…
Two. Too Many Feelings.
Joe had plenty of his things at Daryl's house but sometimes, he liked to switch out the clothes.
The drug court cases stopped at three and it then took another hour or so for Beth to transcribe all of that day's cases into her computer. It usually didn't take her long. It might have been a crude way to put it but many days in the drug court were like a deli counter at a grocery store. "Next!" One person appearing after another, their cases not taking long at all. If she saw that it would take her longer, she would take the files home with her and transcribe them that evening.
Joe got off his school bus at four and if Beth wasn't home yet, she always made sure he had the house key with him when he left for school in the morning so he could get inside, where he was to call her the instant he was inside the front door.
This Friday, Beth was able to be home before four and she stood in the driveway, waiting for the school bus to pull up. Joe hopped off with a grin and waved to a couple of his friends still on the bus before running to her. It was obvious Joe was her son. Blonde hair and blue eyes, he looked just like her. But sometimes, he would give her a smirk or narrow his eyes or jerk his head to the side to get his hair off of his forehead and he was all Daryl Dixon.
"How was school?" Beth put an arm around his shoulders as they headed back to the front door.
"Good," he gave a nod.
"Did you learn anything?"
"Nope!"
Beth laughed at that as they went inside. "Go get yourself ready so we can get to your dad's."
She and Joe lived in a duplex and standing on the street, looking to the house, they lived in the unit on the left side. It was a grey unit with a bright yellow front door that made her smile. And to make it even better, Rosita, her very best friend in the world, lived in the unit on the right. Their garages separated the two – which Beth thought was best instead of sharing a common wall between the two because Rosita loved to listen to music or watch the television on what could be considered the loud side. It was best if their garages were between them.
When she was pregnant and then when Joe was first born, her parents wanted her to move back to their house and it would have made the most sense, Beth knew. They would be able to help her and there was so much more room in their house than in the apartment she shared with Rosita. Yet, she didn't because using some twisted logic, Beth thought that moving back in with her parents would be like she had failed somehow. Absolutely ridiculous, she knew, but she still thought it.
…
In high school, as senior year loomed and everyone else was researching and applying to colleges, deep down, Beth knew that that wasn't a step she should take for herself. While she was a good student with good grades, college wasn't for everyone and if she went to one, Beth knew that that wouldn't be the place where she was supposed to be. She didn't know what she would study and she had no desire to go hundreds and thousands of dollars in debt while maybe never figuring it out.
Thankfully, she had parents, as well as a guidance counselor, who understood.
But still, she had to do something. She considered going to cosmetology school to learn how to cut and style hair but she knew that that wouldn't really be for her either. There was a vocational school nearby and Beth stopped by to pick up some pamphlets. There was so many options she could learn, she found out. Culinary courses, electrical courses to become an electrician, medical assistant programs, courses to learn how to become a paramedic, veterinary technician programs. Beth actually became almost overwhelmed because there was just so much and the thing was, so much of it actually interested her and she didn't know how she would choose.
Stenography looked interesting and something she knew absolutely nothing about. She signed up for the first introductory class, knowing that she could easily drop out of it if it wasn't interesting.
But it was interesting. And it was an important job, too, Beth learned, because stenographers were in charge of keeping accurate records of everything – courtroom cases, news conferences, and interviews. Sure, a tape recorder or a computer could be used but even those could malfunction or get garbled. They would be used as a backup but the stenographer was what was relied on when people needed to go back and have something read back to them.
There was job security – since it definitely wasn't something most knew how to do – and it made pretty good money. Beth's parents had raised her to believe that there were far more important things in life than money but at the same time, there was nothing wrong with having a job that paid well.
…
In the seven months they dated, Beth fell completely in love with Daryl Dixon. She honestly believed they would get married though why she thought that, she didn't know. Daryl never gave her any indication that that was what he wanted but it had certainly felt that way to her.
In the fourth month, she felt brave enough. She told him she loved him. He didn't say it back but she hadn't been expecting him to. He had talked about his parents and his childhood and she had seen his naked body enough times to know every single scar he carried – both outside and in. She believed though that if she told him enough times, he would understand that she truly did love him and he would be able to grow to love her in return.
By the sixth month though, when she told him she loved him, he still never said anything back. Beth reminded herself and told herself that a lifetime of abuse and neglect couldn't be cured in just a few months with just three words but she was only human and Daryl's lack of response began to hurt.
She was only human and she wanted the man she loved to be able to say that he loved her, too.
Daryl never told her and deep down, Beth began to think that it was because he didn't love her at all.
…
After dropping Joe off at Daryl's, Beth drove back to town and stopped at the grocery store for a few things. She meant what she said to Daryl. She had no plans this weekend except to be a total blob. After such a busy week at work, she really wanted to do absolutely nothing and she shopped accordingly. She grabbed the things she and Joe would need for the coming week. More bread and milk. Eggs. Apples and bananas. Usual things. Her freezer was stocked but she made sure she bought herself a pint of ice cream and a couple candy bars at the checkout lane.
Two years ago, she and Daryl had discussed it. Joe was only five but it seemed like a good age and they both knew how much the boy wanted one. Together, they took the boy to the Humane Society and let him pick out a dog. She was a terrier of sorts. More mutt than anything else with dark brown fur, tightly curled which almost made her look like a poodle, but she had two triangle ears – one that stood upright and the other flopped forward. She had no tail so when she was excited or happy, her butt shook back and forth which rocked her entire body. Joe named her Sandy like the dog in "Annie", which at the time, had been one of his favorites.
Beth pulled into the garage, the door sliding shut behind her. She gathered the two brown paper bags in her arms and made sure the car alarm beeped and locked before heading for the door. As always, Sandy was already in the laundry room, jumping and dancing around as she came inside.
Beth laughed as she went into the kitchen, Sandy following and still dancing around her legs. She came up to about Beth's knees.
"Alright, alright," she said. "Let me put these away first."
She moved around the kitchen, putting away all of the groceries. The pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream for this weekend went right into the freezer and the chocolate syrup and whipped cream she had freshly bought went into the refrigerator and when she had seen to everything else, she planned on fixing herself a big bowl. She couldn't wait.
She went and hooked the leash onto Sandy's collar and was sure to take her on an extra-long walk because Beth wasn't taking her out again until tomorrow morning. And the dog seemed to know that, doing all of her business that had to be done with the opportunity.
Back inside, she locked up the front door, having no plans to go out again tonight. She gave Sandy a Milkbone dog biscuit and then headed into her bedroom. Sitting on the bed, she sighed, relieved, when she finally was able to take off her heels after wearing them all day. Stepping out of her dress, leaving it on the floor for the moment, she went into the bathroom to take a steaming hot shower, washing the day off of her.
With the explosion of meth, ice and prescription pills across the state, Judge Harris's court had become so busy with case after case, it was exhausting. It was nonstop and since Judge Harris was the primary judge for drug court, she was the one they all saw. It couldn't stay that way though. Both she and Beth would need help. It was such a sad situation as to why they needed help.
Beth was just glad that Merle hadn't been in court lately. Over the past seven years, whenever he did, Beth had to recuse herself and another stenographer had to come in to record his case. She and Merle's brother had a child together. Therefore, she and Merle had a relationship and it was not allowed for Beth to be the stenographer during his appearances.
She and Daryl didn't talk about it. They had when they were together but it had been years since they had had a relationship past raising their son as a co-parenting unit and they didn't talk about anything more than Joe. But when they were together, Daryl had opened up about his brother. His biggest fear was that he would get a call in the middle of the night that Merle had OD'd and was dead somewhere. Merle had been popping and snorting drugs since he was a teenager. After all of these years, how much more would his body be able to take?
He had gone to rehab a couple of times but it hadn't worked and even going to jail – or even prison – he hadn't stayed clean during that time either. Beth had absolutely nothing in common with Merle and only saw him for Joe's birthdays or in court. He was MIA so much of the time and Beth could only imagine how – and where – he spent his days. But he was still important to her because he was Joe's uncle and he loved his Uncle Merle. And despite everything, he was a great uncle to Joe.
Beth meant to ask Daryl how Merle was but she had forgotten. And truth be told, whenever she dropped Joe off for one of the weekends – or weeks – that Daryl had him, she didn't tend to linger. She wished it didn't but it still hurt to be around him for too long. Holidays and Joe's birthdays were a little different because there was always more people around but when it was just the two of them, Beth admitted to not being able to handle it. There were still too many feelings there. She knew there was nothing from his end but if she was around him for too long, she worried that he would know exactly how still felt towards him. And Beth felt pathetic enough about it without needing Daryl to know, too.
It had been seven years and she needed to move the Hell on from Daryl Dixon. If it hadn't happened by now – all of these years and having a son together – it was never going to happen.
…
Just as she wanted, Beth spent her weekend puttering around and doing nothing.
She cleaned the house, took Sandy on long walks, played the piano and watched a couple of movies she had been wanting to see. She also went next door to Rosita's on Saturday night for pizza and beer. They met on their first day of stenography class and just clicked. They grew to become best friends and all of this time later, they were still exactly that. Beth loved when she could just hang out with her – the two of them – and be the young women they were without having to think of anything else. Rosita's love life rivaled that of any drama on television and Beth admitted that it always provided the perfect amount of entertainment.
By Sunday morning, when Joe was with Daryl, Beth always began missing him.
When she heard the pickup truck in her driveway in the early evening, she hurried to the front door, already smiling as she stepped outside, standing on the front porch. Joe hopped down and hurried to her, right into her open arms. Beth hugged him tight and kissed his head.
"Did you have a good weekend?" She asked.
"Dad is awful at soccer!" Joe seemed particularly happy about that.
Daryl came up the walk, carrying his overnight bag. "'m awful 'cause I wanted you to shine."
Joe just laughed at that, knowing that Daryl was just making an excuse.
"Go on inside. I gotta talk to your mom about somethin'. I'll come say good night in a sec."
Joe nodded and went to Daryl. They hugged one another tight and Daryl kissed his head. Taking his bag from him, Joe headed inside, Sandy barking and waiting for him. Both watched him go before Beth turned back to Daryl.
"Is everything alright?" Beth asked and could already feel her heart start to beat a little faster.
"I forgot to talk with you 'bout it and I know next weekend isn' my weekend but my office is havin' that family picnic and I was hopin' I could take Joe."
"Oh!" Beth didn't mean to sound quite as relieved as she knew she did. "Of course."
She remembered that picnic. Daryl's office had it every year in the park – a way for the families of the workers to all come together for a day of fun. A cookout with plenty of food and carnival like games for the kids. Daryl had taken Beth to it during the months they were dating and she remembered how happy she had felt, Daryl walking her around, introducing her as his girlfriend to everyone who worked at the warehouse with him. She had been stupid enough, walking that company picnic with him, to think that that was something she'd be doing for the rest of her life.
After their relationship ended, Daryl began taking Joe as a baby and had taken him every year since.
"Joe always looks forward to it," Beth added and that made Daryl smile a little.
"Thanks, Beth. It was a good weekend. We worked on his president flashcards for school and I can't remember ever feelin' that dumb before."
That made Beth laugh. "I know exactly what you mean," she nodded. Daryl smiled again.
"Did you have a good weekend, bein' a blob?"
"I did," she laughed again.
For a moment, they looked at one another – not talking or moving.
She almost wished that Daryl would invite her to the family picnic, too, even though she knew he would never do that and she wished that she didn't wish him to. The only thing she should be wishing for was that she would stop being so pathetic in regards to this man in front of her. If she shed that after all of these years, she could finally move on like he had been able to do from her.
…
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