Chapter 4

Suddenly Janeway was aware that she was no longer standing in the cave beside Chakotay. Instead of the odd shimmering pool, she was peering into a mirror. The face staring back at her startled her, it differed from her own. Raising a hand to her cheek, she immediately verified that it was indeed her face. Yet this was a much older version of her, with fine lines about her eyes, lips and forehead, and fuller cheeks.

The color of her auburn hair was muted with several lines of gray in it. It was also longer, pulled back in the chignon she'd favored a few years ago. Her makeup was carefully done with lots of foundation, lipstick, a touch of golden eye shadow and mascara. Running mascara. She grabbed a paper towel to dab at it.

Then she examined her body. She was horrified to discover that she had a much fuller figure, she was at least twenty-five pounds heavier.

Apparently, she was attending a special event. She was wearing a sleeveless emerald-green sheath dress that hugged her body and showed off her generous curves. She'd never seen anything like this fabric, it shimmered almost as if it had a life of its own, though it wasn't gaudy like Vegas showgirl sequins.

Scanning her surroundings, she appeared to be in a public rest room. Toilet stalls with wooden doors were behind her, a row of sinks in front with a low-quality mirror before her. There was definitely a lack of polish to the wooden construction material. It did not appear to be as smooth or uniform as replicated boards.

A stunning young woman with dark wavy shoulder length hair, kind, sparkling brown eyes, and honey hued skin was staring at her. She was dressed up as well, but the fabric of her long flowing red dress was a silky blend.

"Mom? Are you okay? You kinda blanked out for a moment." She reached for Janeway's hand. "C'mon, this is your day. Dad's waiting for you."

Mom?

Even though she had no idea who this attractive woman was, she could sense this older version of herself held great love for her.

"I'm fine." Kathryn lied, still staring at her appalling appearance.

"Mom, stop. You look beautiful."

A toilet flushed and a stall door opened. A woman with long, dark purple, almost black hair, stepped towards them. She clearly wasn't human. While her features were similar, her nearly alabaster skin had an exotic lavender tinge, and her slighter wider eyes were a deep amethyst color. Several darker violet ridges appeared on her forehead and palms. Alongside her, a toddler with slightly lighter lavender-tinged skin and red hair, appeared. Other than the purplish skin and darker ridges, she was the spiting imagine of Janeway as a young child.

"Granma!" The young girl ran towards Janeway.

Both younger women stepped forward to run interference.

"Maya!" The alien woman warned.

Tears welled up in Janeway's eyes. Her granddaughter? The fact that the little girl resembled her proved that she was related to these people. She ached to hold the little girl.

She bent down to her level and encouraged her, opening her arms to receive her. "C'mon!"

Overjoyed, Maya threw her arms around her.

"Mom, she just had barbeque sauce! Her fingers are still sticky! Your beautiful dress!" The lavender skinned woman fretted, grabbing paper towels to dampen to clean off the toddler.

"I don't care about that." Holding the little girl in her arms brought additional tears to her eyes.

How long had it been since she'd really hugged someone?

"Mom! Your makeup! That's why we came in here in the first place," her daughter said.

Janeway bent to admire Maya, touching her red curls and kissing those chubby cheeks. Her heart overflowed with love for her.

With her hand grasped tightly by the two-years-old's sticky ones, and flanked by her daughter and presumed daughter-in-law, they left the bathroom and entered a large banquet hall. As with the bathroom, the construction was rustic – mostly wood, favoring a natural look. One of the walls was composed of stone which framed an enormous fireplace. Loud music filled the air. And the place was packed with people.

A big sign, saying "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!" hung from the wall. People were all about her. She recognized numerous Voyager crew members, all older with expanded waistlines and graying temples, who were loading up plates at the buffet table, getting drinks at the bar, laughing over food while seated at tables, or on the floor dancing.

She turned, catching sight of Tom and B'Elanna having an animated conversation with another lavender alien couple. Harry was on the stage with the band, playing the saxophone of all things. A bearded version of Ayala had his arm about an attractive lilac tinged alien woman, twirling her about the dance floor.

Scanning the room, she noticed there were nearly as many of the lilac-tinged aliens as there were Voyager crew members. Yet all were mingling together, getting along well.

Kids of all ages and races were running about, snatching food from the dessert table, clowning around at the tables. Playing tag on the side. Spinning in circles near the edge of the dance floor. It was refreshing.

She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this. Signs of ordinary, normal lives. She hadn't allowed herself to think about that in a very long time.

Speaking of children, could that sweet young lady by the buffet with the reddish-brown hair and the reddish forehead ridges be a grown-up Naomi Wildman? Her feet started to turn in that direction, but Maya clearly had other plans.

"Grandpa!" The little girl's eyes lit up and she started to tug Janeway towards the crowd on the opposite side of the dance floor. The girl's mother intervened, firmly grasping the toddler's hand, while a young man took Janeway's arm.

"I'll take her from here. C'mon, Mom," he said.

If she had any doubts as to the identity of her husband, looking at her son standing beside her completely removed them. He was a carbon copy of Chakotay. Dark hair, though worn longer than his father favored, reaching the back of his neck. Tall. Rugged good looks. Muscular build. He even bore the family tattoo on his forehead.

Her son carefully steered her through the crowd, towards her husband.

Looking about, Janeway was concerned by the lack of Starfleet uniforms. Or any presence of Starfleet. That didn't seem like a good sign. Most of the people that she recognized were those from her crew. Yet, the base emotion emanating from this older version of herself was a deep sense of happiness. Contentment.

As they approached him on the dance floor, where he was talking with one of the lavender aliens, she'd recognize him anywhere. Like her, he was heavier, older, and mostly gray. He was wearing his hair even shorter. But it was Chakotay. He was wearing black trousers with a white shirt and bolo tie.

It wasn't fair, she thought. While she'd aged gracefully, he looked distinguished. Still extremely handsome. He smiled when he saw her. Then he turned to kiss her. She was surprised to discover that this woman was still excited by her husband's touch.

"Are you ready?" He asked, with a grin, while grabbing her hands in his.

"For what?"

She was nervous. Would she have to make a speech? How would she know what to say?

The band stopped playing and a young man announced over the microphone. "Let's hear it for the happy couple." Cheers erupted from the crowd, some stamped their feet, and the dance floor cleared, leaving the couple alone in the center.

"Ready to dance?"

Janeway was terrified. Dance? That was almost worse than a speech. Give her a few drinks, she was a passable dancer at best. Cold sober in a heavier body that was decades older? With all these people watching? How was she going to do this?

She was astonished when her body automatically responded to the Latin style salsa music that the band played. She and Chakotay did turns, dips and all sorts of fancy moves. It was fun! She was so grateful she wasn't making a fool of herself.

She could also sense this Janeway's emotions. How touched she was by the love and support of her community. Her love for her family. For her husband.

She was confused. In her world, Chakotay didn't have those types of feelings for her anymore. His love for her had waned due to her lack of attention. She'd become so obsessed, feeling she didn't deserve happiness, so focused on getting Voyager home as her penance. It was the only way she could pay that price and gain redemption for stranding them in the Delta Quadrant.

And Chakotay had moved on with Seven so how could this be? His relationship with the former Borg had felt like a betrayal and had put the final nails in the coffin of any future she had with him. There was nothing left but getting home.

How could this version of the future exist?

She also had to consider the fact that they might not have made it back to Earth. She'd seen no sign of Admiral Paris or her mother. Still given advanced age, they could've passed away by now. But certainly her sister, Phoebe, or any other crew relatives, Tuvok's wife and family, or Ayala's kids would be there.

Their absence spoke volumes.

Had they given up their quest to return to Earth?

Even though they were obviously happy, the thought pained her. Yet, her older self certainly didn't feel like she was lacking. She was satisfied.

Applause and cheering broke out when their dance ended. Other couples returned to the dance floor when the band started a new number. She and Chakotay continued to dance. When a slow number started, Janeway rested her cheek against his chest, enjoying the feel of his arms around her.

How long had it been since a man had touched her? That she felt cherished and loved? She savored the sensations.

After a few more songs, Chakotay said, "Let's step outside a minute and get some air."

It took some time for them to work their way towards the exit. So many people paused to congratulate them, hugging them and clasping their hands. The lilac-tinged aliens were equally enthusiastic in the warmth of their greetings. They appeared to have a rich history with these people.

Finally, they left the building and strolled over to a bench. It was nighttime but the stars and two full moons in the heavens provided ample illumination.

She sighed, feeling melancholy. This confirmed that they never made it back to Earth.

Chakotay put his arm around her shoulders.

"You're right. It's not Earth."

She threw her shoulders back, startled and confused.

"I know you're not my wife."

"How?" She didn't understand what was going on.

"Kathryn, we've been married for years. I know my wife. We've both had plenty of weird time travel experiences. I know the signs."

She found herself fighting back tears, finding it hard to contain her disappointment that she'd failed her crew. He pulled her closer to him, and she hid her face against his chest, feeling foolish, breathing heavily as she fought her sobs.

How could she feel so happy and despondent at the same time?

"I'm sorry. I'm ruining…everything." She mumbled. Including his white shirt, which would be covered with smearing mascara.

"No, you're not. You've been crying all day. But those were happy tears. I know you're disappointed. I know how much getting back to Earth meant to you. I'd better not tell you too much but it's a good life here. We've meshed well with the T'lojans. We have similar values. You saw everyone. It's been a lot of hard work, but we've really built something here. It hasn't always been easy but we're happy. You and I have three kids-"

"Three?"

"Two sons and a daughter. One granddaughter, Maya, and a grandson on the way." He must have sensed her surprise, intermingled with rising sorrow, as she felt him clasp her hand. "I know it's not exactly what you wanted. But these are good people."

Still, her heart ached with the thought that she'd failed her mission and hadn't gotten them home.

"Kathryn, I think there's something you need to hear," the older Chakotay continued. "It's taken a long time, but we may have finally found a source of dilithium so we can complete repairs to Voyager. You and I might not make that journey home. But our children will, thanks to your stubbornness."

He began to gently massage the back of her neck and shoulders.

She felt sad that they most likely wouldn't return to Earth. Yet Chakotay's words conveyed that there was still hope.

He assured her. "We have a good life here."