Chapter 3: I'll Watch Her
"Mmmm, dis is good." Maddy slurred threw bites of her gooey chocolate mess.
Meredith couldn't help but laugh. This little girl was something else…she never really took notice to children, but Maddy somehow just captured her…she infatuated Mer.
"Maddy…" laughing Derek shook his head.
"Don't talk with your mouth full…you're dripping."
Meredith watched as his strong hands gently wiped the smeared chocolate off his daughter's chin. For someone who seemed so harsh and angry…he was anything but that with his daughter.
He was loving, and tender…gentle, but there was pain etched in his eyes…in his smile that didn't quite reach those amazing blue eyes. Realizing she was staring, she shook it off, placing a bite of her strawberry ice cream into her mouth.
"Strawberry huh…seems kind of plain if you ask me…" he joked with her, laughing at her smirk.
"Yeah, well I don't exactly see how coffee ice cream could be so appealing either…"
Without warning he had scooped a bite up and offered it to her.
Her throat closed off at the simple gesture. There was something about this man…something that was drawing her in. The problem was she didn't want to be drawn in…
Opening her mouth she took the offering…swirling the treat in her mouth.
Derek realized that what he had just done was inappropriate, however now he was faced with an even bigger problem. As he watched her mouth close over his spoon, he felt his spine tingle…when she licked her lip to take in the last of her delicious treat, he felt his cock harden. Visions of her tongue doing the same thing to him solicited another type of treat in mind….
Maddy laughing brought him out of his fantasy…
"Daddy quit staring, it's not nice." Maddy told him as she took notice of the two adults.
Meredith's cheeks were flushed her and breathing shallow as she noticed the way he was staring…this wasn't right he was her teacher.
He closed his eyes briefly in embarrassment as well as loss. He couldn't do this…she was young, and he couldn't hurt her. He didn't have anything left to give. The only thing left was sex…one night stands…flings…but nothing permanent he just wasn't opening himself or Maddy up to that sort of pain again.
Lost in his thoughts he almost missed Maddy whining.
"Daddy do I have to go to your office tomorrow?"
Turning to face his daughter Derek cocked his head, knowing what he had to say would upset her but there just wasn't anyway around it. It was just him and her and until he found someone willing to stay around for more than a day…this was how it was meant to be.
"Maddy…come on sweetie, you know Daddy doesn't have a choice."
Slouching her shoulders he could see the beginning of tears forming on her big blue eyes…
"Maddy please honey don't cry…I only have one class tomorrow. It will be a short day…you can hang out in the class tomorrow morning and then we will go to the hospital in the afternoon."
"I don't want to…I want to play…I want to go back to school." the little girl cried.
Rubbing his temples he tried to think of a way to reason with her…she was too young to understand that his schedule didn't fit around hers…
Meredith watched the scene unfolding…her heart was breaking for the little girl. Thinking back to the days of her childhood being spent at the hospital. Waiting for her mother as she performed surgery after surgery. It wasn't a way to spend your days as a little girl. She could tell Derek was trying…but Maddy was just too young to understand that.
Before she even realized what she was doing her mouth opened and she was speaking, "Maddy can hang out with me if you'd like…"
Looking up at her his mouth dropped open. Why would she offer something like that…she looked sincere enough he just wasn't used to people doing things out of the kindness of their hearts.
She felt the room closing in. Why had she offered such a thing…surely he wouldn't want to take her up on the offer. He didn't even really like her…why would he leave his daughter with a complete stranger.
"Yea…Daddy pwease…oh pwease Daddy can I stay wif Merdif. I'll be good I pwomise and I'll even eat my peas." The little girls' eyes were lit up with excitement.
He shook his head at his daughter's effort at bargaining. She really did need a day out of the lecture hall…and she seemed to like Meredith. Shaking his head at what he was about to do, he closed his head as he spoke the words.
"Are you sure you don't mind? I'll only be an hour or so and then I'm free for the day."
His blue eyes met hers somehow conveying to her just how hard it was to ask this of her.
As she shook her head yes cheers of excitement broke through as Maddy hugged her Daddy and pulled Meredith in as well.
The two adults sat staring at the other in embarrassment as Maddy smiled from ear to ear.
Breaking free Derek sat Maddy in his lap encouraging her to calm down.
"So tomorrow say ten…just meet up in the lecture hall?" he asked her hesitating on every word.
"Sounds great" she nodded.
All the while her stomach was turning at the thought of what she was getting herself into. Falling for Maddy would be bad…falling for her dad would be even worse.
"I can't believe I'm doing this…I should just call him and tell him I'm sick."
"I mean I must be sick…sick in the head. He hates me and I volunteered to spend the day with his kid…" Meredith continued to ramble to a half awake Cristina the next day.
"So call him, tell him you can't do it." pulling a pillow over her head Cristina tried to shut out Meredith.
"I should…but I can't….I mean it would be the smart thing of me to do." biting her lip, Meredith fell back onto the bed.
"What should I do?"
Pulling the pillow off her face she whacked Meredith over the head.
"Ow."
"You want to know what you should do…get the hell off my bed and go take care of your McDreamy professors kid…and let me get some freaking sleep!" Cristina said as she laid back down closing her eyes.
"Seriously Cris, you could have just told me to do it…you didn't have to get so grumpy."
Grabbing her bag and checking herself in the mirror one last time Meredith took in a deep breath and headed off to campus, hoping she wasn't setting herself up for a huge downfall.
Meanwhile across town Derek was wrestling with a very rambunctious four-year-old to settle down and eat her cereal.
"Come on Maddy sit still and eat." Derek pleaded with his daughter
"I dowanna eat this…it don't have sugar…just rasins. I wanna go see Merdiff." Maddy asked as she stirred the flakes and raisins into a big goopy clump.
Sighing, Derek tried to control his frustrations with his daughters' eating habits that seemed to resolve around junk food. Apparently his former nanny was a huge fan of Fruit Loops and frozen pizzas.
Deciding it wasn't worth the fight, he grabbed a couple of granola bars and juice boxes, "Maddy go get your jacket..." he told his young daughter as he cleared the table and packed a bag of snacks for her.
"Yay, I'm going to see Merdif!" the little blonde sang her pig tails flopping around her.
Derek just shook his head and smiled…she really seemed to like his flustered student. Somehow Meredith was working her way into Maddy's heart. Frowning slightly at that thought, he just hoped he wasn't setting his little girl up for another heartache.
Grabbing his keys, Derek and Maddy walked out into the spring morning…Derek with a worried frown and Maddy with a spring into her step.
As Meredith walked through the halls of Washington University she could hear the echo of her own footsteps almost mockingly as if to say stop…turn back, you don't know what you're getting into.
Opening the door of the lecture hall she was greeted once again by a site that was totally unexpected yet none the less amusing.
Maddy had Derek on his knees apparently pretending he was a prince defending the princess honor.
As he waved his imaginary sword, he spoke to the unseen evil queen, "let the princess go you evil queen if you don't I will slay you with my sword!" bringing his sword back he swung as if he was slaying the imaginary queen and Maddy ran towards him.
Meredith stood silently watching as Maddy ran forward, "Oh pwince you saved me!"
Derek picked his daughter up swinging her around laughing…lost in the moment with her childish laughter.
Clearing her throat Meredith made herself known.
"Ahh Meredith…" Derek started.
"I was just ummm saving my princess from the evil queen…" his cheeks blushing from being caught.
Smiling she giggled "So I see…well Princess could I borrow you from your Prince today or are you to busy?"
Maddy smiled, wiggling out of her father's arms she ran over to give Meredith a hug…her little arms reaching around Meredith and pulling her in close.
For a brief second Derek wondered what it would be like if it was his arms holding her close, her body pressed against his…the scent of her…
Realizing Meredith was talking to him, Derek came out of his daydream. He was feeling the effects of thinking of holding her plight frame close. Taking a seat behind his desk he tried to pay attention a little clearer.
"So?" she asked puzzled by the way he had been staring at her.
For someone that seemed to hate her, he sure spent a lot of time staring…
"So what?"
"I'm sorry what was the question?" Derek asked lost at what she was saying.
Meredith and Maddy just laughed at him, "what time should I have Maddy back?" she asked.
"Of course…I should finish up here at noon."
Smiling Meredith nodded. Picking up Maddy's bag she turned to the little girl "Well then, Miss Maddy are you ready? Looks like we have a date with some fresh air."
Taking her hand the two turned walking out the door.
Derek stared at their retreating forms, feeling that ever familiar feeling that seemed to be coming around a lot. The sight of Maddy hand in hand with Meredith was just a bitter reminder of what was never meant to be.
The day had been long; stuck at the hospital, he had tried like hell to get home. Knowing that Megan had been home all day with the baby. She seemed to be resentful of him lately. Maddy was almost two.
Smiling, Derek thought of how much joy his little princess had brought into his life. She was a bunddle of smiles. He just wished his wife thought so. He knew when she found out she was pregnant she was less than thrilled, but he had fooled himself into thinking her feelings would change once the baby came…but in fact they only got worse.
She found the baby duties as a chore, always handing Maddy over to him as soon as he walked into the door. It pained him to see how detached she was becoming…a mere shell of the woman he had fallen in love with.
"Megan, I'm home…" his voice rang out through the foyer of their home.
Hearing the footsteps above he took the stairs hoping to find them playing or relaxing together. As he walked into their bedroom, he found a scene that would haunt him for the rest of his life.
There Megan stood surrounded by suitcases…Maddy sitting in a black case on the floor playing with some of Megan's clothing.
"What's going on…" his words barely audible threw the lump in his throat.
He knew without her even saying the words, his worse fears were coming true.
"Derek, I just…I can't do it anymore..." her breath caught on a sob.
"I love Maddy I do…and I loved you, but I'm just not cut out for this lifestyle…I have dreams and goals that go beyond being a Mother and Doctor's wife."
Looking down at their daughter, she paused trying to gather her courage at what she was about to say "I'm leaving…I can't do it anymore, she's ….she's better off without me." the last words caught on her sobs.
Derek looked at her, picking up Maddy he tried to plead with her to stay. The sound of a horn in the driveway let him know his pleading would go unheard. Glancing out the window she turned to him "my cab is here…I'll call you when I know what I want to do…I don't want to disappear from her life Derek…I just can't be the Mom I should be."
Turning, she grabbed her two bags and walked out the bedroom door. Maddy started crying when the front door clicked shut almost as if she knew. Walking to the bay window, Derek watched his wife as she turned around taking one last look…as she got in the cab and drove away, she had no idea what she was taking with her…the hopes and dreams Derek had carried for so long disappeared that day. The belief he had in love shattered and left him with an empty heart. As Derek laid on the bed sobbing into the soft curls of his daughter's hair, he knew that it was just the two of them now…and he would never let anyone hurt them again.
The classroom door opening and students filling into the empty rows brought Derek back to his current state. Watching Maddy fill with happiness being with Meredith might be something else to see, but he could never give into those emotions because his feelings could never go beyond physical…
"Good afternoon class, it's a beautiful day to learn how to save lives…"