Chapter 10: Pain From the Memories
Tired, she was so tired. She had tossed and turned all night, hardly sleeping at all. Falling asleep sometime in the early morning hours. Now, here she was once again awake after only a few hours of sleep, watching the sun rise above the trees that lined Derek's property.
Holding the white linen curtains back she watched as the city awoke. Various neighbors clicking on their lights, starting their morning…the old man across the street walking down his sidewalk gathering his newspaper…the lady next door letting her dog out. They were such mundane task, ordinary…something she wanted more than anything.
Laughing a little bitterly, she thought about her mother's thoughts on normalcy…she hadn't raised her to be ordinary…only exceptional…the problem was she didn't feel exceptional, she only felt alone.
The ache in her chest only caused the bitter memories to become even more clear…
"You don't know what you want Meredith, how can you you're only a child? You're just like your father, a dreamer! Meredith, I've told you before, I didn't raise you to be a dreamer, I raised you to be a doer. Do you think you will get anywhere in life with that boy? Do you? I think not!" Ellis screamed at a young Meredith.
Tears falling down her face, she continued to pack, throwing whatever she could into her big black duffle bag. Her mother was wrong…they would be okay. Brian loved her! They would run off and she would be able to put this behind her…her mother, the loss of her Father…it would all be okay because she had him…
Staring outside as the birds flew from tree to tree, the squirrels making their way across manicured lawns, Meredith wiped a tear away…the first tear she had shed for these memories in a long time…
She left her mother that day, the sound of her screams filling the old home. The painful childhood taunting her as she heard the screen door slam. The drive to Brian's had been long, but worth it as he took her in his arms promising everything would be okay…they would start a life together. Meredith would be fine…
Shaking her head Meredith laughed, everything was not okay, it never was. She was just too naive to figure it out. Her mother had been right all along, just like everything else Brian had hurt her…
Deciding she should just get her day started, Meredith crept out of her room, trying not to wake Maddy or Derek.
Walking into the bathroom, she dropped her clothes in a pile. Piling her hair on top of her head, she turned the shower on, the steam soon filling the room. Stepping in, she let the water cascade down her back, trailing over her shoulders, helping to ease some of the tension from the night before.
The tears couldn't help but fall, the drain catching her past. Thinking back to the day it ended, the day her belief in happy endings went away, she allowed herself to cry for what never was…
Today was their two-year anniversary. Even though med school took up most of her time…she felt like this was something to celebrate. Her mother said they would never make it, today she felt like she proved her wrong…opening the door of their apartment she was hit with a feeling…something she never felt before.
Everything appeared the same, yet so different. Taking the steps through the apartment her heart screamed for her to stop, to turn away, to leave before the pain would set in….
She closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds as her hand found the knob of their bedroom door. Turning it ever so gently, she was met with the sight of her world crashing down. The sight of his body wrapped around hers, his mouth on her neck…loving someone the same way he loved her…in her bed…he jumped up. Shock and anger filling the small room. Chasing her words of apology were screamed out…
"It means nothing, Mer I'm so sorry" he had pleaded.
Turning to face him, her features etched with so much pain, she tried to think of something to say…but nothing came. He took the last bit of faith she had left in the world and tossed it away. Brian proved to her that love has no meaning…just words and empty emotions…nothing sacred, nothing that lasts a lifetime…
Hands reaching for the knobs, she turned the water off. Grabbing a towel, she dried her body. The moisture and heat leaving a dewy glow to her skin as the damp tendrils of her hair clung to her neck.
Realizing she didn't have her robe, she looked around for one of Derek's to borrow. No such luck. She peeked her head out the doorway, seeing that the hall was empty. Meredith decided to make a run for it.