The importance of thick cauldron bottoms

"The cauldron was simmering, sending its diamond sparks in all directions, so blindingly bright that it turned all else to velvety blackness. Nothing happened. . . .
Let it have drowned. Harry thought, let it have gone wrong. . . "

And then suddenly a great tearing noise came from the underside of the cauldron, a dark shape fell and the fire was snuffed out. When Harry´s eyes adjusted back to dim light Wormtail was already inspecting the cauldron. The moment Wormtail laid eyes inside the cauldron he started sobbing and wailing hysterically, begging Voldemort to forgive him.

Harry meanwhile was finally making sense of what happened and couldn't stop the incredulity from creeping up on him. The bottom of the cauldron had broken and the potion had spilled. He supposed Percy was onto something after all with all those reports. He was just lucky that an accident had happened now of all times. He supposed Voldemort would still kill him but at least he couldn't get a proper body now. The last mystery was the black and red scarf on the pile. Moments later it dawned on Harry bright as a summer day and as much as he tried Harry couldn't stop himself from laughing.

This, of course drew the attention of Wormtail who immediately came over to him.
Before Wormtail could get a word out Harry started talking while still laughing himself rotten "Killed by falling out of cauldron, out of a bloody cauldron. Can you imagine the headstone? 'Here lies Voldemort, the great Dark Lord killed by an insufficient cauldron bottom' Oh Merlin I can't breathe. This is even better than if you would have gotten eaten by Crookshanks, at least he is intelligent. Voldy got done in by budget cuts. Dear Merlin this is hilarious. Ron and Hermione are never gonna believe me and why on earth should they. The fucking Dark Lord killed because some greedy scumbag skimped on the production of a cauldron"

Wheezing and taking a breath at the same time(which was remarkably difficult) Harry continued on "Babies are really fragile you know, I mean I have always wondered why he bothered using the killing curse on me. Seriously, just before that my mum sacrificed herself after being offered to live three times. I might not take arithmancy but even I know that some magical bullshit is gonna happen after that. Like come on dude three is like a severely magical number, are you really just gonna a use a highly powerful spell on a baby. Just fucking shake me, I would have died and you would have ruled the world but no, just fail so spectacularly at killing a baby that it is completely unique in magical history and then years later proceed to die via a thin bottomed cauldron. Oh Merlin Voldemort has failed twice now because he underestimated a babies fragility"

Wormtail was looking at Harry like he was insane, which to be fair was not unreasonable. I mean he did that the best way to kill a 60 foot murder snake with exceedingly venomous venom was to stab it with a sword. And now he was telling a Death Eater how Voldemort should have killed him. Grinning at Wormtail Harry continued once more

"You know, you are very lucky that this was only a minor accident"
"Minor accident!?" Wormtail spluttered
"Yes, minor. The result of a failing cauldron are usually much more severe. There are about 10 accidents a year with half of those being explosions which are normally fatal. I suppose this was a fatal accident too but really you're quite lucky you didn't kill us all"

Harry was fully prepared to continue weaponizing his knowledge of cauldron bottoms but when he looked at Wormtail once more he saw that the rat had since passed out from blood loss, since he had previously cut off a hand for the almighty evil baby. Shrugging as much as he was able to he bent down and was able to barely retrieve Wormtail's knife. Cutting himself free he pondered what to do now. Grinning as an idea came to him he put up his wand. Sure enough a couple seconds later a great purple monstrosity came to halt before him.
"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or
wizard. just stick ou.." Stan Shunpike trailed off just now noticing the situation.
Grinning up at the stunned conductor Harry brightly asked "Hey Stan, reckon you can get some aurors here. This ones a doozy"

-A/n
Hello, bit of short one today. Only eight hundred words or so but I reckon the joke has run its course. If you want some more of this, maybe some reactions or the aftermath let me know. Reviews are a fan-fiction writers lifeblood and I am most definitely a vampire. If you read my WOT story you'll notice it has a distinctly different tone. This will hold true for most oneshots I do. They are not supposed to be serious. Whereas any proper story I write will at least take itself moderately serious. I have some concepts for oneshots and stories sitting around, mostly HP oneshots. I am not going to write a story until at least the first book of twice to live is done though. About half of my oneshots have concepts as ludicrous as this one so if you like this follow my profile. They make for a great change of pace from something you have to put actual thought in. If you have some absolutly wild ideas for oneshots let me know. The fandoms i know enough about to write for are as follows: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Avatar both Aang and Korra, How to train your dragon, Wheel of Time. So if you have an idea for a oneshot for those fandoms and dont want to ride put it in a review and who knows i might use it. I will credit you of course. (Yes i did put that in to get to a thousand words how did you guess, offer still stands though)

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed and please review
-Rallar