IT IS STILL HAPPENING
I have to go back to go forward, Link finally admitted to himself.
He'd gone as far east as he could, and followed all the branching paths going in other directions on the way, finding multifarious areas to explore, finding different power-up potions and even a bow and arrow, but he finally had to admit to himself that the only remaining possible avenue was to go through that door in the side of the mountain.
With a resigned sigh, he began his slow trek west. He had no way of knowing the passage of time, except that the moon seemed to be growing slowly larger in the corner of his eye - though he had to admit that that might just be the product of his own overactive imagination.
The phone began to ring. Link growled.
"Why do you never answer that?" asked Navi. She was picking listlessly at a lily.
"Because it's just some jerk being a jerk," Link responded out loud, because he always spoke out loud.
"But what if …" Navi trailed off, shrugging, returning to her flower.
"Fine," Link responded. I suppose it's possible it could be someone with a hint.
He grabbed the phone and hit the green button. "Yes?"
As he expected, the heavily accented voice was back: "Hello, This is Pepé Le Pew. I have a white paint stripe cat. I'd like to ask you a question. How long have you had this cat?"
"I know what you want!" Link shouted. "You can forget it!" His entire body shook; the world quivered like bowl of water during an earthquake.
He hung up angrily, then glared at Navi, who merely shrugged again without looking at him.
Eventually they reached the area where Link had started.
He tried shooting an arrow at the door - nothing - then at the plaque - it took a while, but still nothing. He tried pushing the plaque and the door both at once. Nothing.
He read the sign again: THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM. Was it an anagram? It didn't scan backwards …
Link let out a shout of frustration and turned to the shrubbery. He drew his sword with his left handed because he was left handed and had always been left handed. He chopped at a piece of shrubbery. It poofed out of existence, and a heart potion appeared on the ground.
What - how can this be? I've looked at this shrub dozens of times, and I never once saw anything that resembled a healing vial hidden in there. Link bent down and retrieved the potion. He'd had a run in with something that vaguely resembled a hippopotamus a while ago that he'd never recovered from. He quaffed the gritty liquid quickly and felt better.
He glared at Navi, who hovered near the door.
"Did you know about this?" She gave him a blank stare in reply, flower long since discarded.
Link grunted. He never won these staring contests. He rolled his shoulders and set about destroying every piece of shrubbery on the ground.
He'd only made three more disappear when he found what he was looking for: a giant key appeared.
He grabbed it and closed his eyes, just feeling its heft and weight in his hand. He shook and nearly cried at the abject simplicity and absurdity of this key being … hidden? Ensorcelled? That must be it. Sorcery. He was no wizard. …. Am I?
Link approached the door and shook the key angrily at Navi. "Did you know about this? Huh?" he spat.
She stared impassively at him, giving one passionless blink.
Link grunted again, then, for the thousandth time, reexamined the door. No keyhole that he could see. Grimacing, he lifted the key to the door and simply placed it on it.
At first, nothing, and Link nearly screamed, but soon the key was … engulfed into the door, and there was a loud, grating sound of movement.
Navi clapped and shouted, "You did it! Great job, Link! Now what's behind this door?"
Link stared at her, eyes narrowed suspiciously. But she kept up her wide-eyed wonderment act, and he didn't want the door to close again on its own, so he shook his head and pushed at the door.
Distantly, he heard the moon murmur, See you on the other side … maybe. Heh heh.
With enough pressure, the door slowly slid open, and he found himself inside a vast mountain. Lava flowed everywhere, though there were floating areas of safety. He could walk out onto an 8x8 floating spot, and he did so. He saw a platform to his right, but what immediately caught his eye was a platform ahead of him. At the far end of it was a door marked EXIT. On the platform sat a lever with a large red, round end on it - one he felt confident he could shoot with his arrow. Conveniently placed beside the lever was a raised bridge.
Link pulled out his bow and fired an arrow, easily hitting the large red circle. But … the bridge did not come down. From his right Link felt more than heard a grinding sound. He looked, and the platform to his right had a walkway extending from its base to his own. It locked home with a final metal squeal.
Link sighed. Of course it wouldn't be easy. He began his slow journey across the narrow surface toward the second platform. His phone began to ring, and a sudden wave of deja vu hit him with a wave of nausea.
Have I been here before? At this exact moment doing this exact thing? Is this deja vu or merely a forgotten memory? Or could I be performing the action for the first time? Perhaps I'm truly young and merely imagining that this is my fate? In a moment will I blink and either awaken to my past or my future! More terrifyingly, what if I am at this moment only the dream of a complete stranger? There's only a one-in-four chance that this truly my present state!
Is that always the case?
The moment passed, and Link shakily went the last few feet to make it to the second platform. He saw another red lever to hit in the distance. He sighed, plucking a bow from its quiver.
Eventually he made it to the final platform, where he pushed a button that couldn't be seen from the first platform, which caused the bridge to slowly lower. So if he ever wanted to come back this way, he could merely take this shortcut instead.
At least along the way he'd found a couple of power ups for his arrows. He'd had to fight a weird ball of fire (or something circular covered in fire) that kept hopping up from the lava, though, and that had been tense. It had really just been a matter of timing in the end, though.
As Link approached the exit door, Navi clapped and shouted, "You did it! Great job, Link! Now what's behind this door?"
Link stared at her and blink thrice, slowly. "You could have flown across and hit that last button at any time, you know," he accused in a low, gravely voice.
Navi blinked twice, then clapped again, giving off an exuberant chuckle.
Link pushed open the exit door - thankfully a simple swing door with no tricks to it - and entered a large cavern bifurcated by an enormous pit. A thin bridge transversed the emptiness. The cavern glowed reddish from the lava at the bottom. At the other side of the cavern were two large, ornate doors sat close together, in front of which sat two enormous statues of what appeared to be stone. They were also carved in exquisite detail, with lion heads and lavish armor beneath, spears at their side cleverly worked into a near-perfect column of stone.
Navi flew beside Link as he traversed the bridge, flaunting the fact that she could hover far over the lava.
"The moon says you lie." Link glanced at her sideways, gauging if she reacted.
"The moon says a lot of things!"
"Do you lie?" Link asked.
"I lie when it's time to sleep!" she shouted and spun around, laughing. Fairy dust fell to the bubbling red liquid far below.
Forget it. Link sighed. How the hell would I tell if one of them was lying and the other wasn't? Navi might be a little peculiar, but so is the moon. I haven't caught either one of them openly lying. And what the hell do I know about determining whether someone is a liar or not? Just leave it be.
Link reached the other side and approached the large stone lions. He checked around every side, looking for a way through. They were both perfectly blocking a door each, and their carvings were so perfectly done that it was nearly impossible to climb them.
"How the hell do I get past?"
Suddenly the two lions - which he'd begun to think of as Obstacle 1 and Obstacle 2 - came alive! At least their heads and upper torso. Each held a spear so that their two spearheads crossed - the doors were that close - and their large feline eyes blinked. Obstacle 2 let out a yawn.
"Get past us, he asks?" said Obstacle 1.
"The sheer impertinence!" squawked Obstacle 2.
"Yes, past you," Link responded. "I'm on an important mission."
Obstacle 1 snorted. "You're too young for important missions."
Obstacle 2 looked down its nose, upon which sat small reading spectacles. "It's the impertinence that strikes me! The utter impertinence!"
"Look, there must be some way I can be allowed passage," Link pleaded.
"Ah!" cried Obstacle 1. "He wants to try to defeat us!"
"Defeat us!" chuckled Obstacle 2. "But his weapon is so tiny!"
Link's hand moved to his sword grip. His left hand.
"Ha ha!" Obstacle 2 was amused. "I did not mean your physical weapon, youngling. I swear, the impertinence of youth!"
Obstacle 1 glared at Obstacle 2. Calmly he spoke to Link: "He's referring to your mind, I'm afraid. For we do not fight physically! We fight with the power of the mind!"
"All right, fine," Link said tiredly. "Give me whatever riddle you might have so that I might get this over with."
Both Obstacles stood a little straighter and cleared their throats.
"One of us speaks only truth!" intoned Obsctacle 1.
"One of us speaks only lies!" Obstacle 2 was all spectacle now.
"And one of these doors leads to freedom, while the other–"
" – leads to certain death!"
"We shall allow you one question–"
"One question!"
Obstacle 1 stared at Obstacle 2 after his outburst. "Sorry," murmured Obstacle 2.
Obstacle 1 moved its gaze from Obstacle 2 to Link. "You may ask either of us one question! Then you must decide which of us is the truth teller …"
Obstacle 2 finished with a flourish: "... and which the liar!"
Link's cellphone began ringing. Flustered, he handed it to Navi. "You take it."
Navi grabbed the phone and flew into a dark corner of the cavern.
Link looked back up at the two creatures, now stuck with the task of figuring out which one was the truth teller and which the liar. He gave a belabored sigh. "This is so utterly stupid," he muttered.
"That was not a question," chided Obstacle 1.
"True, it wasn't," agreed Obstacle 2.
"But, look, right there!" Link yelled. "You both just agreed with each other! And you both told the rules without contradicting each other! If one is truly a liar and the other a truth teller, you should be constantly contradicting each other!"
"Yes, but that was the rules," said Obstacle 1 as if to an obstinate child.
"You can't lie about the rules," added Obstacle 2.
"Rules!" Link threw up his hands. "You act as if this is some sort of game! I am trying to save the princess's life! I don't have time for this."
They both stared back at him, obviously waiting for an answer.
Navi flew back to him, handing him the phone. Handing it over, she said, "He says to ask one of them if you asked the other one which door led to freedom, which would they tell you?"
Link grabbed the phone and angrily threw it in the lava. "Bullshit!" he screamed. "Bullshit that's what they told you!"
Navi began laughing and clapping, twirling around. Link spun to face the two Obstacles.
"Move!" he yelled at them. "Move out of the way of the doors!"
The two statues glanced at each other, shrugged, and moved apart from the doors, leaving them open to manipulation.
"You want a question?" Link growled. He couldn't stop shaking with rage. A person's life is at stake! He nearly spat out his next words: "Here's your question! Tell me, is there an objective reality?"
Immediately Obstacle 1 broke down crying, as Obstacle 2 threw its head back, laughing uproariously.
"Is there an objective reality?" Link screamed again, and the Obstacles' reactions intensified. Link moved between the doors, raising his hand, and cast open because he was a wizard. He had always been a wizard.
From the darkness behind the door on the right flew hundreds of sharp arrows; the door to the left opened onto a sunny vista. The Obstacles poofed out of existence. Navi continued to laugh and clap, madly twirling.
Link was still shaking, unable to shake off the adrenalin surge. Everything was blurry from the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.
He shakily walked out to see the vista. He was on a rocky promontory. To his left he could see a downward slope with scree scattered on it.
He couldn't stop shaking. Above him the sun glowed, though it wasn't unpleasantly warm.
The moon whispered, Glad to see you again.
Navi flew up beside him. There were tears in her eyes as she said without emotion, "Good job, Link. Now where to?"
Link's phone rang, because he had a phone. He'd always had a phone.
My context … my context has shifted, he thought.
No beginning. No past. No memories, no ambitions.
He didn't remember lifting the phone to his ear or hitting the button, but the hiss was in his ear. He could hear the intake of breath on the other end, but before it could say anything, he broke in, in his best imitation of that strange accent: "Hello, This is Pepé Le Pew. I have a white paint stripe cat. I'd like to ask you a question. How long have you had this cat?"
A tear slid down Link's cheek as he heard the moon softly chuckled. Beside him, Navi sobbed, head in hands.
On the other end of the phone, Link could swear he heard a soft laugh before a young voice, a voice he knew he'd heard before, came back at him: "Mister? Mister, can you help me? I have to save the princess!"
After that, all Link could hear were the screams in his own head, drowning out everything else.
IT IS NEVER THE END