All characters from The Vampire Diaries belong to L.J. Smith as well as all characters from Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer. I own nothing but my version of events.
A/N: I know I say this quite often but this chapter is even longer than the last. Sorry but I didn't want to break it down into two separate chapters, in my defense, it got longer when I added a little bonus content for you towards the end ;)
Enjoy!
Chapter 9 More Conversations?
I woke up alone the next morning, sad to admit I was relieved to see Jacob wasn't there. Instead, he left me a note on his pillow, notifying me that my dad was home and left before he could catch him in my room. I was currently making my way out to La Push to discuss what I did in the field yesterday with Paul, a conversation I was definitely not looking forward to. I turned my music on and sang along. Music always had a way to relax me while simultaneously making me feel like a badass, I desperately needed to relax and gain some courage before I arrived at Emily's. Thanks to the conversation with my dad this morning I was also planning on having a conversation with Jacob as well.
It was one of my dad's few days off and I was upset I had to cut my time with him short today. We had both decided to spend a nice relaxing day at home together to pig out and catch up, that is until I received a text from Jacob letting me know about the meeting tonight. My dad encouraged me to come and talk to him about our issues. Earlier in the day we had talked and I finally broke and told him about what was going on between Jacob and I. Well, not the real truth, but a version that seemed plausible enough…
We were sitting quietly on the couch, waiting for our food delivery, his arm was slung over my shoulders. I had created a lie similar to the one Billy had given me, telling Charlie that Jacob didn't agree with his dad and had refused to visit his sister. "Can't say I blame Jacob." My dad started, "As a parent, we're willing to forgive our children for their errors but it's not the same for siblings though. He's only their brother and by them leaving they left him with the full care of his father. Billy being in a wheelchair is a lot of work, Bella. Jacob will never admit it but he does resent them for leaving him with this big responsibility."
Well fuck, it turned out to be a better excuse than I thought. "Yeah, I guess I never thought of it that way." That was a large burden for Jacob to carry, not only that but now he was a wolf too. Besides his dad to take care of, now he had his tribe to protect as well. I understood it... but it still it didn't take my pain away. "I don't mean to diminish his pain and conflict but he didn't have to ignore me for two weeks, though. He could have talked to me, I would have understood." I reasoned.
"If it's something extremely painful for him to experience, maybe he just didn't want you to see him that way. He wasn't his happy-go-lucky self. He didn't want you to see that side of him." He said, as he brushed my hair out of my face. "Sometimes when we're going through changes, we lose the confidence within ourselves. We get lost in our own emotions that it can lead us to change, maybe he just needed the space to figure himself out."
I know my dad wasn't talking about Jacob being a werewolf but it made sense. He probably didn't know what the hell was going on with him, he didn't even know the supernatural world actually existed. So being thrust into that world and suddenly becoming one must have been life changing. From what I heard yesterday, being a wolf was like your destiny. Something you were born to do but never choosing to do for yourself. It was yet another burden he would also have to carry. Not only that but he said Sam wouldn't let him tell me, he was their leader so he had to listen to him, right?
I understood how difficult that was. I too am going through some changes but in my eyes it still didn't give him the right to treat me like he did, so I decided to confide in my father exactly how it made me feel. "It hurt that he abandoned me." I admitted. "It kind of felt like Edward all over again but worse. Edward left with his family and Jacob left me too. He didn't mean to do it or to be like Edward but it still happened. If you're in a relationship like ours, where he's both my best friend and boyfriend at the same time, he should have felt more open to let me in. Or at least find a way to stay in contact with me, even if he needed the space. He could've just told me from the beginning that he needed that space and I would have given it to him. I trusted him enough to give him that time. But the worst part is that after he explained the reason for his disappearance, he just assumed things would go back to normal, as if nothing ever happened. I feel like he didn't even take my feelings into consideration or the fact that I'd be hurt by his absence. Does that make sense?"
My dad put his arm around me and rested his temple on the top of my head. "Of course it does, Sweetheart. He was going through his own personal issues but your emotions are valid as well. Sometimes people do things for themselves, but don't think about how those actions might affect others as well. Your feelings are important too and I think that you need to talk to him and let him know how you really feel." He said, as he kissed the top of my head in comfort.
And because of that, here I was. Intent on talking about my feelings with Jacob, even when I loathed to do so.
I lowered the music when I got into La Push. I was hoping to remember how to get there, but my memory wasn't as clear as I had hoped since that day was sort of chaotic. I vaguely remembered where it was and was surprised when I actually found it. I parked in front of their house and was preparing myself to get out when someone opened the door for me. Embry stood there holding his arms out for me and I smiled instantly, feeling comforted by his presence alone.
"Thanks Emb." I said as he picked me up out of my truck and settling me gently on the ground. He grabbed my hand and started walking towards Emily's house.
"Glad you're finally here, you're like the only other normal one around here, ... well other than Emily." He admitted, looking down at me fondly.
"In case you've forgotten what happened yesterday, I'm not as normal as we initially thought I was."
Embry scoffed. "Oh please, you've never been normal, Bella." He contradicted, chuckling to himself as I elbowed him on the ribs. "But no matter what, you will always be just Bella to me."
Hearing him say that brought a small smile to my face, his quick acceptance reassuring me slightly. Though internally I was still freaking out. He opened the door for me and I walked in, Embry leading me to the living room until we sat in the love seat together. Jacob was sitting quietly next to Sam on the larger couch and everyone else was sitting in any open space they could find. These guys were huge, they all barely fit in the living room.
"Hi Bella, I'm so glad you're here." Emily greeted me with a wide smile.
"Um, Thank you…" I answered awkwardly. I always became incredibly awkward when I was nervous. I couldn't help it.
Sensing my uneasiness she didn't say anything else and Sam stepped in to start the conversation.
"Thanks for coming Bella, yesterday was so hectic that we didn't get a chance to talk about everything that happened."
"You mean that weird thing I did?" I said, cutting to the chase. No need to delay it further.
"Yes, what was that?" Sam asked. Good fucking question because I'm just as clueless as you are, I thought.
"I have no idea, that's the first time it's ever happened to me. I've always been normal. Well as normal as I could possibly be. The other relatively weird thing about me is that I prefer eating the blue peanut M and M's over the other colors." I finished lamely, shrugging my shoulders.
I heard light chuckles from some of the guys and Emily sent me a bright smile when I made eye contact with her.
"Uh okay," Sam said. I laughed in response, yeah I can be really weird sometimes. After he got over the M and M's comment he continued. "So that was the first time then… Do you think you could do it again?"
"I don't know... I haven't thought about that yet. I wouldn't even know where to begin, though I guess it would be a good idea to try and… I don't know…. Develop it?"
"It saved your life Bella, if that bubble wouldn't have appeared around you when it did, Paul shifting so close to you would have harmed you…. possibly even killed you. Think about it. If you could do it again and learn to control it, you would be able to defend yourself from Victoria. I'm not saying we won't help you but I have to admit that we haven't been able to catch her for a reason, she's slippery. Every time we are close to catching her, she slips right through our fingers. If she were able to evade us one of these days and get to you before we were able to reach you first, at least we'd know you'd be able to keep yourself alive until we got there."
He was right, this could work to my advantage. I wouldn't be the damsel-in-distress-Bella anymore, it's perfect! I hope I can do it again and learn how to defend myself.
Unless it was a one-time fluke... that would be so disappointing.
"You've thought about this a lot?" I asked. He must have been if he was already thinking strategically about it.
"It's a new development Bella, and to be honest, at first it was unsettling. As Alpha of the pack it is my responsibility to protect my people and pack from harm. However, after thinking about it some and discussing it with Emily, she helped me see it in a different light. She noted that you didn't use it to purposefully to harm anyone... it only protected you from harm."
Wow, I never thought he would consider me a threat… that was… scary to think of. "Oh, ... I don't quite know what to say... I would never hurt anyone on purpose." I said sincerely.
Emily spoke up then, with a kind look on her face. "We know Bella, and you didn't. What happened to Paul was a consequence of his own actions, he lost control and could have hurt you in the process. That's unacceptable. We're here to protect people, not risk their lives with our presence." She said, as she swiftly turned her head to look straight at Paul asking for confirmation. "Right, Paul?"
Paul looked up chagrined but with a slightly annoyed look on his face, like he was tired of hearing about it. Nevertheless, he begrudgingly nodded. They must have been lecturing him about it since yesterday. Good, that's the least he deserves. In my opinion he needed a bigger punishment but I'm not the leader of the pack, so what do I know?
"So, what now?" I asked, there was an awkwardness in the air that made me uncomfortable. I really didn't want to say anything else that sounded stupid. I hated awkward silences, especially in a room filled with a bunch of people.
"Well for now we stick to the plan. There will be at least one wolf with you or patrolling around your house throughout the day, like today. We have really good hearing so we'll be able to tell if there's anything wrong. We will all be taking shifts and you will try to spend as much time in La Push as you can so that we won't have to be short one wolf. We've increased patrols and I don't want to exhaust them. I also wanted to ask you if you wanted help with your, umm, power? Maybe whichever wolf is with you can help you tap into it, or you could try to do it on your own too." Sam finished.
I still couldn't believe they were going out of their way to protect me and keep me safe. I needed to see if I could really use this supposed 'power', it would be beneficial for all of us. I also zeroed in on the part where he said someone was patrolling around my house today and they have good hearing.
Ah shit!... Please don't tell me it was Jacob. I looked up at him and immediately saw the pain in his eyes. Fuck! Just my luck, it was him patrolling me today. No wonder he's been quiet throughout the whole conversation, come to think of it he didn't even greet me when I came in. He must have heard everything I said to Charlie. I internally sighed, this can't be good...
Although it kind of works out for me, right? This way I won't have to find a way to express my feelings out loud again.
"Thank you for keeping an open mind about me and still choosing to help me. I'd rather try it on my own for now though. I don't even know if I could do it again or if it was just a one-time fluke. If it isn't, though, I want to be away from everyone. It wasn't dangerous the first time but I don't want to risk hurting someone again if I can't control it."
"Fair enough and you're one of us now Bella. We're all here for each other and that includes you. Well, you and Embry, you both know about us being wolves and I know I don't have to say it but I need to be clear. This is a tribe secret, one you can't tell anyone."
"Of course." I said as Embry replied with an "I promise."
Everyone stayed quiet for a second until Emily broke in. "So now that the heavy stuff is over with, do you want to stay for dinner Bella? I would love for you to."
"And I'd love to stay, thank you for the invitation. I did eat with my dad a bit ago so I won't be very hungry though." I said, sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it, besides, these monsters eat a ton of food. Whatever you don't eat, I'm sure it will disappear within a blink of an eye." She laughed, shaking her head. "Would you like to join me in the kitchen to talk?"
I was about to agree but Jacob stood up and interrupted me. "Actually Emily, I need to borrow Bella for a bit. I'll bring her back soon, I promise."
Emily graciously smiled and I smiled back replying with a "I'll be right back" as Jacob grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door. Glad he was the one to initiate the talk. When we hit the grass Jacob kneeled in front of me and patted his shoulder, signaling me to hop on for a piggyback ride. I obliged, he must want us far away from prying ears. He walked in silence as he carried me. I remained silent as well, I wasn't about to pretend like everything was ok by making small talk.
I realized we were heading to the beach, one of our favorite places to go together. He kneeled in front of a log and I disentangled my limbs from him, sitting down on the log and sighing heavily. Should I start or wait for him to?
He sat after me, looking off into the water. Okkk, I guess it was up to me then.
"You heard?" I knew I didn't have to explain what I was referring to, the way he was acting let me know he did.
"Yes." He silently replied. Ok what else am I supposed to say, I'm never good at these kinds of things so I stayed quiet. Thankfully he continued, "You're right Bella about a lot of things but I do want to explain to you about an alpha order. I can't break an alpha order, it's physically impossible, it's one of our wolf things. Sam alpha ordered me not to get near you and even though I didn't agree, I had to oblige. But after Paul almost killed you, now I understand why I had to keep my distance. We're the most volatile when we first phase, we're lost and confused. We realize that everything we thought we knew was a lie. Well, not a lie but that there's a hidden truth about the world we live in. At first I thought I was a monster, I mean, who the hell just turns into a wolf like that. I was scared of what I was… of who I was. Being a wolf changed me, I was scared that you wouldn't accept me for who I am now."
I had to interrupt him there. "You're still you Jacob, whether you're a wolf, a panther or a damn dragon. Having the ability to change form for a while doesn't mean you change who you truly are in the inside."
He closed his eyes in pain. "I'm still trying to grasp my mind around it though. It's hard to accept but I know I have a purpose now. You know Charlie was right, in a lot of things that he said. I've been burdened with the care of my dad after my sister's left, I've never admitted it to myself and I would never tell my dad but it doesn't make it any less true. And now, not only do I have to take care of him but I also have to take care of the tribe too. It's a gift but a curse as well, my life is not my own anymore. I can't ever leave La Push now. My life will be enslaved to making sure our people are safe from any danger. Being a wolf comes with so many responsibilities, meanwhile… I'm just trying to make it every day. Not having you either made everything so much worse." He finally looked at me then, reaching up and caressing the side of my face with his knuckles.
I closed my eyes admitting to myself that I missed him. A part of me wanted to throw myself into his arms but the other part was still too hurt to accept his comfort, especially when he was the one who hurt me in the first place. So many things about our lives had changed so quickly, but our feelings for each other were still the same. I still wanted him in my life, whether it was romantic or not. I just needed him to be there.
He continued to speak, "Your dad was also right about something else. Your feelings do matter, Bella, and even though I didn't show it, they matter to me too. I'm so sorry Bella, you will never know how much. I didn't mean to hurt you the way I did. You were right, I could have handled it better. Sam alpha ordered me not to see you but I could've at least called or sent a text but all I did was fall off the face of the earth. That wasn't fair to you, even if I did it because I couldn't tell you the truth. But what hurt the most was when you compared me to Edward. I know how much you silently suffered after him. When we reconnected over the summer I could still see the pain of his betrayal hidden in your eyes, even when you were pretending to be strong and indifferent. I would never want to hurt you the way he did, I'm sorry."
He had cupped my cheeks with hands by now, leaning his forehead against mine. I was willing myself to say something but I didn't know what. Why does life have to be so complicated?
I pulled away from him but took his hand in mine instead. I was trying to clear my head but having him so close to me was making my thoughts fuzzy. "You know I hate talking about my feelings so I'm having a hard time finding the words to express it. I don't mean to be harsh but I would've preferred you to have broken up with me than to have gone through those two weeks without knowing what was going on. It made me insecure about myself, we had just taken a step forward in our physical relationship and then all of a sudden you get sick and disappear on me. Not only that but you told me you loved me and I didn't say it back. It made me feel guilty… like I was the reason for your disappearance."
He closed his eyes in pain, opening them as he started to speak. "It was never your fault Sweet Girl. I still stand by what I said Bella, you can take your time, I still don't expect you to say it back. After what's happened I'm sure you've taken a step back in our relationship and I understand. I still want to be with you… more than anything in this world but I would also understand if you don't want to be with me anymore. Just please don't push me out of your life. I still need you." He was pleading with me at this point, it was painful to see.
He was lucky I still needed him too, I wasn't ready to let him go either. "I still need you too." I admitted, producing a bright smile from Jacob, one I have never seen on anyone's face, directed at me. He leaned in to kiss me but I blocked him, I wasn't done talking. "I need to make something very clear to you first. I won't allow you to treat me that way again Jacob. We have to have respect for one another and the way you talked to me when I confronted you about Embry was unacceptable. You also can't disappear on me like that again, if you need the space, all you need to do is ask."
"I will never need space from you again... but I promise Bella." He said, looking intently into my eyes to convey how much he meant it. "Can I kiss you now?" He asked this time.
I laughed and nodded. He didn't miss a beat, I felt his lips pressing into mine as he nudged me with his tongue silently asking permission to enter. I parted my lips, giving him access to my mouth as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Yeah, I missed him… more than I ever imagined.
He leaned his forehead against mine again with a serene smile on his face, leaning back away from me as his smile grew with mischief. "Only you would have the balls to date a fucking vampire, Bella." He shook his head laughingly.
Seriously, that's what he wanted to talk about so soon after our reconciliation? "Shut up Jake!" I said shoving his shoulder. "It's not like I'm proud of it, it sorta just happened." I shrugged my shoulders. Can't help who you fall in love with, I thought. Can't say that out loud though, I doubt it'd go well especially since I haven't said it to him yet.
He laughed and pulled me in for a hug, tucking his face into the crook of my neck breathing in deeply, "I missed the way you smell," he said. Ok, weird thing to say but I'll take that as a compliment, I guess. "You know, now that I'm a wolf my senses are heightened, you smell so much better than I remembered."
Huh, now that I think about it I finally have a chance to ask him about his wolf. He seems a lot warmer than he used to be, he's not wearing a jacket and his skin is still burning up. "So besides having good sense of hearing and smell, oh and turning into a wolf, what else can you do?" I asked.
He turned his body to the side. Straddling the log and then moved me in the same position, except he pulled my back against his chest while wrapping one arm around my waist and the other lightly brushing my hair. "Well I'm stronger, my body is as well. So don't think about trying to hit us with your hands, you'd be the one to get hurt instead. I'm actually surprised you didn't hurt your hand slapping Paul. I'm faster than I was and my stamina is also insane so I don't get tired very easily. I heal quickly, even broken bones can heal within a day or two. Though being a wolf makes me better in most ways it also has its drawbacks. I eat a lot more now, as you probably saw yesterday. My temper is harder to control now. The wolf is always close to the surface, trying to get out, so I have to consciously control my anger. It's not so easy to do, there's always this restlessness within me because of him."
"Wow, I mean it sounds awesome, the added benefits at least. The other stuff not so much. You should try yoga, it'll probably help with the temper control. I personally love yoga, it's very relaxing." I could feel his body vibrating behind me as he tried to contain his laughter, I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious… So, you keep saying 'the wolf,' does that mean it's like a different entity?"
He remained quiet for a bit longer, trying to come up with the words to best describe it. "Yes and no. He has his own feelings and way of understanding the world. I mean, he is an animal, so he doesn't look at things the same way human me does. He's protective of you, you know. I love you and you mean so many different things to me, but he sees you a bit differently. Sort of like a possession, one of his own, he wants to keep you safe and protected. He wasn't happy when he found out that Victoria was after you, he was angry that she's a threat to you. That's why I was so angry too, especially when you wanted to leave Forks and give yourself to her, neither of us was happy about that. It was incredibly stupid by the way… Can you promise me you won't do that?"
"I promise, I know I don't know most of the pack very well but I trust you guys. If you say you can handle Victoria then I will trust that you can. Emily seems confident about you guys and I should be too."
He looked incredibly relieved by my answer. "Speaking of Emily, we gotta go. I will never hear the end of it if I keep you for much longer. She really wants to get to know you."
I leaned my head back and to the side to look at up him. "Why?" I wondered aloud.
He smiled, "She said you have a beautiful soul."
I smiled back, "I think that's the best compliment I've ever received." I stood up and let him get to his feet, he was about to kneel down again but I grasped onto his arm to stop him. "Wait!"
He raised an eyebrow, silently questioning me.
"Can I see your wolf form?" I asked eagerly.
He looked back at me in surprise. "You want to see my wolf form?"
"Well yeah, I mean I barely saw one yesterday but he was far and unconscious so it doesn't really count…. Am I not allowed to?" I bit my lip.
"Of course you can, but after yesterday, after what happened, I thought you'd be scared to." He smiled at me as he saw my resolve and continued, "Ok but we have to go into the woods. Gotta make sure no one sees." He leaned down and swooped me into his arms, I laughed, surprised by his quick movement. I placed my arms around his neck and then kissed him on his cheek.
When we reached the forest, we quickly found an open space and he gently placed me back on my feet.
"Here's perfect. I can't hear anyone nearby so we're alone. Stay here and don't move. I have to move further away from you before phasing." He said as he walked further away from me and turned to face me. Now that we were ok again my eyes were able to take note of his new and improved body, he was hot before but now... "Enjoying the view?" He asked, smirking at me. "Well, it's about to get better, I have to take my shorts off." He said with a wink and I giggled. "Our bodies don't shift with our clothes, if we're wearing them when we do they shred."
He pulled his pants off and threw them on the floor of a nearby tree, no underwear underneath. Hmmmm... He stood there for a second, letting me ogle him for a beat longer and then the next a wolf appeared in his place. It all happened too fast for my human eyes to catch but he was beautiful as a wolf too. His fur a shiny chocolate brown color, he slowly walked towards me and leaned his head down to my hand, nudging it with his nose. I grazed my hand along his muzzle and up the rest of his head. Scratching the back of his ear like I would a dog, he released a contended noise making me smile. "You know I've always wanted a puppy." I lightly commented.
He huffed and then lifted his head to mine and licked the side of my face in retaliation.
"Ew, that's so gross!" I yelled, as I wiped his drool off my face. "You don't fight fair." I pouted. He made a noise again which sounded an awful lot like a laugh. That was so weird. I shook my head and stuck my tongue out at him. I suddenly got an amazing idea.
"Can I ride you back to Emily's?"
He stopped laughing and backed away from me. Oops did I overstep or something?
He quickly shifted back to his human self and walked back towards me, completely naked. "Are you sure?" He asked, as he wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me towards him. I could feel his entire form pressed up against me, I won't lie, I was getting turned on. His smell and the firm grasp he had on my waist were doing things to me. I placed my hands on his arms and I could feel the muscles beneath his skin. He was so confidently naked, if I could eat him alive I think I would.
I swallowed, and looked up to him, meeting his eyes. "Yeah," I whispered "is that against the rules or something?"
He gave me a devilish smirk, "Oh no baby, you can ride me anytime you want."
Holy hell, can he not… my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the forcefulness of his kiss. He walked me back until I was pressed up against a tree and then he lifted me in the air. I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist. His tongue delving deep into my mouth and I wanted that mouth to suddenly be somewhere else. I realized I'd missed him in more ways than one, I wanted to consume him… I wanted him to consume me. He started pressing kisses down my face and down to my neck, quickly making his way to my chest. I was breathing faster now.
I don't know if he was being more intense than he had been before because of the wolf or because he was still afraid of losing me. Either way, I was enjoying myself thoroughly. I felt his right hand leave my waist and suddenly it was roughly lifting my shirt up along with my bra, uncovering my breasts before him. He sucked my nipple into his mouth and I moaned at the wonderful feeling it produced. He was moving his way to my left breast and rubbed his face against both my breasts before returning to the left one and sucking my nipple into his mouth. Holy shit, I moaned and threw my head back when he slightly bit it, making me tug on the short strands of hair on his head. I missed his long hair but I could still manage it with the new do. He released my nipple and began to kiss me again, releasing me only so I could breathe again.
"You don't know how much I missed you Baby" he whispered as I felt his hand start sliding down my stomach as he talked and I knew exactly where he was going. Yes! Please yes! I needed the release. The world could fall apart at this point, but nothing mattered as he slid his hand into my jeans and under my panties. He swirled his finger on my clit and I threw my head back on a moan, he was watching me so intently. I could feel his gaze on my face, until he lowered his head again to capture my nipple. Just as he did so his hand rubbed a little rougher, slipping two fingers into me. I knew I was coming soon, I could feel the tightening in my lower extremities, my stomach in a knot just waiting for my climax to hit. He stopped sucking on my nipple but didn't release it out of his mouth. Instead he began talking over it, "You're so close, baby. Just let go." As he finished speaking he sucked my nipple harder than he had earlier, the pleasure mixed with the pain was just what I needed and I fell over. My climax hitting me like an avalanche, my head thrown back in pure pleasure. He slipped his hand out of my jeans and proceeded to put them in his mouth sucking on his fingers. Was this fucking real?
"You taste so good. I need to have more." he said as he slipped down onto his knees in front of me, roughly pulling my jeans and underwear down my legs almost tearing them in his haste. He spread my legs without preamble and licked me from bottom to top swiling his tongue around my clit, yes!
He barely had a chance to do it twice when he leaned away from me, breathing out in a huff and pressing his forehead against my stomach trying to get himself under control again.
Really? He was about to stop now? I was about to protest when I heard him start to speak.
"Fuck, I don't want to stop but I have to. My phone already rang twice. If I miss it again, they'll come looking for us, thinking something's wrong. We gotta go." He finished.
"I really hate them right now" I complained, "they have the worst timing."
He chuckled as he helped me back into my clothes. He kissed me and I couldn't help myself. I grabbed his penis and stroked him twice. He moaned into my mouth, breaking our kiss. "Ugh, I really hate them too right now... It's ringing again. We really have to go baby." He said and I immediately released him. He jogged back to his pants that were lying on the forest floor, digging in the pockets looking for his phone and answered.
"Hey… Yeah sorry, we'll head back now." He answered, quickly hanging up. He turned to face me again and I realized he was holding onto his hardened cock. Hot. He closed his eyes in concentration until his body relaxed, making me incredibly sad.
He pulled my attention back to my face and chuckled. "So if you're still planning to ride me, there is a couple of rules." he said with a cheeky grin. "Wait until I kneel down in my wolf form. When you climb on, grab onto my hair with a firm grip and squeeze your legs around my body as much as you can. I don't want you to fall off, got it?"
I couldn't help but laugh at all the double meanings in that sentence. "Got it."
"Oh and grab my shorts for me while you're at it, please." He said and then shifted into wolf. Walking over I grabbed his shorts and climbed on top of him, placing them in between our bodies so they wouldn't fly away. I did as he said and as soon as I was settled he took off. At first he was going at a trot and then he slowly started adding speed until I had to plaster my whole body completely onto his.
It was exhilarating, feeling the air blowing my hair away. Everything was slightly blurry but I could still distinguish what I was seeing, for the most part. It was much less disorienting than when vampires carried me while they ran. With vampires I couldn't feel any movement whatsoever, other than the scenery blurring before my eyes, it was unsettling. With Jacob though, I could feel his body beneath mine. His bones shifting back and forth with the movement of his legs, the stretching of his muscles, the calm beating of his heart, the warmth of his body, the feel of his fur surrounding me. It was a combination of all of this that gave me a sense of comfort, knowing that something alive was carrying me. He started to slow back down to a jog and then a trot until he stopped completely. I could barely see Emily's house behind the trees in front of us and I knew we had arrived. Jacob laid down on the ground and I took that as my signal to get off. I gently climbed off of him, so as not to hurt him or myself. I cannot wait until this boot comes off, let me tell you. Actually now that I think about it my appointment was next Wednesday and as a bonus I got to get outta school early that day as well... even better!
I decided to leave his shorts by a tree and slowly started walking out of the forest, knowing Jacob would catch up. I had just cleared the trees when an arm draped over my shoulders. I tilted my head upwards and to the side. Seriously, this guy got taller after that whole wolf transformation.
Jacob was smiling brightly at me, "That was fun, it's the first time I've ever carried someone on my back. I'm so glad you're not scared of my wolf form."
I smiled back, "Why would I be? I know it's still you."
Jacob smiled fondly at me and placed a kiss on my temple. We had reached the house and were walking up the steps, we entered and were surprised to see no one there just Emily and Sam sitting on the sofa.
"Sorry we took so long, everyone went home already?" Jacob asked. Looking around as if someone would appear through a door or something.
"Yeah, they were too hungry to wait for you guys to come back." Emily replied. "Are you guy's hungry?"
"Starving!" Jacob exclaimed as I simply said, "Sure, I can eat."
Emily laughed, "Of course you're starving, you bottomless pit." She walked towards the table and sat down as Sam continued onto the kitchen. Jacob pointed for me to sit and walked into the kitchen as well. I sat accross from Emily as we lightly chatted about inconsequential things Sam and Jacob brought our plates already served. Jacob placed my plate in front of me and my eyes widened.
"Uh Jake? I can't eat all that." Was he trying to fatten me up or something? There was a giant pile of food on my plate. It almost made me nauseous just looking at it. There was no way I would eat all that, I could make a dent buuut…
Emily giggled, "Don't worry Bella, you don't have to finish it." Then she pointed at her plate which was also piled high with food. "The wolves eat a lot so they think everyone eats like them. They forget we're normal humans who only need normal portions of food." Pointing her gaze to Sam, who smiled and shrugged his shoulders in response. "But more than that, they just use it as an excuse to eat more by offering to eat our leftovers." She finished, rolling her eyes.
I turned to look at Jacob and he smiled and winked. Laughing I started to dig in, and as I ate it made me realize I was actually hungry. The fried chicken was delicious as well as her mashed potatoes, which had bits of bacon and chives in it. Bacon and chives are always winners for me. She also made this creamy corn side, I don't know what the hell it was but it was delicious too. "Your cooking is so good Emily. You have to give me the recipe for this corn." I complimented.
"Thank you Bella. I'd love to share my recipe for it. One of my aunt's used to make it at every family gathering and I bugged her until she gave me the recipe." She said laughingly. "Which was good because she passed away 2 years after that. I figured I would keep her tradition going, so now I do the same. At home though, I make it all the time and Sam loves it too. Did you see how much he put on his plate?"
"No, I couldn't really see past the pile of fried chicken to see what else was there." I said teasingly and I got a loud laugh from Emily and a playful glare from Sam. Continuing to talk I added, "but it's delicious. It's great you were able to continue her tradition after her passing. I'm sure she'd be grateful if she knew."
"I think so too." She smiled gently.
We continued to eat our food having a pleasant conversation. Well mostly me and Emily, the guys were too busy stuffing their faces with food. Emily had to scold them a few times, which I found rather funny, she was like the mom in charge around here. At least that's what I had noticed. Good for her, I'm sure it was difficult to gain the respect she got from a bunch of teenagers… temperamental teenage wolves at that. She invited me to come over the next day but I refused, saying I needed to catch up on my house chores.
Technically, I wasn't lying. I was so caught up in all this chaos that I didn't have the time nor the brain power to worry about normal human things. But I also just needed space, there was a lot going on and I just wanted a little break to process everything.
We chatted for a bit longer and then I told them I had to start heading home. They reminded me to come over whenever I wanted, no invitation required. They made it a point to convey to me that I was a part of them now and I could come and go as I pleased, just like the wolves. It was so strange to have an abnormal group of people, living distinctly different lives from the rest of La Push, being so down to earth and welcoming. Knowing they considered me an insider now convinced me more that no matter how scared I was, I needed to learn how to use my power. If I could help keep myself safe, I could lighten their load immensely. I hated having this 24/7 protection, it wasn't fair for whoever had to do it. I felt incredibly guilty for it, but I tried not to overthink it. All that would accomplish is stressing me out even further, and no matter if I disagreed or not they would still do it because they cared. It was a humbling feeling.
Jacob followed me home, realizing Charlie was already asleep in his room he followed me in, carrying me up the stairs. He stayed for the night, Charlie remaining ignorant to Jacob's sleepover of course.
"I'm so glad we're good now Bella, you don't know how scared I was that I'd lose you. I'm beyond happy that you found out and things worked out."
I was laying with my head on his arm, his soft breathing next to me and his hand lightly brushing my hair. "Yeah, I'm happy too." but I couldn't agree with everything he's just said. I still didn't agree with his course of action and nothing could erase those weeks I went without him. It still hurt the way he treated me but I wanted to get past it and move on.
For now though, I ignored these negative feelings… but something inside me told me things wouldn't be ok for long. That thought alone set me on the course for a restless sleep that night.