Chapter 2

(Five weeks earlier)

Janeway swore softly under her breath as she stumbled on loose rocks, throwing her hands before her to steady herself. Even though she'd lost her balance, she stubbornly refused Chakotay's hand that was offered to assist her.

She didn't want to be here, in the middle of some desolate wilderness, surrounded only by rocks, sand, small cacti and scrub pines, following a path that was seemingly leading to nowhere. In her eyes, this so-called mission was pointless. Even though the sun had only started to rise, her muscles already were protesting, and she was covered with a thin sheen of sweat.

Lately her mood had vacillated between frustrated and morose. Their subsequent experiments with the promising slipstream technology had failed. Recently there'd been a brief spark of hope when the Lanadites offered them a faster than warp drive.

Yet, there were many variables to account for. It was uncertain if the mesh of their technologies would be compatible, with no safe way to test it. The physiologies of their races differed significantly enough to make them question if the process would be safe for humans.

Despite those factors, Janeway had felt it was worth the risk. She'd grown to expect that Chakotay would disagree with her. He didn't seem to care if they ever made it home. Or he was too damned conservative to take a risk.

Too willing to settle.

That thought caused her to bite her lip and swallow hard.

She was the captain. Ultimately, it had been her decision. She should've forced the issue.

Chakotay had fervently pointed out what he deemed were unnecessary and dangerous risks. She was horrified when the others agreed with him. She was used to verbally sparring with her first officer, not with her entire senior staff. She felt betrayed by their lack of support.

That missed golden opportunity partially accounted for her continual foul mood. Her fuse was way too short these days. Any little thing could set her off. Constant stress, limited sleep and a steady diet of black coffee didn't help either. Since Chakotay had stopped his careful vigilance of her eating habits, her meals had become more irregular.

As they continued climbing along the rocky trail, which was growing steeper as they approached the mountains, she lamented that she was in such poor physical condition. Her chest heaved as she gasped for air, and her legs felt rubbery. The change in elevation must be affecting her. How had she let her conditioning slide so badly?

And this mission?

An utter waste of time.

The Kandrinions, a petite, soft-spoken, dark-skinned race, were highly religious, with prayer stances, sacred altars, long flowing religious robes, and elaborate rituals associated with every aspect of their lives. In order to obtain fruit and other food supplies, she and her second-in-command were required to complete this ridiculous pilgrimage in the middle of the wilderness to receive so-called 'enlightenment'.

Of course, Chakotay was intrigued by the spiritual aspect. He was eager to comply, for it sounded similar to a vision quest. She'd much rather be working on adapting those crystals they'd recently obtained for their propulsion system. She'd tried to delegate, encouraging Chakotay to take Seven along, aware that he would prefer her company. Not that the former Borg would appreciate that spiritual mumbo jumbo any more than she would. But the aliens had objected, insisting that the captain and second-in-command had to be the crew members that completed the ritual.

Straining for breath, she paused, wiping sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Growing warmer, she removed her jacket and then crouched to cram it into her backpack. She took her time, allowing herself to catch her breath. The path which lay before them, surrounded by sand, rocks and scrub pines, continued its gradual ascent up the mountain.

It seemed to go on forever.

"Tired?" Chakotay asked.

Her pride automatically kicked in. "Of course not." She rose to shoulder her pack then stepped forward, even though her breathing was still rough.

As they continued to climb the rocky path up the hillside, she wondered when her focus had become so narrow. Her temper so volatile. Getting Voyager back to Earth was all she could think about these days.

And when had she become so irritated by Chakotay whom she once considered to be her closest friend?

Memories of the recently attempted mutiny were still fresh in her mind. Even though she knew Chakotay hadn't been responsible for his actions, it had still stung.

She tried to deny that her feelings had anything to do with her recent discovery that Chakotay was dating Seven of Nine. Why should she care? He was an adult and entitled to companionship. There was nothing other than friendship between the two of them.

Yet, the only person she was fooling with that argument was herself.

The Kandrinions claimed this mystical oracle would bestow valuable knowledge and insight to take them along their life path. Whatever that meant. Her expectations were low. At this rate, it would take the entire day to reach the blasted place. She continued to focus on doggedly putting one foot in front of the other on the path before her, while the sun's rays increased their intensity.

XXX

Chakotay deliberately slowed his pace when he realized that Kathryn wasn't keeping up with him. It bothered him that she took such poor care of herself, and it was starting to show. Her growing obsession with modifying new and potentially dangerous technology also frightened him.

What was the point of arriving home if they lost more crew members along the way? While he understood that she was driven by guilt, didn't she realize that would be an even heavier burden to shoulder?

He thought that Kathryn respected him. In the past she'd at least listened to opposing points of view. Clearly, she'd changed her mind. Lately, she tuned him out before he even had a chance to present his ideas.

It hurt.

As much as he cared for her, for that had never changed, he was a practical man. Her lack of interest had driven him to search for other companionship. He was lonely. He had emotional needs.

He wondered if Kathryn was even the same woman that he'd fallen in love with. A man can only be shoved aside so many times before he takes the hint and moves on.

When Seven expressed an interest in dating him, he'd been flattered. And curious. She was a beautiful, young woman. They'd had a few dates, shared a few kisses. That was the extent of it. It certainly wasn't infatuation or the heady giddy feeling of new love.

But it was something. Something that he needed.

Sometimes he felt guilty, aware he wasn't fully committed to her, feeling this wasn't fair to Seven. But he had no intention of letting this relationship become more serious.

Still, he had no desire to spend the next decade alone on Voyager. Given his age, he was ready to settle down. He longed for a wife. A companion. Someone to hold at night and share his life with. Despite the hazards of space travel, he also dreamed of starting a family. And that was never going to happen with Kathryn.

It was time for him to face reality and reevaluate his relationship with Seven. His attitude had been holding them back. Kathryn had given him no indication that she was ever going to return his affection, nor did the two of them share common goals other than getting the crew home. As painful as it was, he needed to stop pathetically waiting around for the impossible to happen and move on.

Embracing the next steps in intimacy with Seven would enhance the quality of their tentative relationship and provide him with the emotional bond that he was craving.

It was time.

What was he waiting for?

His curiosity was piqued by this spiritual quest. The Kandrinions had called it the search for enlightenment. Their instructions were intentionally vague – 'follow the path'. They'd been supplied with food and water, then unceremoniously dumped in the desert. He was surprised that they hadn't been asked to fast or undergo some other purification ritual, for those tended to enhance these types of experiences.

He wondered about the nature of the revelation. Since they'd insisted upon the captain and the second-in-command participating, he assumed the revelation would impact their entire crew rather than be of a personal nature.

Spirits help them if Kathryn learned that Voyager might not reach the Alpha Quadrant.

Two more hours into the hike, they'd made it half-way up the mountain. They paused for water and to wipe off damp foreheads.

"Are we there yet?"

Chakotay surveyed the area, looking for anything distinctive. An altar. A sign. A strange rock. Her tone indicated that she wasn't fully invested in this.

"Don't think so," he answered.

Exploring several feet ahead, while Kathryn rested, Chakotay discovered that the path lead between two large boulders and into a cavern within the mountain. Kathryn dug out a hand light from her pack and huffed impatiently as she trudged forward to join him.

Chakotay cautiously examined the low ceiling of the cave entrance.