When Shadow came to, he found himself in Hell. As he expected, it was very warm in here, with a landscape largely consisting of red, jagged rocks and equally red dirt. Already, he encountered a group of possessed soldiers along with a couple of possessed sergeants, so he dumped a couple more cylinders worth of .44 Magnum bullets into them before moving on.

(I'm the last thing any of these guys will fuck with.)

Moving on, Shadow encountered another group of Imps, and just as had been the case with the enemy soldiers, they fared poorly against .44 Magnum big game rounds. Some of them threw fireballs at Shadow in an attempt to kill him, but he dodged those easily, and of the few that actually managed to hit him, they dissipated without doing a single bit of damage.

(These assholes have to be stopped once and for all.)

As Shadow moved deeper into Hell, more Imps awaited him, and just as before, their guts got blown all over the place when Shadow's bullets hit them. The more demons he killed, the more his face twisted into a sadistic smile. While he'd killed many a foe before entering Hell, the Ultimate Life Form had always seen killing as just something that needed to be done in order to give the people of his home planet a chance to be happy, as per his dearly departed Maria's wishes. He couldn't explain why he was suddenly starting to enjoy killing, and he wasn't going to stop to question it. If he had to give an answer, he would say that subconsciously, he was replaying scenes of killing the Black Arms and the minions of Solaris in his head, and it was giving him joy to pay them back for interfering in his world. Sadistic joy aside, at one point, Shadow came upon a couple of Pinkies. One of them was instantly killed when he shot it, but the other survived without giving much – if any – indication that it had been crippled. However, it too threw up its internal organs and died like the rest of them.

(Whoever thought those guys were going to stop me is crazy.)

Then, in one area, Shadow came upon a whole room full of Imps and Pinkies. As much as he enjoyed the sheer killing power of the Model 29, even its double-action firing mode and six-shot cylinder was just too slow for all of these guys, so Shadow whipped out his MP5 and proceeded to douse them with full-auto fury. On one hand, 800 rounds per minute of 9mm firepower did quite nicely against the Imps, but on the other hand, the Pinkies took more time to shred. In this moment, Shadow recalled reading about more powerful .40 S&W and 10mm variants of the MP5 called the MP5/40 and MP5/10, respectively, and decided that he was going to switch to one of those from now on. For now, though, once he'd expended a couple of 30-round mags, he finished off his remaining foes with his Model 29.

(Anyone else want some?)

Shadow kept his Model 29 raised in case any other demons decided to attack him. However, his Hedgehog Sense couldn't detect any. It did, however, alert him to something else, and seeing as it didn't appear to be alerting him to danger, he rushed over to what his Hedgehog Sense was alerting him to, and when he got there, he got the surprise of his life: there was a metal office desk with various papers and knick-knacks on it, plus a name plate that said "PANDEMONICA" and an HP laptop. Seated at the desk was a young woman with pale pink skin, white hair tied into a ponytail with large curls all about, two black horns barely sticking out of her curly hair, tired-looking red eyes and a black arrow-tipped tail. She wore a red button-down long-sleeve shirt, a black suit consisting of a black long-sleeve blazer and a black pencil skirt, round-framed glasses, black cotton gloves and black knee-high, high-heel leather boots. Almost immediately, she took notice of Shadow:

"You've reached Hell's Customer Service. My name is Pandemonica. How may I serve you?"

"Perhaps I can serve YOU instead," said Shadow.

Pandemonica adjusted her eyeglasses. "Sweet of you to offer. I could really use some coffee. I'm not myself without it."

"Hold on, I might have some in my bag…"

Shadow dug through his survival kit, and fortunately, he found a bag of Dunkin' Donuts coffee beans, which he handed to Pandemonica. She took a brief look at the bag, mainly trying to determine the freshness of the beans. Satisfied that they weren't too old, she poured a few into a coffee grinder, ground them up and then put them into a nearby coffee maker along with some water, after which she fired it up.

"Pandemonica, may I offer you a crepe while you wait?"

Pandemonica shrugged. "I suppose that would be nice."

Shadow dug a crepe out of his goodie bag and handed it to Pandemonica, who sniffed it for a bit before taking a bite. She let out a soft "mmmm" a few bites in.

"This is a good crepe. Did you make these?"

Shadow shook his head. "Actually, a good friend of mine made them."

"Tell them I said thanks, Mr…"

"I'm Shadow the Hedgehog."

Just then, Pandemonica heard a bell ring. "Oh, my coffee's done."

Pandemonica grabbed the coffee pot, poured some into a "VANRIPPER" coffee cup and took a sip. She let out a hearty "ah" as the drink's caffeinated warmth radiated throughout her body, her horns grew larger and her frown turned up into a sadistic smile.

"Those were some good beans," said Pandemonica. "I'm going to let you live…Shadow."

Shadow crossed his arms. "I didn't intend to kill you anyways. As a matter of fact, I had something else in mind…"

Pandemonica swallowed the bite of crepe that she'd dipped in coffee. "Do tell me."

"You're a beautiful woman. If it's permissible with you, I want to make love to you."

Pandemonica nearly choked on the sip of coffee she was drinking. "Really!?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't serious."

Pandemonica chuckled. "Awww, thank you! Customer service gets SO lonely sometimes, and sex is just what I needed to break that! Just let me finish this yummy crepe first…"

While Pandemonica was finishing her crepe and having some more coffee, Shadow dug around in his survival kit for the condoms. He found the box, opened it and pulled out a condom. Shortly thereafter, she finished the crepe and set the coffee aside.

"I'm gonna make this so hot for you!"

Pandemonica knelt down, wrapped her arms around Shadow and kissed him, and he eagerly returned the gesture. Outwardly, the Ultimate Life Form wasn't the kind of guy whom one would imagine to be a horny little son of a bitch, but deep down inside, he knew Rouge was right: he did indeed have a sex drive, and right now, there was nothing more he wanted than to have his way with Pandemonica. In particular, he had a major fetish for humans. Granted, she was no ordinary human, but she looked and felt human enough to him that it didn't take too long for him to get hard. The more he kissed her, the more he just wanted to have sex with her. In fact, he wanted to have sex with her so much that he helped her in ripping her clothes off. When she was fully naked, it was obvious to Shadow that she wasn't the most well-endowed woman ever. Nevertheless, he found her attractive enough and gladly climbed on top of her as she lied on her back.

"Are you ready for what I'm about to give you?" asked Shadow.

Pandemonica kept smiling. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Shadow nodded, and in one precise motion, he entered Pandemonica, who gasped upon taking him.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" asked Shadow.

"No, it's just…that cock feels so good inside me!"

Taking it as a sign to proceed further, Shadow thrust into Pandemonica. Having never had sex with a woman before, he already found the experience to be so sensually hot that he was looking forward to more. Thus, he kept up his thrusting, not only intently determined to give her as much pleasure as possible, but hotly craving his own climax as well. In this moment, not a single part of his mind was thinking about how he hated the Roseinians or how he wanted to ventilate random demons. All he could think about was how beautiful this woman was and how happy he was that he was getting it on with her.

"Shadow, I want you! Harder! Faster!"

Pandemonica was similarly enthralled to have Shadow plowing her. For many, customer service was a demanding, thankless job, and especially so down here in Hell, so getting a break from that stress and indulging in sheer carnal pleasure really helped lighten that burden for her. She didn't even care that she was a humanoid demon woman and that he was an artificially-created alien hedgehog. As long as she felt such an intense connection with him, that was what really mattered. She moaned louder and louder as he continued to make love to her, wanting him more than anything else in the world. Soon enough, her wish would come true as…

"Shadow, yes! YES! YES! YES!"

Pandemonica dug her fingernails into Shadow's thighs as she reached her climax, almost losing the ability to make sounds as the climax took over every inch of her body. Knowing that she was getting her rocks off, he kept thrusting into her, getting his own explosive release as well, grunting with delight during the ordeal and not stopping until he came down from his high. Finally, once the deed was done, with Pandemonica panting, red and sweaty from the action, Shadow gently pulled out of her.

"Was that as good for you as it was for me?" asked Shadow.

Pandemonica took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself. "Shadow…that…was…FANTASTIC! Oh, after all these lonely years of doing customer service down here, that was just what I needed! Thank you so much, love!"

Shadow smiled. "You're welcome! I knew what sex was, but up until I met you, I never had the chance to try it for myself, so this made me happy!"

"Awww! I'm glad to be your first time! In fact, I'm so glad that I won't break your arms off!"

Pandemonica wrapped her arms around Shadow and gave him another kiss. As much as he hated the fact that various Hell beasts had attempted to take over his realm, he could never, ever bring himself to hate a woman, especially one who had let him make the sweetest love to her. Soon enough, they broke away from the kiss.

"Hey Shadow, I have to get back to work now, but if you're ever interested in another round of sex, feel free to come back and see me!" Pandemonica smiled. "I'll make it worth your time!"

Shadow nodded. "I will. Actually, now that you mention it, I have some important work of my own…"

Pandemonica raised her index finger. "I get it! You're the one responsible for all that gunfire!"

Shadow crossed his arms. "And what if I am? A bunch of creatures down here attempted to attack my world, and I'm giving them a taste of their own medicine."

Pandemonica formed a devilish little smile on her face as she put her clothes back on. "Then continue with your little killing spree! Malina will love mopping up all those blood and guts you spill!"

Shadow raised an eyebrow. "Wait…are you saying there are other women down here?"

"Of course! I'm sure they'd be dying to meet a handsome young man like you!"

Shadow smiled. "Then I'm dying to meet them, too!"

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but my coffee's probably getting cold by now! Run free, Shadow!"

"Best of luck, Pandemonica!"

After disposing of the used condom, Shadow waved to Pandemonica as he drew his Model 29 and headed off for some more killing.

Criticism is gold. Negativity and nitpicking are pyrite.