The man once know as The Hero Wirh No Fear, had no idea when he first felt as if his life was meaningless. the man now known just as Anakin didn't really care what happened anymore. if the council figured out he was married? so what. they would kick him out? ok.OK. if Obi Wan left him? ok. if Padme wanted a divorce? whatever.
Ahsoka had left. left the order. left him.
Obi Wan had lied. betray him.
Padme, well, he was Oviously a nusence to her and her work.
he found himself caring less and less if he got killed in war every day.
Anakin had always thrived on others caring and love in him... and caring for others. now, that was gone.
Anakin had been laying in his quarters for most the day, letting his thoughts spin darker and deemer into his own mind- again, not caring.
Obi Wan would probably come looking for him within the hour.
In the meantime, Anakin lay there, not really caring that his thoughts were spiraling out of control, or that he could be trapped in his mind forever.
Obi Wan hadn't seen Anakin all day. sure, he was probably at the senator's apartment, cooling off from Ahsoka's sudden departure, but to just not answer his comlink?
he comlinked Anakin's senetor.
"Hello? Master kenobi! what do you need?"
"Hello, milady, I hope I'm not intruding. I was just wondering if Anakin was at your aparment."
"he's not. why...?"
"senetor, I have know for a while that Anakin had feelings for you, and that he has been speaking off to see you, and frankly, I don't mind, but i haven't seen him all day, and I just need to make sure he is alright."
"He said he was coming over the other day... but I haven't seen him all week. is he ok?"
"I don't know." Obi Wan sighed. "Anyways, thank you, senetor. have a good day."
"your welcome, master kenobi. you too."
Obi Wan disconnected the call, heading towards the jedi quarters. more specifically, Anakin's quarters.
"Anakin?" nothing. not even a 'yes' or even a 'go away.'
Obi Wan walked futher in to find Anakin curled up, head looking at the door, eyes glazed and distiant. he was pale too.
"Anakin?" nothing. "Anakin, are you hurt?" still nothing. Obi Wan check him over, he didn't seem to be hurt.
"Anakin?"
Anakin gave no response. Obi Wan sighed, And reached out to find Anakin's mind curling in on itself. A sign of possible insanity. or being close to it. no... Obi Wan entered Anakins mind, to find his thought spiraling downwards.
'no one cares... better off with me... if they are better off without me, then why don't I just end it? ...there has to be someone who cares... right? then where are they? I mean, no one cares about me right now... no one in my life right now. it is so much easier to just sit here and do nothing than to get up and let someone tell me lies about how important I am... because I really aren't worth it.'
'Anakin?'
but Anakin was too lost in his thoughts to hear...
'nothing is worth it anymore. nothing is worth living for. nothing is worth caring about. not when no one cares about me. not when the force seems to hate me. not when Obi Wan betray me. not when Ahsoka left me. not when Padme would be better off without me. not when my mom's dead... my mom. then one person who was never afraid to show that she loved me is gone... when I was too late. why is it that everything seems to be my fault? why is it that Ahsoka didn't care about me enough to stay? why is it that Obi Wan didn't care enought to be honest. why is it that Padme cares, but is blinded by that? why is it that the one person who could help me is harmed by me? what's wrong with me? I must have some kind of problem... if no one in the entire galaxy loves me enough to care... then I must be the problem...'
'ANAKIN.'
'if I am the problem, then the galaxy is better off without-'
'ANAKIN!'
'Who in the galaxy is so messed up no one cares? well, me.'
Ovi Wan could feel numbness groping at the edges of Anakins cousiousness. they were trained to recognize that numbness. it was insanity. Obi Wan plunged down below where Anakin was lost, and lifted him up, all the way to the top of his consiouness and out of his mind, exiting into his own body
"Master?"
"Anakin! you- you-dont you dare scare me like that again!"
Anakin hung his head. "sorry master."
"Anakin, we need to talk... About what I heard in your head."
Anakin gulped "you- you heard my thoughts..."
"Anakin-"
"you know what? I really just can't talk about this right now..."
"Anakin, that doesn't matter. you have to. do you know how close you came to going insane?!"
"I- I need to go." Anakin got up and left.9
"Anakin, wait!" Obi Wan grabbed his arm.
"What." Anakin snapped.
"I... please Anakin, I-I can't lose you..."
Shock flickered against Anakins face. "You... if you did care then you wouldn't have used me."
"At least tell me where you are going."
"no." with that, Anakin was gone.
Anakin stormed to the hangar, trying desperately to calm his mind. his head hurt a lot and he found he didn't care. wow. what a suprise. he thought sarcastically. he wrenched the cockpit open, and climbed aboard his jedi stafighter. he speed off to where the Resolute was stationed in orbit.
Rex rushed over as soon as he got out.
"general, do we have another mission?"
"no."
"then why-"
"Rex, listen... you aren't to tell anyone I am here. especially Obi Wan... don't even let Obi Wan on board. got it?"
"yes, but sir-"
"that's an order."
"yes sir!"
Anakin stormed away, towards his quarters.
Obi Wan checked the hangar for Anakin, noticing that his starfighter was gone... he was probably on the Resolute.
Obi Wan climbed into his starfighter and went to the Resolute.
...
"this is Obi Wan Kenobi to the Resolute. come in."
"Hello, this is Captin Rex. I am afraid I cannot let you on board."
"What? why?"
"I received orders nit to let you on board sir."
Obi Wan groaned. Anakin was in so much trouble.
"Rex, I am giving you new orders. General Skywalker is out of commission until further notice, and any orders he gave you mean nothing. I now order you to let me on board."
"very well, sir." the docking bay doors opened and Obi Wan landed. Obi Wan jumped out. "Rex, where is Anakin?"
"I don't know, sir..." Obi Wan sighed.
"Rex, I comand you to tell me were Anakin is."
"He is in his quarters."
"thank you."
Obi Wan rushed to Anakins quarters.
Anakin had turned off the lights a while ago, his head hurt so bad. now, he didn't think he could open his eyes. it already hurt enough with then closed.
A soft knock on the door disrupted his thoughts.
"What is it Rex?"
"this isn't Rex." said a familiar Corisant accent.
"Obi Wan, go away." anakin said bluntly.
"Anakin, we need to talk." Obi Wan scorned.
Anakin's stress levels spiked, and his head hurt much much more suddenly, he ran for the Bathroom, making the headache worse opening his eyes. nausea came luching out if nowhere with the added sudden pain, and he started dry heaving into the toilet.
"Anakin, is everything alright?" a sense of betrayal crept over Anakin. Rex of all people. had betray their trust. maybe he was just a defect chosen one.
"Anakin, I am comeing in..." Anakin managed a weak 'no', before nausea overtook him once more.
"Anakin..." Anakin couldn't respond though he wanted to tell Obi Wan that turning on the bright bathroom lights did not help his headache. Anakin let a small whimper of pain escape his lips. the never ending dry heaves were not making his head feel any better. Anakin heaved a little bit of stomach bile, whimpering as it burned in his throat. Obi Wab frowned, well though the force.
"Anakin, you haven't been eating."
Anakin whimpered. that inplyed talking which made him stress which make his heached worse. he was starting to white out from pain. he dry heaved rather harshly, and pain shoot through his head.
everything turned white.
Obi Wan sat in the waiting area for the Med bay, waiting for kix to finish his examination. after what felt like hours, Kix came out, looking a bit more grim then usual.
"general, what has Skywalker been doing?!"
"I gave you the full report."
"it certainly doesn't seem like it."
"what's your report." Obi Wan said exasperated.
"I have concluded that he didn't sleep at all the last few nights, hasn't eaten much at all, nothing today and yesterday, and had such a bad stress induced migraine, I'm assuming he whited out from pain..." Kix shook his head. "I am going to say this is because Comander Tano left a few weeks ago."
Obi Wan felt tears build up in his eyes. "thank you, Kix." he said. "can I... see him?"
"yes, he should wake up rather soon..."
"ok, thank you for clean up... him, and his messes."
"You're welcome, sir."
Obi Wan Walked into the Med bay. Anakin was laying on a bed, looking more peaceful than Obi Wan had seen him in a few weeks...
Anakin moaned and his eyes fluttered open.
"Anakin?"
"Master?"
"Anakin! you're awake!"
Anakin nodded, then made to get up. "Anakin, you need to be released."
"oh whatever." Anakin pushed past Obi Wan leaving him. Kix walked in a few seconds later.
"general. you let him leave."
"He pushed right past me before I could convince him to stay."
"I see." Kix said stiffly. "well, I am going to go hunt him down." Kix turned and left.
kix fumed over the audacity of his general. he had noticed him getting more reckless ever since his Comander had left. almost as if general didn't care about his own llife. whether he died doing a crazy stunt or not. he took fatal shot after fatal shot from the men. Kix was begging to wonder if he should tell general Kenobi he had taken a blaster shot from a clone 5 times in the past month. could general really be that hurt? he had known General Skywalker was close to Tano, but had he been that close? he aprotched General's quarters a knocked on the shut door, after a Moment, he knocked louder. he finally let out a sigh and opened the door.
General Skywalker was slumped on the bed. gazing out into the... wall... his eyes widened.
"General? General! can... can you hear me? GENERAL!" he commed General Kenobj telling him to get down to Skywalkers quarter ASAP, then checked Skywalkers pulse. normal Kix became slightly more worried. he checked his breathing, slightly quickened but normal.
for once, that was a bad thing
Obi Wan ran to Anakin's room, trying not to panic. as soon as he entered, his eyes widened, and he saw Anakin. he sat down on the bed, closing his eyes, he plunged into the force.
Obi Wan quickly found Anakins force signature, and decided a different approach was nessisary. Obi Wan gathered every memory he had with Anakin, every battle, every nightmare, everything, and all his feelings with it. all the feelings he had felt, weather hidden from Anakin or not, and pushed everything to him.
Anakin looked around. he was in his room on the Resolute. he passed out shortly after.
...
Anakin was nine, but this time though Obi Wan's eyes. he felt the pain of the bond between the two, Qui gon, And Obi Wan's bond broken. felt the hurt that Qui Gon had abandoned him for a simple boy. he felt the anxiety that Obi Wan would have to train the chosen one. the worry that he might fail. he felt the first embers of a brotherly love, he pushed it down. now was not the time to get attached to another person.
...
Anakin was ten, sobbing, curled against Obi Wans chest, cold against his skin and frightened. he felt the strong urge to comfort Anakin pass though Obi Wan, and thr sadness to see such a young boy so distraught.
...
Anakin was ten, looking Ahsamedly at the floor while Obi Wan scolded him for breaking the data pad yet again. but instead of the anger Anakin assumed he was feeling, he felt the love pass though Obi Wan. that he was worried Anakin might have hurt himself on the glass, not that he had broken it.
...
Anakin was eleven. he had run away sobbing thinking his master hated him and had only taken him in because of Master Qui Gon's wishes. Anakin watched as his younger self explain to Obi Wan that head Obi Wans thoughts. 'oh padawan, if only you knew. your'e my younger brother! I would take you in a hundered times... every time.' felt himself that the thought was true...
...
Anakin saw time after time... place after place... mission after mission. no matter how angry or frustrated or anything Obi Wan was, every time it was overpowered by brotherly love.thw sense of having to protect Anakin. Then, the Rako Hardeen 'incident'
Anakin felt his master's conflict. then, the crushing guilt as he came to realise how seriously Anakin had taken it. the hurt from the coldness Anakin showed him, but the acknowledgment that he deserved it..
Anakin watched, or Anakin watched though Obi Wans eyes as Anakin raced to meet his former padawan. heard the council talk about if he was going to be ok and the grave mistake they had made. how they regretted it. he felt Obi Wna feel as if he had accompanied Anakin he could've stoped it. how it was all his fault.
Then, today.
Anakin watched Obi Wans growning worry, his call the Padme (wait... he knew?!) and how he felt concer and brotherly protecting when he found Anakin in his room. his fear as he pulled Anakin out. hurt as Anakin pushed him away, but determination. he, being Obi Wan, had to save his brother. felt his worry and hurt as Anakin had ordered Rex to keep him out, but sense of having to protect him. he felt Obi Wans anguish and helplessness as Anakin heaved on the bathroom floor. his horror as he learned just how much Anakin was hurting from the recent events. the guilt that Obi Wan couldn't help him sooner...
Obi Wan perked up as he felt more than saw Anakin awakening.
"P-padawan?" obi Wan had been anxious the whole time, worried Anakin would be mad at him for never telling him how much Obi Wan cared for him.
"Master?"
"Are... you going to be ok?"
"yeah... master?"
"yes, Padawan?"
"I... thank you."
"of course."
"I... is it true?"
"Anakin Skywalker, that is not even a question! of course! you are my brother. and I love you."
"I know, master... just had to make sure."
one year later...
"you were my brother Anakin! I loved you!"
'I know, master...'
"I hate you!"