For Kitty, because she asked nicely
THIS IS THE BEGINNING
"It's dangerous out there. Take this to stay safe," said the old man in the cave as he handed a sword to Link. Link took it, though he was slightly befuddled. It's not exactly as if he had amnesia - he knew he was to use this on a quest, a quest to find the princess. Zelda. Who had been kidnapped by … Bowser? Moloch? No. Some … some evil force, he was pretty sure. It was all ajumble, though, and he had no idea why this old man in the cave was helping him. He kind of looked like a wizard. But why would a wizard be giving him a sword.
In any case …
"Thank you," Link tried to say, but he mumbled so badly it just came out as "Hai!"
Weird.
The old man also handed over to him a small metal rectangle, with a numerical keypad and a small keypad on it. Link recognized it as a cellphone. He motioned with it in a salutatory gesture, then pocketed it and exited the cave with the sword in his hand.
He looked around and saw a large area with well-trimmed hedges. He had absolutely no idea where to begin searching for the princess, but he figured one direction was as good as another so he set off towards what the rising sun told him was east.
Almost immediately the phone rang. He picked it up and looked at the screen. It read UNKNOWN CALLER, but he figured he could take any help he could get, so he clicked the green button and held it to his ear. Before he could even mutter a hello, he heard a strangely accented voice say, "Hello, This is Pepé Le Pew. I have a white paint stripe cat. I'd like to ask you a question. How long have you had this cat?"
The voice quietened, and there was an eerie hiss of empty static on the line. Link felt his legs quiver as he sensed the earth beneath him shift. For a moment the day turned to night and a humming noise, as of a transformer somewhere in the distance, penetrated his eardrums. Even worse than that was the monstrous breathing behind him, slow, so slow, yet so incredibly loud. His mouth open, trying to form words, Link slowly turned to find the moon, terrifyingly close, and he could see the surface tensing and relaxing, its unhuman circular existence somehow breathing like a hot water balloon hooked up to a ventilator.
A scream began to birth itself deep in Link's throat, but all that came out was a whistle. He felt the sword shaking in his hand as, before him, an enormous eye in the moon began to slooooowly open–
It was day again. Link gasped, his breath coming in shuddery, dry gulps.
I've gotta take my pills. Link rummaged around in his oversized green tunic, but found no pills. Do I have pills? I swear I do.But he could not find any, so he just practiced breathing exercises until he felt like he was in control of his world again.
Is this a dream? Why does everything feel so off kilter today? What day is today?
He had no answers.
He had nothing but the clothes on his back, some sturdy shoes, a sword and a cellphone. He could do this. He could rescue Zelda.
He closed his eyes hard, so hard that he saw little green dots, then opened them and gave a deep breath.
Okay. Let's focus on the problem at hand. East?
But before he had gone very far, something caught his eye. To the north, there seemed to be something to the wall there. Or rather, something seemed to be missing. There was a section of the wall that didn't look like the rest, like it might be a hidden doorway.
Link sheathed his sword - when had he even drawn it? - and moved to the area. A few quick yanks of errant vines and he could see the outline of a door in the rock wall. But a cursory search of the edges revealed no indentations, no keyholes, and the door seemed immune to pressure put upon it.
Impenetrable. Like my memory. No! Don't make everything a metaphor. Everything isn't a metaphor. You just interpret events in such a way that they signify more. Metaphorically. Thus … making them a metaphor? No! No. This was just a door leading into a maze or something, a trick door to forewarn of the tricks inside. Sometimes things were exactly what they seemed.
Link examined the areas around the door to see if there was perhaps a keyhole set apart. He found a small metal square inset into the face of the rock wall, again hidden behind flora. Once he'd uncovered it, he ran his fingers over it and slowly read the words subvocally as he touched it.
THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM.
He jumped back away from the wall, looking around. Did the environment itself read my mind? It can't be! It can't!
What if my mind has created this environment? Which is crazier? Is coincidence truly the desired explanation? How much of a madhouse must I be trapped within if that's true?
The sun was so bright. His breaths were ragged.
Link closed his eyes, steadied himself. One last deep exhale, then open the eyes again. He reexamined the area, but found nothing else suspicious. Just the wall with the plaque, the door, and a large exterior area with shrubbery.
Fine. To hell with this. Probably whatever opened this door was lost to the ages. Who knows how long it's sat here. For all I know, it requires a magical spell to open. I'm no wizard! Am I … ?
East! East, and to hell with all this.
Link started off to the east, trying his best to put the mysterious door out of his mind. He hadn't made it more than twenty steps when suddenly his surroundings … changed.It wasn't as if he stepped through a portal, but suddenly he was in an area that just felt different.There was a river a little ways in front of him, with a bridge spanning it, and it was perfectly within his field of vision, though he could've sworn he hadn't been able to see anything but greenery on the horizon mere moments ago.
My context has shifted! Or has the world changed the context within which I interact with it?
There was no time to think about any of that! Coming toward Link with inhuman speed was a small furry creature - but not so small as to pose no threat! Its jaws gnashed in obvious threat, and its movement was implacably steady.
Just like death, only more visible.
Be quiet! Not now!
In his pocket the cellphone began to ring.
You, too! Quiet!
Link fumbled his sword out, holding it before him. He didn't trust himself to attack like he'd been taught; he ran at the creature, sword out as if he planned to fence it to the first point. Luckily the wild animal seemed to have no innate skill of its own, and it plunged directly into Link's outward thrust. It yelped and was pushed back. Got him! But apparently not - the creature lunged again, and took an enormous bite out of Link's left shoulder. Luckily he was right handed, and once the creature reached the ground again he shoved the sword at it again, harder this time, and the monster disappeared in a puff of smoke.
The cellphone stopped ringing.
The sword - bloodless. Did that even truly happen? Link sheathed the sword. Suddenly a puff of smoke beside him, and a tinny voice cried, "Made it through your first combat, I see?"
Link made to shout as he turned, but nothing came out. What is it? he wondered, gawping at the tiny floating creature in front of him. She - for there were definitely feminine features about her - was about the size of his head, and she floated slightly above his head, tiny wings buzzing quickly.
Would you rather speak this way? He heard her voice in his head! I can do that, too!
She gave an irrepressible smile and did a 360-degree turn, tiny sparkles following in her wake.
A deep, ominous voice came from somewhere far above, though it was uncomfortably clear. Do not trust the fairy.
Link's eyes squinted, but held on the fairy in front of him.
Who are you? he asked mentally.
My name is Navi! I'm here to help you!
Help me do what?
Survive! Navi nearly shouted, then pirouetted again, chuckling madly.
Again, distantly yet clearly, that sonorous voice: The fairy lies.
Link looked up, squinted into the sky, could barely see the faint outline of the moon.
Am I truly mad? Link wondered.
Navi stared at him, strangely blank in expression. The moment stretched.
What you are is injured, she replied, and pulled something from midair. It resembled a small beaker, but the bottom of the container had a dip in the middle, making it look somewhat like a heart. It was filled about halfway with a roseate liquid.
Here, take this. You should feel much better after.
Link hesitated, but then quickly reached out and took hold of the heart-shaped glass. He winced as the sudden movement caused his shoulder pain.
If I don't get this cured soon, I might die of infection, anyway, he thought, and, consciously pushing any other thoughts down, he upended the clear beaker, feeling the viscous, oily liquid slide down his gullet. It was chalky and it remained pooled around the back of his tongue after his first swallow.
It wasn't as if he felt his shoulder heal - there was no healing of wounds, no sensation, just … at one moment there was a pain from the teeth marks, a throbbing, worrying heat, then … nothing.
He stared down at the empty container, the remains moving slowly, making stellar reflections. My context has shifted.
The healing draught poofed out of existence.
The cellphone began ringing again.
Navi and Link stared at each other again. It was as if she was in a contest where she won a prize for not showing emotion or interest, and she was determined to win.
UNKNOWN CALLER. Link's curiosity won out, and he picked up. Again, before he could speak, that strangely accented voice spoke: "Hello, This is Pepé Le Pew. I have a white paint stripe cat. I'd like to ask you a question. How long have you had this cat? And please, monsieur, if you could make sure your answer is … interesting."
Link pulled the phone away from his head. His thumb hovered over the red button as his jaw quivered, still staring at Navi. She finally began showing emotion, echoing his own confused distress.
Link pushed the red button, hanging up. As if hit by a gunshot, Navi gasped, her breath hitched, and a tear fell from her tiny face.
I … Link started, then sobbed. I have to find the princess!