"Okay, film! I, Jack Spicer, evil boy genius, have once again fooled the Xiaolin losers. Who rocks? I rock! Now while they're distracted, I will venture into their vault and, wait, wait, wait, wait! That did not sound impressive enough! Now while they are hoodwinked, I will rob them blind, baby! Jack-bot does it sound better?"
"Yes, sir, you are a genius movie director."
"Thank you, robo-7thz, I knew I could count on you. Oh, and don't forget to cut the words in between."
Jack grinned and made his way sneakily to the vault, almost tripping because of his eagerness.
"I'm okay," he told his trusty robot, while putting shen-gong wu into a giant sack, and humming to himself. He started of course with his favorite, the monkey staff.
However, he didn't get to enjoy his fleeting victory, as just as he was about to fly home to his basement/evil lair, Omi's voice rang out, "Jack Spicer! Relinquish the she gong-wu at once or suffer a most humiliating defeat!"
"Relinquish the shen-gong-wu at once or suffer a blah blah blah, why don't you come here and make me, shorty!" Jack mimicked him, with his crossed arms
and an impish grin on his face.
"As you wish. Water!" Omi said, slashing his teenage foe in the face, making him drop the wu. Jack cursed, and muttered, "Stupid cheesehead. The clothes were brand new, now they'll likely shrink."
The other monks soon made their appearance.
"If it isn't Jack the momma's boy. I thought something smelled putrid," Kimiko said, while smirking.
"Hey, it's not true! It's not from me," Jack whined, "It's the new aftershave mom forces me to use. It smells terrible."
"Dude, she was not talking about the aftershave," Raimundo said.
Jack took a look at Kimiko's hello kitty getup combined with the necessary accessories and said, illustriously "Oh yeah! Well, you look like a crazy old cat lady!"
Kim glared, throwing him a reproachful look.
"At least she don't smell like one, partner!" Clay hollered.
"Enough chat-chit! Jack Spicer, you are welcome to fight us, if you are brave enough," the little monk said.
"Nah, I've got a project I must finish and some homework for my classes due tomorrow," Jack said, rubbing his neck sheepishly.
"Let me guess, you waited until the last moment," Kim said dryly.
"Hey, don't judge. That's when inspiration happens," Jack defended himself, "Nobody understands a starving artist."
"I wouldn't be so sure about inspiration, partner. Your knife's so dull it wouldn't cut hot butter," Clay taunted.
"Watch it, cowboy! You're such a, how do you people say it, oh yeah, a whippersnapper!" Jack yelled, after thinking hard on it.
"Spicer, you're only one year older than me," Clay told him.
"The expression fits, since I am so much more mature," Jack responded, gesticulating.
This caused the entire xiaolin team to burst into laughter. Rai was holding his side, giggling madly, then he yawned and said, "Well, if the fight's over, I'm going to sleep. Goodnight guys, Spicer."
"Night Raimundo," said his friends while Jack hollered, "Goodnight Xiaolin loser! And may your dreams be filled with nightmares."
The other dragons rolled their eyes at his childish antics.
At last the evil boy genius flew into the night, gleeful that he still managed to snatch the star Hanabi which was in his pocket, without the others observing.
Jack returned to his home, and was currently listening to heavy metal music while swaying his hips back and forth, and chanting, "Yeah, Whoo! Searching! Seek and destroy!"
He danced around in his lair, goofily, every now and then sparing a guilty glance to his pile of homework until he could take it no more, he shut down the computer and started working on his English essay.
"Shakespeare, lovely," Jack muttered as he began reading it aloud first in a booming, masculine voice then in a high, girlish voice and laughing unnecessarily at some parts. He jumped on his working table and reenacted the balcony scene.
"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."
"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy:
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot
Nor arm nor face nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O be some other name.
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"
"What an amateur," Jack mumbled, rolling his eyes, "I could do better. Yeah let's try it."
Jack's version
"What curvaceous hips you have, my beautiful doll,
You make Wuya green with envy."
"O, Jack. Where in Dante's inferno are thou Jack?
Don't listen to your old man, and change your name.
Or if not, love me till the end, baby,
And I will no longer be saddled with a name like Capulet.
Only your name is wack, Jack, not you
We shouldn't fight without escape,
It's better if we hug and eat fondue.
What's a Spicer?
It is not a weapon, nor shen gong wu, nor evil seed,
Belonging to a man. O, change your surname!
What's in a name? A flower's sweet nectar would smell divine,
Whether you were called jack Spicer or Freddy wine!"
The jack-bots began clapping uproariously, while Jack bowed solemnly, a small smile on his face.
After his little show, he began taking a look at his actual assignment. It said: write a three thousand word essay about Romeo and Juliet. Jack bit his nails and tugged at his auburn hair.
"They can't expect me to make an essay about amateurish writing! It's worse than that time I was stuck babysitting Megan. Jack-bots, do my homework for me!"
"Yes, sir!" the bots said simultaneously and began working on his assignment.
Jack walked carelessly toward his new and improved time machine, which could transport one years into the past even without the eye of Dashi. He just had to make a way to return.
He cracked his knuckles, got a screw wrench, and began working on his hobby. He spent ten minutes uninterrupted until he heard Omi approach.
"Jack Spicer, the star Hanabi belongs to us. Kindly give it back," Omi said while sighing.
"Uhhh...I don't have it," Jack said, smiling unconvincingly.
Omi raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips.
"Fine, fine, I took it. Hey, where are the other Xiaolin losers?" he asked after yawning.
"Sleeping Jack Spicer, as I would be, were it not for you," Omi said sincerely.
"So you came all alone into your enemy's evil lair? Aren't you afraid at all?" Jack teased.
"Nah, there's only you to defeat," Omi responded cheekily.
Jack made an offending sound and snapped his fingers, "Jack-bots, attack!"
Omi reigned havoc on Jack's robots, as expected. The older teen was so drunk with fury that he began jumping on Omi. They wrestled on the floor angrily, insults being exchanged.
"Xiaolin loser!"
"Three-faced Heylin!"
"Idiot!"
"Unscrupulous, lazy opponent!"
"Cheeseball!"
"...Jack!"
"Why you, my own name!"
Their scuffle seemed to go on forever until they accidentally activated the time machine, that, after being kicked like any collateral would be, started to malfunction.
It made a strange voice and commenced to suck them inside. Jack got hold of a bar, and Omi barely managed to grab the machine's console.
The shrieking sounds were eerie and the air cold.
"Omi! Pull the level! Pull the lever!" Jack instructed.
"Which one?" Omi asked despairingly, looking at the five different levers which were unique in shape, size, and color.
"The-" Jack began to say yet was too late as not even a second later he was sucked inside.
"Jack!" Omi screamed distressed, before being absorbed into the time machine.
Inside his lair, Chase Young was meditating. He was in a deep trance, with his golden eyes closed, and barely breathing, before they shot open.
"I sense idiocy the kind only Spicer could get himself into."
Then he called on his Heylin magic and created the very complicated scrying mirror which could show him the present, but also the past and the future. Truthfully, the last one more sparingly, and uncontrolled, otherwise he would have been near impossible to defeat.
He witnessed Omi fighting with whom he called, "that nitwit, Jack Spicer," all the way to the last moment when he was captured inside Jack's modified invention.
"Oh, little one, why must you always get into trouble?" Chase asked fondly while planning to return Omi to the present at any cost.