Chapter 1
I'm a What Now?
~7 Years Later~
The sound of head meeting bar-stool rung throughout Southtown's (only) bar - unintentionally gathering the attention of the other four occupants within the partially empty establishment. The foreign blonde with the expensive, yet weathered cloths that had just staggered in had all but collapsed onto one of the stools at the bar front. Everyone seemed to regard the blonde briefly but otherwise turned back to their activities.
Nico, the bartender, was the only one to not disregard the obviously disheveled man; albeit, more for personal gain than sympathy. The tall, broad, white haired, bearded man with a beer belly had been in this line of work for a good quarter of his life. Serving nobles, knights and even mercenaries since he was but a lad, he knew what signs to look for in the everyday passerby. Going by the traveling pack, the messy (somehow spikey) hair that went down to his waist, the leaves covering his clearly foreign attire that consisted of a black jacket with orange weirldy styled pants combined with black combat boots and what looked like a headband strapped around his neck, and finally, the scraggly beard he could see from the side of the blonde's face, Nico could tell this man had been through hell and back in the past few hours - and if that entrance was anything to go by, he came here specifically to forget at least half of it. If that was the case, then that meant business, and business got him coin.
Wasting no time, Nico placed down the mug he was cleaning and headed straight for the back. Not a minute later, he was in front of the blonde with a mug of his finest. Placing it in front of the blonde's head, what he saw when the man looked up to him was completely expected. Eyes as bloodshot as an Ylissean Fireball (and damn good piece of candy) and a beard that looked as if it hadn't been taken care of in a fortnight. Yes, this man had been through hell for damn sure. Gods, even his voice sounded dehydrated for Naga's sake. When was the last time he even had water?... or a mint?... or a shower...?
"... I haven't ordered yet."
Nico snorted. "Friend, if I've learned anything in ma years it's that no man comes to a bar to drink water. You look and smell like you wrestled a wyvern and came here to forget it, so here ma offer in good faith. First rounds' on the house, traveler."
If the set up couldn't get any better, literal rivers of tears began pouring down the young man's face.
"Y-you're a good man, Bartender!"
Said bartender barked out a laugh at the foreigner's exuberance. Normally, this would be the time where he'd crack a joke to get the customer more comfortable and spend more coin than he otherwise would have, but the sight of the man gulping down the rum like water told him there was little need. The mug was empty in seconds and the man was already asking for more - a sentiment the bartender was all too happy to oblige.
And just as he'd thought, 45 minutes, 17 mugs, and even more stories later, the blonde's tongue was looser than a belt at an Ylissean brothel. The man was barely coherent, but of all the drunks he'd had the pleasure of dealing with over the years, this was hands down the... weirdest...
"Sheven yearsh. Sheven, YEARSH I be lookin' fer dis bitch and hwat do I fine? A buncha trees, lots of shirtless old men who don' even know der elbow from der proshtates, women, wabbit people, a new little shister, a deshert, more women, a cult, bandits, a hot mage who I'm sure hash daddy issues, snow, a hot khan who reeeeally wants me, even hotter woman, a new fetish, a shut-in, bandits, a LOT of twin rwedheads, a princess and her overly-protective brother, a dragon lady who puts all other hot women on dis lish to shame, a vegan warlord, the ugliest dwarf I eva sheen in ma life, even hotter woman, and finally, Santa fucking Claus and I STILL have no clue where dat bitch is!" finishing his tirade for the forth consecutive time, the blonde followed by draining the remaining rum in his mug and slamming it, and his face, on the bar-stool. His unfocused eyes circled the mug as he traced a finger along it's rim.
"...Ish it because I'm ugly?" there was finally a moment of silence in the bar. Sadly (depending on the perspective) the blonde ruined it by bursting into raucous laughter; the wooden stale creaking under the man's powerful slaps against its surface. "Aaaaaaah, youz a funny man, Uzunaki."
Nico shook his head in an attempt to mask his smirk. Drunk or no, at least the blonde was a highly amusing. However, his amusement ended abruptly when the man began shaking his mug upside down. To no one but the blonde's surprise, it was empty; again. Not even looking into said mug brought back the liquid he'd already inhaled so he did the logical thing and (shakily) held the mug out to ask for a refill as if his gut wasn't already drowned with ale.
"Oooooh no you don't. You've had more than enough, friend." The blonde actually looked betrayed, like it was his fault he was drunk.
"But I'ont even feel it yet!"
Nico stared at the blonde straight-faced. "Friend, you can barely sit straight and you've had 17 mugs of the strongest rum I have on stock. If yer not hammered then I'm a Plegian Lizard."
"Nuh uh," the blonde retorted childishly. "I know what thish is! Yer trying ta keep all da booze to yer self, aren'cha! How could chu, Santa-shan! Ish thish how you treat all yer paying cushtomers? Or is it because I'm blonde? Thash it! Ish because I'm blonde, ishn't it?"
"Yea, stop being selfish old man and give the man what he wants."
Ignoring the laughing in the background, the Nico held up three fingers before the blonde's face to, hopefully, prove a point. "Kay, friend. How many fingers am I holdin' up?"
He had to give the blonde credit for trying if nothing else. Squinting while leaning forward on the counter to keep him steady, the foreigner seemed to run the numbers through his head to get the right answer to the 'quiz'... only to get frustrated not 5 seconds in. "Stop moving dang it! I can't shee with you multiplying n'shit!" The fact Nico hadn't even moved a muscle should have been proof enough of the blonde's intoxication but the blonde didn't seem to see it that way. "T-two... Four? No, eight. No-"
"You're drunk."
"Wait! No! It's six! It's six! Final answer!"
"You're drunk!"
"Fine! I fail that test, but I'll past da next one for shure! Gimme the next test already, dattebayo!"
Without hesitation (or much thought), Nico reached out and with the strength of a newborn, pushed the blonde backwards. It might as well looked like he'd thrown a punch from how the blonde toppled over like a tree. The was a soft 'URGH' followed by loud laughter as the blonde now laid on his back with his legs stretched over his head. It was quite the comical site and even Nico couldn't stop the smirk continuously twitching on his face despite his best efforts.
After laying there for a good 30 seconds, the man flipped over to his stomach, crawled up to his stool till he was seated upright and starred at the white haired man with a poker face so good Nico momentarily forgot he was hammered.
"...That only proves yer a dick- not that I'm drunk."
You will not stoop to a drunk man's level. You will not stoop to a drunk man's level. You will NOT.
"Look," the bartender spoke calmly after his mental mantra, "Just pay your tab and go home, brat. It's a busy day and you're disturbing my customers."
The foreigner looked at the old man with squinted eyes, looked back to the three other people in the bar, then looked back.
"Either you got ghost that I cant shee, of you're more blind dan I am - and I'm drunk."
The business owner did what he believed was the adult decision and walked away. The sound of the man calling him once more followed by something hard hitting wood and snoring told him he'd made the right choice. Let the man sleep it off and deal with him in a few hours. He'd get his coin either way, but considering he was dealing with a foreign noble and one that had caused him so, albeit slight, embarrassment, no one would blame him for raising his prices a coin or two. Hmph, serves the dastard right for embarrassing him in his own bar.
His thought process came to a crashing halt as the unmistakable sound of screaming followed by panicked footsteps were heard beyond the tavern doors. From how the other occupants suddenly jumped up they heard the noise too. Nico immediately put the mug he was cleaning down and went to the edge of the bar counter. His customers all looked to with hope in their eyes that prayed he knew what was going on outside. He didn't have an answer, but he didn't need to give one.
Before he could even leave his bar, the front door slammed open and in marched a bare-chested, broad shouldered man carrying an axe over his shoulder that was dripping with a red liquid that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than blood. The mood in the bar shifted instantly and the only thing anyone heard next was the sound of their heart beats, the screams coming from outside, and the words spoken to them in broken Archanean that clearly held a Plegian accent.
"List'n up, sheep! Han' over all yer coin an most of ye'll leave 'ere alive!"
No one so much as breathed wrong as the man first went up to the only table currently occupied in the establishment. Meanwhile, Nico didn't move a muscle. His hands never left from the top of the bar-stool and he made extra sure to keep his eyes on the brigand that was currently robbing his life's work. The 62-year-old man had been through this procedure before in his life and every time he'd giving the dastards what they wanted despite having a physique that could clearly match the brute looting them. It's not that he was scared. No, he lived through a war for Naga's sake and has seen worst things than any in this bar. A man holding a bloody axe over his shoulder was kiddish compared to the things he'd seen in his old years. The problem here was, going from the sound outside, this man wasn't alone. This man came in a pack and was ready for resistance which meant any form of opposition would be dealt with swiftly and brutally; the damn cowards.
There was nothing he could do in this situation. Not even when the brute backhanded the lad that had already given him what he wanted could he do anything. Not even when the two friends spoke up could he do anything. Not even as the brute's anger spiked from the backtalk and his axe raised and ready to be used once more on another living being. He could do nothing.
That is, but speak up.
"Leave the youngsters alone and take my coin already, ya dastard!"
The bar went quiet aside from the screaming outside. Attention was now firmly on the unwavering bartender and said man didn't even flinch. The axe that was about to cut down one of his fellow townsmen slowly lowered to the ground and a wicked grin began splitting the brigands face as he marched over to his senior. Nico moved, but instead of pulling out a weapon like the bandit clearly thought from the way he momentarily stopped (the coward) he pulled out a bag that jingled with the sweet sound of coin. The brigands smile widened further and his confident stride continued till he was standing before the older man.
"Ya got heart, gramps - I'll give ya that," the dirty mouthed heathen spoke, teeth as rotten as his soul. The man looked as if he was about to leave but an idea clearly appeared in the brigands small brain as he sat down in a nearby stool and looked up to Nico expectantly. "Well, what are ya lookin' at me fer, gramps? This is a bar ain't it? Where's my drink?" Nico eyes narrowed at the cocky youngster but turned to grab a bottle from behind him. The rum he grabbed wasn't too expensive, but it was enough to, hopefully, please the trash sitting at his bar. He poured the glass top into the mug he was working on earlier and placed it firmly in front of the dastard. The brigand, eyes never leaving his own, snatched the mug before downing the whole thing straight. A satisfied sigh left his mouth before the mug slammed against the bar.
"Got's ta hand it to ya, gramps! Ya at least know what good booze is!" Nico said nothing, but he already knew what was coming before the man even let the words out of his dirty mouth. "Y'know what? I'll take it! All of it! A fair price fer sparrin' yer lives, no?" Nico's fist gripped and he could tell the brigand noticed from the way his posture straightened and a scowl replaced the smile. "Whatcha ballin' those fist fer, gramps? I'm being generous and ya got the nerve ta-" The man paused. Something seemed to have caught his attention in his peripheral and he looked to get a full view of it. Nico's head turned along with him and he immediately paled. "Well I'll be damned."
There was another occupant in the bar. One sleeping soundly and had gone completely forgotten up till this moment. The bartender turned back to the brigand and was met with a smile so full of greed he could hear it.
"Well why didn'cha tell me you had a walkin' piggybank, gramps!" The brigand was on the sleeping blonde before Nico could even think of anything to say. Without warning, the bigger man's foot shot out and kicked the sleeping man out of his seat and to the ground. The action clearly woke the foreigner if the grunts of discomfort leaving his lips were anything to go by. "Wakey wakey piggybank! Time ta get up'n follow da leader! We're gonna go have a word wit dat boss and maybe let'cha live after ya give us everything ya own!"
Nico knew that was a lie. No bandit worth their salt would let a noble live once they know they are foreign. The means they would have to go through to get the coin they craved, especially if they were male, was typically more hassle than it was worth for an everyday bandit. Maybe if they had the force, or means, to travel to said foreigners lands, but then they risk upsetting whatever power they invade and it was common knowledge among any Archanean that you do not bring conflict to the east or Northern Continent. It was somewhat of an unwritten rule among all Archaneans and no one has yet to break it in centuries. It might have been different if the man was an Ylissean noble, then he could possibly parlay for his life, but a foreigner here was as good as dead.
Nico held his breath as the blonde noble slowly pushed himself to his feet. His life was forfeit the moment the brigand laid eyes on him and, as much as he hated to say it, it would be better that his life was taken than the potential ones that could be if the brigands were angered. Maybe his life's work could be spared for this man's life? He felt sick just thinking it, but it was the noble's life or theirs at the moment.
To his absolute astonishment, the blonde stood with squinted eyes, stared at the smirking brigand for a good few seconds before dragging his feet to another stool and sitting down and placing his head back on the wooden structure. Then to the bandit's rage (and every other occupant in the taverns' shock), the blonde simply waved his hand in a 'shoo shoo' motion to the now red-faced brigand.
"Go home, kid. I'm not in da mood ta be dealin' with yer kine today."
Nico's, and the other three scared customers, mouth remained open even when the brigand, once again, kicked the seat from underneath the blonde. "Think ya real~ funny, eh? Was gonna let ya live after we robbed ya but now yer gonna die! Better yet, we'll skin ya alive in front of yer whole family!" The tavern owner couldn't help but to absolutely loathe himself. Even after witnessing the act before him, he still could do nothing but watch. He could make all the excuses he wanted, but at the end of the day, he was just a coward trying to save his own skin. "Now: get up, follow, or da next thing that'll lay ya out will be this axe!"
'Please listen, lad,' Nico prayed inwardly, praying that there was still a chance for the man to at least live. The blonde successfully got back to his feet, but his next action pretty much sealed his fate.
A fist swung out to the brigands muscled torso. A fist that held little to no momentum and it showed from how is practically bounced off the brigand's chiseled form. In fact, the surprise on his face was no doubt more from the shock at the blonde actually having the balls to do it.
Standing, however wobbly, the blonde rocked back and forward in a poor excuse of a boxing stance while looking as if the slightest breeze could knock him over. "Aight, pal. I tried ta let ya walk away, but ya leave me no choice. Put up ya hands! Let's settle this like men-"
It happened so fast Nico nearly missed it. One moment the blonde was standing, the next his shoulder was split apart from the bone and blood began splurting out in pools. Nico and the customers looked away and nearly lost their lunch as the axe that entered the noble's shoulder was removed roughly, allowing the blonde to fall to the ground lifelessly. And if only to prove the brigand had no soul, he grunted before swinging the blood off his axe.
"Fuckin' smartass. Fancy Fulkerson always thinkin' coin'll save their feathers," the bandit spat, turning towards the bartender that could no longer look at the scene. "Ya see this, sheep! This is what happens when ya run yer mouths instead'a followin' the butcher's orders!"
"...Monster," Nico heard one of the customers whisper out and a look of horror overcame his face for the first time. He didn't need to see the bandit to know the lad had just said the wrong thing. "Ya damn right, sheep! And since ya decided to open yer mouth, line up so I can gut you all like the sheep you-"
"Goddamn it!"
Everyone froze at the curse. Snapping their heads in the direction of the blonde that had just been slain, they were instead greeted with the shock of their lives. The blonde was back on his feet with noticeable blood soaked black jacket, hair, pants, and, by the Gods, a fresh shoulder that didn't even show a scratch.
And the man himself? He was glaring up at the now open mouthed grunt with a glare not too far from a pout. "Do you have ANY idea what you've done?" the man yelled in reprimand as he finally seemed to have sobered after... well... death. "I only have THREE of these goddamn it! THREE! Now I only have two; which is less than three!" Nico, nor anyone else for that matter, seemed to know what to say. Despite having clearly died a few moments ago (if the blood on the floor was anything to go by), the blonde still had the energy to stand on two feet and examine his clothes as if the threat that had 'killed' him wasn't still before him. "Damn, now I have to find an Anna to make me another one. Shit, and I got blood in my hair! Great. Just freakin GREAT! Now I have to shower AND change into a new pair of-"
A gurgle was the blonde's last utterance once again as the bandit's axe, this time, embedded itself halfway through the blonde's neck. The retched sound of tearing flesh and grunts of frustration as the man tried to free his axe from the, once again, dead man was all Nico could stomach to see. For the second time in less than a minute, the blonde's body fell lifelessly to the floor while the bandit spit on the corpse in spite.
"Just HAD ta be a fuckin' dark mage here of all places! Swear there's always something new with these motherfuckers. Now, back to-"
"B-By the Gods,"
The voice, once again, came from one of the customers as Nico was too shocked to even breathe. He could tell the bandit felt the same fear he was feeling considering his tanned face suddenly became a lot paler as he heard movement behind him.
Nico had seen some shit in his life. From dark magic stealing the life force from a human being, to tyrants bleeding a country dry due to his own distasteful goals, to fire breathing dragons. He. Had. Seen. Some. Shit.
But never.
Never, had he seen a man rise from the dead; twice.
Slowly turning around, Nico could see the bandit go white as he saw the blonde standing for the third time - the wound he had administered stitching itself back together before his very eyes. Blood covered half of his body and remaining cloth, but aside from the sway, the bloodshot eyes, he looked as healthy as before he was struck down.
Meanwhile, the bandit was now shaking in what was undoubtedly fear as the blonde got back in the boxers stance from before. The look on the noble's face could be described as serious, but the fact he was still swaying back and forward made the image watery at best. Nico didn't claim to understand a warrior by his stance, but if he didn't know any better, the ghost of a smirk he could see on the blonde's lips gave the tavern owner a realization that made fear leap in his own heart.
This... this man. He was not foolish-no, he was never foolish. All this time, this entire time, this man... he... he was simply toying with them - as if doing all of this simply for his own amusement.
"...I didn't hear no bell."
Just... just what exactly was standing in his bar?
The moment the brigand snapped. It could be the way the man before him was still treating this as if it was some comedy skit, or it could have been genuine fear of what would happen to him if this man actually took him seriously. What he most likely came to the conclusion was that this monster before him was a BIG threat to his continued existence and it was that same thought that had him picking up his axe and swinging madly at the blonde 'demon'. Blood flew everywhere around his bar, but Nico did not flee like the three other customers finally did. He backed away from the splash zone, but the brigand's arms did not stop hashing as his frantic cries of desperation rung throughout the bar. He was sure he could run whenever he wanted, but his feet was glued to the ground for a reason he could not yet explain. He knew part of it was fear, but the other emotion could not be put into words at what he was seeing in front of him.
If it was possible, Nico was sure the bandit would have continued hashing if not for his inability due to fatigue. His arms no doubt must have felt like jelly after swinging for a good 2 minutes and the heavy breaths he let out were further proof to his exhaustion. The red haze seemed to have cleared his vision, but his sanity had all but left the Realms.
Nico wasn't too far off.
Blood was everywhere. On the floor, on the ceiling, on the bar, everywhere! He could now only feel the presence of himself within the bar as the red painted nearly every part of the vicinity.
And standing in the middle of it, mangled flesh knitting itself back together and merging into mortal form, was the blonde monster wearing pants that barely could be called so while crossing his arms and looking up to the brigand with a hint of mocking on his impassive face; his slightly tanned skin as ripe as a grape aside from a scar that stretched a few inches over his heart.
Yes. This day, Nico and Rogue the bandit knew what a Devil looked like - and it walked on two legs with blonde hair and blue eyes.
"... Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?"
Both Nico, and now the bandit Rogue, was shaking. A monster, a real monster, stood before them. A monster that, apparently, could not be killed.
Stepping back in fear, the bandit could only mumble the words that he was afraid to get an answer for, "J-just, w-what the hell are you?"
Instead of deeming the man with a proper answer, the blonde tilted his head and gave an almost mocking smile as he repeatedly tapped the side of his head in a derogative manner.
"How's about aiming for the head this time. You just might get a different result."
To give the bandit credit, he really did try. He tried raising his axe to do what the man-demon, said. He tried building up the courage to even continue to even blink, but his body was frozen stiff. Every command was denied and the only thing his body allowed him to do was sweat pools as the aura from the man told him that his next move would most definitely be the last he ever made. Fear gripping his heart, tears running down his eyes, and now his own waste going down his legs he did the only thing that his brain told him was both the smart, and right thing to do:
He turned and ran for the first time in his life. He didn't even recognize the scream that followed him all the way out the door and right out of South Town. Even though he never turned around he could still feel that same aura following him every step of the way. Ignoring his fellow comrades as he passed them he, for the first time in his life, began to pray. He'd never been to a church in his life and he'd never even learned how to pray, but he talked to the Gods nonetheless-begging them for forgiveness of the sins he had committed over the years and swearing that if he were to live to see another day then he'd never pick up another weapon for as long as he lived. He'd never rob another soul or even think about raping or pillaging. He'd live an honest life like he had before the war and help others just like himself. He'd do all that and more if they'd show mercy on him just this once.
Meanwhile, back in the bar, Nico was thinking to follow the fleeing bandit as the blonde blinked at the man who had ran out of the bar like a Taguel straight out of hell. Looking around the now bloodied bar, the blonde's gaze met the fearful tavern owner's. The blonde scratched the back of his head as he gave him megawatt smile.
"Uuuuuhhh, check please?"
Nico fell asleep (cause real men don't faint).
South Town Center
Garrick thought he'd had a pretty successful life as a cutthroat. Hitting village from village while the king of Plegia paid them to ransack villages bordering Ylisse was one hell of an easy pay. Him and his boys never had to worry about retaliation in Plegia since its king was in their back pockets and Ylisse's defenses were so pathetically unguarded that it was like snatching candy from a baby. Why would he waste his time doing daily labor when stealing and pillaging was so much more rewarding?
That being said, it was not always an easy occupation. Recently, the prince of Ylisse has been patrolling the borders and putting an end to some of his boys. Within the past 3 weeks he had lost over half of his men thanks to that damn prince and his little band of children playing 'hero' and it was seriously beginning to piss him off. That's why he was overjoyed when the king sent him a messenger with a task he was all too eager to accept. They had been monitoring the prince's route for a while and had an idea where he would be within the week.
He was ordered to strike the village mid-day and take anything they found as a payment for their services. The prince would come running to defend his 'sheep' while dragging along his band of Shepherds. Then, with the full might of his gang, they would overwhelm the little prince, kill his band of Shepherds, and take him hostage to the king of Plegia. There the king would force the Exalt of Ylisse to appear before him and execute the boy right in front of his sister. It was such an evil, yet stupid plan that only the Mad King himself could come up with. Garrick would never understand politics or what went through that crazy fool's head, but as long as he was getting paid they would hear no complaints from him. He and his boys were 10 minutes into their pillaging and everything seemed to be going well.
Then he watched as multiple hooded figures began dispatching his boys one by one while flinging magic he'd heard was long lost in time. It wouldn't be so bad if the figures were grown men or even soldiers fighting for the cause and all that whatnot, but the fact that all these figures seemed to only reach about 4"7 at the least threatened to pop a blood vessel in the bandit leader's head. His men were being slaughtered by CHILDREN, and going from the high-pitched battle cries they were all GIRLS?! LITTLE FUCKING GIRLS! He'd never felt such humiliation in his life and he'd lived for 47 fucking years! He would much rather be captured or slain by the prince brat than this band of children!
Suddenly, the clearing had gone suspiciously quiet and he now aware of the fifteen-ish hooded figures and it only made him grit his teeth more to the point they were groaning under the pressure. All the figures wore the exact same long red cloak (which looked a few sizes too big for the short girls) with short sleeves with the base of the cloak going all the way to the ground and had black flaming patterns along the baselines. Underneath the cloak she wore bright orange short shorts with long black sandals that went up to their mid thighs. Up top they wore black long-sleeved sweaters with a head band dangling from their necks with what looked like a strange leaf symbol. They all had their hoods up from the cloaks, but the bandit could see a couple strands of blonde hair and wide smirks that only seemed to piss Garrick off more.
"Be warned, evildoer!" All the high-pitched children began speaking in perfect sync while doing multiple exaggerated poses that greatly confused the burly man. "You are in the presence of greatness! Divinity! JUSTICE! My father is a renown legend among the shinobi world and it is with his power that he has bestowed upon me that I stop your evil plans, scum!"
…Shinobi world? The man thought. Were these girls claiming to be ninja of all things?! Of all the idiotic-
"He's obtained titles like the 'God of Shinobi' and 'Second Flash of Konoha' and is also the best father that ever LIVED! But you are not in the presence of his greatness," the girls paused their speech briefly to begin doing some weird dance where they began jumping lightly on their left leg as their hands were outstretch towards the bandit palms facing his way while the other pointed behind them in the same gesture. "You are in the presence of his very own offspring! His BLOOD!" They stopped again as they now stood in that same stance while rolling their head wildly in circles; the bandit starting to believe these little girls had dropped a few marbles throughout the speech. "Some fear my name as the second coming of the Legendary Sannin, while others fear my name as the 'Lady of Doom'! All shinobi kneel before my awesomeness and can't help but to drop their jaws at my power!"
Then the girl in the middle stopped and slammed her hand on the bridge which summoned forth a cloud of smoke that engulfed her fully; the other figures jumping into the smoke with their leader not long after. A few seconds later, the bandit's eyes nearly jumped out of his skull as before him stood a horse sized cat with white fur and on all fours while glaring daggers in his direction. It had yellow tribal marking on it's face and, strangely enough, red nail polish. He completely forgot about the girl who was now standing on the back of the creature, her hood removed and showing her face to the world. Locks of golden blonde hair danced in the source of wind that seemed to come out of nowhere as the girl's blue eyes looked down on the man with a shit-eating grin. Two whisker marks decorated both sides of her cheeks and an eye-patch covered her right eye.
"FOR I AM THE POWERFUL, THE PLEASURABLE, THE OVERALL ADORABLE DAUGHTER OF THE GREATEST SHINOBI TO EVER LIVE!"
"I! AM!"
Naruto
In new cloths, freshly cleaned body and, finally, clean hair, Naruto Uzumaki whistled as he circled around the bodies of the three bandits that were 'strategically' tied upside-down by the flower stand in nothing but their undergarments and the gags on their mouths. He didn't know who the town guards were, but if this was how they captured their prisoners then he'd definitely give them an 'A' for creativity and cruelty. He'd help, but considering most were already dealt with via tied or knocked unconscious, there wasn't much for him to do - plus, they were not worth the drain of chakra. Besides, he was sure Kurama would have reprimanded him for 'wasting chakra on such weaklings'.
A sudden twist of his wrist sent a kunai flying and into the knee of a previously standing mage. The howls of agony went on deaf ears to the whistling Uzumaki casually continuing his walk down the road.
Ah, what a decade it had been.
He had been searching this new Kami forsaken continent nonstop and he hadn't gotten even an inch closer to the location of that chakra signature he'd felt all those years ago. He'd go back to the Elemental Nations, but the Hiraishin markers he had there, oddly, did not work. Maybe it was the gate he came through denying his entry into his world, or maybe the cross was so great that even with the Bijuu's chakra he couldn't get there without running out of chakra. Either or, he was stuck here for the moment and had to deal with the hardships that came with living in a completely new society.
A hand shot out and caught the arrow aimed for his head before his hand flashed and sent it back at it's previous direction with twice the speed and accuracy. A cry of pain followed swiftly afterwards.
So, for one, the first town he ever came across was filled with people who looked as if they were still stuck 700 years in the past-only to find out it was this entire damn world that was still stuck in development. If things couldn't get any worst, they spoke in a language Naruto had never heard and, the killing blow, all of them had the chakra capacities of new borns! The strongest thing he could feel to chakra when he first arrived was from the soldier that chopped wood for a living and even he had the chakra level of a Genin!
Yet, that wasn't even the kill shot. The ultimate sin came when he found out they did not know what RAMEN WAS! What village, no, WORLD doesn't know about the food of the Gods?! This was blasphemy! BLASPHEMY! 500 years of consuming the holy broth with noodles and you're suddenly telling him that there was NONE to begin with? Someone needed to be hanged to satisfy the Gods for this blasphemous ignorance and it needed to be done YESTERDAY!
...Ehem, anyways, after 2 months of learning the language, with the help of his shadow-clones of course, and the help of a redhead, who shared WAY too many resemblances to the gate woman along with literally hundreds of more (don't ask), sold him a language book for intermediates and advanced learners for an outrageous price that almost made a C-rank mission look cheap, he was able to get back on his feet. Before he left on his journey however, he had to be sure to thank the people who allowed him to live under their roof for 2 months. He'd stayed with a male farmer, that talked more than a fan-girl gossiping about a particular duck-butt individual, his wife, a big woman with an even bigger heart, and their 12-year-old son, Donnel, who was hands down the most unintentional source of comedy the blonde had ever met. They tried to give him money and food for his journey, but thankfully he didn't have to worry about either since a band of bandits tried to ransack the village weeks before and ended up becoming the blonde's new piggy bank instead. Ah, fun times.
Over the first 7 months he traveled however, he quickly learned 3 very important rules about this new land-
"HHHRRRRRRAAAAAAAA-"
*CRACK*
The sudden war cry was broken by a backhand that sent the brigand crashing into a nearby window.
One—never leave the village without extra rations. At first, he thought he would be fine with the amount of nearly endless supply of instant ramen he stored in multiple storage scrolls and thanks to a special seal he conjured himself, he never had to worry about them spoiling. However, when his scrolls began to show signs of depletion strengthen by the fact that in the present day he was down to one scroll of ramen that held about 3 cups, he had to rethink his eating habits. But if he did not restock on his ramen soon, then he might just 'rearrange' the roads in this blasphemous world. That would show these dirty sinners how displeased the Gods are with their ignorance.
Two—always leave a few shadow clones awake as he slept since nearly every other night there was a idiot trying to stick him up. Even if the bandits of this new world were nearly as weak as the bandits back in the Elemental Nation's, waking up every night just to kick the asses of a couple of fools who found it too hard to work like a normal law-abiding citizen would eventually have him considering creating a jutsu specifically to neuter anyone who disturbed his sleep.
Three—bring a GODDAMN MAP! It didn't even cross his mind at the time to ask for one back at the little village since his mind was programmed to use a GPS whenever he was lost. He didn't even realize how spoiled he was back in his world till he first stepped on the road to Ylisse and somehow ended up in Plegia. Every time he went somewhere new, he would go in one direction, only to remember he already went in that direction, just to change into another direction to come back from the direction he just came back fromjusttogoinacompletelydifferentdirectionthanwherehewantedtogoandnowhisbrainhurtjustfromthinkingwhatdirectionhewassupposedtobegoingagain. Now his head was a jumble of words and, Kami, he should have had a plan before forsaking his cellphone.
Now, back in the present, he WAS currently 'resting' until he got another lead. After years of searching with no lead whatsoever, no one could blame him for taking a break...
A break that has lasted for about 5 years now.
...What? He got bored!
What's an immortal meant to do while waiting for a Goddess to unveil her 'evil plan' to the world?
Get stronger? He'd basically reached his peak 374 years ago (even if he was severely out of shape compared to then).
Get more information about said Goddess? No one in this Realm even knew who Kaguya was, and, Kami forbid, he asked where he could find dark energy.
Be useful? Do some good? Uh, no thank you. He'd done his fair share of 'good' in his time already. If the evil wasn't inconveniencing him, then he wouldn't inconvenience the evil (or so he tells himself).
Great example, the Grimleal-
Three shuriken were suddenly thrown with precision and accuracy into the pelvis of three bandits currently in the process of tearing the clothes off a woman begging for help in the alley he'd just passed.
The rotten group of followers that worshiped a Dragon that tried destroying the world 1000 years ago, but was stopped by Naga and the First Exalt of Ylisse.
Ah, Ylisse. Sweet, sweet, Ylisse. Otherwise known as the land of the free, loved, and devoted followers of Naga as well as her idealist descendants blessed with her power. They were, overall, peaceful people (most of the time). They did not want for much other than to live their free lives and worship the very ground the current Exalt, Emmeryn, walked.
And boy, he did not blame them. Not only was Emmeryn the epitome of beauty and selflessness, but she was everything this world and his own needed in a human being; maybe a little too idealistic, but not the point here. A actual pacifist who did everything in her power to make her people smile and he had the pleasure of soaking in the genuine positive energy she exuded. How her own people could have once ever hated such a radiant soul for the mistakes of her poor excuse for a father was downright criminal...
...Oh, you don't know the history of Ylisse?
Story time: So, 10 years before he arrived on this continent, the former Exalt of Ylisse raged war on Plegia because those 'heathens' worshiped a God that was not their own-slaughtering every man, woman and child he and his army could find. It was the Kiri incident all over again and Naruto sometimes wondered if a Sharingan somehow made it to this side of the world for a man that was once neutral suddenly turning into a genocidal psychopath. It was inhumane and the mad man ended up hurting his own nation more than the one he tried destroying. If not for the man's assassination in his own castle (which was a conspiracy within the royal family that no one really cared to pursue) then the war would have bled both countries dry. Emmeryn, the unfortunate daughter of that cruel and heartless man, was the light that helped rebuild the nation from basically ruin. No matter what the people said about her or the objects they threw, she continued to support her people through their hardships and she damn well deserved some respect for it.
Story End.
The countries that bordered Ylisse were on a completely different board game compared to this pacifistic nation. One was the North warrior nation that was Regna Ferox. A place where he, or better yet, he alias 'Killer Bee' was ever allowed entry into ever again after 'disgracing tradition' in the last big tournament held and gave him a bounty curtsy of two royally pissed Khans. In his defense, he was raised as a shinobi, so he fought like a shinobi. Did he fight dirty? Yes. Did he completely destroy his competition? Of Course! Was the way he defeated his opponents necessary? Well, that, he could br adult enough to admit he'd gone a bit too far on.
The second was Plegia. A desert country that had more sand than the Suna desert and more insane religious worshipers than a stray dog had fleas. Most, if not all, citizens of Plegia worshiped the God of Annihilation—something Naruto will never understand nor try to. Despite most of them worshiping the God, none wanted the God revived more than the Grimleal. They did everything from sacrificing their own, all the way to breeding within one another in order to create the 'perfect vessel'. Naruto would wipe them off the continent if it didn't make him look no better than the former Exalt.
Speaking of the nations, there was another continent on the other side of the ocean called Valm that the blonde spent 3 years travelling. The culture there was much like his own back at home and the people on Chon'sin were the first people he met that had some kind of control of their chakra network that wasn't a mage. Most fought with two blades in each hand and, Kami, they took honor very seriously. They were willing to die for their honor much like the Feroxians were willing to die for their tradition. Their families were closer than any clan Naruto had met and had activities that reminded the blonde much of home.
Hell, they even spoke his language! Though they were fluent in the language that was spoken by their neighboring continent since it was mandatory, their main language was definitely the language used by every shinobi and civilian of the Elemental Nations. Naruto had never been happier in his entire life to explore the culture of the people he felt were long relatives and hadn't been that happy in a very long time.
Then that chakra signature he had felt so long ago flared across the country and within only a few seconds, he was back on this continent. He thanked his father every day for the Hiraishin. He had planted a three-prong kunai with the Hiraishin formula all around the continent to make traveling 100 times easier and also so he could teleport to the random burst of Kaguya's chakra signature that he'd only felt four times in the last 7 years. Once when he came to this realm, another 4 years ago somewhere east of Ylisse, another in Regna Ferox 2 years ago, and the last about 3 days ago.
Now, once again in the present, he had sought to get wasted and actually feel something for once in his life. Was that too much to ask for? Drink himself to temporary death, wake up in an alley or the bed of some woman, rinse and repeat. Was that really too much to ask for? Was it? Apparently so since that ass wipe and his friend just HAD to pick the day he was in the village to do a raid. I mean seriously. Could he not tell he was trying to end his cycle of bad luck?
Aaaaaaand speaking of bad luck.
Suddenly leaning his body forward to pick up a gald he found on the floor, the blonde, supposedly unknowing, dodged an axe that was inches from beheading him while raising one leg to come smashed between the legs of his sudden assassin. There was a high squeal of agony before a body fell and the blonde walked away 1 gald richer.
Ah, wasn't he just a lucky son of a gun! Maybe this was a sign that his luck was finally making a turn for the-
The blonde halted as a very familiar filling signaled in the distance.
It was faint, but there was no trace of the user using a tome to give their chakra form. It was chakra. Raw chakra at it's finest. Chakra he thought he would never feel again in his life, and it felt heavenly. If it couldn't get any better, it was used blatantly and felt well controlled. He didn't know the jutsu that was being performed nor the person using it, but he didn't need to know either to know that whoever was leaking chakra was a shinobi.
And that charka signature had just summoned-
He transformed into his chakra cloak and was darting towards the source as fast as he could. This was the first chakra signature he could feel outside the human body in months and he'd be damned if he was too slow to confront what could potentially be a lead to that chakra signature he felt all those years ago.
Within seconds, he was on the rooftop of the cathedral in the middle of the town and right above the scene. He looked down and saw what could only be one of the bandits looking at a girl who was standing on top of, what looked like, a white… cat? It wasn't Matatabi size and definitely didn't have the chakra of a Bijuu, so he could only sum it up to be a summons; a powerful one at that; even better. The girl seemed to be in the middle of a speech, so Naruto enhanced his hearing with chakra to get a better grasp on the situation.
"-MORGAN UZUMAKI, DATTEBAYOOOOOOO!"
His eyes nearly left his skull.
There was a deathly silence in the area as the bandit stared in stupefied shock at the girl that puffed her none existent chest out in pride. The silence lasted all but 10 seconds before the cat began to hiss before brutally slamming its tail into the back of its summoner's head—making the rest of the figures around her disappear in a puff of smoke and completely shattering the fragile mind of the bandit watching.
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SUMMONING ME TO YOUR IDIOTIC PERFORMANCES, GAKI?!" a feminine voice boomed from the maw of the enraged cat in a language the bandit was sure was Valmese. Unfortunately, no one must have told Morgan to fear animals that was twice her size since the girl hopped up from her prone position on the ground and began yelling back at the cat with blood dripping down her forehead.
"What the hell you stupid cat?! You could have killed me with that oversized fluff of yours," the girl roared back at the creature in the same dialect, seeming to piss the creature off from whatever was said.
"IF YOU WISH TO KEEP LIVING YOU WILL CEASE THESE CHILDISH GAMES OF YOURS! I AM NOT HERE FOR OTHERS AMUSEMENT, GAKI,"
"My presentation is a ritual I must perform when confronting the boss of the bad guys! You will respect the speech and ritual that me and my father put into making this!"
"YOU HAVE AN INTELLECT ONLY RIVALED BY GARDENING TOOLS! WHAT KIND OF SHINOBI INTRODUCES THEMSELVES TO THEIR ENEMIES?!"
"AND WHAT TYPE OF CAT WEARS NAIL POLISH?! I BET THE CLOSEST THING YOU'VE HAD TO ACTION IN YEARS WAS WITH THE SAME TONGUE YOU USE TO LICK YOUR ASS!"
Garrick could only watch as the two continued to argue—completely ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of a skirmish. Somewhere between the argument, the cat and girl turned their argument into an all-out brawl-evidence from the comical cloud of smoke that formed and the sounds of flesh hitting flesh echoing through the plaza. A few seconds later, the cat sat victoriously on its prone summoners back with her maw held high in triumph.
"Next time you summon me for your foolishness I will retract my summoning contract. Do. I. Make. Myself. Perfectly. Clear, kitten," Garrick could faintly see the girl nod her head on the ground before there was another puff of smoke and the cat disappeared in the same puff of smoke it appeared in. The bandit leader was now far from asking questions. He had seen some weird shit in his life from multiple merchant girls that all shared the same face and name, to giant draconian skeletons that were the size of a kingdom. Why should a girl who was seemingly able to multiply herself and summon horse sized cats be any different from the norm?
Somewhere between his musings, the girl was back on her feet and spouting nonsense once again that he apparently didn't catch the beginning of.
"-slay the evil that plagues this town! These people are now under my, Morgan Uzumaki's, protection, and for disturbing the peace of the village, your life is now forfeit! Prepare yourself for I will show you no mercy!" The kid finished and got in a battle stance with a kunai that magically appeared in the girl's hands when the bandit wasn't paying attention. Now that the little comedy skit was over, all seriousness rushed back into the man's body. The girl was now getting serious and it was time for him to do his job as a bandit. He brought his short axe over his shoulders and glared at the girl as he prepared to give her his final words before he separated her head from her shoulders.
Those words would never leave his lips. Something flattened him-his face smacking against the concrete and knocking him out instantly. The new body stepped off the now unconscious bandits head and stared at the girl whose eyes had widened in shock.
Naruto studied the kid before him intensely. The girl didn't have the red hair of the Uzumaki that they were so renown for but he wasn't looking at her hair nor was he really paying attention to the whisker marks on her face or the blue eye that was much like his own.
Naruto had learned how to point the signs of a Bijuu or Jinchuuriki. Being merged with Kurama's chakra for so long, along with the power given to him by the Sage of Six Paths, Naruto's chakra sensing ability went through the roof. If someone was using chakra, there was no way Naruto would not be able to sense it within a 20-kilometre range. He also knew how every Bijuu's chakra felt. Every Bijuu from Shukaku to Kurama felt slightly different from each other, but had a sense of familiarity to each of them—much like twins having an invisible connection between each other. Since he had a portion of every Bijuu within him, it made it that much easier to point out their locations and, in what used to be Bee's case, Jinchuuriki. That being said, Jinchuuriki were easily pointed out to the immortal. Even if he didn't know who the Jinchuuriki hosted, he always had a feeling in his gut that told him when a Jinchuuriki was nearby or who the Jinchuuriki was.
But as far as Naruto knew, there were no more Jinchuuriki. He had made sure that when he was Hokage and head of the Shinobi Alliance that the Bijuu were to be left alone. He only solidified the treaty by stating any attempts to seal the Bijuu were going to be dealt with by himself. The only Bijuu that willingly allowed himself to be sealed was Kurama, but the only reason the fur ball was with him right now was because, in his own words, 'if you leave me by myself to watch over these flesh bags then there will be none left when you return'. Knowing Kurama, he was dead serious, and despite how he now viewed humanity, he actually wanted something to come back to if his 'find Kaguya' plan didn't work out.
This all lead up to why he was glaring daggers at the young girl in front of him. Of all the Bijuu he expected to feel, Kurama's was the last that came to mind. In fact, it was down right impossible for it to be Kurama. If not bad enough, he now knew where that surge of Kaguya's chakra came from 3 days ago. It was faint, much like a seal when used to suppress or stop chakra flow, but Naruto's senses never failed him and it was definitely coming from this little girl. He didn't know how this girl became a Jinchuuriki or how she got some of Kaguya's chakra, or Kurama's, but he was sure he was now closer to the answers he was looking for.
Before Naruto could even began to question the girl in front of him, she suddenly shouted and jumped right at him; arms extended and all.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" The girl cried mid hop to the temporarily stunned immortal.
Just to crash face first into his raised a boot—comically sliding off and landing on her face. The silence was brief before she shot back to her feet and glared up at the older blonde. "What the hell was that for you stupid old man?!" she exclaimed at the man who destroyed what was supposed to be an emotional reunion. Her 'father' only narrowed his eyes at her.
"I should be asking you the same thing, brat ." Naruto said, a sharp edge in his voice. "Who are you and how did you come from the Elemental Nations?" his eyes furrowed more at his last question, "and why do you have the chakra of the Bijuu. Answer correctly because my patience is very low right now." To the girl's credit, she didn't even flinch. In fact, she seemed more confused than anything as she stood to her feet.
"What are you talking about, dad," she asked, confused at the blonde's words and making his eye twitch at her calling him 'dad' again. "Don't tell me your 500-year-old brain finally aged these past three days," the shinobi's eyes shot wide. "It's me!" She pointed at herself as if it would help her 'father' figure out the puzzle that was now in his head. "Morgan Uzumaki! Y'know, love of your life, your little adorable flower and all that whatnot. But WOW! What the heck happened to you you old fossil? It's only been three days and you've grown hair out of NOWHERE! And when was the last time you shaved that crusty mug? I thought you said you couldn't grow facial hair? And speaking of hair, when did you grow yours pass your ass? Don't tell me you actually used the magical shampoo I gave you? That was meant to turn your hair pink, not give you a horse tail! HA! And here I thought you'd never fall for one of my pranks! YES! One point finally on the board for Morgan!"
Geez, this girl sure could talk.
"...Wait, that's not important!" said the girl before she began stomping her feet angrily and pointed at him in apparent anger. "How could you just VANISH like that you bearded gnome?! You had me worried sick, 'ttbayo!"
Naruto's eyes went even wider at the girl's instinctual verbal tic. It was, without a doubt, the very tic he used to this day...
Y'know what, now that he actually paid attention to the girl's features, he couldn't help but to see the similarities she shared with him at his age. The whiskers was finally starting to register and the lone blue eye that matched his was only, horrifically, solidifying her claim. If all her facial features weren't screaming at him that this girl could (potentially) be his daughter then the fact she was wearing the white cloak he wore as Hokage basically hammered the nail in the coffin.
The older blonde shook his head wildly. It just couldn't be. Yes, he may have visited a few brothels and had some fun along the side to relieve some stress every now and then on his journey through the Elemental Nation, but he was sure to use seals that were foolproof and prevented him from impregnating the woman he bedded. Even if, and it was a big IF, he HAD a child on that side of the world there was absolutely zero chance she could make it to this side without going through the same means he went through to get here. She couldn't be any older than 13 and her chakra levels couldn't be more than when he first came back from his training trip with Jiraiya (which was damn impressive, by the way). He needed almost all the chakra he had now in order to get to this side of the world, so he could scratch out the possibility of her being his daughter from the other side.
Even in this realm, the only women he'd slept with was… was….
The blonde actually had to stop and count on fingers. Yes, he loved Hinata very very much and he was sure NO ONE out-did her when it came to sex, but morality had gone out the window years ago along with some of his sanity; not to mention he was, in fact, male. I mean, come on. As a male, there were only so many years you can hang on to 'morals' and Jill before your sanity finally snapped. Blame hormones, NOT the male!
Evidently, the girl in front of him caught on to his thought process and from the tick mark and sneer that appeared on her face, she was not amused. So angrily, and without mercy, she reeled her leg back and kicked her father square in the jewels with the force of a spike kick. Unsurprisingly, there was an anguish squeak as loud as a lion's roar as the older blonde was lifted off his feet slightly before hitting the ground and covering his Little Naruto.
"Don't count how many women you've slept with in front of me you perverted old bastard!" the girl shouted angry, shaking her fist in rage as she watched her 'father' squeak and squirm on the ground in agony. There was but a few seconds more of his whimpering before Morgan grew another vein and went behind the almost recovered blonde to, once again, kick him in the family package—causing every man in the town to wince suddenly at the familiar high pitch squeal. "AND I'M NOT A BASTARD YOU BASTARD!"
Morgan's anger didn't seem to waver a bit the entire time her father picked himself back up from the unprovoked assault. Everything in him at the moment was yelling, screaming, for him to choke the little shit before him; daughter or no. Hell, at one point Kurama must have felt Naruto's distress because he woke up and looked around the mindscape in alarm as Naruto's anguish roared throughout his home.
It took all of his self-control to now stand and only glare at the source of his pain. All of it. "So," he choked out an octave higher than he would have liked, also making sure to breathe calmly before his hands did something he would later regret, "If you are my daughter, then prove it." Morgan's eyebrow raised as she looked at her father who was now looking at her seriously.
Then she placed a hand in her palm as if she had finally understood something. "Oh, I get it now. This is a test to identify myself like you always used to." She then saluted at the blonde. "No problemo, capatino!" One familiar hand sign and a poof of smoke later, Naruto and everyone in the vicinity jaw dropped at the sight before them.
In front of him stood a blonde pig-tailed woman that had a D-cup figure women would kill for and hips that put even the best models to shame. She had a heart shaped face that didn't have a single blemish and three whisker marks on each cheek much like his own. The killer that made most men, and some women, gush out blood from their noses was the fact that the only thing hiding her modesty was the clouds of smoke that lingered around her important areas.
"Is this enough proof for you, Faaattheeerrr?"
Funnily enough, Naruto wasn't aroused—not even an itch. Maybe it was because the girl in front of him insisted that he was her father and his brain automatically put her in the category where no matter how many times he saw her naked it would shut off all hormonal reactions. Or maybe it was the fact that he had seen Naruko many many times along with multiple naked woman in order to perfect the hinge in front of him. It could even be the fact that when he looked back on those days he could not help but to cringe at his blatant disrespect he showed toward the female body and would knock his past self over the head if he ever got the chance.
It would seem all that made him justified in smashing his fist onto the younger blonde's head; hard. The henge dispelled immediately with a puff of smoke and Morgan reappeared with hands covering her now aching noggin. Her head slowly moved up until her big watery eyes were staring up at the man she was proud to call 'father'. Absolute betrayal was reflected in her expression and it almost made the blonde feel bad... almost. "W-Why did you hit me, dad?" She sobbed, not understanding the sudden assault at all. "Y-You use to t-tell me that was your f-favorite jutsu!"
Despite the situation, it was not hitting a 12-year-old over the head that had him sweating. It was the glares of the sudden people around him that he could feel on the back of his head from the girl's last statement. "W-What the hell do you think you're doing in public you little squirt!" he shouted, trying to remedy the situation and get some of the heat off his back in the process. "You're a girl so have some damn decency for Kami's sake!" he finished in comical anger while never feeling more like a hypocrite in his life.
"S-so *sniff* i-its only okay to show you in private?" The older blonde could swear he could feel every soul in the vicinity trying to put a hole through his head with their eyes. If not for the pure innocence he could feel in Morgan's emotions, the shinobi would have believed the brat was doing this on purpose.
"D-don't do it in private either! As a matter-a-fact, NEVER use it again, gaki," he roared at the utterly confused and hurt girl before finally calming down with a sigh while massaging the bridge of his nose. "Look, just… can you at least tell me the name of your mother? Maybe we can get somewhere if we go from that." Naruto may have slept around, but he was sure he could remember the woman he slept with depending on at least a name. If he forgot to put up a seal before he slept with someone, then she must have at least been more than someone he met at a brothel.
It would seem his question gave him the answers that he was not looking for from the way the girl slumped slightly forward with her head down. "That's…not funny, dad." Morgan said sadly. "You know I've never met mother, so why bring her up."
Aaaaaaaand now he felt like a prick. Not only would he never find the woman who gave birth to someone that could (potentially) be his daughter, but he had inadvertently brought up bad memories when all he wanted was the truth.
Sighing once more, Naruto's eyes squinted and arms crossed as he tried to, hopefully, fix this situation.
"Look, Morgan right? I'm sorry. I really am, but no matter how much you look like my daughter... and act, I can't believe you without more concrete proof."
That was obviously the wrong thing to saying seeing the girl instantly glared up at him with annoyed fury. "Proof? What other 'proof' do you need? I have your jacket for peaks sake!"
"You could have gotten that anywhere. There are millions of replicas in the Elemental Nations, after all."
"Wha-w-we have the same hair!"
"Coincidence."
"I have WHISKERS!"
"... Bigger coincidence."
"NOW YOU'RE JUST IN DENIAL YOU OLD GNOME!"
...To be fair, the former kage had every reason to be skeptical.
Back when he was just being renown as the 'hero of the shinobi world', there were many people that looked up to him and wanted to 'imitate' their 'hero'. At first it was all just in good fun and Naruto smiled along with the people that looked up to him, but when he caught word of people literally scarring their face to replicate his own it started to scare him. He also remembered an incident that almost caused his marriage to go up in flames when a particular night he had drank so much that he couldn't remember a thing the next day. Sure enough, hours later, he was passed out in some hotel he did not remember going to and sleeping next to a naked woman he most definitely did not remember sleeping with. He had left immediately afterwards and swore he would never touch another drink in his life (which we all know now was a got damn lie).
It would have all ended there, if not for the same woman appearing before him years later when he was happily married and brought a son with all too familiar whisker marks on his face. All he could say to that situation was 'thank Kami for the Byakugan'. If not for Hinata unconsciously activating it out of anger and seeing through the woman's henge, he would have been in some deep shit he had no way to get out of.
And yet, the woman was insistent that the child she bore was his.
One visit to Tsunade later and Naruto was free from what could have been a nightmare. The only punishment that came out of this was Hinata refusing to sleep with him for half a year; no joke. When Hinata declares she wasn't doing something then there was no chance in hell you were changing her mind. Hell, you had a better chance at getting Sasuke to be a better father (RIP and bless that man's soul).
"Look, no matter how I look at it, there is just no way for you to be my kid." He tried to calm her down, but only seemed to make her angrier by the way she was gritting her teeth and tightening her fist. "For one, you keep saying that I should know something or that we've only been apart for three days, but three days ago I was…far away. And I've only been on these lands for seven years and you can't be older than 13."
"Seven years?!" Morgan suddenly shouted and stared dumbfounded at her 'father'. "But you've been her for over 20! You've raised me since I was born! How could you only be here for seven years?! We were just at the alter in Plegia and you... you did… something." Suddenly, Morgan began grabbing her head in pain as she tried to remember what happened 3 days ago. "Y-you were… I-I can't. W-why can't I-"
Naruto sighed. Nothing this girl said made any sense to him. The only thing he knew for a fact about the girl was that she was an Uzumaki. You couldn't be anything else with chakra levels as massive as hers (aside from the obvious Bijuu within her). Everything else had to have been put into her head. He wasn't in Plegia 3 days ago and he most definitely didn't perform any 'ritual'. Being able to sense her emotions he could tell she wasn't lying, so the only thing he could guess was happening was a case of mistaken identity, or, worse case scenario, the Grimleal somehow got ahold of her and altered her memories-which was just stupid since he was sure the Grimleal didn't even know he existed. She truly believed he was her father, but it was simply impractical. All he could do now was point her in the right direction and hopefully find the bastard that messed with this girl's head (and also find out how the hell they perfected his Oiroke no Justu).
"…Proof," Morgan mumbled, blonde bangs covering her eyes. "You want proof," snarling, she brought a hand to her face and bit into the tip of her thumb before going through very familiar hand signs. "Then I will give you proof!" Before Naruto could stop her, she slammed her hand on the ground and the square went up in smoke.
The blonde coughed as he waved away the chakra smoke in his face. He knew the hand signs the girl was weaving, but his amazement at the girl running through hands signs he was sure that only he knew stunned him enough for the girl to finish. By the time the smoke was gone, apparently so was the sun.
So Naruto looked up…
And up.
And up.
And up.
Until he was staring wide eyed at a very familiar titanic tall kitsune who was staring back at him with equal shock and confusion. On top of the nine tailed fox's head, Morgan stood, arms crossed and a victorious smirk on her face. Naruto could hear the screams of the towns people and faintly see in his peripheral vision men and women passed out from the sight of a demon being summoned in their town, but they might as well have been invisible to the war veteran's eyes.
At that moment, Naruto Uzumaki could no longer deny that this girl was his daughter. He still didn't know how it was possible, but he would be a fool to continue to deny the girl's words after what she had just done. There was only one person in the world that could summon the Kyuubi at will and that person was currently staring dumbfoundedly at his bewildered, lifelong partner.
"Do you believe me now, Father!"
Yep, it was official. Some God out there was definitely pulling the string connected to his life.
A/N: Read this thing up and down and I feel like there's still mistakes, so if you see any please let me know and tell me what you think while you're at it :)