It was only a little while later that Edward reminded me of my priorities with one word.
"Renesmee..."
I sighed. She would be awake soon. It must be nearly seven in the morning. Would she be looking for me? Would she even remember me?
Edward felt the total distraction of my stress. "It's all right, love. Get dressed, and we'll be back to the house in two seconds."
I probably looked like a cartoon, the way I sprung up, then looked back at him – his diamond body faintly glinting in the diffuse light – then away to the west, where Renesmee waited, then back at him again, then back toward her, my head whipping from side to side a half dozen times in a second. Edward smiled, but didn't laugh; he was a strong man.
"It's all about balance, love. You're so good at all of this, I don't imagine it will take too long to put everything in perspective."
"And we have all night, right?"
Debauched images of us trying everything I had wanted to do in the past five years filled my mind and I wanted to fan myself. Edward had always been the most generous of lovers, but "adventurous" was just a word in the dictionary for him. My safety was his biggest concern, but now it didn't matter which one of us was meant to hold the weight of the other, imagination was now our only limit (and the law of physics, but I was confident those would be breakable in our skilled hands).
He smiled wider. "Do you think I could bear to let you get dressed now if that weren't the case?"
That would have to be enough to get me through the daylight hours. I would balance this overwhelming, devastating desire so that I could be a good – It was hard to think of the word. Though Renesmee was very real and vital in my life, it was still difficult to think of myself as a mother. I had had a few months to get used to the idea; about a third less than other women and yet, it all seemed so far away: the pregnancy, the birth. She somehow seemed to fit in all their lives while being a stranger in mine.
I hated the feeling. I knew it happened and it was normal for some unsease to exist, though I didn't expect I would be feeling it. Not when I'd wanted her so much. I loved her with all my heart, but that did nothing to ease the feeling of alienation I felt.
I hoped it wouldn't take long for it to go away.
Edward led me into our house and towards that obscenely large closet. It only took him seconds to find his own clothes – if I hadn't seen him undressed, I would have sworn there was nothing more beautiful than Edward in his white shirts and fitted blue jeans – and then he took my hand. We darted through the hidden garden, leaped lightly over the stone wall, and hit the forest at a dead sprint. I pulled my hand free so that we could race back. He beat me this time.
Renesmee was awake; Rosalie and Emmett were playing with her, while Alice was dutifully taking pictures, while Jasper was holding a large off white square looking amused. Edward informed me later that it was used so that the images would have a better light balance in them. Carlisle was in his office, I could hear his pen scrape against the thick paper of his notebook. Esme was in the kitchen making a meal.
I could smell freshly baked bread, a very sharp cheese, butter, tomatoes, cucumbers, olive oil, pickled hot peppers, fresh coffee and lastly some form of cured meat. The last one was the only one I could think would feel appetizing, it was almost there, but not quite.
"How long has she been up?" I asked as Edward disappeared through the kitchen doorway. If a normal feeding time for a newborn was followed, it was time for another meal. I wondered if he would ever have noticed her little quirk, if he'd been the only one to know her. To him, it probably would have seemed like hearing anyone.
"Just a few minutes," Rose said as I picked my daughter up and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "We would have called you soon. Just after Alice finished her photoshoot."
Rose smiled at Renesmee with so much gloating affection before adding, "We didn't want to... er, bother you."
Rosalie bit her lip and looked away, trying not to laugh. I could feel Emmett's silent laughter behind me, sending vibrations through the foundations of the house.
I kept my chin high.
"What did you think of the baby's room?" Esme asked, coming into the room.
"Oh, it is lovely," I lied. In our deep preoccupation we'd forgotten completely about her other gift. "As is the garden. Thank you very much," I deflected from the subject as quickly as I could.
Before Esme could respond, Emmett was laughing again – it wasn't silent this time.
"So the house is still standing?" he managed to get out between his snickers. "I would've thought you two had knocked it to rubble by now. What were you doing last night? Discussing the national debt?" He howled with laughter.
"Precisely," I replied stone faced. "Someone has to worry about it."
He stuck out his tongue at me.
I shrugged.
"You have to try harder than this to irritate Bella, Emmet," Edward informed him as he came back into the room with Renesmee's cup.
Without breathing, I handed Renesmee off to my husband. Super-self-control, maybe, but there was no way I was going to be able to feed her. Not yet.
"I guess you are right. She has lived alone with you for so many years, her threshold must be very high."
"Emmett, dear, that wasn't a nice thing to say, Esmee chastised him.
"Sorry, mom."
"Don't apologize to me; apologize to your brother."
Emmett scowled and mumbled, "Sorry, Edward."
"Next time try and feel it."
"Edward, dear…"
"Sorry, Esme."
"So what are your thoughts on the national debt? Apparently there's nothing interesting for you to do at night, so you might enlighten me."
Rosalie giggled.
Do not lose your temper, do not lose your temper, I chanted to myself.
"There isn't enough light in the world for me to be able to do that."
"Bella," Esmee sighed.
"I'm sorry, Esmee. And Emmett."
"Not brilliant, Emmett," Edward said scornfully, coming into the room while he was burping Renesmee. He winked. I had no idea what he was referring to.
"What do you mean?" Emmett demanded.
"It's a little dense, don't you think, to antagonize the strongest vampire in the house?"
Emmett threw his head back and snorted. "Please!"
"Bella," Edward murmured to me while Emmett listened closely, "do you remember a few months ago, I asked you to do me a favor once you were immortal?"
That rang a dim bell. I sifted through the blurry human conversations. After a moment, I remembered and I gasped, "Oh!"
Alice trilled a long, pealing laugh. Jasper had the same mischievous glint in his eyes as Edward.
"What?" Emmett growled.
"Really?" I asked Edward.
"Trust me," he said. I took a deep breath.
"Emmett, how do you feel about a little bet?"
He was on his feet at once. "Awesome. Bring it."
I bit my lip for a second. He was just so huge.
"Unless you're too afraid... ?" Emmett suggested with his annoying smile. I squared my shoulders and put on my game face.
"You. Me. Arm-wrestling. Dining room table. Now." Emmett's grin stretched across his face.
"Er, Bella," Alice said quickly, "I think Esme is fairly fond of that table. It's an antique."
"Thanks," Esme mouthed at her.
"No problem," Emmett said with a gleaming smile. "Right this way, Bella."
I followed him out the back, toward the garage; I could hear all the others trailing behind. There was a largish granite boulder standing up out of a tumble of rocks near the river, obviously Emmett's goal. Though the big rock was a little rounded and irregular, it would do the job.
Emmett placed his elbow on the rock and waved me forward, just as Carlisle came to watch the show..
I was nervous again as I watched the thick muscles in Emmett's arm roll, but I kept my face smooth. Edward had promised I would be stronger than anyone for a while. He seemed very confident about this, and Ifelt strong? I wondered, looking at Emmett's biceps. I wasn't even two days old, though, and that ought to count for something. Unless nothing was normal about me. Maybe I wasn't as strong as a normal newborn. Maybe that's why control was so easy for me.
I tried to look unconcerned as I set my elbow against the stone.
"Okay, Emmett. I win, and you cannot say one more word about my sex life to anyone, not even Rose. No allusions, no innuendos – no nothing."
His eyes narrowed. "Deal. I win, and it's going to get a lot worse."
He heard my breath stop and grinned evilly. There was no hint of bluff in his eyes.
"You gonna back down so easy, little sister?" Emmett taunted. "Not much wild about you, is there? I bet that cottage doesn't have a scratch." He laughed. "Did Edward tell you how many houses Rose and I smashed?"
I gritted my teeth and grabbed his big hand. "One, two – "
"Three," he grunted, and shoved against my hand.
Nothing happened.
Oh, I could feel the force he was exerting. My new mind seemed pretty good at all kinds of calculations, and so I could tell that if he wasn't meeting any resistance, his hand would have pounded right through the rock without difficulty. The pres- sure increased, and I wondered randomly if a cement truck doing forty miles an hour down a sharp decline would have similar power. Fifty miles an hour? Sixty? Probably more.
It wasn't enough to move me. His hand shoved against mine with crushing force, but it wasn't unpleasant. It felt kind of good in a weird way. I'd been so very careful since the last time I woke up, trying so hard not to break things. It was a strange relief to use my muscles. To let the strength flow rather than struggling to restrain it. Emmett grunted; his forehead creased and his whole body strained in one rigid line toward the obstacle of my unmoving hand. I let him sweat – figuratively – for a moment while I enjoyed the sensation of the crazy force running through my arm.
A few seconds, though, and I was a little bored with it. I flexed; Emmett lost an inch.
I laughed. Emmett snarled harshly through his teeth.
"Just keep your mouth shut," I reminded him, and then I smashed his hand into the boulder. A deafening crack echoed off the trees. The rock shuddered, and a piece – about an eighth of the mass – broke off at an invisible fault line and crashed to the ground. It fell on Emmett's foot, and I snickered. I could hear Edward's and Jasper's muffled laughter.
Emmett kicked the rock fragment across the river. It sliced a young maple in half before thudding into the base of a big fir, which swayed and then fell into another tree.
"Rematch. Tomorrow."
"It's not going to wear off that fast," I told him. "Maybe you ought to give it a month."
Emmett growled, flashing his teeth. "Tomorrow."
"Hey, whatever makes you happy, big brother."
As he turned to stalk away, Emmett punched the granite, shattering off an avalanche of shards and powder. It was kind of neat, in a childish way.
Fascinated by the undeniable proof that I was stronger than the strongest vampire I'd ever known, I placed my hand, fingers spread wide, against the rock. Then I dug my fingers slowly into the stone, crushing rather than digging; the consistency reminded me of hard cheese. I ended up with a handful of gravel.
"Cool," I mumbled.
With a grin stretching my face, I whirled in a sudden circle and karate-chopped the rock with the side of my hand. The stone shrieked and groaned and – with a big poof of dust – split in two.
I started giggling.
I didn't pay much attention to the chuckles behind me while I punched and kicked the rest of the boulder into fragments. I was having too much fun, snickering away the whole time. I felt invincible.
The sun suddenly burst through the clouds, shooting long beams of ruby and gold across the nine of us, and I was immediately lost in the beauty of my skin in the light of the sunset. Dazed by it.
All of us were like statues sculpted out of diamonds― with the exception of Renesmee, whose skin had just a faint luminosity, subtle and mysterious. Nothing that would keep her inside on a sunny day like my glowing sparkle.
It was her and Edward's beauty that left me nearly speechless. Again and again I was proven wrong in the assumption that I knew his face better than anything and, she― well, what more could I say? She was, as impossible as it was, even more beautiful.
"Wow," I whispered.
It was a strange feeling – not surprising, I supposed, since everything felt strange now – this being a natural at something. As a human, I'd never been the best at anything. I was okay at dealing with Renee, but probably lots of people could have done better; Phil seemed to be holding his own. I was a good student, but never the top of the class. Obviously, I could be counted out of anything athletic. Not artistic or musical, no particular talents to brag of. Nobody ever gave away a trophy for reading books. After twenty two years of mediocrity, I was pretty used to being average. I realized now that I'd long ago given up any aspirations of shining at anything. I just did the best with what I had, never quite fitting into my world.
It was like I had been born to be a vampire. The idea made me want to laugh, but it also made me want to sing. I had found my true place in the world, the place I fit, the place I shined.