Hachiman doesn't remember the exact date of when he started to watch Shizuka Hiratsuka.

In his opinion, it is all a blur. He cannot put a finger on a singular date. He thinks about the time he had first met her.

Hachiman wonders now if this is the reason why he watches her almost every moment. Hachiman hadn't thought that his last year in college would be spent as it is. What is he? A pervert? This shouldn't be legal.

But Hachiman stares, mostly because Shizuka never notices, ever. Hachiman had thought of the possibility of Shizuka noticing but simply doesn't care, but when he gets closer to her she always jumps from her place like she has invisible wings, so it's how Hachiman is persuaded that she basically doesn't know. And he is not very sure about how to feel about this fact. What if it wasn't him and someone else. Someone who would hurt her, she wouldn't notice because of her damn manga and then...

But well, he probably doesn't have the right to watch her either. She is one of his closest or only friends and he doesn't want to ruin it. Yet it is hard not to look because there is something very unique about Shizuka Hiratsuka.

Like when she thinks out loud and laughs by herself like a mad woman. Or when she looks serious which is very rare, but it takes a whole day for her to return to her usual self. Hachiman doesn't like that mood.

Or it is times like this when she just sits cross-legged and reads under the shadow of the tree planted on their campus' garden. Hachiman watches her from a distance while drinking his coffee.

One of the things about watching Shizuka is that it is never enough on its own. He feels the need to go and talk or listen to her after a while. Hachiman doesn't really know what the hell is wrong with him. Maybe the cold weather has broken something inside of him. He has never liked it anyway.

Two weeks later, Hachiman starts to study day and night due to the approaching midterm exams. His grades have never been too low, but unlike Shizuka, he needs to actually study to get higher notes. Also because this is his last year in the college he doesn't want to risk his graduation.

It is almost 12 am on Thursday when he is in his room studying under the yellow light of his desk lamp.

There is a soft knock on their door but Hachiman doesn't bother to get up and open it.

"Hey" says a female voice.

The speed of Hachiman dropping the pen and getting up from his chair surprises even him.

"Hiratsuka?" Hachiman says, confused. He sees Shizuka looking a little bit sheepish in front of their door. His stomach twists nervously.

"What happened?" He doesn't like the veiled concern in his voice but he cannot help it. It is not like her to come here without either of them knowing it.

"There is nothing to worry about," she says as if she has sensed the tension from his face. "Can I come inside?"

"Of course," Hachiman steps aside and Shizuka comes in. Hachiman closes the door and waits for her to say something.

"I couldn't reach you so I had to come."

Hachiman almost asks how she couldn't reach him, but then he remembers that he had shut his phone down so that it wouldn't distract him while he was studying.

Hachiman looks at Shizuka after closing the door, who is extraordinarily silent at the moment. Hachiman gets a little closer to her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just..." she sighs and moves her hand through her disheveled hair which in the end makes it even messier.

Hachiman hums understandingly and decides to change the subject. "You're gonna stay here tonight?"

"Yeah, I think so." She looks at him questioningly. "Would that be a problem for you?"

"Why would that be a problem for me? Unless you snore in your sleep. I would kick you out then."

Shizuka laughs. "I'm pretty sure I don't snore."

She takes off her coat and after putting it on the desk walks to his bed. Hachiman turns away from her to go back to his study. But after he sits down he realizes that the lamp will be open for a few more hours while Shizuka is sleeping. He doesn't exactly have a choice, but decides on asking her whether it would disturb her or not. "Hiratsuka, I'm going to study so the light will be on. Would that be okay—"

Oh.

So, this is unexpected.

"Yeah, it's okay." Shizuka waves her hand to emphasize her words. "I'm used to it. My roommate can never sleep with the lights off anyway."

"Good," he says, looking away from her, feeling the tip of his ears burning.

Even if Shizuka realizes his tone she doesn't make a comment on it. He hears the rustle of the sheets, and when he dares a look towards her direction from the corner of his eye he sees that she is under the covers already. Hence, he turns back to his papers and books and tries to erase her image from her mind while trying to concentrate again.

It is going to be hell of a long night.

When Hachiman lies down in his bed to sleep, it is almost 3 am. The yellow light is still on, so he watches her sleep, lips parted slightly and shoulders moving with steady breathes. Tonight he feels tired enough to sleep but he doesn't want to. But he is tired and even the light he didn't turn off doesn't stop his eyes from closing. Eventually, he sighs defeatedly and lets the sleep creep under his conscious.

He wakes up, breathless and sweaty. Heart pounding loud and fast. His eyes adjust to the light that is still on and realizes that his hands are shaking a little and that he is not alone in his bed.

"Hachiman," whispers Shizuka, her hand is on his shoulder. She must have been shaking him to wake up.

"Hiratsuka?" He is trying to catch his breath so his voice is also barely a whisper.

"Hey," she says softly. "You were having a nightmare, right?"

He closes his eyes. This is exactly the reason why he didn't want to sleep. "Shit," he says. "Sorry, I woke you up."

"No, it's okay," she says because of course, she is Shizuka Hiratsuka. As long as others are concerned, everything is okay with her even if she has just woken up due to Hachiman's sleeping problems.

"What did I do? Scream?" Hachiman opens his eyes to look at her. The color of her eyes is a shade darker with the light inside of the room, but they are still more expressive than Hachiman has ever been in his whole life.

Shizuka shakes her head. "No you were mumbling something, some names," she says timidly.

Hachiman sighs wearily and looks at the ceiling. Shizuka must have a rather light sleep having heard him mumbling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Shizuka asks after a moment of silence passed between them. Hachiman eyes her, notices the hidden curiosity behind the purple pupils, yet considerate too like she is prepared for him to reject her.

He, in fact, has to reject her. This isn't about Shizuka. "No," he says but his voice is gentle. He knows she means nothing selfish.

Shizuka nods, understandingly. He expects her to go now and turn back to sleep. But Shizuka stays, her eyes stare into an invisible spot and it is almost like he can hear the sound of her brain. She is thinking incredibly loudly.

"Oi, Hiratsuka." Hachiman nudges her side. "I'm okay now. Go back to sleep."

Thereupon Shizuka looks at him but her eyes are still unfocused and pensive. Hachiman waits patiently for her to tell whatever is crossing her wicked brain.

"Can I stay here tonight," she spits out.

"You are," he says, confused.

"No, I mean..." She pauses. "Can I stay here, with you?"

"What?" He is clearly confused now. Also, his ears are feeling hot again. "Why?"

"I want to try something," she says. Her voice is steady and calm but even with the dim light, he can see the slight blush in her cheeks nonetheless. The awkwardness of the moment is almost irritating, he feels like a teenager again.

"I am not a test subject, Hiratsuka."

"I know, Hachiman." She rolls her eyes. "I just want to see if it works. Maybe knowing someone is beside you would help?" She shrugs. "We can give it a try."

Hachiman narrows his eyes hating that he is already considering the idea. "Why do you even care anyway?"

"I care about my friends." Shizuka shifts like Hachiman. Not opposing her directly is answer enough. Yet, he doesn't stop her whereas she goes under the covers and lies facing him. He turns to her, faces only inches away from each other. He can very much feel in his bones that this is not, not even a little bit a good idea. But going against gravity is unfeasible, and so is denying Shizuka.

"Why did you leave the light on?"

"I don't know," he lies watching her eyes, the way she puts her hand under her chin, the light shadow in her hair, the shape of her nose and the still but barely visible blush in her cheeks. He doesn't know indeed. "I forgot."

"Do you want me to turn it off?"

"No, don't bother."

"Okay," she whispers. She stares at him. He thinks there are no words that can do justice to her eyes.

Surprisingly enough, his eyelids become heavier with each second and it gets harder to keep them open. He lets them close for a moment and that's when he feels her hand going through his hair. Brushing his bangs back in such tenderness of which Hachiman has forgotten the meaning a long time ago.

It is at this rate that he cannot open his eyes back. He lets her hand move through his air and even though it makes him uncomfortable he doesn't have the will nor the strength to stop her.

She touches her neck lightly. "You are all sweaty," she whispers.

"Yeah...I'm sorry." Hachiman responds without opening his eyes and makes a soundless wish for her hand to return to where it had been a few seconds ago.

Shizuka laughs softly but other than responding his silent wish, she retreats her hand. Something in his stomach doesn't feel right. Hachiman thinks it is possibly disappointment, yet doesn't dwell too much on it. He doesn't even remember the last time he had wished for anything to happen. Perhaps he has done something wrong.

Tch. He thinks to himself. What's more to do? It is not a ritual.

He forces his eyes open one last time before closing them again. "You're gonna be here in the morning too?" He mumbles sleepily.

"I will," says Shizuka without hesitation and it is that strictness in her voice that makes Hachiman believe her. Darkness comes slowly, conquering his mind and once again he drifts into obscurity.

Hachiman takes a deep breath in his sleep. He tightens his arms around Shizuka and buries his nose in her hair. Shizuka in the meantime mumbles something that is inscrutable and moves her head slightly as if to make herself more comfortable in his chest.

Hachiman opens his eyes to the brightness in his room and a heaviness in his chest. He blinks his eyes a few times until he is fully awake and his vision becomes clear. He looks down to see the reason why his chest is so heavy -because he remembers it hadn't been when he had slept a few hours ago- and jet black hair comes into his sight.

He is not even a tiny bit surprised that they ended up like this. Well, there is a first to everything and Hachiman Hikigaya cuddling with, oh dear God, with Shizuka Hiratsuka is a first indeed.

"I knew this wasn't a good idea," he whispers in order not to wake her up. He lifts his right hand a little hesitantly and brushes a few strands of hair which had fallen on her face back lightly. She sighs in her sleep. Her face is tranquil, like she has fallen asleep on a feather bed. Shoulders moving in a steady rhythm synchronized with her breaths. Hachiman frowns when he realizes that he is once again watching her almost shamelessly. He looks away. He doesn't think that having her this close to him is good to his health. Because his heartbeats in an odd way, his stomach feels like its upside down and his blood runs faster in his veins. And he thinks that no, no this isn't good at all. However, he doesn't want her to wake up, for her to go away, to leave. He wants to keep her there. .

He runs his hand through her hair. He enjoys the feeling of her hair between his fingers, and the fresh smell of shampoo filling his nose.

"It did work, by the way." Hachiman says. "I haven't seen a single nightmare."

Shizuka stirs as if she had heard him speak. Hachiman waits for her to fully wake up and to digest the position she is in. He doesn't think she had planned on ending up like this when she had presented him the idea. As a matter of fact, her body tenses. Hachiman can feel the bewilderment going through her. After the first shock is overcome though she tries to get up. Yet tightening his arms, Hachiman doesn't let her go.

"Stay," he says. "For a little while."

After that, she gradually relaxes despite the fact that she doesn't make a comment on their current situation. He guesses, then a little intimacy shuts her up.

He keeps on playing with her hair and doesn't know how much time had passed whilst they lie there lazily, in peaceful silence, with only the sounds of their calm breathing.

"I have a class," Shizuka speaks eventually, murmurs rather. Her voice is still sleepy.

Hachiman hums acknowledging but still not making any movement to release her. Shizuka tilts her head backwards to look at him. He responds to her stare. "What?" He asks when she doesn't say anything.

"Nothing." Her eyes are now lighter with the sunlight creeping in his room. She smiles. "Who would've thought that you were good at cuddling?"

"Shut up," he growls. "Or I will throw you off the bed."

Her smile widens and she replaces her head in his chest again. "Then I will just have to take you down with me."

Hachiman feels a smile tucking in his lips. He thanks every force in the universe that Shizuka doesn't see it.

They lie there for a few more minutes. Hachiman knows it is getting late, they both have classes so they have to get up now. Just as he is about to say this to Shizuka, her body stiffens again and she shots herself up so fast that Hachiman is taken aback.

"Shizuka?"

"I have to go," Shizuka steps out of the bed hastily and grabs her coat. Hachiman sits upright too.

"Hiratsuka?" He says, but she ignores him, then turns her back to leave.

He gets up and follows her to the door. She opens it and turns to look at him but avoids eye contact. "Sorry Hachiman, I'm late to class, okay? I will see you later."

"Bullshit. You don't have class in another hour."

At that, she stares at him and Hachiman sees how uncomfortable she looks just by standing there. Although he doesn't understand why she is acting like this, he doesn't push her any farther either.

He merely says okay in response as he watches her go.