Note: I recommend reading Identity Versus Role Confusion before reading this story, as this takes place directly after it.
Content Warnings: Corporal punishment is discussed in a favorable way. Abuse from Anakin's past is mentioned. There is also a mention of Obi-Wan's grief over the loss of his master.
"Try this, Anakin, I think you'll like it," Obi-Wan said, handing Anakin a glass filled with a purple liquid that was swirled with a deep red. "It's like those drinks from your homeworld you used to be fond of."
Anakin took a sip of the beverage and smiled in surprise. "Wow, that is like a ruby bliel... But better, somehow."
"Yes, but be careful. It's easy to have too many when they are so sweet."
Anakin laughed. "You sure know your way around this stuff, old man."
"As I said, that is your fault," Obi-Wan returned with a chuckle. "Now sip that slowly, and tell me everything that happened."
As Anakin let the alcohol circulate in his bloodstream, he proceeded to vent his frustrations over his work and his padawan and gave a thorough account of his day. Obi-Wan played the part of a very good friend, offering shock, encouragement, and laughter at all the appropriate places in Anakin's story. It had been a while since Anakin had talked to anyone so much, and he wasn't sure if it was the drink or not, but it felt good. He could talk to his wife about many things, but there were some things even she would not be able to understand or offer comfort about, and many things he shielded from her that he did not have to shield from Obi-Wan. They were comrades in war and had both seen their fair share of sights that would not make the topic of polite conversation.
Obi-Wan was enjoying the mostly one-sided conversation in his own way. He'd had many a lonely drink in this bar, imagining what it might be like if his master were there to commiserate with. Though he had grieved and moved on in the proper way after Qui-Gon's death, there were moments he wished he could just tell him "thank you, I understand now," and he felt the pain that comes with keeping such sentiments to oneself.
When he looked at Anakin and sensed his frustration and his energy, he remembered being a younger man and the challenges that come with that stage of life. He had spent so many years being there for Anakin, teaching him, caring for him, and being challenged by him. It had been an adjustment when his padawan was knighted and was no longer under his direct authority. Sometimes he still wanted to tell him what to do even when it would be inappropriate to do so, and he'd had to check that where he could, letting Anakin learn and grow independent of him.
In some ways it was very satisfying to see who his padawan had become, the result of his best efforts, and to be there for him now as a friend. Obi-Wan's affection for his former padawan was profound, and he was happy to be able to give him his presence in a way that he did not have when he was in Anakin's position. It was pleasant to simply have a casual outing together, and he enjoyed hearing Anakin's dramatic tale of woe.
Obi-Wan noted with amusement that he'd had two drinks to Anakin's almost one as Anakin neared the end of account. Obi-Wan was prepared to listen, and he had decided not to offer advice unless Anakin specifically asked him for it. A silence fell between them as Anakin waited almost expectantly for his former master to begin lecturing him about where he might have gone wrong.
"Are you feeling better now?" Obi-Wan asked, offering him a smile.
"Yeah, actually. Better than I thought... What's in this stuff?" Anakin joked, looking into his glass with mock curiosity. Between the war, his padawan, and his wife, Anakin did not get out much and couldn't remember the last time he'd had a real drink.
"It's funny how unused to it you are," Obi-Wan said with a chuckle. "Half a drink, and you are already buoyant."
"Well, someone managed to keep me away from it before I could make it a habit."
Obi-Wan laughed. "What a wise person that was. He must have cared about you."
"His padawan wasn't so sure at the time," Anakin said with half a smile, "but he understands now. Having a padawan is hard work."
"That is true, but it can be very rewarding. Just think, one day you'll be here with Ahsoka while she tells you about her own padawan."
Anakin's brow furrowed as he tried to process the thought of his padawan having a padawan. "I can't think that far ahead, Obi-Wan," he said, laughing. After the spell of humor had passed, Anakin's expression fell slightly. "But did I do the right thing? I mean, I feel a little guilty," he admitted.
"For disciplining your padawan? You should not feel guilty about that. It was the proper thing to do."
"What if I was too hard on her? What if things are different now?" Anakin sighed, processing his worries.
Obi-Wan took his queue to offer the encouragement Anakin was looking for. "And what if they're different in a good way? You did the right thing by using the strap, Anakin. It doesn't sound as though any other form of discipline would have worked. I certainly would not have hesitated."
Anakin grinned wryly. "Don't I know it," he joked. "But... Something about it still doesn't sit right with me."
"Why do you think you did something wrong?" Obi-Wan asked patiently.
"I don't know... I want her to respect me, but I don't want her to be afraid of me. I'm worried that's going to change now. I didn't like doing it, and I don't think I could do it again."
"Well, fear is never a good thing, but a healthy respect for discipline is. That's what the strap represents. That's why we use it. The only thing I would caution you on is your anger. You use the strap for correction only, not for control, not to ease your frustration."
"Obi-Wan, are you really telling me you never vented your frustration on my backside? I don't think I believe you." Anakin looked at his former master with an amused sense of disbelief.
Obi-Wan could tell that Anakin was not upset with him, but he still felt a slight pang of remorse at the remark. "I'm not here to say that I was perfect, and for any time I was not in control of my emotions while disciplining you, I am truly sorry."
Anakin was a little surprised by the apology, but he appreciated it nonetheless. "I don't hold anything against you, Master," he assured him. "I know what I was like."
"Do you remember the first spanking you got when you came to the Temple?" Obi-Wan asked.
Anakin stared at him in confusion. "No... That was a long time ago."
"Well, I remember vividly. You were terrified. You thought I was going to give you a beating."
"That's probably because I was more familiar with those," Anakin said, averting his eyes.
"I explained to you the difference between a spanking for correction and beating someone to make them do what you wanted. Sometimes I'm not sure if you ever really learned the difference."
"Of course I know the difference," Anakin said defensively.
"Well if that's true, then don't fear using the strap on your padawan. If you keep your emotions in check, and you take the time to ensure that your motives for discipline are for the benefit of your padawan, then you need not worry about taking things too far. Also, when you are delivering discipline it helps to remember three things: to breathe, to feel, and to communicate. Take time to breathe and to ground yourself. You may recall I often asked that of you when your emotions were very heightened."
Anakin nodded in acknowledgement, sipping the rest of his drink and listening patiently to the lecture he had expected Obi-Wan to give earlier. "Feeling is important too," Obi-Wan continued, "because you won't really know if the discipline is having the proper effect if you aren't sensing your padawan's emotional state. Work on her until the anger turns into acceptance and the pride to humility. That's when a lesson is learned.
"And communicate. You found that hard to do when you were on the receiving end, I recall, but it is vital, Anakin. Talk your padawan through it, and always explain why you are discipling her, and ensure she tells you that she understands. If she doesn't, keep trying. It is a painstaking process, but it is necessary, and it is good for her."
"Breathe, feel, communicate. Sounds simple enough," Anakin said, beginning to feel more at ease as the alcohol continued to work its way through his system.
"Well, you could simplify anything... And the opposite... You can overcomplicate anything too, which has always been funny about you."
"Maybe I'll just use a mind trick on her next time," Anakin joked, and Obi-Wan laughed mirthfully at his suggestion.
"I thought about doing that to you almost every day," he confessed.
"And did you? Is that why I slept so well sometimes?" Anakin asked. He was still joking, but there was a hint of genuine curiosity in the question.
"I'll never tell," Obi-Wan said with a mischievous grin, finishing his last beverage.
Author's Note:
If you liked this or other stories of mine, please let me know! It gives me encouragement to actually publish my stories. Otherwise, I'll keep them to myself. Note: If you did not heed my warnings have come to complain, I will ignore you.
All my stories work together in the same verse, and I will be expanding upon Anakin's traumatic childhood and the incident referenced by Obi-Wan when Anakin first came to the Temple. I believe Anakin's childhood trauma as a slave would create a complicated emotional relationship to various forms of discipline.