2
The sound of laughter from the girls was irritating to Rika, who was slogging through the heavy academic reading during one of their rare study periods. She looked up, seeing Satoko's pleasant face as she conversed with the other girls. "Satoko," Rika interrupted seriously. As the group turned her way, Rika continued. "Do you think you can afford to spend your time like this? This school has strict standards. I know you've always struggled with studying."
Satoko's face flushed. She closed her eyes as her brow furrowed, then turning to her friends. "Who does she think she is? People should look at themselves before critiquing others."
"Noise makes it difficult for the rest of us to concentrate as well," Rika said.
"If we weren't being courteous, that's all that needed to be said," Satoko said, her expression turning even crosser.
From there, Satoko and her friends quieted down, even became silent intermittently, as the rest of the class studied. Rika felt some satisfaction at that. Because it created a better atmosphere for studying of course, not because hearing Satoko chat so happily with her new friends had been so irritating. In any case, her eyes traveled over the dull words of the assigned reading much more quickly.
Once finishing the text and understanding it to her satisfaction, Rika got out her personal notebook, opening it and taking out a cute pen with bright blue ink. Being 'Rika', perhaps this kind of tome shouldn't be bothered with, but it was still used to work through many things. This 'Satoko' had brought back a wish for another world's. Reading through other entries in the notebook wasn't enough. Something new was desired.
Only a few strokes were made with the blue pen before more tittering was heard. Despite not wanting to, Rika did enter the true moment, focusing her eyes on Satoko, who was one of the amused bunch. Not just that, the other girls were all focused on the imitation of Rika's friend, making her the center of attention. "The little girl cried when she lost her marbles in the desert," Satoko said.
Rika sat up, her eyes widening as she heard the familiar words. Despite speaking them, they weren't Satoko's.
"She searched the desert for a hundred years."
Rika stood up, taking some slow steps over to the person reciting the witch's poetry. Satoko kept speaking them even as she walked, feeling completely separated from her body, more with each line. Finally, she made it to the end.
"...How long will it take 'til she begins to doubt whether or not she actually lost them to begin with?" Upon finishing, Satoko smirked and closed her eyes, fanning herself with the paper Rika had never retrieved from the floor. She eventually opened them and focused on Rika with an expression of mock surprise. "Oh, Furude-san? I believe I have something of yours."
Rika glared at the paper Satoko held up rather than take it or reply.
Satoko sat up. "I'm sorry, is there something else? Maybe we can help you find your marbles?"
Rika still didn't reply as the girls around her laughed. "That wasn't about me," she said. The response didn't seem to interest them. Satoko and the others just stared coldly her way, seeming to stifle their amusement. It had been useless to speak, hadn't it?
In fact, it seemed useless to be there at all. Upon feeling tears in her eyes, Rika decided just to leave rather than stay and deal with the bully imitation of her friend. Without a word, she gathered up her things, going back to her dorm. There would be consequences, but she couldn't bring herself to care at the moment. She'd just absorb herself in what she'd been trying to do before.
Except she couldn't concentrate. Depression took over rather than allowing an escape through words. Rika just held her book, lip trembling, before she eventually took a nap.
The sound of a knock on the door awoke her. Getting up, Rika irritably opened it. She stared blankly at the person that stood there. "What?" she asked Satoko after a pause.
Satoko sighed, holding out the paper. "Here," she said, holding out a hand with the record of the witch's poem.
Rika took back the page, her expression unchanging. "Thanks," she muttered.
Satoko folded her arms, still staying by the door. "Were you not feeling well, Furude-san? Your roommate said you were sleeping. We covered for you, anyway."
"Thanks," Rika repeated, still unable to summon much emotion into her voice.
"I was just sharing that poem because I thought it was interesting," Satoko continued, turning her head slightly. "Who is it about, anyway?"
"The answer to that question lies beyond your limits. I couldn't explain it to one with your narrow understanding." Despite herself, she was speaking as the witch again.
"Huh?" Satoko predictably became cross again. "You don't have to be so overdramatic. If it's about no one in particular, that's fine, too. I can appreciate imagination."
"It doesn't matter," Rika said.
"Suppose not," Satoko followed. "Maybe you could share other poems? If you have them. Other girls here are into that kind of thing, you know. There's a literary club."
"What's the purpose of your suggestion?" Rika inquired. Asking such would likely get this person to stop, since answering would reveal her unscrupulous motivations to get more 'interesting' content for the group to laugh at.
But Satoko just shrugged. "I didn't know if you'd heard of it, and I thought you might be comfortable there. You seem lonely."
A sound escaped Rika's throat, and she was momentarily lost for a response. "As if that's something for you to be worried about," she finally spat out. "I'll be alone all I please."
"Right, right." Satoko gave a quiet sigh to herself as she finally turned away, heading down the hall. "Suit yourself, Furude-san."
Rika watched as Satoko left, noting that no one else was in the hall. Had Satoko said this out of a genuine concern, and not just to mock? The idea that she may have was more demeaning than comforting. Now awake, Rika went back into her dorm, getting out her study materials on her desk. But instead of working on them, she placed an unacademic notebook over them, taking out the bright blue pen. She'd only meant to write for a bit, but ended up enjoying putting the meaningful words on paper so much that she just wrote into the nighttime hours, even after her roommate returned and went to sleep. Finally deciding to do so herself, Rika closed her notebook, leaving it on the desk instead of putting it up with the rest. She'd be continuing this as time and other tasks allowed.
Rika sat at the side of the class for another day filled with more lectures. She kept her space clean and made the appropriate notes. Studying was necessary. Though an ancient being had broken off of Rika's soul and the memories weren't completely erased, Rika herself was now a human who needed to study the same as any other in order to learn. Though she might breeze through her classes otherwise, such effort as a human would allow her to continue to be Furude Rika.
Walking through the hall at the end of class, a flier for the literary club could be seen. It was really cute, with hand drawn pictures of little animals reading and sleeping on books. Though a student did need to study, maybe there was time for this as well. Taking note of the meeting time and place, Rika made plans to attend.
Upon arriving, she was met by startled students, though they soon politely greeted her. Rika greeted them back, then exchanged introductions. Satoko wasn't there. Tension that shouldn't be felt by this Rika was felt anyway, but she brushed it off. She was just there to pass time, maybe make friends with some of the other posh students. They asked her favorite author, which gave Rika some pause, as there were so many she might say. Which would impress them most? The one she picked, they hadn't heard of. Then they spoke about a book they'd all been reading, a classic that Rika herself hadn't. She couldn't even draw upon her non-human experiences for that. It was an older book, but her backwater town just hadn't had it. Even having read a lot, why couldn't Rika find her place in this simple conversation?
"Are you doing alright, Furude-san?" one of the girls asked politely.
Rika looked up from the notebook she'd been pouring her attention over, carefully writing the next words. As she met eyes with the other girl, she realized she'd been holding back tears, but put on a smile anyway. "Oh, yes," Rika assured.
"Furude-san is a writer herself," a different girl pointed out.
"How nice! Can you tell us about what you're writing?"
"Is it more poetry?"
Rika opened her mouth, just to find her voice failing. She couldn't share her work, not really. It was beyond them, of course. "Well, you know," Rika muttered. "This is all just practice, since I'm still a student."
"Maybe it could still end up being really good. Will you show us?"
"It's not ready," Rika insisted, closing up the notebook before carefully putting her favored pen back into the case. She closed her eyes and fought a sigh. "I'm sorry, maybe I'm feeling fatigued after all," she said.
Everyone said they understood, so Rika picked up her bag and left. Back in her dorm, she went through the droll reading and assignments before laying down. She then napped far before bedtime. In her dream, she was laughing in Hinamizawa. Surrounded by people who shared in jokes and laughed with her, Rika never had to wonder about if she fit in or not. She was both accepted and adored.
The knock on the door seemed to shake the fractured feeling back into her heart. She'd forgotten just for a moment while sleeping, but the reality of being in an institution where she didn't actually have a place was recalled instantly. "Yes?" Rika managed to say while sleeping.
The door opened. Rika sat up suddenly upon noticing who it was. "Satoko..."
"Oh? You're moving around so easily? You sounded sick, but maybe you aren't at all," Satoko said.
Just waking up, Rika's grogginess didn't allow for an immediate response.
"So you are sick?" Satoko entered, book held in her hands.
"Why do you have that?" Rika demanded upon recognizing it.
Satoko briefly rolled her eyes. "Everyone's decided I'm your friend for some reason. Just because we lived in the same town. Or maybe because I read your poem. Either way, they have a misunderstanding, don't they."
A misunderstanding. Rika frowned, not misunderstanding anything. The connections she'd had before had been stolen away. For her mother's sake, she'd stayed in this world. Despite everything, she wasn't willing to kill that woman to get her desired world. But if she had the choice again, maybe she would.
A Rika and Satoko their current ages could easily evolve their inseparable childhood friendship into a first love. A different Rika in a different world may be hugging Satoko at this time, gently touching her, eventually kissing her, before they laughed and chatted about mundane things in the perfect happy ending to her long, unbearable struggle. This Rika was being cheated of such things.
"Um... Furude-san?"
As Satoko looked down at her, Rika realized she'd grabbed onto the other girl's hand. She held it gently, feeling the very tips of her fingers were cold. Far from embarrassing her, such an action had Rika feeling warm, filling in the chasm she'd felt before. She blinked her eyes, swallowing as she realized despite being given this feeling, she still wanted more, but wouldn't be given it.
After some moments of silence, Satoko raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you with something?"
"You can kiss me, maybe," Rika said.
"Ugh." Satoko's hand tensed as she squeezed Rika's own. "Do you realize how awkward you make everything?"
"Maybe it was a sincere request," Rika said, being the one to pull away from Satoko after hearing the undesired question.
"Sure, right, maybe I would kiss you, if it would get you to stop being so weird. But you won't stop, huh?" Satoko tossed her short hair as she stepped back toward the door. "Maybe if you like me you could ask to do something with me before spitting out something stupid like that. How did you expect me to react? Really, what were you thinking?"
Rika had no response. Satoko groaned and eventually left.