TW Suicide Depression Self-Harm
He couldn't do this he couldn't leave her behind it just wasn't something he could do he couldn't walk away he couldn't. The last time he walked away and left her behind on a tarmac, she ended up getting tortured in a terrorist camp. He couldn't risk something happening to her again
"I can't get on that plane," He finally said looking at her tears filling her eyes, she was crying something he hadn't seen her do very often.
"Please don't do this," She begged desperately, her eyes locking with his, pleading for him to just go to just leave her behind, in the pit of self-hatred she had dug for herself.
"Do what?" He questioned innocently.
"Stay, throw everything away," She said weakly.
"I would throw everything away for you," He said, the words echoing the ones he had said all those years ago.
"Why?" She questioned, tears glistening in the dim lights.
"Because I love you," He said, saying the words that he had known to be true for a long time.
"Please don't do this," She begged once more.
"I can't leave you not like this," He said truthfully, enveloping her in a hug, and setting his bag on the ground.
"You have to," she begged her tears beginning to stain his shirt.
"Please don't do this," he begged he didn't want her to force him away.
"You need to go," she said.
"I can't do that, I can't live with it," he said echoing words he had said earlier.
"You should," she said.
"Tried, life just isn't the same without you."
NCIS
She was on a stage looking out into the audience scanning for her father hoping that he would finally make it to her one of her performances. He wasn't there though, and her heart fell. She went out onto that stage and did her best, she danced across that stage like it was her whole purpose. Maybe it was, maybe it was supposed to be. She may never know.
"He wanted to be here," Her mother said after the show, she didn't know if she believed her.
She just nodded her head and hung toddler Tali to her. She never danced on stage again.
NCIS
"You're not coming back," Gibbs said there was a sort of finality to it.
"No, I can't leave her behind," he said not taking his eyes off of the sleeping form on the couch.
"Hmm, you gonna resign again," Gibbs asked.
"I don't know," he said truthfully, he still had vacation left so it wasn't like it was an immediately needed for him to come back quite yet.
"You still got a couple of weeks of vacation time left, stay in touch, tell her we love her," Gibbs said before hanging up.
He was left staring at the phone in his hand and the sleeping figure on the couch.
NCIS
The hot sun beat down upon her leaving her parched, her throat felt dry and sandy. She was so hot she didn't know what to do, she looked around her wondering what the purpose of this was. Well, she knew what the purpose was, she had to survive in the wilderness. To fend for herself. All she had was a knife in her hand. She knew roughly where she was, and she only had to make it back to the house.
She walked as blisters began to form on her feet as sand began to make its way into her boots. Wiping sweat from her brow she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to not have to live in a place like this, a place like America, that she had heard all about from Lilly.
She got home in the middle of the night, with nothing but a nod from her father. Her heart sunk, she didn't need to know that he loved her, maybe just that he was proud of her. Falling into her bed she promised to herself to let go of her dreams, and to become what her father wanted of her, she would make him proud.
NCIS
He found her sitting on the floor of one of the bedrooms in the farmhouse, a few days later her knees drawn up to her chest she was drowning in memories. He sat beside her and said nothing, he just sat there keeping her company waiting for her to talk.
"Did I ever tell you how I met Jenny?" She asked, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes.
"No," he said surveying the room that looked like it had been relatively untouched for a while, it clearly wasn't her room though, he couldn't ever imagine even a younger Ziva enjoying it. It was just a little too delicate, he assumed that it was Tali's bedroom.
"After Tali died I threw myself into Mossad, into revenge, I had been tracking this Hamas cell, into Cairo," She said shakily, taking a deep breath inhaling, drowning in memories, continuing she said, "There was this redhead, and I remembered not wanting to be partners with her because I was so used to working alone, but Israel's and America's goals aligned so there was a small task force, it was the same cell that was responsible for killing Tali. I remember thinking that she had spunk, she didn't let other people's shortcomings affect her."
"What was she like, as an agent I mean I only ever saw her as a director?" He asked genuinely, choosing not to talk about her vendetta.
"She was, good, always thinking of politics even then, but she had good instincts, she just didn't always use them, we only worked together for a short while, but I think she might have saved me a little, she told me a lot about Gibbs and Paris, I can't help but think that I failed her a little," She said, voicing some of his own regrets over the death of Jenny.
"I think that was how she wanted to go out," he said, not sure who he was reassuring her or him.
"Still, all this blood on my hands, and I couldn't save one of the people who saved me from myself," she said looking down at her hands, he grabbed one of them and pulled her up, bringing her to her feet.
"Hey, she went out on her terms or at least I like to think so, ok and you did try to convince me to go back, but I didn't listen to you," he said, pulling her into a hug which she didn't return.
He led her to the kitchen trying to remove her from wherever it was that her mind was going before she went deeper into the past. She kept going further back, first Ari, then back to meeting Jenny, he couldn't help but feel like she was going to keep going backward.
He tried to get her to eat, more than a few bites of a sandwich it wasn't any use though.
NCIS
"Are you Jenna Smith?" she asked sliding into a booth across from a redhead who kept surveying the room.
"Please just call me Jenny," Jenny said flashing the younger woman a small smile.
"Okay then Jenny, if you come with me and can show you to a lovely hotel," she said her face remaining neutral.
"Lead the way," Jenny said standing up, leaving no room for small talk something that she was grateful for.
NCIS
A few more days later he found her sitting on the floor, in the living room, dusty old photo albums all around her. She had heard him approaching and flashed him a weak smile and patted the ground beside her. He sat beside her and looked at the open album, smiling faces, looking up off of the pages. He saw a younger Ari and looked for any traces of the man he would become the murderer who would go on to kill his partner right before his eyes.
"You never talk about them that much," he said beckoning to her two siblings, and mother.
"Didn't think you would enjoy hearing about the person, who shot your partner and tried to kill you, the person who I killed," she said sadly running a finger over the faces, including her younger innocent one.
"I don't want to hear about that guy, I want to hear about your older brother," he said honestly.
"He was protective and gentle he was going to be a doctor," she started.
"Did he ever patch up the younger you?" He asked, curiously bumping into her shoulder with his own gently. At that question though, tears started to creep into her eyes, and he wondered what he said wrong.
"I killed him," she said mournfully as if she was realizing for the first time that she killed the person who used to patch her up when she fell.
"I know," He said, sadly, "What about your mother, you never talk about her?"
"She left, Eli cheated on her, and she left, left me behind took Tali with her," she said snapping the album closed and shoving it away, before standing and walking away, he watched her go. He couldn't help but wonder who had taught her to drive then, he wondered if it was Ari. He really couldn't see the formidable Eli David taking the time to teach his middle child how to drive.
NCIS
"What do you mean Ima left?" she inquired standing as tall as her slight twelve-year-old frame could muster.
"I mean that she left Ziva, packed her bags, and walked away, she took Tali with her," Eli said, from behind his desk.
She ran out of his office then, she was just so angry at her mother and father, she was so angry. It was her fault, she had been left behind, by her mother and was being turned into the sharp end of a spear as Ari put it by her father. What was she worth if neither of her parents seemed to love her? She ran through the streets of Tel Aviv ran until she tripped crashing onto the ground her hands and knees burning from the sudden contact.
Hauling herself up she looked at the blood that was dripping onto the ground, her blood. To anyone else, the pain would be enough to warrant tears of pain, but she just stood there numbly ignoring the looks from passerbyers.
"Ziva, come here," her older brother said appearing from the shadows grabbing her hand, and pulling her into a car that was parked nearby. Once the doors were closed and locked, he grabbed a first aid kit and proceed to silently patch her up.
"Why did she leave?" she asked her older brother mournfully, just looking at her sadly.
"I don't know why people leave Ziva, but you can't let it get to you," he said finishing wiping up her knees and hands and placing a few Band-Aids on her larger cuts.
She nodded and swore to herself that she wouldn't let people leaving her bother her anymore. She started to close herself off from the world.
NCIS
He awoke in the middle of the night a couple of days later, to hear movement in the bathroom, he got up quietly and headed over there knocking on the door as he did so.
"Ziva you in there?" He asked knocking again, it was followed by a gagging sound, he opened the door, after a moment, to see her leaning over the toilet retching into her face plastered with sweat. Her breathing was coming in quick and frantic.
"Can I touch you?" He asked, he didn't want to make whatever she had relived worse, since it appeared that she was having a panic attack. She nodded her head weakly, he sat down behind her and rubbed up and done her arms as she leaned back against him slightly.
"Why are you still here?" she asked, in between her frantic breaths.
"Because I can't live without you," He said truthfully as she leaned over the toilet retching but nothing coming up. He was worried about her; she had been spiraling more the past few days.
"Why though, why am I worth it?" She asked, not turning to face him, he rubbed circles into her back as she struggled to breathe trying to figure out how to answer that.
"Because I love you, I know that you don't think you are worth it, but I do," He decided after a moment, planning to elaborate on it more when they both were more awake. She seemed to accept it though and leaned back into him.
"You can go back to sleep," she said after a moment, not saying, anything else to dispute his claim.
"If you think that I am going to leave you here on the floor, then I don't think you know me," His tone was light, but the message was serious.
"Fine, but do not complain about your back tomorrow," she said, her breathing starting to calm down, he was happy that she wasn't fighting him on it.
The two of them sat there on the bathroom floor, as her breathing calmed, and the two of them fell asleep.
NCIS
She was laying on her bed, doodling lazily in her notebook going over the words that she had written hiding them from the world. Trying not to look up to see the knives that she had embedded into the wall.
"Ziva, why is Abba always gone?" Tali questioned innocently walking into her room.
"His job Tali," she said, closing her notebook, and turning so that she could see her younger sister.
"I miss him," Tali said sadly.
"I know you do," she said, she didn't add that she did to because that would be a lie and she tried no to lie to her younger sister if it could be avoided. They fell into silence her younger sister, coming over and sitting beside her the two of them basking in each other's presence.
NCIS
Things took a turn for the worse, though in the days that followed, she seemed to be a ghost in her own house, he hardly saw her as she moved through the rooms not making a sound. He had gone for a brief walk around the property to talk on the phone with Vance to figure out what to do about his job. He had managed to work something out, so that you could stay here for at least another month, it was quite frankly amazing how much vacation time you could save up when you work for Gibbs.
The wind was blowing lightly around him as he went up the steps. A small smile on his face, relieved that he could stay longer and keep an eye on her.
He found her sitting in the corner her gun turned towards herself, he panicked, then reacted, he knew that it was risky, but he grabbed her hand and pulled the gun from her shaking hand, sliding it into his waistband. He didn't know how to react to this, he knew that she was deep in her self-hatred, but he didn't think that she was going to try to kill herself.
"Ziva? Please don't do this," He questioned trying to get a reaction out of her, but his attempt was fruitless, there was blood dripping onto the floor. He looked at her long sleeves, and the growing red spots adorning them. Taking a shaky breath he wrapped his hands around her slim wrists, stopping the blood.
"I can't do this anymore," She muttered brokenly, her voice barely above a whisper, "I can't do this anymore."
He didn't ask what, he could tell that she was done with everything, she was done with living, and his heart was breaking. He stayed silent and tried to think of anything that he could do to help. He releases a wrist and was pleased to see that it had stopped bleeding, she must have not cut too deeply. He knew that she was capable of cutting that deep, so some part of her didn't want to die.
"I can't do this anymore," she said, pulling away from him and burying her face in her hands and sobbing. He sat down beside her and just held her, as she broke.
NCIS
She looked at the gun that lay on the bed of her apartment and wondered what she had left to live for. Her mother was dead after having abandoned her, her sister was gone in a blaze, her brother shot in the head with her own weapon. She had killed her own brother. She had never felt more alone in her life.
It would be so easy to just end it now killing herself with the gun that had killed her brother, and no one would even care. No one would even notice that she was gone, her father wouldn't mourn her he would just, grieve the loss of his spear. Her phone rang in her pocket, she pulled it out and answered it.
"Jenny?" she questioned confused as to why she was getting a call from her friend.
"I am creating a Mossad Liaison position at NCIS, the job is yours of your father lets you come."
"Okay," she said hanging up, and slipping the gun back into her holster, maybe things would end up ok.
NCIS
She fell asleep in his arms; her breakdown seemingly having tired her out. He pulled out his phone and debated whether to call someone, but he didn't know who. He was scared, scared for Ziva, he hadn't ever been this close to someone who had tried to kill themselves. The one ex, who had survived a suicide attempt, but they had been broken up for a while at that point. He couldn't help but wonder if she had been planning this and that was why she pushed him away and tried to force him to leave.
He finally gave into temptation and dialed the number, waiting wondering if he would even pick up. He adjusted her form against him gently so that maybe his back wouldn't hurt as much, as the phone rang.
"This better be good," his boss's voice said over the phone.
"Hey, Boss, you got a case?" he asked, he didn't really care but he didn't want this conversation to go unfinished if possible.
"Nope, why'd you call DiNozzo," Gibbs asked, a faint ding on the other end vocal.
"I don't know why I even called," he said second guessing his decision.
"DiNozzo what is going on," Gibbs ordered.
"She tried to kill herself, walked in a gun to her head," he said darkly, he wasn't really sure why he was telling Gibbs this he just knew that he had to tell someone, and Gibbs wouldn't tell anyone.
"Where is she now," Gibbs asked.
"Beside me sleeping, I don't know what to do Boss," he admitted after a moment.
"Keep an eye on her, don't let her out of your sight."
"Wasn't planning on it, I would try to get rid of all the weapons, but I don't think that I could find all of them," He admitted, he was lost for lack of a better term, he didn't know what to do.
"DiNozzo, just, be there for her and make sure that she knows you love her, stay in touch," Gibbs said, softly after a moment.
"Wouldn't dream of doing anything else, but Boss, maybe don't tell anyone that I called or what happened okay," he asked realizing that Ziva probably wouldn't want more people knowing what had happened.
"Won't tell a soul," Gibbs said.
"Bye Boss," he said as the phone got hung up on the other end, he slid it back into his pocket.
He looked at her somewhat peaceful face, and brushed her hair out of her face, and he couldn't help but wonder what had pushed her spiraling even further back. If this had been something that, she had been planning or if she had decided moments before grabbing the gun. If he had walked in a few moments later, would he have been walking into to a dead body, her lying in a pool of her own blood.
Running his fingers through her greasy hair, untangling some of the knots, he wondered when she had last showered. When she had last ate more than a few bites of food, when she last slept a whole night. He placed kiss into her hair and wiped away the last of the drying tears off of her face.
He couldn't help but think about what could have happened, if he hadn't walked in right then. He couldn't live without her; he didn't know if he had ever really been able to after she walked into his life. The worst days of his life were the ones where she was absent. That summer he spent on that boat. That summer he drank everything away to try and forget about her. This past summer which he spent the entirety of trying to find her.
He had spent a lot of time thinking during his wild goose chase and came to the conclusion that he would always go looking for her. And if she was truly gone, he would avenge her, he would find the reason that she was gone and take them out. He loved her; he knew he did. He was willing to do whatever it took to kill Saleem because he didn't know what else to do. He realized in retrospect that Gibbs must have realized then that he loved her that moment he declared he was going to take out her killer that day in the bullpen, because Gibbs had done the same thing for his wife and daughter.
She stirred slightly and curled closer to him, he held his breath exhaling and letting himself drift off to sleep, a fitful sleep, filled with worry and fear.
NCIS
"When I die, do not do something drastic like name your kid after me," she said to her younger sister looking her in the eye dead serious.
"Oh Ziva I wouldn't ever do something like that, I wouldn't want to curse any child of mine with a name suited for an old grandmother, but don't talk like that Ziva you're not going to die anytime soon, you're going to do the time you need in the IDF, and then I am going to convince Abba to put you on desk duty for the rest of your life," Tali said chuckling slightly.
"You wouldn't," she said mortified at the thought of being on desk duty forever.
"I guess you'll just have to wait and see," Tali said her eyes gleaming as she hugged her sister tightly.
NCIS
The next morning was uneventful they didn't talk about, what had happened the previous night, they didn't talk at all, he finally broke the silence.
"You know that I love you right?" he asked finally.
"Yes," she said, softly with a sort of indisputable finality.
"Ok, and you know that I am here for you, so do you want to talk about last night," He asked carefully.
"No," she said.
"You want to tell me what's going on in your head," He asked, looking at her.
"No."
"Ziva I am really worried about you, okay, you aren't sleeping or eating, and I walked into you holding a gun to yourself, and you have been cutting your wrists," he said softly.
"You don't need to worry about me," she said firmly.
"Zi, let me help you," he said.
"I don't need your help I am fine," she said forcefully not meeting his eyes.
"You don't need to worry about your pain hurting me if that's the problem, I want to be here I want to help, but you have got to talk to someone, if not me a therapist, or someone, I don't care just you need help, I love you," He said desperately, he needed her to be okay, he needed her to not be constantly disappearing in front of his eyes. She was silent, not moving for a while, she finally wrapped her arms around herself defensively, before saying,
"How can you love me when I can't love myself?" she questioned.
"Because loving you is easy," he said truthfully.
"Why?" she asked
"Because, you are amazing, you have my back, you are strong, you are funny, you make me laugh, you are beautiful, you are perfect, you make me laugh, you make me happy, I love you," he said stepping closer to her, and lifting her chin up towards him. Grabbing one of her hands he brought it up and kissed it.
"I am sorry," she said, leaning in towards him, he wrapped her in a hug and just held her, he didn't know what she was sorry for. Sorry that he loved her? Sorry for everything? All he knew is that she had nothing to be sorry for.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said resting his head on the top of her head.
NCIS
"Sorry, Abba," she said looking down at the ground instead of looking up at her shortcoming.
"Try again until you get it right and remember what I taught you," Eli said, pulling the knife out of the tree and turning back to his ten-year-old daughter.
"Yes, Abba," she said like a good little soldier, and threw the knife at the tree hitting the target.
"Good job Ziva, now keep practicing," Eli said, and she knew that she should feel something from her father's praise, but she didn't she felt empty.
NCIS
He felt something startle himself out of his sleep, he shot up, blood pouring out of his nose, he looked around wondering how that had happened. Looking beside him, he noticed that she was no longer beside him, he heard pained cry's coming from somewhere. Standing up off of the bed holding his nose as he did so, he walked towards the corner, where she was sitting knees brought to her chest.
"Zi, hey you're okay, your safe," he said softly as he edged closer to her.
"I hurt you," she said between panicked breaths, her nails digging into the skin of her clenched hands.
"I'm okay, just a nosebleed," He said reassuringly, moving closer to her still, he was scared for her, she had been doing better he thought the past few days, hadn't gotten mad at him for following here everywhere including the shower, granted he didn't look, but he had hoped she would have at least protested about that. She didn't though and that just added to his concern.
"I hurt you," she choked out while hyperventilating.
"Hey, I'm fine, now can I touch you," he asked noticing how her whole body was quaking, and tremoring. She nodded slightly, and he gently grabbed her hands and forced them to become unclenched.
He then pulled her towards him and hoped that she would be okay one day once more, he didn't like seeing her so unsure of everything. He knew that when enough stuff built on top of everything, it was only a matter of time until someone broke. If someone had asked him, if he thought that Ziva David was going to break 5 years ago, he would have scoffed at the idea.
NCIS
"Now Ziva, this is important you must not break," Ari said looking at her with kind eyes.
"Ok," she said not questioning the advice that her brother had given her.
"You are going to have to do some pretty bad things Ziva, but you can't let it affect you, but on a mask and hide your emotions and you will be fine," Ari said.
"I understand Ari," she said, composing her face to not show any of the anger that she was currently feeling.
"Good, Ziva, good," Ari said and looked down at his medical textbook.
NCIS
He held and ice pack to his bruised face and debated what to say to her, something needed to change. He couldn't keep watching her destroy herself. He grabbed a glass of water and filled it with water before walking over to her and sitting beside her and pressing the glass of water into her hand.
"Here, please take a drink," he said softly.
"How is your face," she said gesturing at his face, before taking sip.
"Well, you're not a guy on steroids, so I have had worse," he said trying to get a reaction out of her, she managed to crack a small smile.
"Still, I made you bleed," she said her hands shaking slightly, he pulled the cup away from her so that she wouldn't drop it.
"Ziva, what would have happened if I had left on that plane?" he asked, entangling his hand with hers.
"I do not know," she said biting her lip.
"Well, I want you to talk to me, Zi, what is going on with you," he asked looking at her concerned.
"I can't sleep," she said like that explained everything.
"I know Zi, but please talk to me," he begged he needed more details than that.
"I still don't know who I am," she admitted.
"I know, but I don't think that you are going about doing this the right way," he said truthfully
"I am just so tired," she said leaning into him.
"I know, I am to, but I want to help you figure it out," he said hugging her against him.
"Ok," she said allowing him to hug her.
NCIS
She was so thirsty, and everything hurt. Everything hurt, her insides her outsides. She tried to forget the touch of Saleem's men, the way that they forced themselves on her. There seemed to be a whole herd of elephant's living in her head. Everything was dark, and she hated it, she had never been afraid of the dark, but she thinks that she was now. The monster always came in the dark.
There was commotion outside, muttering and talk of Americans they had captured. She lay there curled up into a ball and waited. Her head was still pounding, and the ghosts of hands were still felt on her skin. She just wanted it all to be over, she was ready for it all to end.
"Get up I think there are some people who would enjoy seeing you," Saleem said angerly dragging her to her feet and pulling a bag over her head. She was forced through the doors and steered through the winding corridors until, she was forced into a chair and a bag pulled off of her head.
"So how was your summer," he asked looking tired and bloody, but a light seemed to ignite in his eyes. She couldn't believe that he was here, didn't know why he had come.
NCIS
A couple of more days later and he awoke to the sounds of her in the bathroom, early in the morning. He knocked on the door.
"Ziva you okay," he asked.
"I am fine," she said calmly.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
"If I say no, would it matter?" she asked, he took that as a sign that he could go in.
Opening the door, he was met with Ziva knees to her chest and a knife in her hand, but there seemed to be no blood so he took that as a good sign. He knelt down in front of her and took the knife from her hand, she allowed him to.
"Hey," he said softly, wondering how much longer this would go on.
"Hi," she mumbled, her body shivering or shaking he couldn't tell which.
"You hurt yourself anywhere, I don't see," He asked worriedly, noticing that there was some blood on the blade of the knife. She just lifted the edge of her shirt to reveal the clean lines that adorned her skin, they weren't deep but were bleeding none the less.
"I don't know why I keep doing this," she admits, just stayed silent not saying anything, because quite frankly he didn't know what to say if there was anything that he could say.
"Come here," he said holding out his arms out to her, in order to hug here, she moved towards him slowly and let herself be hugged by him, her head resting on his chest.
"I'm so tired," she murmured into his shirt.
"I know," he said ruffling her hair slightly.
"I don't know how to fix this," she said tossing her hands in the air.
"We can figure it out together," he said, rubbing circles into her back gently, he didn't like to see her like this.
"Why do you keep trying to help me when I haven't made it easy for you?" she asked.
"I love you," he said, simply there was really no other reason
"So, you have said, but I don't know if you can love me enough for the both of us," she admitted finally.
"Let me try," He begged.
"Ok," she murmured.
NCIS
She looked at the knife in her hand and had the sudden desire to make herself bleed. She had killed a person tonight a bad person, but still a person. She had watched them bleed out because of what she had done. She had done that, and she had the desire to make herself bleed. She brought the blade onto her thigh, and watched the blood drip onto the shower floor, washing down the drain as she stood numbly staring at it the sharp sting of pain that was enveloping her.
NCIS
He didn't know what to her reaction to his question was going to be, but the past few days she had been a little bit more stable. He walked over and sat beside her on the couch silent. The sun was beginning to set casting the room in a reddish light.
"So, I was thinking that you should call Gibbs I think that he would appreciate hearing from you," he said tentatively, thinking about what she had said about doing this for Gibbs as he was about to depart.
"How would you know," she said.
"I talked to him, he knows what is going on," he said, honestly.
"I'll think about it," she said carefully, not looking at him.
NCIS
Talking to Gibbs was like talking to a brick wall sometimes. This was one of those times.
"For what it is worth, I am sorry," Ziva admitted sadly looking at the spot where she killed her brother.
"She wanted to go out on her own terms, doesn't mean I have to like it," Gibbs said gruffly.
"I am sure we have all been there at some point," Ziva said sadly.
NCIS
He walked into the kitchen to find her staring at a sandwich like it was her mortal enemy.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi," she said looking up at him and flashing him a weak smile.
"What did that sandwich ever do to you," he asked.
"Nothing," she said, sliding the plate away from her, he noticed that she was clenching her fist, he grabbed it and slipped his hand into hers to stop her from making herself bleed.
"Tell me what the younger Ziva David was like," He asked hoping to distract her from her head somewhat, and to get her out of her head, she had been more open with him in the past few days, well at least more open compared to what she had been.
"What do you want to know," she asked, and he was happy that she wasn't closing herself off completely.
"Whatever you want to tell me, "He said, he didn't want to force her to talk about something that she didn't want to.
"There was this one friend I had, her father was an Ambassador, we were probably about fourteen or fifteen and we decided that we were going, to go to the beach, we didn't tell anyone where we were going, we came back a couple of hours later and almost had Mossad going after us, it was fun though, her father sort of laughed it off," she said, a slight smile on her face as she remembered the memories.
"Hmm, somehow, I am not surprised that you snuck away from your father to go to the beach, what happened to your friend though?" he asked.
"I don't know, she left to go back to America about a year later," Ziva said shrugging her shoulders.
"You should get McGeek to look her up some time," he said off handedly, suggesting for her to look her friend up.
"Maybe," she said flashing him a small smile.
"Zi, do you want to talk about the other day," he asked while they were on a flow of talking.
"My plan was never to kill myself, at least I don't think it was, I can't tell you what I was feeling at that moment," she muttered.
"Ok, I believe you, but I need you to keep talking to me," he said, and she gave him a slight smile, which he returned.
NCIS
"Ziva it will be fun," Lilly said looking at her friend pleading blue eyes, her dirty blonde hair gleaming in the bright sun of summer, sweat dripping off of both of their fingers.
"No, my father will go crazy if I leave and go to the beach," she said shaking her head.
"But Zi, you have to let go and live a little, think about how nice the water would be right now, and you don't have to be your fathers loyal soldier all the time," Lilly said grabbing her hand and pulling her with her.
"Fine but if you get me in trouble, it is your fault," she said as her friend fist bumped the air and started running towards the water.
"I fully accept the responsibilities for your actions," Lilly said, laughing slightly.
She got into so much trouble she didn't, even care though that moment on the beach was one of the last good memories she had before she went to America.
NCIS
"Jenny regretted leaving Paris sometimes you know," Ziva blurted out the next day the two of them sitting on the couch while he did some work on his laptop.
"Hmm," he hummed looking over at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Do you ever think that we were going to end up like them," she asked.
"I still think that we might end up like them, sometimes, both alone and miserable going out in storm of bullets," he said honestly not really seeing the point of lying.
"I don't want that to be us," she said.
"Me neither," he said happy that her headspace seemed to be improving, she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.
"Then let's not let it be us," she said, and for the first time in a while he felt like she might be working towards okay, maybe one day.
NCIS
Gunshots echoed around them as the crouched hidden from sight.
"If I don't make it, tell Jethro-" Jenny started but she cut jenny off with,
"You tell him yourself."
She wrapped some cloth around Jenny's arm, to try and stem the bleeding from the bullet graze.
"Come on Ziva there is no way we are both getting out of this," Jenny said, shaking her head at her friend.
"Yes, we are, they have to run out of bullets at some point, and knives never run out of bullets," she said taking several knives off of her person, with more still on her. The sight of the knives caused a chuckle to come from her friend.
"What?" she asked, confused.
"You remind me of Jethro sometimes, rule nine is always carry a knife," Jenny said shaking her head.
"You can wallow on the past all you want, but I am going to get us out of here," she said, a slight grin on her face.
NCIS
He found her sitting on the floor again, and a sense of déjà vu filled him, reminiscent of the other time he had found her like this.
"Tony, do you want to join me," she offered, looking up at him a small sad smile on her face.
"Sure, what are we doing?" he asked curiously, sitting down on the ground beside her so that their legs were touching.
"I was looking through some of the old photographs, and since I am trying to talk about things more, I figured that I would try," Ziva said.
He looked at the photos, one that caught his attention was the one of who was must have been, Tali, taken shortly before she died. Tali was attractive, much like Ziva, but she also looked much more delicate than Ziva, considering what he remembered Ziva looking like when she first came to NCIS. He was suddenly reminded of how young Ziva was, when she came to NCIS. She had suffered so much even then.
"She was pretty," he said gesturing to the photo of Tali.
"She was all of the boys thought so to, but she wasn't interested in them too much, she was so light, unlike Ari and I, she wanted to do something that was inherently good, so light she choose to give people the benefit of the doubt even when they didn't deserve it," she said smiling sadly grieving for her younger sister.
"She sounds like a good person, I wish I could have met her," he said truthfully giving her a sad smile.
"I think that you guys would have gotten along," she said leaning towards him slightly.
"Really?" he questioned.
"Yeah," she said, chuckling slightly, and he felt a smile forming on his face just because she was laughing.
"You think she would have approved of me," he asked curious, because he knew that Tali had been the most important person in her life for a long time.
"Yeah, I think she would have," she said smiling at him, and he smiled back, feeling the happiest and most content he had before she left for Israel.
NCIS
"I think my mother would have liked you," he said, as she was taking a sip of her lukewarm beer.
"Really," she said looking at the photos that he had recently developed, Elizabeth DiNozzo looked so full of life until the end of her days. She couldn't believe that someone who looked so pure, could like someone who was so full of death.
"Yeah, don't sound so surprised, I mean you put up with me," he said bumping into her shoulder with his.
"Yeah, I guess I do," she said chuckling slightly.
NCIS
He walked into the house, humming a song that he couldn't remember the words to, slipping his shoes off. He couldn't help but think about how domestic the whole situation was.
"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked upon seeing that she was packing stuff into a bag.
"Oh, there you are, I can't stay here anymore I was thinking about going to Haifa, I have a beach house, there you don't have to come," she said, zipping up her back-pack and going over to the dresser and grabbing what looked to be identification papers.
"When do we leave?" he asked, pleased to be getting out of this house that seemed to be haunted by the ghosts of the past. The laughter of children who had long since moved on, left behind the bones.
"Whenever you are ready," she said slinging the bag over her shoulder, and flashing him a smile.
"Okay give me five minutes, Zi," he said grinning and grabbed the backpack that he had been hauling around ever since he had arrived in Israel, stuffed his sweatshirt, laptop, and a couple of other things that he had scattered around.
"Cool, I was thinking that we could send Abby a postcard, she might like knowing that we are both still alive," she said giving him a weak smile.
"I think that she would like that," he said, happy that she was making an effort to reach out to her friends.
"You ready?" she questioned a few moments later.
"Yup, lead the way Sweet cheeks," he said flashing her a smile as they exited the farmhouse.