ocarina of Time. This will likely cause damage to the structural integrity of both the Ocarina of Time and the fabric of reality.
Do not place in open dimensional rifts or voids in the fabric of reality. This will cause the Ocarina of Time to spontaneously cease existing unless proper protection measures are taken.(see section Chorus)
Do not consume. Consumption of the Ocarina of Time may cause nausea, vomiting, mild implosion, chronological displacement, lacerated viscera, choking, faintness, dizziness, dyspnea, brain damage, magical aneurysms and death.
If the Ocarina of Time ceases to exist, no refunds are available. If the Ocarina of Time is damaged or broken, a refund may be available at the discretion of Y̵̡̙̤̟̙̾̾̿̎Ǫ̴̣͎̆̐̇̑̈́G̶̞̈́́̆'̸̺̫̗̯̠͊͜Ṡ̵̹̋̂O̸̧͎̖͇̜͋̍͛T̷̟̱̼͚̙̏̈́͒́̔̐Ĥ̷̻̋͛O̵̡͖̖͒̉̆̅Ṭ̴͎̭̫͓̄͛̓̆̈̕H̷̤̠̪͔̥̮̍͂͝. Any damage sustained by measures that violate the terms of the Warranty(see Section Four) voids the Warranty and prohibits the solicitation of a refund.
Damage to the timestream will be paid for using a ẁ̴͙͍͙̅̆̒̊h̷̙̥͙̐́̿́̃i̷̟̹̟͎̬̮̾̐ş̸̹̺̥̞́̌̾̈͛p̵̛̦͔̻̗̄̅͌̐ē̵͉̻̖ŗ̶̩̱̲͙̈́̽s̴̭̤̤̪̆̕ͅo̵̭͌̀̐̚ņ̵̯̂͌̈͐͜ͅt̴̨̝͊̍̄̄h̵̜̭͉̦̞̟̋̀͋̕e̷̺͝w̶̡̪̞̓̏̈́̽̚͜͠i̴̛̠͖͈̤̾̓ǹ̶̥̟͍d̸͇̤̈́ account or a credit card. Debit cards are not accepted.
Contact Y̵̡̙̤̟̙̾̾̿̎Ǫ̴̣͎̆̐̇̑̈́G̶̞̈́́̆'̸̺̫̗̯̠͊͜Ṡ̵̹̋̂O̸̧͎̖͇̜͋̍͛T̷̟̱̼͚̙̏̈́͒́̔̐Ĥ̷̻̋͛O̵̡͖̖͒̉̆̅Ṭ̴͎̭̫͓̄͛̓̆̈̕H̷̤̠̪͔̥̮̍͂͝ when needed at (see page sixteen, sector twelve)
See paragraph 12 for information on repairs to your local timestream.
Ne attendas in barathrum hominis.
The usage of the Ocarina of Time by ghosts, spirits, shades, wraiths and other extracorporeal entities is allowed with the prior submission and approval of a Extracorporeal Dweomer-Artifice Affidavit to the Agency of Administration.
Sale of the Ocarina of Time is prohibited unless the Dweomer-Artifice Materia Warranty Exemption and Fiscal Transaction of Dweomer-Artifice Materia License are signed, in unabridged format. Conspectus format is permitted as a reference or manual documentation or addendum of the preceding documents, but not as a primary transcription.
A replacement manual can be obtained on diacritic remote order at the discretion of Y̵̡̙̤̟̙̾̾̿̎Ǫ̴̣͎̆̐̇̑̈́G̶̞̈́́̆'̸̺̫̗̯̠͊͜Ṡ̵̹̋̂O̸̧͎̖͇̜͋̍͛T̷̟̱̼͚̙̏̈́͒́̔̐Ĥ̷̻̋͛O̵̡͖̖͒̉̆̅Ṭ̴͎̭̫͓̄͛̓̆̈̕H̷̤̠̪͔̥̮̍͂͝ or an administrator.
Do not combust. Combustion of the Ocarina of Time may lead to smoke inhalation, liver failure, spontaneous combustion or ignition of nearby flora/the timestream.
REVIEWS
"I honestly haven't unpacked any of this, and there's a few parts which aren't written in hylian. Nice to know that literally any kind of damage to the Ocarina of Time can destroy reality."
- Link, Hero Of Time
"Very helpful. Unfortunately, did not stop my species from ceasing to exist aside from myself."
- Zarbulon, [ERROR] [ERROR]