Chapter Eleven: Alchera

The first twenty-four hours after crash landing on an uncharted and unfamiliar world – goes surprisingly fast.

Most of the time is spent finding one another, searching, and clawing to find any bit of hope that, even though stranded, you are not alone. Other people become lifelines and there is a hum that vibrates within and around every one of that fact. Solace is found in simple touches, gentle squeezes of shoulders or forearms, someone else bringing a ration portion to another person who was too weak to stand, bodies that had never hugged were now huddled so close that – if say they were on beach somewhere – it would be almost intimate. Its not.

Not really.

Its survival.

Somewhere out there the distress beacon that Adams and Tali made sure to get working and continue to work was pinging. Somewhere out there is had to be noticed and heard. The Alliance would come. They were the Normandy. The first elite frigate made by two species that were too much alike and so far apart. There were murmurs, hopeful and resolute that this was the facts. They wouldn't be long.

They were coming.

For Garrus, the first twenty-four hours had gone by in a blink of an eye. One minute he's helping Adam's into an enviro-suit the next minute he's sitting on the floor of another escape pod, back tight and body stiff in front of Alenko. He had fallen asleep sometime after they had told him. After the truth. Passed out is the truth of it. Adrenaline was a damning thing. It provided and gave, but it left quick almost with an evil smirk when the body fully has to deal with the situation at hand.

For the most part, Garrus felt fine. His body ached, his limbs felt stiff, his head was heavy – but he felt okay. Physically, he was probably more adept to withstand a crashlanding. By the end of the first day the people around him started showing their fragility. Liara's blue skin was marred, lavender and navy in places. Bright pink in others. She looked like a galaxy he had seen once with the way her freckles stood out against the dark exhaustion that had settled under her eyes. The Lieutenant seemed almost as unscathed as Garrus was. A few scratches and bruises along his arms and just under his chin were the only true signs of any ailments. His pain was internal. With the way he pressed his thumb against his brow and kept his eyes closed – it was indicative of implant damage. The surge of power he had had when they found them could not have done the L2 any good.

Joker was… dying.

That had been evident when he first saw the man slumped unnaturally in the far corner, perhaps laying him out the way he had had cemented the pilot's fate. He didn't know. His hands were broken in a hundred different ways. All the medi-gel they could afford to use wouldn't change that or take away the pain of it. He had black and blue along his face; one eye was practically swollen shut and he had not moved an inch. Garrus knew something inside of him was broken. With his disease it was physical, a spinal cord, a hip, ribs or maybe all of them. But the way the man gritted his teeth and couldn't look at any of them, Garrus suspected maybe it wasn't just his physical form that was broken.

Alenko had ordered him to go check on the others. Garrus was okay with that.

Telling the crew that Shepard hadn't made it was not something he had been strong enough to do. But he did it anyway.

He slid into his role easy after that. And the second day was just that. Him going back and forth between the two campsites. He brought rations and water to the three in pod 1. Chakwas had insisted she make the journey back to check on Jeff. He almost wanted to deny it. It was a risk taking the only doctor through the frozen world – even if it took less than an hour to walk between the two camps.

In the end, he took her because it was Joker and 'you take care of the people around you'. She had said that once, in some conversation that he was beginning to think never really happened.

By the end of the second day, he held Chakwas outside of the Pod 1 as she cried so long and so deeply, he was sure she would lose every bit of fluid her body held. He wasn't too familiar with human anatomy, he knew basic med stuff, survival statistics to help in combat situations, but he was sure that any human that shook the way she did and made those sounds….

It took him back to a memory that he had all but forgotten. He had heard sounds like that once on Palaven. He and one of his childhood friends had been in an accident. They were fourteen, the last year of true youth– the last year before becoming a part of the military and the greater inclusion of all. His friend had died and while Garrus was being patched up in the bed beside him, that sound filled the room. That cry. It was a mother's cry. And not for the first time – Garrus realized how similar other species were.

Greif was found in all of them.

On the third day, Liara left Joker.

He had stayed.

Alenko barely moved.

Joker was still dying. His breaths were coming slower. Shallower. Labored in a body that had swollen and seized around him. He looked less of a human and more of…. Garrus shut his mind off from that line of thinking. He was still Joker. He lost consciousness, with mercy by the Spirits, sometime in the night. It wouldn't be long now. Garrus reached out and placed his hand on the man's shoulder. He would have held his hand…but they weren't hands anymore.

"Don't," came a voice that hadn't been heard since he had ordered him to take care of the two groups. Garrus turned to see Kaidan glaring at his hand, his body vibrating a dangerous warning before Garrus was thrown back and away from Joker. He slammed hard against the wall and then fell onto the empty seats with a grunt. Kaidan had sat forward, just slightly, his first movement in days. His brown gaze black looked at Garrus as he straightens, "Don't touch him."

He frowned deep at his words. Looking over to Joker and then back to Kaidan, "He's dying, Kaidan."

That didn't seem to have any effect on the man before him.

"Kaidan," Garrus sighed his hand and ran a three fingered hand down his own face before he shook his head, "Kaidan, what are you doing?"

He watched the man sit back, his body calming, and the flickering dark energy settled around him, he didn't say anything but the way he looked to Joker was a tell-tale. He was making sure the pilot died.

Anger boiled inside of Garrus in a way he had never felt before. It was sinister. It was raw. Primal and his talons unsheathed further as he lunged at the Lieutenant. The human didn't have time to react at first, finding himself uprooted from his seat, a pained cry falling from gritted teeth as Garrus' talons tore into the armor of his shoulder, it cracked so easily under his hands and with an almost heady appreciation he felt his talons as they pierced at the sensitive skin of the human's neck. How dare he! How dare he try to keep him from Joker! She had died for the man. Saved him. Saved them all. And he would undo what she did? Why? He snarled and growled against his helmet's filters. When Alenko hit him with his biotics, he took the man with him when he was thrown backwards again. Easier than he would have thought in the tight space, Garrus righted himself and threw Kaidan at the door. He watched with satisfaction as the door behind him buckled and twisted. Opening slowly and the human toppled backwards into the cold.

The turian in him wasn't done. It wanted blood. It wanted to destroy. Destroy. Like the yellow beams had taken apart the only home he had ever been able to find. He snarled and leaped towards Kaidan, uncaring that the man was struggling to breathe against the cold – good. Good. Struggle. He thought in a sick twist of cold acceptance he would relish in watching him die like Joker was. Dying and struggling to breathe. Like…like…she…. he snapped at him, teeth coming down onto teeth where bone and flesh should have been instead. His own helmet was in the way. Kaidan had no such armor. It would be too easy. Garrus could feel something inside of him warring against his actions and as his mind was trying to catch up. Kaidan was suffocating against the wind, and he almost laughed then at the irony that these little creatures were even considered a threat.

His hand came to grab the man's neck again and he picked him up easily. His mandibles flared wide under his helmet, grinding against the confined space. Garrus stood full height and found a sick and brutal pleasure of the slight widening of Kaidan's eyes when the man's hands came to grasp at his wrist – the first sign that someone knew they were screwed.

The barrier that surrounded him brought a little bit of reality back. It was thick, strong, and tightly pressed against not only him but Kaidan. He looked to it, feeling the warmth of dark energy. A flash of a memory came of the same barrier blocking a killing blow – the backdrop of Saren and Shepard fighting whispering within the small memory.

The cold around them disappeared and he could actually hear Kaidan struggling to breathe. The tension in his neck, the way tendon and bone and muscle writhed behind his grasp as his mouth opened wider and he took in what little oxygen he could manage. His eyes found Kaiden's and his hand released his grip. The human fell down to the ground with a heavy thud. His feet unable to catch him so he buckled and went down to one knee as his arms flew out to balance himself.

Garrus was still standing proud, dangerous, and looming over him like he was the prey to his predator. When Kaidan tilted his head up, then stood before him, shoulders pushing back with obvious choice, he watched as the man looked around him. Awareness seemed to flutter behind the biotics eyes. "Oh God…" he heard a familiar husky tone flutter into the barrier space and then brown eyes met his and Garrus immediately felt himself relax back on his haunches.

"Kaidan?" He asked, his voice cracking through the subvocals that were still agitated and raw.

He shook his head, "God, Garrus," Alenko took a deep breath, "Shepard!" It was like watching someone who didn't know her fate find out. Garrus brow plates tightened as his eyes narrowed. "Shepard…" the almost fell back to his knees, but he reached out to steady him. He looked around even more now, "Where is…where is Hopkins and Bransen?"

Garrus looked to the left towards the two bodies that he had moved a day ago. Had it been two days ago? He didn't remember the exact moment he had found them. Found isn't the right word. When had noticed them. Because they had been there all along. It had been a hard reality to swallow that the two men had died not because of the crash, but because of the dark energy that had gone haywire within the Lieutenant. He could only imagine the force it must have taken to knock them backwards. But he suspected that finding the pod with just Joker in it had caused something inside the man to snap. He had lost control and the two marines had paid the price. Cracked helmets were lethal here.

Kaidan shook against him. The barrier faltered and Garrus looked down to the man, "Come on," he bit out and then guided him back into the safety of the pod – not caring that he shove was a little too rough or his grip a little too tight.

"I killed them," he heard him say beside him.

Garrus frowned; he wasn't good at this. He didn't know what to say to him. It was true. He probably had. That didn't mean he meant to. He didn't kill them. They…had gotten in the way? That didn't sound right either. Nothing here was right. He sighed heavily and felt the weight of it all crashing down on him. Fuck he shouldn't even be here.

"And she's gone…" It was both a question and a statement.

Garrus felt those words more than he heard them.

"I'm sorry," the turian said. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. The fact that it seemed like Kaidan was just now coming to witness the news again. To understand the scope of it. Was he apologizing for her death? The two marines' death? His grief? The punctures of his grip on the man's shoulder? The scent of blood had filled the small space, new blood. Not Joker's and Garrus all but fell into the seat next to him. How could he even begin to judge the man when he had wanted nothing more than to rip him to shreds not two minutes ago?

No.

He had no room to judge.

So, he didn't say anything else, and he would never say anything more on the topic of the two lost souls who had been tangled in a grief that was too deep and dark to contain.

Sometime on the fifth day, Tali had made the trek to come see them. She noticed the two dead men and when Garrus shook his head she had silently understood not to ask. Her small voice was filled with new grief when she sat down beside Joker.

"Oh," a feather of sorrow filtered upwards from her as she smoothed a finger down the pilot's face. "How is he still…"

Garrus didn't know. "He's been unconscious longer than he was lucid, I don't think he can feel any pain." It was a lame attempt of consoling the little Quarian. She and Joker had been quick friends. Both of them had similar humors and found it easy to chatter about things through their hunt for Saren. He wondered briefly why it had taken her so long to come see him.

Mentally, he realized that there were just too many questions he would never ask.

Somewhere beside him Alenko shifted uncomfortably. Garrus sighed. The man was almost as silent as Joker. He could feel him fighting against his grief and it worried him more than if they man would lash out, cry, beat at the walls. Later, much later, when Garrus was off this fucking planet and wasn't feeling the effects of fatigue and hunger – he would try to fathom the power that was Kaidan Alenko – L2 – but right now, he just couldn't spare his energy.

"Are the other's, okay?" he asked her and she shrugged a single shoulder.

"Its…" she sighed and looked up to him with those glowing eyes. "Its getting a little bit harder each day."

He nodded, he understood that. "Yeah."

Joker shifted below her hand, and she gasped, Garrus looked down to see the pilot's eye open. Joker was saying something soft, almost too low to hear, but Tali asked him to repeat himself, he did, "Mom's cooking bacon," a soft turn of a smile found his lips, "I think….I think I'll go grab a plate."

Garrus didn't know what he was saying. Mom? Bacon? What was bacon?

Alenko stood and he turned his gaze away from Joker to settle on the man who closed the distance between him and the pilot. Unease grabbed at his shoulders, apprehensively he bit out, "What are you doing?"

"What she would want me to do," he told him, looking at him with his whiskey brown eyes and Garrus watched as he sat down next to Joker, pulling the man up gently to lay his head in his lap. He took the hat off that seemed to be a part of the pilot and Garrus looked away to give him privacy as it were an intimate setting. Tali had shifted and stood so that Kaidan could stretch his legs out and they both watched as he placed on hand on the pilot's forehead and the other on his stomach.

Kaidan relaxed against the seats, undoubtedly uncomfortably, but he didn't seem to mind.

They watched as dark tendrils of nearly tactile blue tickle outward from the man, like inky threads of a dangerous threat trying to claw its way into the atmosphere before they shook and curled down around the man's arms. Slithering against the muscles there before seeping into the pilot. He stiffened and made to move to protect him from…from whatever this was, but Tali's reached out to grip him still.

Instead of inky black now was the calming blue. It surrounded the pilot, and he could see that it was not just a barrier, it was more than that. It was more than stasis. It was…he looked to see Joker was still breathing, then up to Kaidan whose chin had dropped and whose eyes had closed.

"What…" Garrus whispered.

Tali was crying gently, and he turned to her. Wishing, not for the first time, that he could see her face. So he could understand. She laid her forehead down against Garrus' chest and he listened to the pain that fluttered through the filters of her helmet, "We just lost them both if they don't come soon."

She was right. He knew it down to his plates that she was right. Kaidan…was going to keep Joker alive until it killed them both.

On the seventh day, he realized that dextro rations were not going to last. Adams had been sending someone new each day to bring him some – he knew that the engineer was purposely keeping the rest of it secure with him. Turians had incredible hunger. They had to eat. Humans could go weeks without food, Turians only days. It was like their biology was shifted slightly. He could go weeks without water, but they couldn't. He thought that it was lucky for them. To be stranded in a world where water was all around them.

All around them.

He looked at the small packet of food that Chakwas had left him. She had come to check on Joker but hadn't stayed. She mentioned she couldn't do anything anyway with the biotic field that Kaidan was still holding. Chakwas had inserted an IV into Kaidan's arm. It dripped slow and he had watched the cool liquid empty. Garrus had decided that this was where he needed to be.

He hadn't been back to the camp.

He would stay here, with them.

The man who she died to save and the man who she had loved.

Garrus had known she was in love with Alenko before the two of them had known. It was in her voice, in her scent, her mannerisms. The small touches, the stolen looks. More so it had been in the way she spoke his name. As if it curled upward from her heart, heating her cheeks, and leaving her slightly mystified by the simply joy she was able to say it. Her uncertainty about their future hadn't changed the way she had felt about the biotic and he found himself comforted in the fact that –

He looked to Kaidan.

She was loved in return.

Openly and raw. Kaidan had loved her. Still did. He decided.

She had been held by arms that would do her no harm, kissed by a man who would protect her. She had died well and truly a part of something good.

He tried desperately not to find the jealousy in that. The envy. The little pang of something that made no sense but all the sense in the world. He felt a small part of him curl up and mourn. Mourn something that wasn't even his to mourn at all. It was selfish. It was wrong. But still, he could see it, raw and bitter. Perhaps it was good too then, that he stayed here. So close to the man she had chosen, to that link to a love that he didn't know he had wanted. One that never would have happened, never could have.

He finished off the small packet, the flavorless paste thick on his tongue, "Dying here won't be so bad."

No one answered him.

By the ninth day – no one looked up anymore.

There wouldn't be any more rations being sent his way either. Liara had come back to sit with them with the news and her blue eyes were locked on him. He could tell she was worried, but he wasn't. He had understood that this was just the way it is.

The humans would have had for more rations as it was a human vessel. Hell a full week of rations for an alien that they hadn't expected was a courtesy. They had done right by him. He worried, though, for Tali.

Nutripaste was readily available. One small suck from a tube could last days. She had plenty of tubes, the Quarian had told him. Was she lying? Probably.

Garrus hadn't been able to really move for two days. Sure, he could shift and get as comfortable as he could, but he didn't have the energy to leave the pod. It had been strange the first time he tried to stand but found himself incapable. His legs twitched to move, but their muscles refused to listen to the command.

"It doesn't take long," he would say to Liara, and she flinched like he had slapped her. He sighed, "You should go."

"I am exactly where I want to be," she had told him, her little blue hands reached out to frame his mandibles. "I am not going anywhere, Garrus."

"Alright," he sighed in desperate relief at her words. He…he didn't want to be alone.

Fuck, he was a Turian. Turians don't fear death. The walk right to it and punch it in the face for having the damn audacity to come and take them. He chuckled at his own thoughts and felt a whine come from him when he felt her hands leave his face.

"Shh," she told him as she moved her body around him, he felt her unclasp his armor and he weakly tried to protest. But the sensation of it being removed from his body felt too good. The heaviness of it moved off of him and he found himself slumping into her smaller form. Spirits- was that the only thing keeping him sitting upright?

To her credit, she shifted easily to accommodate his larger build as she held him lay his head in her lap. His fringe must have dug angrily into her thigh, but she didn't flinch, didn't move at all. She was soft and warm, and he felt himself purr against the thought that this may have been what it felt like. To be able to find what Shepard and Kaidan had found. He should have asked Dad what it was like to love his mother. To know a little more about something he was absolutely naïve to.

"I'll fall asleep first," he told her. He needed her to know how it worked. Turians starving to death was not pleasant. It didn't take weeks on end for his body to disintegrate. It was quick and angry, and it would turn his body inward on itself before his spine snapped and he wouldn't wake up. "My…my plates…" he felt himself struggle to tell her anything, it was too much gore for the young asari. She didn't deserve this. Fuck she didn't deserve to be here. She should be out there amongst the stars or on some planet finding relics of the Protheans and getting giddy with excitement. Not cradling his head and stroking his fringe. "They'll collapse inward until my body gives out. I…I'll break under it. But I won't be awake so…so no pain."

He didn't believe that. He could feel the pain already inside of him. His muscles were being used as supplemental energy due to the lack of sustenance. It was already hard to move and the pressure in his chest meant his plates were already beginning to descend against his lungs. He wouldn't tell her that part. The suffocating part. He kept that to himself. And he found comfort knowing he would leave the same way she did.

She wouldn't find death alone.

They would go out in the same way.

Choking and being squeezed until there was nothing left.

"Garrus," her soft airy voice fought back against his subvocals that had gone unhinged. They were loud and hurt even his own ears, "You are not going to die here."

He almost laughed at her. He would have had he had the energy to do so. He reached up and grabbed her hand, bring it down to his mouth plates and nipped. She jumped under the sensation, and he stared at the brilliant blue that slowly seeped out of the wound. He frowned. Were they all so frail? The humans so easy to succumb to this world, him without food after just a few days, her with just a tiny press against skin? He swiped his thumb over the wound and curled her hand against his mandible.

Garrus couldn't hear her, but he felt her. She was crying. Her body trembled and he wished he was the one pulling her into his arms and comforting her. But right now, he was being greedy because he …he just liked being able to lay his head on her lap and know that yeah – okay – he wasn't alone.

"I miss…. the Normandy," he said to her, and he felt his voice catch on the name.

They both knew it wasn't the name he truly wanted to say.

On day twelve – Garrus had succumbed to sleep. The last thing he had seen before his mind finally decided to relieve him from the feel of slowly being crushed to death was Tali bursting into the room, careful to hurry and shut the door and saying something to Liara.

He couldn't hear what she was saying but he felt the asari pull herself up and away from him.

Liara? He had tried to call for her, but his vision blurred, and he was gone.