Chapter 5

Gillian Foster walked into Cal's office with Eli Loker following behind. She took a moment to admire the evening light from the window beyond his shoulder filtering in and how it fell across him in his lazy slouch behind his desk with his feet propped carelessly on the edge of it.

"Our friends at the US Navy gave us an update. All very hush hush, but enough info to give us thanks for saving the day," he told them.

"So what happened?" asked Gillian.

"Just like we said. Pirate operation, seized the boat, held the crew hostage and tried to take them into enemy territory to sell it all off. Once we cut them off at the pass and got the two governments involved, it ruined the whole plan. They boarded, Captain wouldn't play ball so they landed him in the infirmary with a nasty concussion. The other dissenters got thrown in the brig. Jacobs fell into line when he saw the way it was going, and then when it all started the fall apart with the rescue coming, Long John Silver and his pals started kicking off. Jacobs is going to be in the hospital for a while, they stabbed him in the stomach before the rest of the crew got brave. Two of them didn't make it though."

Gillian and Loker stayed silent, not knowing what to say.

"Right, that's a good days work, I'd say," Cal announced as he stood. "I'm off home."

Gillian entered the kitchen with Cal's cell phone clutched loosely in her hand. She looked, to Cal's eyes, worried and helpless.

"He ok?" Cal asked tightly.

"Yeah," she conceded. "He's ok. Facetimed him and he's happy enough. Said we'll stop by tomorrow. I hope that's ok?"

"Of course it is," he said then paused for a second to gauge her reaction. "You still want to go over there tonight, don't you?"

She gave a small self-conscious laugh and said, "Yes. But, it's late. Bed time and all that. He's exhausted."

"He's alright, Gill. He's a tough little guy. We'll see him tomorrow."

"You think we can stop by the hospital too?"

"Of course. Yeah."

"The nurses, they want us to help come up with a name."

He stared at her for a moment.

"They called yesterday about it. Apparently 'baby Kabuso' isn't working for them," she joked, trying to lighten the mood that had suddenly darkened at the mention of it. She didn't understand why he reacted that way. When he still didn't answer her she began to fidget in the awkward silence. A few seconds passed and Cal found he couldn't take it any longer.

"Were you ever going to tell me?", he asked.

"Tell you what?"

"About Max."

She froze, staring wide eyed at him. Fight or flight.

"About how the family he's been placed with wants to put us on their recommendation list for his permanent placement. About how they talked to you about it, and you said that we'd think about it. That you'd talk to me about it."

She remained silent. Caught out and frightened, but something far deeper beyond that. Despair. Desperation. And a deep sadness that he hadn't seen in her in about five years. He had planned to read her the riot act. He had bottled up his anger and resentment and was about to unleash it when he realised that there was something deeply unresolved within her that led to her hesitation in mentioning what the Doucet's had suggested.

"Talk to me, Gill. Please. We should talk about this."

"Why?" she lashed out. "What is there to talk about? It's never going to happen."

"Why not? How do you know it's not? The family that he lives with… he's not staying there. They're not a good fit for him anyway. They can't take in his brother when he's ready to be placed in a home. And they have years of experience with troubled kids of all sorts, and they recommended us. Us," he repeated with emphasis. "There must be a reason for that. And I know you want it, you were filing applications with agencies well into last year."

Tears were streaming down her face now, and all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms and tell her it would be ok. But she was angry, upset, and they needed to have this conversation now or things would fester and deteriorate.

She wiped at her eyes in anger with the heel of her hands, shaking her head animatedly.

"And they've been sending rejection letters as quickly as I could send an application, Cal. Besides, it's different now. We've barely been together for six months. It's not even something we've talked about."

"What was there to talk about? It's not like you wanting a baby is news to me, Sweetheart. And it's not like they have to know when we started sleeping together. We've been together for years without the physical side."

"You don't think they'd check? Ask some questions? You don't just ask for a baby and they hand it over, Cal. They interviewed you before Alec and I got approved for Sophie. You know what we went through. It's a pretty intense process. They take so much into consideration. And yeah, you know how badly I want a baby, but you've never seriously brought it up in the context of us. What was I supposed to think? You've raised your baby. And she's amazing, but that doesn't mean you want to do it all over again… I didn't talk to you about it because it's never going to be a realistic possibility and I can't take that pain again."

"You told them you'd talk to me. They told the social workers that we'd talk about it. They obviously think there's a chance; Gill I-"

"Stop. Just stop it, Cal! I can't go through that. I can't lose them too."

"We won't. We're not even applying officially. Let me talk to them, suss it out, yeah?"

"No."

"Gill."

"I said no," she turned glossy eyes on him, pleading. "I can't. I can't go through that."

"But you're going through it anyway, love. You are. Right now. You're just skipping a few steps along the way to avoid the hope."

"Can we please just leave this alone for now? Please?"

"For now. But we are talking about it… he's already bonded with us, darling. As much as we are with him. We're naming the baby for Christ's sake, Gill. Whether we talk about it or ignore it, we both know deep down it's what we want."

"You have no idea what it was like," she said. She tried to speak again to explain herself but instead she found that all the pain rose up and broke through and she sobbed, gasping, gulping sobs of anguish.

Just as her strength began to waver and she found her legs weaken, she began to buckle under the weight of her own tears and he moved, lightening fast, and engulfed her in his arms. He rubbed her back, he kissed her face and her hair, and she clutched him fiercely.

"We can drop it for now. We don't have to do this right now."

She just gripped him tighter and let years of pent-up anguish out.

A/N: ok, so, sorry about that ending there. They can't all have happy endings. But we're building a story arc here! We're dealing with things the show never resolved! We're moving on and Cal and Gill are going to be just fine!

I haven't started writing the next episode yet. I know what it's about, I know where it's all going. I just haven't been sitting down and writing.

Thanks again for the support. I hope you guys don't hate this one!