When Lister entered the bunk room, it was filled with clouds of smoke. He looked over to see Rimmer sitting at his desk, sucking on a cigarette hard enough to make his lungs turn inside out. He stubbed it out in an already full ashtray and started coughing uncontrollably.

"Oi! Are those my ciggies?" Lister said, spotting the packet and striding across the room.

"It was an emergency, I didn't have time to buy my own! I have an exam in-" Rimmer checked his watch "-eighteen hours, twenty six minutes and twelve seconds."

"Rimmer, you don't even smoke."

"No, but it helps me relax," Rimmer said, the manic look on his face in direct opposition to what he was saying. The bloodshot eyes and the way his hair stuck up like he'd tried to pull it out also did nothing to help his case.

"Yeah, really looks like it does. Why do you even bother taking these exams when they get you so worked up?"

"Because, Lister, unlike you, I am going to make something of myself. I am destined to become an officer."

"Really? Who says?"

"Who says? Who says? Everyone says."

"Wanna try being a bit more specific?"

Rimmer narrowed his eyes. Why had Lister picked this particular time to come and annoy him? His revision had been going so well up until now, it was just typical that he would come and ruin it. "Well, I say. So does my father, and my mother, and all of my brothers."

"Is that why they keep in such close contact with you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" Rimmer snapped back.

Lister leaned on the back of Rimmer's chair. "You never get communications from back home. I know you don't. So why do you care what they think?"

"As soon as I become an officer, I'll tell them and they'll be pleased as punch, mark my words."

"You really think so?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't they be?" Rimmer said, looking down at his textbook and trying to find the place he had got to. He turned back a page, then another one.

"Well from what you've said about them, I'm not really sure they'd care."

"And what would you know about family?"

"Really Rimmer? That's low."

Rimmer felt the weight on the back of his chair lift. Maybe Lister would leave him alone now, but he sounded upset. Rimmer thought he might have gone too far. "I- I just meant-"

"You just meant that you think you're better than me because I'm an orphan. Well me real mam must've been going through some things to leave me in a smegging pub, all right?"

"Lister I didn't-" Rimmer said, turning around to look at Lister, who had sat down at the table.

Lister put his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. "At least my adopted family wanted me," he said, shooting a look at Rimmer. "Which is more than you can say about your real family."

Rimmer was quiet for a long moment. That remark stung. But he couldn't bring himself to be mad at Lister. He deserved it for what he had said to the other man. And besides, Lister had hit on one of his oldest fears. He felt the caffeine and the nicotine and whatever had been in those other pills still coursing through his veins, making him feel his heartbeat in every part of his body. But his panic and desire to revise had been sapped away from him. Now the familiar large black cloud was settling over everything, and with that laid on top of the frantic pumping of his heart, baring his soul to Lister suddenly seemed like a good idea. Lister seemed willing to listen at the moment, at least.

"I suppose you're right," Rimmer said with a sigh. He got up from his seat and turned towards Lister. "They hated me. Still hate me, no doubt, if they even remember I exist. Same as everyone here. No matter how hard I try, they all hate me. And truth be told, Lister, I hate it here. Wish I'd never signed up. What have I got from fourteen years of service? One measly promotion. One! How can that be fair? I was destined for greatness, not to be a chicken soup machine repairman for all eternity! This was meant to be a stepping stone, a momentary setback on my path to glory. I was never supposed to be thirty-one years old and still being looked down upon. If only life hadn't conspired against me to stop me becoming an officer, people would look up to me now."

"I wouldn't," Lister said without looking up.

Those words were more crushing to Rimmer than the last thing Lister had said to him. Just when he thought Lister might be showing some concern towards him, he had to hit him with something like that. People always did that to him whenever he showed any sign of weakness. "Well that's because you have some weird personal grudge against me and you hate to see me succeed."

Lister shook his head. It was just like Rimmer to assume the worst in everything he said. Even when he was trying to calm him down, Rimmer acted like he was trying to wind him up. "No, I don't," he sighed. "I'm just not impressed by any of that, man. Titles, ranks, exam results, I just don't think they're important. It wouldn't make me look at you any different, that's all I'm saying."

Rimmer pushed back his hair in frustration and put his hands on his hips. It seemed to him like Lister stubbornly refused to be impressed by everything that was important to him. Why did the man persist in refusing to see things his way? "So, you're actually saying you wouldn't look up to me even if I rose to the rank of captain?"

"No. I'd look sideways at you, same as always. You'd still be Rimmer, me old bunk mate."

"That's just typical. You won't let me have anything, will you? Not even a stupid, unrealistic fantasy. You have to ruin even that!"

"Look man, I was just saying it wouldn't make me like you any more. It wouldn't make anyone like you. Sure, they might pretend to get you to promote them, but they wouldn't deep down like you as a person. Because that's what it's about, right? You want people to like you," Lister said, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

Rimmer turned away from Lister. How dare he be so right! How did someone who hated him so much still see right through him? His main problem that had held him back all his life was that people just didn't like him. He didn't know why. He'd been fighting a losing battle against this since he could remember. But what if Lister was right? What if people wouldn't like him no matter what he achieved, or how far up the ladder he climbed? He felt a sharp pain in his sinuses and his eyes suddenly felt wet. "That's why I need to pass this exam!" he shrieked, turning away and blinking in desperate hope that would suck the tears back inside. He sat back down at his desk. "Leave me alone, Lister."

"No."

Rimmer could hear Lister scrape back his chair and walk over to him. "Just smeg off, all right?" he said without looking up, and treacherous tears splattered the textbook in front of him.

Lister put a hand on Rimmer's shoulder and could feel him vibrating with anxiety. It would be so much easier to walk away from him and leave him to it. Rimmer had never been easy to live with, and it was a testament to Lister's relatively chilled out nature that one of them hadn't brutally beaten the other to death before now. Lister's attempts at kindness were always met with anger, like Rimmer was some kind of abused, traumatised animal. It was exhausting, and seemingly futile, but Lister still sometimes found the energy to try. Hoping Rimmer wouldn't perceive it as an attack, Lister squeezed his shoulder. "If you keel over from stress I'm not dragging you down to med bay. So I suggest you take a break and come talk to me."

"But I've already wasted at least ten minutes talking to you!" Rimmer sniffled.

"Is that what you call it? Talking? I'd call it an argument."

"Even more reason not to waste any more time on it."

"All right then, we don't need to talk. Just come away from that for five minutes and sit with me. I'll get you some water."

Lister deliberately turned his back to swill out the least dirty looking cup and fill it up from the tap, giving Rimmer some privacy to wipe the tears from his face and blow his nose. He was surprised when Rimmer actually joined him on the settee, even though he sat down as if he really didn't want to be there.

Rimmer accepted the cup of water from Lister and took a sip. He tasted the chemicals that the ship used to make recycled water safe for drinking, but the water was cool and refreshing in his parched mouth. All he had drank today was enough to get the pills to go down without choking.

"Have you eaten since breakfast?" Lister asked in a low, soft voice.

Rimmer shook his head.

"Are you hungry?"

Rimmer shook his head again. He waited to be told it was his own stupid fault if he was, but it didn't come. That was his mother's voice echoing in his head. He gulped down the rest of the water, then found Lister gently prising the cup out of his hand. He watched Lister get up and refill the cup, and it occurred to him that Lister was trying to be nice to him. He felt something twist inside his chest and he couldn't appreciate the gesture. He was an adult and it was pitiful to need to be taken care of, and besides Lister was probably just waiting to hit him with something really awful while he was weak. Nonetheless, he took the cup again and said, "Thank you." He hadn't realised how thirsty he had been. He left a small amount of water at the bottom of the cup and stared into it as he held it in both hands.

Lister nudged Rimmer's arm with his elbow. "You know, I don't exactly love it here either. I only signed up to get back to Earth. Only way I could afford it. Didn't think it'd take so long. Didn't know I'd be out here for years."

Rimmer swallowed. His throat still felt dry. "You must miss it, the Earth."

"Yeah, I do. I really do," Lister said, putting his boots on the settee and pulling his knees up to his chest. "I miss Liverpool, I miss my home. I miss me mates. It's stupid, but I even miss the grass, and the pavement with all the holes in it, and the feeling of the freezing cold wind blowing straight through me by the docks."

"It's not stupid, Lister. Sometimes I miss the sound of the birds singing in the mornings."

Lister wrapped his arms tighter round his knees. "Yeah. Sunsets and sunrises too."

Rimmer smiled. "There were some terrific ones on Io."

"Send me some pictures when you get home, won't you?"

Rimmer drank the rest of the water, then put the cup down. "I don't know if I'll ever go home," he said.

"Really? I thought you hated it here."

Rimmer heaved a sigh. "There's nothing there for me. My family won't be happy to see me while I'm still a lowly second technician."

Lister's instinct was to tell Rimmer that it couldn't really be true. That his family loved him really. But Rimmer always spoke that way about them, so it was either true or he at least believed it was. "You could always come back to Earth with me. If you want."

"I used to pretend I lived on Earth when I was a child. A lot of the children on Io did. We'd watch all the Earth TV programmes and pick out nationalities and hometowns for ourselves. That was until my brothers started beating me up for it."

Lister snickered. "That's cute," he said. "I mean, not the bit about your brothers beating you up."

Rimmer gasped. "Did I say that out loud?" he said, shaking his head. He could have sworn he only thought it.

"Yeah. 'Fraid so."

Rimmer finally let himself lean against the back of the settee. "I don't want to join you on your farm in Fiji."

Lister put his feet down on the floor and leaned back too, smiling. "Who said I was inviting you?" he said. "'Sides, there's plenty of other places on Earth you could start your own farm. Or whatever else you wanna do."

Rimmer couldn't imagine himself as a farm owner any more than he could imagine trying to help Lister to against all biological probability breed horses from a sheep and a cow.

"You could always go study. I don't think they do astronavigation at the polytechnic in Liverpool, but they might do elsewhere."

"Lister, I don't give a smeg about astronavigation," Rimmer said before he could stop himself. "I can't even grasp the basics. Who can even remember equations that complicated?"

"Why've you took the exam so many times then?"

Rimmer sighed. "Because it's the path to becoming an officer. The path to respect and glory."

"Do you really think being an officer would make you happy?"

"Happy?"

"Yeah Rimmer, happy. You know, that thing where you're where you want to be and you're all y'know, calm and fulfilled because there's nothing else your heart wants?"

"I'm aware of the concept."

"That's me on Fiji. What about you, Rimmer? What's your Fiji? 'Cause I'm willing to bet it's not being an officer."

Rimmer thought about it for a moment. It was all he'd aimed for since he knew he was supposed to have something to aim for. It was what his parents and brothers wanted from him. And always doubted he'd achieve. He always told himself he'd show them. That he'd make them proud. And that would make him happy, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it? "You don't know me like you think you do, Lister," he said.

"Right," Lister said, although he still thought he was right. Still, Rimmer was at least disagreeing with him in a calm manner now. "You should think about it, yeah?"

"You think I shouldn't take the exam tomorrow," Rimmer said.

"I didn't say that."

"But you were thinking it."

"Well maybe I was," Lister said. "Look Rimmer, I just don't wanna see you torturing yourself to death over it. Life's too short, y'know."

"But it's important. And everything will be better for me once I pass it."

"Will it?"

Rimmer didn't answer, he just stared into space, his mind racing. The caffeine and the nicotine and the smeg knows what else was draining from his bloodstream and he suddenly felt very tired. He stifled a yawn.

"Either way, you should get some sleep," Lister said.

Rimmer made a noncommittal noise, then flinched as Lister slung an arm around his shoulders. Lister's hand wrapped around his shoulder and squeezed, and touched his head to Rimmer's briefly. Is this supposed to be reassuring? Rimmer asked himself. His sleepy brain told him that this was pleasant and not suspicious at all.

Rimmer got up and looked over at the textbook on his desk. He considered forcing himself to stay awake and continue revising, but fatigue made him switch off the lamp and change for bed.

Lister climbed up onto his bunk and laid down to wait for Rimmer to finish whatever he was doing and turn out the light. He was tired, but he wasn't sure how well he would sleep. Talking to Rimmer had made him remember how much he was homesick for Earth. The feeling never really went away, but sometimes he could forget. Plus seeing Rimmer in such a stressed out state affected him. The only consolation was that he felt like they had had one of their rare moments where they actually connected. Almost everything that Rimmer ever said was negative so it wasn't exactly easy. But he'd actually seen Rimmer smile a genuine smile when he talked about his home. Maybe one day they'd be mates. That'd make life on the Red Dwarf marginally more bearable. They just needed to get through the exam day tomorrow and then things would go back to how they normally were.