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Sins of the Crow

Futaba's heart was pounding in her chest. She struggled to breathe. She felt sick.

Maybe it was the steady lurch of the cruise ship as it swayed in a harsh sea. Maybe it was the sight of her friends wrestling against their enemy. Ryuji was knocked down. Ann was in need of healing. Haru and Ren were on the offensive against their enemy.

Not just any enemy, though. This wasn't some Shadow, or even some crook or criminal.

This was Goro Akechi. The man who murdered her mother.

Part of her wished she could have fought him head to head. It felt right. The kind of story she'd hear in one of her animes. The climax of a tale of revenge and murder, but Futaba knew that if she tried to fight Akechi one on one, she wouldn't last long. Fighting him was suicide for her, and Futaba had fought that particular demon a long time ago...

And so she played her role as best as she could. She supported her team, cheering them on, giving them power and strength whenever she could. She did everything she could to help as the battle was waged. Most of her friends were bleeding by now. He may have been just one man, but Akechi was strong.

But it didn't mean he was invincible.

Haru had entered Beast Mode as soon as the fight started. She chose violence and Futaba was both amazed and shocked at the intensity of her attacks.

"AHHH!" Haru slammed her axe down, barely missing Akechi, who sidestepped the attack. He swung his sword to counterattack, only for Haru to push the sword up, using the staff part of her axe to block the attack. She kicked Goro back, before she reached behind her back.

She produced her grenade launcher and fired it with one hand. The shot missed, but it caused an explosion behind Akechi, throwing him forward. Haru met him with her arm slamming into his face, clotheslining him and throwing him onto the ground. He cried out from the attack as Haru lifted up her foot and drove it down to where Akechi's head was. He rolled out of the way, barely dodging her stomp.

"Stupd bitch!" he hissed, holding his sword tightly in his hands as he swung it at Haru again. She stepped back, dodging his first attacks, before she grabbed the handle of her axe and spun around, using her momentum to swing the weapon at him.

"Ahh!" The two weapons collided with one another, and Futaba felt the wind blow against her as both fighters stumbled back.

"Loki!" Akechi roared, pointing at Haru. His Persona was summoned before him, before it flew at Haru. Her eyes widened, before something shot past her. Ren's Persona was fast, happy to protect his ally.

Arsene and Loki clashed as the boat trembled from the collision. Futaba did her part, using her own Persona to help heal Haru and strengthen Ren.

The battle continued and soon Akechi was on the ground, coughing up blood as he glared at the victors. The Phantom Thieves. Futaba hid behind the others. She wished she was as brave as they were, but with no combat skills, Futaba had to stand behind them.

And she watched and listened as the others talked to the man who murdered her mother. Eventually, Ryuji said something that stabbed Futaba right through the heart.

"In the end, I… I couldn't be special."

"Dude," Ryuji sighed, stepping forward. "You're more than special."

Futaba had seen plenty of anime before where the hero offered a forgiving hand to the villain. She thought it was cool. Cliche, but a good use of character.

But real life was nothing like those stories. She saw the hand Ryuji wanted to offer to Goro and she hated them both for it. One flash of anger that made her nails dig into the palms of her hands. That made her grind her teeth as she heard the sympathy in Ryuji's voice.

Futaba's eyes turned towards Ann, staring at a conflict in her soul. "I'm… sorry for what happened to you. No one should ever have to… go through what you did," she muttered.

Sympathy. Pity. Whatever you wanted to call it, Futaba hated it.

"You could have been someone amazing, you know… You're smart, strong, and determined," Makoto confessed. "And Sae… She really did trust you," she whispered. "But you wasted it all for revenge. Shido ruined your life, but he didn't do it alone."

"You think… you think I did this to myself? That I asked for this?" Goro growled, glaring at the others.

Futaba looked at Haru. She expected the woman to say something, but she was quiet, staring right through Goro. Nothing.

"We're going to take Shido down. What are you going to do?" Ryuji asked.

"You could come along?" Ann suggested. "Help us finish things?"

Ren said nothing. Haru said nothing. Futaba screamed. She roared. She screamed with such hate that her throat ached for a moment.

"No!" Everyone turned to Futaba, shock in many of their eyes. Not Haru, though. She kept her eyes on Goro. "I don't care what happened to him! I don't care how bad you feel for him! I'll never work alongside him!"

"Futaba, h-hey!" Ryuji moved towards her, his arms reaching out to try and calm her down. "Look, Shido's the one who-"

"Who killed my mom?! Who killed Haru's dad?! Who tried to kill Joker?!" Futaba screamed, and shoved Ryuji back. The blond stumbled, nearly falling over as he saw a side of Futaba that he had never seen before.

"No! That was him! Akechi ruined my life, but you're all just willing to forgive him?! No! No! No! No!" she screamed, tears falling down her face. "I'd rather die than let him walk free!"

"Futaba-" Ann was stopped as Makoto grabbed her arm.

"She's right, Ann. We can't trust him."

"But Makoto, e-even you said-"

"I said he was smart and strong, but he's a monster. For all of his strength, he wasted it, and that's all he is. A waste of humanity," Makoto spat. "In the end, he made his choice, and we have to make ours."

"Do we bring him in now…? Or deal with Shido first?" Ren wondered aloud, glaring daggers at Akechi.

"Shido is a greater threat than Akechi. In the end, this is a child throwing a tantrum. If we stick together, we can always surpass him," Yusuke stated, a logical take from the passionate artist. "We should focus on Shido for now."

Ryuji and Ann were clearly more hesitant than the others, but Futaba felt something twisting in her gut. She sucked in air through her teeth as she glared at Akechi, balling her hands into fists. The thought of him walking free. The thought of him going unpunished… The thought that he believed he was innocent because life was hard for him.

It sickened her.

And she made that known as she walked towards him.

"You think, just because you had a hard life that makes any of this okay?!"

"I don't need to explain myself to yo-" His eyes gave way to shock as she cut him off, spitting venom at him once more.

"You can go to hell! I'll never forgive you for what you stole from me! From everyone! Go to hell! I-I hate you!" Futaba screamed, and she would have marched right up to Akechi if Haru didn't hold her back.

She would have entered the maw of the dragon if it meant she got to kick his teeth in.

Of course, then the other Goro Akechi appeared, and the rest was history.

The memory lingered as Futaba woke up in a cold sweat, laying in bed. The heat burned her body even in her chilly room as she sat up, staring at the wall with an empty, darkened heart. Another dream about that moment. Her final words to Akechi… Everything she had gone through and done with her friends by her side.

She had hoped bringing Akechi to justice would have ended this emptiness in her, that she could finally move on, but… but here was she. Lingering on the past. Letting that monster haunt her…

She hated him.

It was a beautiful summer day in Tokyo. Haru Okumaru took a deep breath of the warm air, before letting it go. She smiled as she stared up at the sky, admiring the white clouds gliding over a sea of blue. Or rather, under?

She smiled at the thought. It was a good day today, but soon she'd have company to make it even better.

She had invited Futaba to come out and spend the day with her. They had no real plans. They'd meet at the park and then they'd just walk around, having a good time together.

Haru waited for Futaba… and she waited… and waited.

Minutes became an hour as Haru began to grow very worried. The two had hung out several times before this and Haru was very used to Futaba's eccentricities. The young woman had been late for prior engagements before, sometimes due to a live stream running over the planned time, sometimes because she simply misjudged the time, but this was different.

Haru knew Futaba's interests well enough to know that none of Futaba's favorite streamers were on right now. Something was off, and Haru soon pushed herself onto her feet. She stood up from the bench and she began to look for her young friend.

She walked around the park, worry and fear growing in her chest. She feared the worst for her from her young friend, but thankfully that fear was mitigated when Haru found her.

"Futaba?"

The young hacker was sitting beside a tree, her glasses in one hand as the other hand rubbed against her eyes. She sniffled quietly, having not even noticed Haru's approach. "Futaba?" No response. Haru stretched her hand to Futaba, and when those fingers brushed against her hair, Futaba's eyes shot up.

She looked at Haru, her mouth agape. She tried to speak as Haru simply smiled at her.

"It's okay, Futaba."

Haru turned around and sat down beside Futaba, smiling at the young woman. Futaba said nothing, merely staring off into space.

"It's a nice day today, huh?" offered Haru as Futaba glanced at the blue sky, before looking at Haru again. She nodded her head as Haru grinned. "I'm glad you could come out to meet me during it. We can just stare at the clouds together."

Futaba bit her lower lip, nodding her head once more. She knew what Haru meant. She knew Haru was just giving her an out to avoid talking about what was clearly ailing her. The two women sat under the tree together, staring up at the sky with a comfortable silence between them.

Futaba laid her head on Haru's shoulder, resting on it as the older woman's warmth washed over her. It was… peaceful.

It was almost enough to make her forget her nightmare. It did give her the space she needed to center herself, and eventually Futaba whispered her gratitude to Haru.

"Thanks." Haru just placed an arm on her shoulder and pulled the younger woman into a one armed hug.

"Anytime."

"I'm… sure you're wondering what's wrong with me."

"We all have days like this," Haru quickly argued. "That's just how life is, Futaba." Another quick, one-armed hug. "You can tell me, but only if you want."

Futaba nodded her head, before she let out a heavy sigh. "It's about… Akechi."

Immediately Futaba could see a shift in Haru's mood. Her smile fell and her eyes seemed a million miles away. It lasted only for a moment, before Haru was right back there, staring at Futaba.

"I'm here, Futaba. You can tell me."

"I just… I can't stop thinking about him." Futaba's hand fell down to her side, clutching at the grass, tearing at it as she buried her face between her knees. "Everything he did. T-to me. To you. To everyone.

"I've been having nightmares lately. About… everything," she whispered.

"It's understandable," Haru replied, softly. "We had to fight Shido, Yaldabaoth, Maruki, and then Ren went to prison and we had to help him escape… Everything we had to go through," the woman sighed. "It leaves little time to process. All of us… Especially you."

"I just… I hate him. I still hate him, a-and I don't know if I'm doing something wrong. Everyone else seems to be moving on after what happened, but I… I'm broken," Futaba whimpered, sniffling quietly as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.

She wiped them away, letting out a hot sigh as pulled more blades of grass from the ground. Then she felt Haru pull her into a hug again, holding her tight. An embrace that Futaba melted into, trembling and quietly crying into her arms. They were far enough into the park to be left alone, letting Futaba's cry echo in the emptiness of the park.

"Listen to me very closely, Futaba. You are not broken. You aren't. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You're hurting, and you're hurting because someone hurt you and did something horrible to you. You didn't do anything."

"But you… He hurt you too," Futaba whispered. "And you're okay."

"Oh."

For the first time, in a long time, Haru felt a blade of guilt stab right through her heart. She bit down on her lower lip, trying to find the words as she clung to Futaba. "I-I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I… The truth is, I was trying to set an example. I thought that if you saw me okay, you'd find a way to be okay. I… I shouldn't have been so passive. I should have spoken to you. I should have-"

"H-hey. Hey, it's okay," Futaba quickly argued, breaking the hug just so she and Haru could stare the other in the eyes. The orange-haired woman rubbed her tears away before she placed her hands on Haru's shoulders. "It's like you said. We've been busy."

Haru nodded her head as Futaba's eyes fell to the ground, then rose back up to face Haru. "But I… I would like to talk about it. H-how you feel. How you felt. E-everything we went through, and, uh… him."

"Then I'll tell you." Her hand gently stroked Futaba's hand, a loving gesture as the glasses-wearing woman blushed. "But this stays between us, okay? I… I don't know if I'm ready to let the others know."

"I understand."

"Good… Then the truth is that I hated him too." Haru spoke the words so simply. So easily. Futaba was almost sure she had misheard her at first. She blinked, staring at Haru with wide eyes as the auburn-haired beauty remained silent. Then she spoke again.

"I hated him with all of my heart. A part of me… a big part of me hopes he's rotting in hell right now."

"O-oh." Futaba couldn't really argue that point, but to hear Haru, the normally kind and supportive older sister, speak with such ice in her voice… It was like watching Yusuke spit on art, or the idea of Ren abandoning his friends for his ideals.

It couldn't happen.

It felt crazy.

And yet, there she was.

"I hated everything he did. I hated him for who he was and what he did. I didn't feel anything for him but hate, and I wanted him dead."

"Did you… When we were there, did you want to-?"

"I wanted to kill him." Haru left no room for confusion. She was brutally honest and simple. Nothing but contempt for the man who took so much from them. "And it wasn't even just for my father. It was for everything he did, and everyone he hurt."

She let out a bitter chuckle. She shook her head with a sigh. "I used to watch heroes on TV fight evil, spare the villain, offer a hand of friendship, and it all seemed so easy. So natural. I wished I had their strength."

"Do you think if things had been different… You would have… y-y'know?" Futaba muttered, unable to speak those simple words.

"I wanted to… but I couldn't forgive him. Not after everything he did. I don't think I can forgive him, but I at least understand why he ended up the way he did," Haru replied with a shrug. "Maybe part of me pitied him."

Futaba was quiet for a moment. The words on her tongue were ones she didn't take lightly. This was something she had months to ponder. Weeks to dwell on one simple question…

"If I had the power… I think I would have killed him," Futaba confessed. And she hated herself for it. Some small part of her felt bitterness and hate twisting around the other, and then guilt would wash over it all.

A sick cocktail that made Futaba feel sick.

"I wanted him to die. I wanted him to suffer just like my mom did. I wanted him to… to kill himself," Futabs spat, hugging herself, digging her own nails into her body. "And I hate that I couldn't make him pay for it all."

"You wanted revenge."

"Yeah," she sniffled. "I knew he had a hard life. I get it, but I don't fucking care!" she hissed. "What right did he have to kill my mom? He tried killing Ren! He tried killing you! It's like everyone I loved was on his hit list!"

Tears fell down Futaba's face as she ground her teeth. She gasped for air, choking down a sob as Haru embraced her once more. She held onto the shorter woman, clinging to her as Futaba felt snot drip from her nose. She wiped it away.

"Nothing that happened justifies what he did. He had a choice, just like everyone else."

"I know… I know," Haru replied. "I keep coming to that same realization, but it never sits right with me. I want to be like the heroes of justice I loved as a child, but I never realized just how hard such a thing was. In real life, forgiveness almost seems impossible," Haru muttered, and Futaba just spat out more venom towards the recently deceased.

"He was a monster. He didn't deserve forgiveness."

"Maybe not," Haru shrugged. "But you don't deserve this hate either."

"What?" Futaba's eyes widened as Haru moved her head so that their eyes met one another.

"You have every right to hate him. You and I suffered the most because of him. After everything he did to us, I wouldn't blame you for hating him, but I just… I'm worried about what holding onto it will do to you."

Futaba's eyes widened as Haru continued, tears pooling in the older woman's eyes. "Holding onto hate is like poison. It eats you up inside. I-I'm not saying forget your mother, o-or that you should just get over it, but you have to be willing to let go one day, or else it'll ruin your life." Haru pecked Futaba's forehead, before squeezing her in another tight hug. "And I don't want that to happen. Ever."

"How?" Futaba sighed, staring at the pile of grass she made from picking at the floor. "I-I don't know how. I don't know if I can."

"I do," Haru swore, squeezing Futaba a little harder. "They say the greatest revenge is to live a good life. I choose to follow that belief every day. I won't let the hate I feel corrupt me like it did him. I won't let my mind stay in the past. The past should be remembered, but it shouldn't hurt you anymore."

Neither said anything as the two clung to one another. Futaba eventually spoke, a weak whimper brushing against her lip.

"D-do you think it's corrupting me?" she asked.

Haru only hesitated for a moment, and only because she couldn't comprehend the idea of Futaba being corrupted. "No. Not at all. He held on to his hate for years, and it consumed him. You haven't done anything of the sort."

"I just don't know how I'm supposed to live a good life when I feel like this. I still hear his voice, and I still have nightmares about what happened. It's like I'm trapped, and nothing I can do can get me out," Futaba choked.

"You aren't alone," Haru swore, squeezing the smaller woman. "And that can be the key." The two stared into the other's eyes as Haru smiled at her younger friend. "I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I'm going to help you, Futaba. You can talk to me about anything, and I'll be there for you."

"Can I… can I be there for you too?" she muttered, and Haru's smile shined just a little brighter.

"Of course. I knew you would be!"

It was wrong to say that Futaba was back to normal, but she certainly felt a little better. She leaned on Haru, resting in her embrace for what felt like hours.

"Can we spend the night together? I… don't want to be alone." And Haru agreed. She called Sojiro, and together the two were able to convince the older man about letting Futaba spend the night at Haru's.

As they got up and headed to the train station to return to Haru's place, Futaba glanced at her friend.

"Thanks, Haru…"

END