Stan's life is good. He's got his best friends, Kyle and Kenny. An amazing girlfriend, Wendy, who he's been with since he was 8 years old. He's the quarterback of the South Park High football team, Wendy is the lead cheerleader. Sure, his dad left his mom back when he was around ten years old, but he's moved on from that. He, his mom, and Shelley are a reasonably happy family. Though, Shelley is looking into moving out with her boyfriend, she still helps their mom with bills. It's a pretty good life.
He's smiling and laughing with Kyle and Kenny one morning, a morning like any other. He breaks from them to go to his locker to get his books and notebooks for his first few classes of the day.
He breaks into an even wider grin, if that's possible, his face almost hurts from smiling so wide, but how could he not? His girlfriend, Wendy, was also walking towards him, to meet him at his locker. His grin started to falter as he took in her serious expression, but he kept it up, just because that's who he was.
She, wordlessly, handed him a folded piece of paper and turned her back on him, striding off up the hall, away from him. He stared at the paper for a few seconds, glancing up at her retreating figure before unfolding the note carefully. As his eyes slide down the words written, his face loses it's semi-permanent grin and he slowly crumples to the ground. He reads it over and over.
'Stan,
We aren't working. I do love you, but not as a romantic partner. This is just the way it has to be. In eight years, nothing about us has changed even the slightest bit. As a couple, we are stagnant. This is goodbye. After some time has passed, maybe we can retain a platonic relationship, but that will be up to you.
Bye Stan.
- Wendy'
It was short and to the point. The words cut deeper than anything he had ever experienced.
The hallway is empty, he barely notices, the bell must have rung for classes. Shakily, he gets to his feet and leaves the school. Winter is early, but Stan doesn't care, doesn't feel anything. He walks to Stark's pond, already frozen over. He takes a seat on the lone bench and gazes out at the frozen water. The words of the note still echoing in his mind. He barely registers the cold, he feels entirely numb anyway.
He's unsure how long he sits there, but eventually he stands and goes home.
He kicks his boots off downstairs, his mother coming to the living room to see who's come home.
"Stan honey?"
He doesn't answer, he just moves to the stairs and climbs them without a word. Once at his room, he locks the door, and collapses into his bed.
His mom knocks on the door, calling his name, but he doesn't respond. Eventually, she gives up, and goes back downstairs.
Shelley returns home from work a few hours after Stan came home, more mature now, she notices her mother's worry and asks if everything is all right.
"It's Stan...," she begins, unsure how to continue the sentence.
Shelley waits, making herself a cup of instant coffee.
"He came home from school, very early. He didn't say anything, even after I knocked on his door, he's locked himself in there." By now, her eyes are filled with tears, she's trying to stay strong though.
"I'm sure he'll be fine mom." Shelley tries to comfort her. Although this isn't something that comes naturally to her. She still doesn't want her mother to experience pain because of either of them.
"He's such a sensitive boy...," she murmurs, wringing her hands.
Shelley pats her mom's shoulder and they go about kitchen tasks together, in relative silence.
The next day comes, Stan is still locked in his room, Sharon has heard him come out to go to the bathroom, but she hasn't seen him come downstairs. Still worried, she knocks on the door, but getting no response, she returns down the stairs and makes him a few sandwiches on a plate and a few pieces of fruit and takes them upstairs, leaving them on the floor outside his door. She knocks, and tells him there's food on the other side if he's hungry. She tells him that she's here for him, but she is going to work, but he can call her if he wants to talk.
She goes to work, getting through the day, constantly checking her phone for notifications from Stan.
When she goes home, she finds the crust of the sandwiches arranged to spell "TY". At least he's eating, she consoles herself. She goes about the rest of her evening, eventually, taking him another plate of dinner, and leaving it as before.
Another day comes, and the school calls, to report Stan hasn't been in school in a few days. She tells them he has a bad stomach virus but he will be back when he's feeling better. They seem satisfied and say that Kyle Broflovski has volunteered to bring his missing assignments by their house if that's all right. Sharon says it is, hopeful that maybe Kyle will be able to talk to her son.
Sharon goes to work, hopeful that Kyle will be able to talk to her son.
Stan hears a knock on his door, but doesn't move. He's laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His face is stubbly, he smells awful, he hasn't showered in days. He just feels empty. He's felt empty and desolate since reading Wendy's note. When his world crumbled away to nothingness.
What's the point of going on now?
He feels cold. But can't be bothered to pull the blanket over himself. Beyond the emptiness though, he feels rage pulsing away. But who is that anger directed at? Himself? For not doing better? For not trying harder? For assuming things were good and they always would be? Because he had taken his relationship for granted? He had thought, he had been so sure, their relationship was great. They had their practices for sports, Wendy had her other activities and still made time to hang out with him and get pizza with their teams.
He messed up. Somewhere. Somehow. He couldn't figure it out though. He plunged back into desolation. Life with Wendy at his side had been a dream. His whole life was planned out. He would get a full ride football scholarship, go wherever she got into, play football at the college level, get his degree, and they would have an apartment together.
Without Wendy..., who was he? What was he going to do with his life?
Everything he had enjoyed, was a painful reminder of her.
He didn't want to play football anymore. She would be on the cheer squad, but he couldn't face her. She'd taken a part of him, perhaps the largest piece.
He was filled with desolation, but also a cold rage. Not at her..., she was doing what was best for her. He was angry with himself. Above all. He was at fault, if anyone was. Life wasn't easy. But he would survive this. He would make himself anew.
With Wendy's help, he had started getting decent grades, B's, with a few C's in the harder subjects. He wouldn't have that help now. But he wasn't an idiot. He knew how to use the internet to find the information he needed. He knew how to study. He would have more time now, now that he was quitting the football team. He doubted he would be able to match her or Token or Kyle for smarts, but he wasn't just a dumb football player. Next year would be his senior year, but if he brought his grades up enough, he could see about attending college level courses to fulfill his high school credit needs.
Determination warmed him, but only slightly. He was still angry, still desolate. Baby steps. A cold smile touched his lips, but didn't reach his eyes. He was sixteen. Beyond reinventing himself, but he had been who everyone had wanted him to be. Sure, he was good at football, had even liked it enough to make the highschool team. But it wasn't a passion. It was just an excuse to make sure he could get into the same college as Wendy.
No more though. He was going to pursue his own passions. He was going to be himself.
When he left his room, he ignored the text books, food, and a paper telling him to text Kyle back, he went to the bathroom down the hall and took a shower for the first time in days. The hot water felt good, he took the opportunity to shave as well, leaving just a patch down his chin. He dug through the drawers in the bathroom, eventually finding a flat iron, black eyeliner, and black nail polish. First, he set about straightening his still drying hair. It was decently short, so it didn't take too long. With that finished, he began applying the eyeliner, keeping it simple. When he finished that, he regarded himself in the mirror. He looked radically different. He was tanned from the years of football, but his hair was a dark onyx, gray eyes lined in black. Satisfied with that, he then carefully painted his nails. A frustrating process, but once finished, he finally exited the bathroom, carrying his dirty laundry with him. He tossed his clothes into the hamper and set about digging in his dresser for clothes.
He finally found a pair of black jeans, another drawer held a plain black t-shirt. He would have to run to J-Mart for a new hat, it was too cold not to have one.
He checked the time, he had time to run to the store before school. He picked up the books and threw away Kyle's note. He stuffed them into his backpack before scribbling a note to his mom, thanking her and saying he was going to the store for some supplies before school. He signed it with an R, and a heart.
He wasn't Stanley anymore. Not even Marsh.
He was Raven. Simple.
He purchased a new black puffball hat, some equally black finger less gloves with metal studs on the knuckles, more black nail polish, black kohl style eyeliner, a flat iron, and a few more pairs of black jeans and a few plain black t-shirts, and two black zip up hoodies. He would edit them later. Arms loaded with bags, he put the things in the backseat of his mom's car and drove to school. She was off that day, so shouldn't mind him borrowing the car.
He parked as near to the back of the school as he could, pulling his new hat over his head, the new gloves on his hands. He felt like himself. A new man. He had numerous things to do yet that morning. He glanced at the car's clock, plenty of time yet. He grabbed his bag from the passenger seat and slung it over one shoulder after he got out of the car. He ambled with relative slowness, to the back of the school. Where his new, potential, friends would be. He found them exactly where he knew he would, smoking in a four person huddle, a stereo playing something that sounded like dubstep.
"What do you want?" the question was lobbed at him from Michael, the curly haired leader of the goth clique.
He smiled faintly, again it didn't reach his eyes.
"I'd like to join you."
"Why? Aren't you like, poster boy Justin or something?" Michael challenged.
Raven's gaze darkened as he stared at Michael.
"I've come far from who I was."
"And why the hell should we trust you? Just because you're suddenly dressed in black." That was Henrietta, she had grown into her figure, she was still relatively large, but her shape was more defined, in a few more years, she would probably be considered beautiful, even if she would never admit to such.
That smile again, "Before..., I was being who I thought I had to be. Things happened and I have realized things about not only myself, but the world in which we live. I think we could be friends, our interests align."
Pete and Firckle, who had remained silent thus far, moved to block the others from his view, their backs turned to him. They conferred for a few minutes, eventually the two moved and it was Firckle who said, "Fine. You can come sit with us at lunch, and if that goes well, you can join us at Benny's tonight, at eleven."
Raven nodded and turned away.
"You eat out here, right?"
"Of course," Henrietta snapped.
"Just checking."
He heard the murmur of conversation as he continued to stride away, his hands in his pockets. He had to find the football coach and schedule to see his guidance counselor. He paused, right outside the door, Coach should be in the gym, the office for scheduling to see the guidance counselor was on the way. Noiselessly, he slipped into the office and filled out a sheet to see him, setting it in the appropriate box before just as quietly exiting the room and going to the gym.
Face expressionless, he approached the football coach who was standing by the bleachers, holding the button to fold them into the wall for class.
"Coach," he began, "We need to talk."
Without turning around the coach barked, "You're damn right we do Marsh! Where the fuck have you been all week?! You know how many practices you've missed?!"
Annoyance flickered across his features but he regained his neutrality before speaking again.
"I'm quitting the team."
"You're what?!" Coach shrieked, spinning around to glare at his former star quarterback.
"Marsh what in?!" He began upon seeing his new countenance.
"I have now formally quit the football team. Thank you for everything coach. I will return the playbooks by the end of the day," Raven interrupted before leaving a dumbfounded coach staring after him.
With that finished, he went to his locker, Kenny was there, facing into his locker, not yet aware of Raven's return. Idly, he wondered if Kenny would still stick around. He wouldn't blame him if not.
He unlocked his locker, felt Kenny gaze at him.
"You don't have to stick around."
"I want to."
It was always easy with Kenny. Like he had known this was coming, like he knew so many things. His voice was tinged with sadness, but he was supportive of his friend. He always was. He was quieter now they were older, he still made countless dirty jokes, but he was generally more serious, studying with Kyle instead of partying.
"Has Kyle...?" Kenny began.
A minute shake of the head and Kenny returned his attention to his locker.
"Will he?" Raven queried as he got out the appropriate books and missing assignments. He had so much work to catch up on.
Kenny was silent for a time, so long, that Raven glanced over, thinking perhaps the blond had wandered away.
He was still there though, staring at his closed locker door.
"I don't know. You know how he is."
Raven simply nodded and closed his own locker, nodding a farewell to his friend, he went to his first class. Early still, he began working on his late work until the class began. He heard whispers, but ignored them, focusing on his work, volunteering to answer questions with a fervor that pit him against Wendy, Kyle, and Token in the few classes they shared.
At first, Kyle had simply stared at his super best friend and walked away.
Lunch came, Raven first went to the cafeteria to grab his usual vegetarian lunch and then went outside to the back of the school to join the goths. They acknowledged his presence and resumed their conversations. His lunch didn't take long to finish, and when he had, he relaxed back into the cold stone building behind him.
"What changed?" Pete asked, flipping his hair out of his eyes.
Raven considered the question, regarding Pete with coolness.
"To be honest with you all, my girlfriend broke up with me. Which forced me to look critically at my life. My choices. My expectations. The world. For a very long time, I was going where the world pushed me. Being who others wanted me to be. Lying to myself the whole while."
A mirthless smile graced his lips as he gazed out across the snow strewn landscape.
"I decided to be who I always knew I was instead of who they wanted me to be."
"No way," a breathless Michael breathed, his eyes holding a new respect for him.
Pete was nodding, Henrietta was trying to look unmoved, taking a long drag off her cigarette.
"Have you abandoned your old name too?" Firckle challenged him.
"I have, my name, is Raven."
Slowly, the four goths broke into smiles, and welcomed Raven as one of them.
By the end of the day, Kyle approached him.
"What the fuck?"
"I've finally decided to embrace myself."
"What the fuck?" he repeated, a scowl on his face.
"I'm done pretending to be someone I'm not. If you have time, I'd like help studying a few nights a week. Two at worst, three if you have the time." Raven replied, voice indifferent.
He continued to scowl, fighting his temper down.
"Fine yeah. I'll text you the days and times I've got free."
With that matter settled, Kyle stomped away.
Raven gazed after his friend?
Then he shrugged, if they were still friends, that was good, if they weren't, then so be it.
He went home, kicking off his boots as usual, hearing his mother come in the living room and stop short.
She looked at him, she was surprised, very.
"Are you... okay?" She ventured.
"I feel much more at peace," he confirmed, letting his bag slip from his shoulder and plopping it on the sofa as he moved towards the kitchen.
"Thank you for the food while I was in my room. I'll take care of the dishes and help with dinner."
"Don't you have football practice?"
"I quit the team."
He didn't have to turn to know she was wondering why.
He worked quietly at the dishes and dinner, barely glancing up as Shelley came home. He sensed unspoken communication between his mother and sister but didn't bother. They ate dinner together in relative silence, before Raven also offered to do the dishes and put away the left overs.
He also mentioned he had some things left in the back of the car that he had forgotten to bring in.
His mom went and fetched them, leaving them on the sofa next to his school bag.
He thanked her and took his bags upstairs to his room.
After putting things away, he began his homework, still catching up for the days he had missed and the new assignments. By the time it was nearing 11, he was well over halfway finished. He stopped though, to pack his things back into his backpack and leave for Benny's. His first nighttime meeting with the other goths was about to begin.