PART 2

New Horizons

"You have saved my life: I have a pleasure in owing you so immense a debt. I cannot say more. Nothing else that has being would have been tolerable to me in the character of creditor for such an obligation: but you: it is different;━ I feel your benefits, no burden, Jane."

-Mr. Rochester to Jane Eyre

Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

"Just a little over four years ago I vowed that I would love and cherish Isabella Marie Cullen for as long as we both shall live and I intend to keep my vow." I took a pause and then I continued, "it is an extraordinary thing to meet someone you can bare your soul to and who will accept you for what you are. Bella helped me get beyond what I was. No measure of time would have ever been enough with her, yet I did not expect that I would get so little time."

A lot of people came to pay their respects: some of our Dartmouth friends, the professor that had had Bella as their teaching assistant, Jessica Stanley, Angela and Ben Cheney, Tyler Crowley, Mike Newton and his boyfriend, Sue, Seth, Leah, Sam Uley and Emily Young-Uley, Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel, Quill and Embry and many other familiar faces.

I could hear the thoughts of everyone in the audience, but surprisingly, the loudest ones came from Charlie: his grief was immense. Jasper's ability could not touch it. I was glad that Bella was not witnessing it. He kept replaying in his mind the last few months. He was so proud to see Bella graduate. And just how happy she was.

Their fishing trip to Alaska had been something he'd never imagined he'd get to do with her. They drove around national parks, they went fishing and spent a couple of nights in the company of our cousins. She'd talked so openly with him about her desire to continue her education, "though I'm not sure if I would like to do research or to teach."

"Whatever you'll do, Bells, I'm sure you'll be great at it."

If he hadn't known any better, he'd think that she was saying goodbye.

It was the greatest injustice of the world that his daughter had been taken away. He would have gladly traded his life for hers.

Jacob and his father were by Charlie's side. Neither of them had any idea that Bella was alive; neither could. It had been something that Bella had suggested. Jacob was doing well. He was close to finishing his apprenticeship as a mechanic after getting a degree in mechanical engineering and was trying to raise enough money to open his own shop. He'd stopped transforming and had started aging again. He'd told her that his face had started to match his body more.

It took a long time for their friendship to mend and most of their communication had been written with the occasional phone call.

She felt that she would be a burden for him to know that she was alive.

Of course, there was the issue of the treaty. While we were relatively certain that even if we'd let Sam Uley know about Bella's transformation he would not take action against us, we decided against taking the risk. We were going to leave Forks soon enough and let them be for another century,

I'd expected Jacob to be skeptical of Bella's death, but it seemed that the look on my face convinced him that it must be true. "Beyond agony," he thought.

Jacob had grown up. His thoughts had more maturity in them, though they were at that moment drowned in misery. He'd hoped to be able to reconnect with Bella, now that he was no longer in love with her. He kept trying to console himself that at the very least she hadn't become one of us, though the thought provided little comfort. He'd never admit it but he almost would've liked it if Bella had been turned.

His observations about me were not wrong, though Bella was very much alive. The baby was killing her. Not only was the child not human, the pregnancy did not progress like a normal one. It was faster. By Carlisle's estimations she was to give birth in less than a month, though the baby would have gestated for a little under six months.

Bella had been overjoyed to find out that we were going to have a child.

As was I, though I was terrified. I knew I was being too greedy and every tale I knew warned me that I would end up with nothing.

The dread did not come unaccompanied; guilt was right by its side as I perfectly remembered when Bella told me she hadn't imagined herself as a mother before she'd fallen in love with me. And she was killing herself because I'd told her what a joy it would be to have a child and see them grow up.

I was in awe of her determination and angry at the same time, because, though I knew better than to admit this to her, I was afraid that if things would not go according to Bella's plan and her life would be traded for the child's, I would not be able to love the baby.

I hated myself for it. The child had no fault. I desperately wanted to hold him (Bella thought it was a him) in my arms and I was terrified of his arrival. We'd made plans over plans. It became clearer that the chances of Bella enjoying early motherhood as a human were slim.

"how is it going," Bella texted me.

"Like a funeral."

"very funny"

"that's me, your husband, the comedian"

"I'm sorry you have to do this. i love you!"

"love you more"

My speech was followed by Alice's. Bella's parents had gone first, though Charlie did not manage more than a sentence. Renee fared much better; she knew she wasn't alone in the world, Phill was by her side. Charlie had no one as close. His thoughts were dark and images of shotguns, ropes and bathtubs danced around in his mind.

I was the one who'd told him about the accident. He hadn't believed me at first, but slowly, the realization set in, followed by the despair. It was just as the one I'd felt after I thought Bella had died.

Charlie hadn't cried. He'd simply shut down and became a man made out of grief. Unyielding grief, unsurvivable grief.

When the funeral ended I was the one who took Charlie home. It was a quiet car ride, filled with thoughts of Bella and ways of joining her.

"Don't Charlie," I said, unable to contain myself.

"What?"

"I've had the same thoughts. I almost acted on them a few years back. When I'd heard Bella had jumped off a cliff. At first I thought she'd died and… well, despite what I'd done to her I had no intention of continuing on living. Bella was the one who stopped me. My family knows this and I know that Bella never told you this. But she saved my life in countless ways, Charlie."

"I have no one."

"You have Billy and the whole of Forks."

"They'd get over it."

"I wouldn't. My parents wouldn't. You're part of our family, Charlie. You've always been."

My words managed to penetrate Charlie's grief, but he had no idea how to react to them. For him, it was a display of affection he was not used to.

"Thanks, kid. Nice of you to say."

I accepted Charlie's invite for a drink, though I took only a glass of water, citing my many allergies as a reason. He spent the evening talking about Bella as a child, about the time when she was nine years old he tried to teach her how to ride a bike. Bella ended up losing a tooth. "It was her first permanent one."

He spoke about how happy he'd been when she moved in. He'd given up hope on having a closer relationship. "I'm not that much fun." A lot of pain was hidden behind his remak. He thought that maybe if he'd been, Renee wouldn't have left him. Maybe she could have stayed longer and when his parents had died they all would have moved out of Forks to somewhere happier.

Before I'd left I texted Jasper to come and keep an eye out for Charlie, so I knew that in case something Charlie would try and put his plans into motion he would be there to stop him.

On my way home I did something I never thought I would do. I called Jacob. He offered his condolences and abstained from saying anything that might incite anger out of me. I felt uneasy telling him and Billy about what Charlie's plans might be, as if I was betraying his confidence.

They both agreed to check in on him.

At home I found Bella asleep. Her hair was the longest it had ever been, dark tendrils like vines were sprawled around her. She was wearing one of my T-shirts. I had asked her once why she did it. They were large on her. "They smell like you," she casually replied. Her lips were as full as they ever were, but they were chapped, something that rarely happened before. All of her was worse for wear. Her cheeks had a malnourished hollowness to them, her skin had lost all its color and she looked frail.

I'd made a vow to protect her and yet the only thing I could do was watch her waste away on a gamble. She was much braver than I. I was not a betting man.

I climbed into bed next to her. It didn't take her long to find me. She put her head on my chest, her arm over my abdomen and wrapped her right leg around mine. She sighed and murmured, "pretty." Since she'd gotten pregnant she rarely spoke in her sleep or moved.

Sometime, right before dawn broke, I felt the baby kick. It was such a strange feeling to know that it was my child. One that I could see grow up, one that hopefully would not be afraid of what I was because it was something we shared.

I had a fear that I did not dare share with anyone in the family. What if the child, despite being human in nature, would resemble the immortal children more than anything? How may they be stopped? I knew I would not be able to ki… take it out of its misery.

My mind wandered to Irina's mother, Sacha and her child. I'd seen in Irina's mind her mother's devotion to the young boy, despite its powers of destruction. Immortal children were, in a way, the perfect killing machines. Indiscriminate and effective.

I was going to do all that was in my power to make sure our child would not have the same end. Unlike the immortal children it would grow up and it could be taught good and wrong.

Bella kissed my neck, showing me she was awake. "How did you sleep?"

"Soundly. Dreamed of you."

"What was I doing?

"Well…", she said before climbing on top of me and kissing me deeply. "And more…but, you know," she motioned towards the door.

That was one of the disadvantages of living in a house filled with people with excellent hearing. "Later, if you're feeling up to it, we'll go to the cottage." She nodded, excited.

Bella had become much more physical in the past few months, which under normal situations I would not have minded, but she also became much more frail. While the act itself was off limits, I had found other ways to keep my wife satisfied.

Bella's mornings started with a blood test which always showed her health worsening, Both her white and red blood cell count were lower, as well as her iron. None of the supplements or drugs she took helped her improve.

The tests were followed by a physical exam where Carlisle made note of all the changes to the growth of the baby and Bella's condition. They were followed by breakfast, though Bella could hardly keep it down. Then came the snack in the form of an IV bag, then a midday nap, followed by a lunch that had the same fate as breakfast. After which came another blood test and another IV bag and another nap. A whole series of another just to pass the time, because none of them did her any good.

I couldn't even count on Alice's visions. Just like she could not see the werewolves, she could not see Bella or the baby. We were navigating this whole pregnancy blind.

"Like most humans do," Bella had replied at the start of her pregnancy.

We had fought a lot during those early days, to my great shame. I simply could not see how the child might have been something good for Bella or how the child might have been good at all. My first instinct had been to get her to Carlisle to have an abortion. The risk of losing Bella was too high.

Bella did not want that, "it's our child, Edward. I want him! And you want him!"

"Not at the cost of losing you."

"But you won't. Plenty of women give birth and are fine!"

"And plenty are not, Bella!"

"In case anything goes wrong, I have you. And Carlisle. I can do this because of you."

At first I'd hoped that Bella was wrong and the positive tests were a sign of something else. It didn't matter what, since the venom would take care of it, but Carlisle confirmed that my wife was indeed pregnant.

He couldn't tell us much more than that. The baby's amniotic sack could barely be penetrated by the ultrasound machine. He theorized that it was made of something that was akin to vampire skin. It could not be penetrated by a needle for an amniocentesis.

The one who took the news the hardest out of the rest of the family members was Rosalie. She almost felt betrayed. Carlisle and Esme had us, Alice and Jasper had never longed for kids, and when it came to Bella and I, yes, she was human, but I was a vampire.

Despite the nasty thoughts she harbored and the burning envy she felt for Bella, she had helped her to the best of her abilities. She never showed the dark feelings that had taken root in her heart. She was by my wife's side, helping her and giving me the side eye whenever I said something idiotic.

The rest of the family, after they had gotten over their shock, were excited for the baby. Alice had already bought an extensive collection of clothes, assuring that the child could go for about four years until we needed to worry. Esme started working in the cottage, turning what was the office into a baby room.

My mother taught me how to cater to Bella's needs, told me what her aches and pains might be and what I could do to ease them. She was the only one who'd gone through pregnancy. And the loss of a child, though I did not wish to even entertain that possibility. I greatly valued her advice and her support. She'd been the one to ease my guilt.

"You have no reason to expect the worst, Edward. She is young and healthy. This child is an expression of the love you both have for eachother. I know it's in your nature to worry, and yes, while things may go wrong, they may, just as much, go right. Look at you! Things have gone wrong, and yet here you stand, married to Bella and with a child on the way. Enjoy it. Enjoy this time. It is special."

"Thanks, mom."

"I'm here all week," she replied, winking and snapping her fingers in my direction before giving me a kiss on the cheek and returning to her woodwork.

Emmet was thoroughly excited to have a baby to play with. He hoped the baby would be, personality wise, more like Bella, since I was, according to him, "high strung, morouse and a bit of a party pooper." Not that he would ever say it to my face.

He also hoped that the baby would inherit Bella's ability. A child would be much more receptive regarding pulling a prank on their father than a doting wife on her husband.

The only thing that Jasper cared about was to have the ability to control himself around the baby. For that very same reason he'd changed his hunting habits. Not only were they more frequent, but Jasper was working on not letting himself get into that frenzy state of hunting. He would come with us when we were hunting but not hunt himself. I was touched by his actions, but refrained from bringing any notice to them.

And lastly, Carlisle could not put into words exactly what he was feeling, but it was a bright and clear sentiment that was persistent throughout all his thoughts. As a human he'd never had much of a family; his mother had died young and his father had been solely preoccupied with the moral decay of his parishioners and getting the world rid of its evils. Carlisle was a tool of cleansing, one that had to do its duty before taking its righteous place at the side of the Lord. The love he'd received from his father had been minimal and practical.

He'd been a dutiful son and had followed his fathers every word straight into the grave. Centuries of loneliness followed. He'd almost joined a family, but their casual cruelty and disdain for human life was too much to trade for his desire of kinship.

I was his first companion; his first son. Though I do have some memories of my human father, his face is not the one I see when I think of my father.

It was a strange thing for Carlisle to have a new addition to the family coming: one that had not because of a horrible thing befalling it, that had not endured any pain to come into being, but had truly been born out of love. A grandchild.

He was at the same time, sensitive to Rosalie's pain. He had genuinely thought that he was doing a good thing by turning her into a vampire. Though, at the time, we were not well acquainted with the Hale family, we had rubbed elbows with them at a couple of social gatherings. She was a lively young girl, vain, but well mannered and full of intelligence and wit. She'd always left Carlisle with a good impression. He thought that someone so vivacious could do me some good if I'd managed to find her. So, when he found her after her attack, it felt like it would be a great injustice to let someone like her go.

He soon realized that despite his good intentions he might have done her more bad than good, given that Rosalie, at the core of it all, had two very simple intertwined desires: to be loved and not admired and to have a child of her own. He'd done like those men and had taken away her say in the matter. Though he loved her (and Emmet) dearly, he always carried the guilt that the best thing he could have done for her was to help her pass.

Now he had to see Rosalie suffer while another member of his family (one who'd been perfectly happy to give up the opportunity of a child) got what she most desired and he had no idea what to do to soothe her pain.

"How was the funeral?" Bella inquired after having her breakfast.

"Kinda boring," replied Emmet.

"What? It was," he doubled down after the looks he received.

"It's not something people say, dear," Esme chastised him.

I didn't want Bella to think about her funeral too much. The closer we got to the day, the more inconsolable she became. She barely got through her last call with Charlie. She'd decided that he would be the last one he would speak with, "it's the best that I can give him."

The "accident" happened back in New Hampshire. A car crash that led to an electrical system failure that led to a spark that led to a fire that charred the body beyond recognition. A couple of faked medical records listing the death as instantaneous and thus a big part of Bella's human life was put to rest.

There was no point in postponing it. "I can't just give my parents a grandchild and then have it die with me. It's too cruel." She was right.

"Sorry, Bella! It was a very respectable ceremony. Many people came and said a lot of nice words. You'd've liked it."

"EMMET!"

Bella laughed louder than I'd heard her in months. Slowly her laugh infected us all. It was a much needed moment of brevity.

When Bella took her midday nap, I went to visit Charlie. Esme had cooked him a few warm meals that remained untouched until I saw them thrown in the trash. Over the course of the week, Charlie's face became gaunt and I was wracked with guilt.

I started making excuses: Charlie was a quiet man; he was reasonable; he would do anything to protect Bella; she needed one of her parents to help her become one; no one deserved this amount of pain. Though if we'd let him know about what we were we would have to keep away from the volturi for at least thirty to forty years before Charlie would pass, or make him a member of our family.

When I returned home after my latest visit, I found that the baby had broken another of Bella's ribs. It was the third one. At first the baby only cracked them. He was getting bigger and she was getting weaker.

"I can do this," she said after she saw the look on my face. "I had a thought," she added, "What if the reason I'm not doing good is because the baby's not doing good?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we are catering to all my human needs, right?"

"Yes."

"But the baby is not entirely human. Isn't it wrong of us to think that he might have the exact same needs as I? You don't. We know he's growing faster than a human baby, so he needs more resources, but he can't take them all from the food I eat because it needs more than food."

"What are you saying?"

"What if it needs blood? And that is the reason why all my tests are getting worse. Because my body is not producing blood fast enough to sustain the baby."

We ran her theory past my father and he agreed that it would be prudent to test it. "Some people can develop anemia while pregnant," he added while he prepared to give her a blood transfusion.

"What if she just drank it?" Rosalie asked, "Wouldn't it be better?"

Carlisle agreed, but he assured Bella that the way he was doing it would help the baby tremendously.

"I'll do it."

"It's not going to be pleasant," I warned.

"Gosh, that'll be such a change."

Rosalie tried to hide her laugh. Emmet and Jasper did not.

Ever since I'd fallen in love with a human, Carlisle had on hand a generous supply of Bella's blood type. As I watched Jasper (he'd offered) pour it into a cup I wondered if it would be better served chilled or at body temperature. I knew the way I liked it.

"Thank you, Jazz."

He nodded in reply. He was not breathing.

I handed Bella the cup and assured her that it would work just as well as a transfusion, but she refused again, "Cheers to my first vampire act," she said before taking a sip. And then another, and another, until the cup was empty.

"It tasted good."

We waited an hour before giving her another cup. During which both her color and her pulse improved. She even started playing a game of Monopoly with Emmet, Esme, Rosalie and Jasper. Alice and I were forbidden to participate, you're cheaters," was Emmet's reasoning. Carlisle took the time to catch up on some charts.

Two more cups of blood later and Bella's blood tests had improved; not only that but she was able to hold down her dinner and breakfast. By the following day she was able to move around and she spent the day in the backyard, reading in the sun about parenting.

By the end of the week we'd used up all of our supply of blood and Bella had gained back some of the weight she'd lost. She only needed one nap during the day and could move around as best as a woman that was three weeks away from her due date could.

It'd been a long time since I'd seen her so full of life and I started to believe that things may turn out well,

"Why are you staring at me?"

Bella, was laying in the sun, with her belly out, enjoying a rare warm late summer day.

"I was thinking about how much I love you."

"Gross!" Emmett yelled from inside the house before Bella could reply.

"You're one to talk," Bella yelled.

"You wanna fight?" Emmett joined me on the back porch.

"Show me what you've got!"

'I married a child,' I heard Rosalie think.

"You're ruining my romantic moment, Emmet!" I pouted.

"This is what you call romantic? This is romantic!"

Before Bella had time to blink he ran back in the house, picked Rose up and brought her out in the sun and spun her around before dipping her on one leg and passionately kissing her.

"Good thing I'm wearing glasses. You just wait until I'm a vampire Emmett, I'll show you what romance means," Bella threatened winking at me. A shiver of pleasure ran down my spine.

"You'll be too busy for a while, there'll be no time for romance…"

"Emmett," I threatened, just as the sun went into a cloud.

"When you're changing diapers all hours of the day and night!"

"Rosalie, you'll help with the baby?"

"Of course!"

"Babe!"

"Seems like there will be a lot of diapers in your future as well."

"Speaking of which, what are you going to call the little hellraiser? I was thinking of Hunter if its a boy and Emmy if it's a girl, after her favorite uncle."

"Maybe if this was a third child," she joked.

"You wound me, Bella."

"Though I am curious," intervened Rosalie, "have you given it any thought?"

"Yes. Edward Charles if it's a boy and if it's a girl… I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking... Ruh-nez-may."

"Ruhnezmay?"

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"

"No, I like it," Rosalie assured her "It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits."

"And for a middle name I was thinking Carlie. With a C. Like Carlisle and Charlie put together.

I heard Carlise stop his charting at the mention of the middle name. He, again, could not put into words what he was feeling. He wanted to come and thank Bella from the bottom of his heart, but felt that such a public display would embarrass her. He did make sure to thank her while they were in private for thinking of him, as did Esmee who had been absent at the time of the discussion, adding the finishing details to the nursery.

"I still think he's an Edward."

In the quiet that followed Bella's remark I heard someone's thoughts, or rather the feeling of their thoughts. It was something that I'd heard before on occasion, but as I made an effort to block out my family's thoughts I thought it was an echo from them. At that moment I could tell it was different.

Could I be starting to hear Bella?

I startled her by suddenly appearing at her side, kneeling by her sun lounger.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

She stared at me blankly. "Nothing. What's going on?"

"What were you thinking about a few seconds ago?"

"Just... Esme's island. And feathers," she replied, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

I focused my efforts on her mind but I found the same silence I usually did. Though someone close to her was delighted at the sound of her voice.

"Say something else," I whispered.

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

I gently put my hands on the round of her stomach. Her skin still held the warmth of the sun.

I looked into her eyes and whispered "the baby likes the sound of your voice."

There was a short moment of total silence before my wife shouted in excitement, "you can hear him!"bIn the next second, she winced. I moved my hand and massaged the spot where the baby had kicked her.

"Shh," I whispered. "You startled it... him."

Her eyes widened and became filled with wonder. She caressed the side of her stomach, "Sorry, baby."

I kept on listening. Now that I finally focused on his thoughts I couldn't stop listening. I'd never heard thoughts like his and I wondered if babies all think the same, or if there was something special in our child. I'd rather hoped it was the second.

"What's he thinking now?" she demanded eagerly.

"He's happy."

Her breath caught, and it was impossible not to see the adoration and the devotion in her eyes. Large tears overflowed her eyes and ran silently down her face and over her smiling lips.

"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are," she whispered to her belly.

I heard Rosalie and Emmett retreat, giving us a modicum of privacy.

"I love you so much," Bella was oblivious to anything but the child.

That night, Bella asked me to describe what the child was thinking until she fell asleep. When she finally did, much later than it had become the norm for her, I dared to let myself hope that things might turn out well.