Hello my faithful followers... forgive me for abandoning my passion. I have been trying to get out of depression over the loss of a deep relationship. Stupid me should have come back to writing to help but sometimes the rain clouds are just too thick to see past. Anyway I am going to finish the story A Sin but I think I need to do a story continuing the Yes Maura There is a Santa Claus to get me in the habit of writing daily again. Please be patient with me.

This story starts out rough but hang in there, I promise twist, cliff hangers and warm fuzzies too.

* I own nothing of Rizzoli and Isles I just have the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.

X

December 1

Maura sat in the hospital waiting room reflecting over and over the nights events. She started remembering all the times she found herself waiting to see if Jane was going to live or die. She looked over and saw Angela drying tears yet again for the exact same reason she was sitting in the hospital chair. How many times, she wondered, had Jane's blood been on her hands as she tried to hold the liquid inside the woman.

She was numb now. There wasn't any fear of loss or shock of why did this happen. There was nothing just the silent hum of numbness.

"Rizzoli family" she heard as the surgeon announce. "...she is stable for now..."

Maura didn't wait for the rest of the information, she just turned and left.

XXX

Twenty four hours later Jane came out of the anesthesia of surgery. She saw Angela sitting in the chair to her right and turned to see if Maura was in the one to her left. The chair was empty.

"Ma..."

"Hi honey... your awake." Angela stood and came and took Jane hand and smiled. "How are you feeling... do you want me to call a nurse?"

"I'm fine ma."

Angela smile but was dreading the next question she knew was going to come from her daughters lips.

"Where is Maura, ma?"

There it was... Angela took a deep breath, "She..." hesitation. "She... has been really busy at the office honey," was said with eyes looking down at the bed.

Jane knew something was off. She had been in the hospital for almost two days, "She is too busy to come and see me?" Jane asked puzzled.

"Well she said something about the governor and budget reports being due."

Jane looked at her mother with a cross between shock and bewilderment "Ma... what aren't you telling me?"

Angela just went with truth because she truly was at a loss herself at Maura's behavior, "I'm telling what she told me."

"Ma..."

"What?"

"Spill... you know what's going on. Now tell me."

"NO...Jane I don't know what's going on. All I know is the doctor came out after your surgery and said you were stable and Maura just left afterwards."

"That's it? She hasn't said anything else?" Jane's eyes now showed fear and sadness.

"No... she just works and goes home and does yoga. Why don't you call her yourself?"

"I would but my phone got busted on the take down." Jane answered in a frustrated voice.

"Well... use mine then." said as she handed Jane her phone. Jane dialed Maura's phone number and was like "come on answer" after each ring.

"Hello Angela... now isn't the best time..."

"Maur... it's me Jane." There was an intake of air and an awkward moment of silence, "Maur... are you there?"

"I am here Jane but now isn't a good time to talk?"

"Maur... why can't you talk to your wife who is in the hospital?" Jane was growing beside herself and now very upset.

"I have to go for now Jane I'm in the middle of an autopsy."

"Okay... when will you be here?"

"I..." the phone went dead.

"Maura... Maura..." Jane dialed the number again and it went to voice mail. "Damn it!"

"Ma... What the hell is going on?" suddenly the monitors started beeping as Jane's blood pressure started to increase. The nurse rushed in and gave her a sedative to calm her down. As Jane was falling back to unconsciousness she thought "I must be in a nightmare... Maura is always here when I need her," then the darkness engulfed her.

Angela sat back in the chair and watched her falling back to sleep and prayed that life hadn't become to tough for her daughters marriage.

XXX

Maura walked into her office from the lab and sat at her desk after hanging up from Jane. The numbness returned the moment she heard the woman's voice. Why was there just ice in her veins. Why was she just going through the motions of living when life was existing all around her. Why couldn't she talk to her wife? She didn't have an answer that she could voice so she decided to write her wife a letter, maybe that would help to get past the numbness of her emotions.

Dear Jane,

She sat there for five minutes then tore the paper in half waded it up and threw it in the trash can angrily.

Dear Jane,

She started the letter again and stopped as she saw the Santa Claus figurine on her desk that Jane had given just two days ago before the hell broke loose. She smiled and touched it lightly as the tears started flowing. It was just four years ago that she didn't even believe in Christmas and yet, this beautiful woman had warmed her heart so much so, that the gift of Christmas and family had blossomed in her heart. But now her heart was numb, she couldn't let herself feel anything. If she did, she knew she would break into a thousand pieces, or so it felt like she would.

She abandoned the letter and got up, gathered her coat, and picked up the figurine. She put it in her coat pocket before garbing her laptop. She needed air... she needed to walk... she needed...

XXXXX

Okay... I know we are starting off with a cliffhanger... but the good news... I will be back tomorrow.