Chapter 20: Pause
SCENE: ANDREWS APARTMENT
(Amber brushes her teeth in front of the foggy mirror with Andrew taking a shower behind her)
Andrew: Are you still in the pit?
Amber: (Spits in sink) Yeah, you?
Andrew: Me too. Webber put me in charge, says he wants me to better my teaching skills. Damn it, I'm out of conditioner can you hand me yours?
(Amber fishes for her conditioner in her bag and pulls back the shower curtain to hand it to Andrew)
Amber: I hope you like the smell of guava.
Andrew: I do actually. Hey how's Jo? I haven't seen her in work in like two weeks, is everything okay?
Amber: (Groans) I don't know. I ask Alex but he gets all defensive or tries to change the subject which can only mean bad things. I offered to come and talk to her but he said it probably wouldn't do much. God, I don't know why Jo thinks that we can't handle whatever it was that got her like this. I mean I was stabbed by my brother and Alex grew up with both of our so-called parents, I think that can render anyone understanding of any and all crap.
Andrew: Maybe she doesn't see it that way, maybe she's going through something she thinks you and Alex can't handle.
(Amber puts her toothbrush down and pulls the curtain back to look at Andrew)
Amber: Did you not hear the part where I said I was stabbed by my own brother and my other one had a schizo mom and abusive dad? What could possibly have happened in Pittsburgh that would make my sister think we wouldn't understand or sympathize with her?
Andrew: …I can't come up with one thing that's worse than even one of the things you listed.
Amber: (Sighs) I'm sorry I'm just…worried, I guess. I mean Alex does not need another woman shutting down on him and I don't know what to do about it. What should I do?
Andrew: Just be there. Let Jo know that she can talk to you or Alex without judgement. I don't know what she's going through but maybe she just needs to know that you can lend an ear. I know my sister has lend an ear for my troubles and it made me feel better.
(Amber looks at Andrew strangely)
Andrew: What?
Amber: Is there any and I mean any part of you inside or outside that is not total perfection?
Andrew: (Chuckles) I mean I'm in the shower so you can probably judge for yourself.
(Amber looks at Andrew up and down and grins. Andrew grins back)
Andrew: Get in here.
(Amber smiles and takes off her robe jumping in the shower with Andrew)
MEANWHILE AT SAMS APARTMENT
(Sam and Casey lie in bed making out)
Sam: (Kissing Casey) Okay, we have to get up. I don't want to get fired.
Casey: Don't worry I can use my charm to convince them otherwise. It worked on you.
Sam: (Chuckles and pulls back) Come on, I can't be late not today. I'm gonna help Shepherd and Koracick give a paralyzed woman her arms back.
Casey: (Gets up and changes) Your actually gonna do the stem cell transplant?
Sam: If we can get permission from Kari and her kid then yes. God I am so glad I left Switzerland.
(Sam smiles and heads to the kitchen to brew coffee)
Casey: Um I'm not sure if I told you but uh…my dad invited me to Wendy's birthday party.
Sam: No, you didn't, your dads local?
Casey: Ish, he moved to Everett after he and my mom divorced. Got remarried and had Wendy when I was 9. I haven't seen him since I moved here. I uh…was hoping you could come with me.
Sam: (Eyes wide) Okay aside from the fact that you asked me to meet your family this soon in our relationship. The way you asked made it seem like you're asking me to go to Crystal Lake with you.
Casey: No, no its just…he hasn't fully accepted that I transitioned and still refers to me as his daughter. Wendy accepts me because she's a millennial and probably convinced our dad to invite me. I would just feel better with you there.
Sam: Um can you at least tell me if this is a KKK sort of thing because I'm still a dreamer from El Salvador so you know-
Casey: No, he's not like that at all. He's not easy, he's never been easy and I want you to be there so I can be reminded of people who actually accept me. Please?
Sam: (Sighs) Um…Yeah sure, I guess. As long as there's cake, I'm good.
Casey: (Exhales in relief) I hope you like vanilla with strawberry filling. Thank you.
(Casey kisses Sam and grabs them both a cup)
LATER AT THE LOCKERS
(Amber and Levi talk about their relationships as they change)
Amber: He has no flaws whatsoever. He adds cinnamon to the coffee grounds to give it a sweeter taste. He asks me what I want to watch and sits with me through the goriest movies I could find. He doesn't even mind my…lady products on his bathroom counter.
Levi: And the problem is?
Amber: The problem is there is no problem. I am good at problems I am not good at…no problems.
Levi: You're complaining about dating an almost perfect guy?
Amber: No not almost he is perfect. He's sweet, he's attentive, he's amazing in bed and he cooks for me. He actually cooks food for us and its good. It makes me wait for the pause more anxiously.
Levi: The what?
Amber: The pause. It's when you find out something horrible about the person you're dating and everything around you just pauses. Like you stumble across a misogynistic or racist social media post or you walk in on them having sex with the barely legal dog walker. In that moment the safety and security you thought you had in that relationship just vanishes like air. The worst part is after the pause when you have no idea what to do or how to move past it and you just…feel numb with grief.
(Levi looks at Amber in shock over her words)
Amber: Does that about cover it?
(Sam walks toward them wearing a blue sweetheart neck dress and holding a black sweater dress and a red midi dress)
Sam: I need help.
Levi: (Exhales in relief) Thank God.
Sam: I'm meeting Casey's dad tonight and I need to pick out something to wear. Which of these say, 'Hi I'm dating your son and I'm a functional human being'?
Amber: Casey asked you to meet his dad?
Levi: Wow, that's nice.
Amber: It's not nice it's weird I mean they've been dating for like a month and he just springs that on her. I would be freaking out if I was her.
Levi: Oh, come on I'm sure that's not what she thinks.
Sam: Nope she's right. It's weird and it is way too soon and I am freaking out!
Amber: Okay so why didn't you say no?
Sam: Because his dad is a transphobe and I want to be a good girlfriend and be there for my boyfriend during an awkward birthday dinner. I mean it should be fine, yeah, it'll be fine. We'll go to his house; I'll woo his dad and we'll eat cake in bed after.
Amber: Yeah, and I have advice on how to woo the dad. Try not saying anything.
Sam: Shut up. Now help me pick a dress you two.
Amber: (In unison) Red.
Levi: (In unison) Blue.
Sam: (Looks at the dresses) Black it is then. Thanks.
(Amber rolls her eyes and heads to the pit)
LATER IN THE PIT
(Amber fills out a chart at the nurse's station when Andrew walks to her)
Andrew: (Grins) Hey.
Amber: (Groans) Go away.
Andrew: Wow is that how you always greet your boyfriend?
Amber: I'm juggling four patients as we speak and you giving me that boyish grin and sparkly eyes is distracting me so, please go away before I drag you to a closet and take you in ten different ways.
Andrew: (Chuckles) You know that isn't gonna make me go away in fact it's gonna make me bother you more. Do you want me to take some of your patients? Lessen your load?
Amber: No, I don't want to be the intern who was given freebies by a resident she's sleeping with. I will handle it.
Andrew: I'm just trying to help that's all. How about I take you to lunch, I can buy.
Amber: (Groans) I can't I'm gonna visit Jo at the lab with lunch for us. Did you see her this morning?
Andrew: Yeah, she looks like she hasn't slept, eaten, or showered.
Amber: Hopefully I can get the eaten part crossed off. Even if she doesn't eat with me at least I'll feel like I'm doing something. I just want to help as much as I can.
Andrew: (Grins) You're a good sister.
Amber: Thanks, I try to be.
Dahlia: Dr. DeLuca?
Andrew: Yeah?
Dahlia: Uh, I have a patient who's-
(An elderly woman in a white coat approaches them)
Gemma: Are you a doctor?
Andrew: Uh, I am, yes, but I'm gonna need you to check in with her first, okay?
Gemma: I-I just had a little trouble puttin' on my shoes.
(Gemma opens her coat revealing her thorax impaled by a red high heel shoe)
Dahlia: (Gasps) Oh.
Amber: (Hand over mouth) Oh boy.
Andrew: Oh.
Avi: Yeah, maybe you should help her first.
Amber: I'll page cardio.
(Amber picks up a phone to page Pierce)
MEANWHILE IN NEURO
(Sam follows Amelia as she rushes to Tom and Link)
Amelia: Is it ready?
Link: It's ready.
Sam: (Smiles) Oh my god.
Amelia: So, it's happening?
Tom: It's happening.
Amelia: Can we tell them?
Tom: We can tell them but try to contain your wagging tail because this could be nothing and could do nothing. We don't want to bait them with false hope. It's cruel.
Sam: Of course, yeah.
Amelia: Right. Just hang on.
(Amelia stops a few feet behind them)
Tom: What?
Amelia: I need to wag my tail for a second out here. Man, I hope this is not nothing.
Link: (Chuckles) Me, too.
LATER IN TRAUMA 1
(Maggie ultrasounds Gemma's chest with Amber beside her)
Maggie: What do you see there?
Amber: It looks like a small pericardial effusion.
Gemma: What's that?
Maggie: It means there's extra fluid in the space around your heart. Your very lucky it just barely missed your heart and any major vessels.
Gemma: The shoes were new. I went dancing. A little underground club I was supposedly too old for. Had a few shots too many. And I took off my shoes to walk up the stairs to my apartment, and…that's all I remember.
Maggie: You slept like this?
Amber: (Muttering) And I thought I partied hard.
Gemma: Oh, crap.
Webber: Gemma? Uh, excuse me.
(Webber enters the trauma room)
Maggie: You two know each other?
Webber: Um…Through, um, a mutual friend.
Gemma: Well, Ollie isn't around anymore, so thank you for your concern, but, as you can see, I'm all set here.
Webber: Gemma, how did this happen?
Gemma: I think you and I both know how this happened.
(Maggie and Amber look at Webber knowingly)
Maggie: Karev, see if there's an O.R. available.
Amber: Yes ma'am.
(Amber leaves the trauma room and runs into Casey in the elevator)
Amber: Hey, I got a lady with a heel in her chest. What about you?
Casey: I'm on scut, no patients. I have to leave early so I can visit family.
Amber: Ah, yeah Sam told me that. She also told me that you invited her to meet your dad.
Casey: Is she freaking out?
Amber: What do you think? Why did you ask her this early? Are you trying to scare her off?
Casey: (Chuckles) No I'm just trying to get through one dinner with my dad without walking out in tears and I think having my girlfriend there might help.
Amber: He's really that bad?
Casey: I asked Sam who I've barely started dated to come with me to meet my family. It's like Meet the Parents but worse.
Amber: (Exhales) God speed my friend.
(Amber exits the elevator to secure an O.R.)
LATER IN TRAUMA ONE
(Amber enters the room where Maggie examines Gemma)
Amber: O.R. 6 is ready when we are.
Maggie: Thank you. Get Qadri in here and go back to the pit.
(Webber enters the room)
Webber: Uh, Dr. Pierce, can you excuse us? I-I'd like a few minutes alone with Gemma if there's time.
Maggie: Of course.
Gemma: No.
Webber: Gemma.
Gemma: No, I don't want him in here.
Maggie: Dr. Webber-
Webber: Gemma, don't be ridiculous.
Gemma: You are not my doctor.
Webber: No, I'm your friend. And I owe it to Ollie to check on you.
Gemma: Ollie is dead. I don't want you in here preaching at me, praying at me. Pretending you relate.
Webber: Except I do.
Gemma: No, you don't. You got a wife. You got kids. I had a sponsor. I had Ollie. And now I got a stiletto in my chest and a bottle of tequila waiting for me when I get home. And I don't want to hear what you got to think about any of it. So, get out of my room before I call security.
Webber: Oh, for God's sakes, Gemma.
Gemma: Get out.
(Webber turns to leave but changes his mind)
Webber: Um, you better run a tox screen, make sure she's not still drunk.
Gemma: (Angry) You arrogant son of a bitch! Get out! Get out!
(Maggie and Amber try to restrain Gemma as she thrashes)
Maggie: Gemma, please calm down.
Gemma: (Still thrashing) Get out!
Amber: Gemma, please hold still.
Gemma: Get out! Get out!
Maggie: Dr, Webber, get out!
(Webber reluctantly leaves and Gemma calms down)
LATER THAT AFTERNOON
(Amber carries two salads to the lab where she walks in on Jackson and Jo working)
Amber: Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting.
Jackson: You're not. We're just working on my spray on skin research.
Amber: I don't see any fishes around? Where are the mermaids?
Jackson: We're moving on from that, right now we're working on aerosolization and coverage.
Jo: (Numbly) Otherwise known as spraying on a paper towel. What are you doing here?
Amber: I just came by to have lunch with you. I brought your favorite.
Jo: I'm uh I'm pretty busy so I'm gonna skip lunch.
(Amber looks at Jo worriedly as she sprays water. Jackson notices and decides to do something)
Jackson: (Groans) Is it lunch already? Man, time flies when you're innovating. I'm gonna get a sandwich in the cafeteria, you two can eat in here just clean up afterwards.
(Jo glares at Jackson as he leaves and is left alone with Amber who sits down)
Amber: You still like blue cheese dressing, right?
(Jo sighs and takes a swig from her water bottle. She plops next to Amber grabbing the salad)
MEANWHILE IN THE NEURO LAB
(Tom and Amelia discuss the surgical plan with Sam filling out the chart)
Tom: All right, we need to suspend the patient's breathing for about two minutes while we inject. Lucky for everybody, I can do a lot in, uh, two minutes.
(Sam rolls her eyes and Amelia doesn't look up, Tom notices)
Tom: What? Oh. You miss your boyfriend.
Amelia: Who?
Sam: What boyfriend?
Tom: Your second favorite neurosurgeon is dating Ortho Barbie.
Sam: (Eyes wide) Really? Link? Wow, nice.
Tom: (Chuckles) Shepherd, I can't believe you have a thing with a jock!
Amelia: It's not…Shut up.
Tom: Is it weird having sex with a cartoon character? Does he drip ink on you when he sweats?
(Amelia and Sam chuckle)
Tom: Okay, I made you laugh. Come on. Spill. I need deets, and you, obviously-you need advice.
Amelia: Fine. Yes, he looks like a cartoon god, and the sex is athletic, and there is eye contact, and nobody cries after, and he's funny and fun and easy to hang out with, which is just confusing to me because it's so not my type.
Sam: I know what you mean. After my messy relationship with Andrew, I didn't think I'd settle for something easy and comfortable, but then Casey walked into the picture and its…nice. Which I did not expect when we started dating but no, he's sweet, he's funny and his air force stories turn me on a bit.
Tom: Oh! Okay. They're your Altman's.
Sam: What?
Amelia: My Altman?
Tom: Yeah, you know, somebody so good and unbroken and kind that they just seem wrong for you, but, really, I mean, you- (Chuckles) You've never been happier. So, yeah, he's your Altman.
Sam: Huh I never thought it like-
Amelia: (Concerned) Oh, Tom. You poor guy.
LATER AT THE LAB
(Amber is hallway down with her salad when she notices Jo picking at hers)
Amber: (Mouth full) Is something wrong with your salad? Did you find a roach? If so please tell me because I'm deep in mine.
Jo: (Numbly) No, I'm just not hungry. Don't you have cardio with Pierce or something?
Amber: No actually, long story short I screwed up in the O.R. and Pierce is punishing me by assigning me to the pit. I saw the craziest thing down there this morning. There was a heel in a woman's chest, apparently, she was so drunk that she slept like that. How does that happen?
Jo: Maybe she was trying to deaden her feeling with alcohol and it deadened her body too, that's what I'm trying to do at home.
Amber: …Are you and Alex out of the honeymoon phase yet? I'm asking because Andrew and I are sort of in that phase. I've been staying over at his place for almost a week and it's been good so far, better than good actually.
Jo: (Numbly) I'm so happy for you.
Amber: I can tell. It's so good that I am freaking out on the inside. I mean he is just…perfect in every way possible and it terrifies me.
Jo: (Sighs) Your terrified of your very stable relationship?
Amber: No, I just don't trust stability because it hasn't been in my life at all. I think you of all people can understand that.
Jo: (Numbly) Trust me I don't…I'd give anything to have stability back in my life and you're here complaining about it.
Amber: (Concerned) Are you okay?
Jo: (Skeptical) Why are you asking? Did Alex send you here? Is that what this is? Some sort of intervention?
Amber: No! Jo, I'm your sister and I'm allowed to be worried about you without being sent by my brother. We're family and family looks out for each other.
Jo: I'm fine, okay I'm here, aren't I?
Amber: Jo I say this with love but you look like a walking dead reject.
Jo: (Sarcastically) Gee thanks.
Amber: I said it with love…look if you can't talk to Alex then you can talk to me, I won't tell Alex what you told me if you want.
Jo: What good will talking about it do?
Amber: It might make you feel just a little bit better. It might give you some of that stability you're missing.
Jo: It won't okay it just won't. (Sighs) I had all this happy and all this stability and I just threw it away. I ruined my own happiness like I always do by getting on a damn plane.
Amber: Jo, that's not true if you really ruined it then me and Alex wouldn't be here trying to help you.
Jo: It is, it is true. I ruined my happiness with a guy from high school because he loved me and I didn't know how to deal with it. I ruined it again when I didn't say yes to Alex the first time he proposed because I was too much of a coward to explain my marriage to Paul.
Amber: Jo that was your story and it's your right to tell it when you-
Jo: And then I ruined what could've been a relationship with Andrew.
Amber: Okay that's not… (Realizes what Jo said) Wait, Andrew? You and…?
Jo: (Numbly) Oh yeah um…He wanted to tell me that he loved me two years ago. He was going to confess it to me and I just stopped him. I knew how he felt but I didn't feel that way about him. He was nice, he was charming, he was sweet and I just…felt the opposite of what any other girl would feel around a guy like him. I stopped him before he could say those three words to me and I ruined things with him before they even began. I ruin my own happiness…it's what I do.
(Amber stares at Jo incredulous over her words when she gets a 911 page)
Amber: I uh I need to go.
(Amber rushes out of the lab)
LATER AT THE NEURO LAB
(Amelia tells Tom about Germany as they practice injecting stem cells with Sam observing)
Tom: So, you told him to go to Germany.
Sam: Even though you were sleeping with him at the time.
Amelia: Yes, because every time I looked at him, I could see him thinking about her.
Tom: And he went, and she rejected him.
Sam: After they made sweet love and conceived their baby. She only rejected him after he blurted out his fling with his ex.
Amelia: Thank you. He went to Germany, declared his love, and she declared it back. She loves him, Tom. She always has. And now there's a baby.
Tom: I was kind of hoping she was a one-night-stand-between-friends baby.
Sam: I just thought she was a let's get super hammered and break a condom baby.
Amelia: Nope, she is definitely a love baby.
Tom: Except for the salty brunette who keeps showing up back in his bed.
Sam: Nice.
Amelia: Tom, I'm telling you this as a friend, Owen and Teddy are inevitable.
Link: (Excited) Hey! Stem cells are here. OR is prepped.
Tom: My man!
Link: See you in there.
(Link leaves)
Tom: (Mocks Link) Mm!
Amelia: Shut up.
Tom: Shepherd. We're about to perform an experimental procedure in which we might give a paralyzed woman the use of her arms. "Inevitable" doesn't scare me.
(Tom leaves the room. Amelia shakes her head to Sam who casually shrugs)
LATER AT O.R. 3
(Amber enters the busy room with her hands wet as the nurses gown her)
Amber: I got your page. What happened?
Maggie: Get in here I need an extra set of hands to retract and suction.
(Amber quickly suctions the blood)
Amber: Oh my god his pulmonary artery is all over the place. How did this happen?
Maggie: He came in for a routine percutaneous vertebroplasty. The cement leaked causing a massive blood clot that made him go into cardiac arrest and rupture the artery. I'm placing a graft now.
Amber: What kind of idiot made a mistake this unbelievably stupid?
Maggie: You're standing in front of him, he's a first year ortho fellow.
(Amber looks at Nico who looks guilty)
Maggie: Let's go off bypass.
Nico: I-I was careful. I…
Maggie: I don't know if you used the wrong amount of pressure or if the cement was too liquid, but the pulmonary artery is destroyed. I pieced it together, but the graft is barely holding.
Nico: What can I do?
Maggie: This is a temporary fix at best. We could consider putting him on the transplant list.
Nico: Transplant?
Amber: That could take weeks, months.
Maggie: If either of you can think of a better way to save this patient from dying, I'd love to hear it.
(The monitors beep rapidly)
Maggie: Damn it. Karev, suction!
Amber: The repair didn't hold?
Maggie: There is nothing here to hold onto. Clamp! Flap! Suction!
LATER AT O.R. 2
(Sam stands by as they begin the procedure on Kari)
Amelia: This is it people. Dr. Lincoln, thank you for finding this study.
Link: Thank you for inspiring me to find this study.
Tom: I'll thank you both to stop before I vomit into an open spine.
Amelia: Okay, Bello suspend her breathing.
(Sam suspends Kari's breathing and they start the surgery)
LATER AT O.R. 3
(Maggie massages the heart to get rhythm back)
Maggie: How many rounds of epi did we use?
Amber: 8 rounds.
Maggie: (Sighs)
(Maggie stops massaging the heart and the monitors flatline)
Amber: He's gone.
Nico: No, please no.
Maggie: Time of death 16:08.
(Bailey enters the O.R. and stands shocked at the scene)
Bailey: No.
(The monitors are turned off stopping the sound)
Bailey: How?
Maggie: Massive pulmonary artery embolism. The bone cement-
Bailey: Okay, wait, I don't want to hear it from you. I want to hear it from you.
(Amber looks at Levi as Nico tries to find the words)
Nico: The cement leaked, causing a blood clot. He went into cardiac arrest. Dr. Pierce tried to repair the pulmonary artery. We tried everything we could, and we-
Bailey: You made a mistake on a healthy 21-year-old man and that man is now dead. That's what happened.
Maggie: …Come on Karev. We're done here.
(Maggie and Amber silently leave the room and lean back against the wall)
Amber: You did everything you could-
Maggie: I know I did, but that doesn't make me feel better.
Amber: (Sighs) It could've been me. If you hadn't fixed my screw up, I would feel as crappy as Nico does right now. I'm surprised you took it so easy on me compared to how Bailey's with Nico.
Maggie: You're an intern and he's a fellow. This shouldn't have happened with him, that's the difference. I only hope you learn from that mistake just like Nico will learn from this.
Amber: (Nods)
Maggie: Go home Karev. Try to salvage this day as much as you can.
(Amber leaves to go to the lockers)
LATER THAT NIGHT AT ANDREWS APARTMENT
(Amber drinks her third glass of wine on the couch. Andrew walks in)
Andrew: Hey. Red wine? Second?
Amber: Third. I had a bad day and I need to be numb now.
(Andrew sits next to her pulling her hair back over her shoulders)
Andrew: What happened?
Amber: …I had a patient who died. He was a completely healthy kid who died because of the mistake of a fellow during a routine procedure. I had to watch his heart stop right in front of me.
Andrew: I'm sorry about that.
Amber: And before that I had lunch with Jo to cheer her up but it was like talking to a brick wall. She just won't talk, not to me, not to Alex and it's just so…enraging.
Andrew: Just give her time. I'm sure she'll come around eventually; she always does right?
Amber: That wasn't even the worst part, the worst part is that she was so out of it she…never mind.
Andrew: What? You can tell me.
Amber: (Scoffs) She said something crazy. She told me that…that you were in love with her.
(Andrew's eyes widen as he looks at Amber whose convinced it was a joke)
Andrew: What?
Amber: Yeah, she said that you're in love with her and she stopped you before you told her that. It's crazy right? Honestly, I kind of think she was drunk.
(Amber looks at Andrew who rubs his face in distress. Amber puts her glass down)
Amber: What? What is it?
Andrew: …I don't want to lie to you, I really don't.
Amber: (Confused) Lie about what?
Andrew: About…about me being in love with Jo.
Amber: (Scoffs) What are you talking about? It was just some crazy story she made up because she's distressed.
(Andrew looks at his feet in guilt)
Amber: (Realizing) Oh my god.
Andrew: Amber, please-
Amber: Is it true? (Voice breaking) Please tell me it's not true, please tell me that you weren't in love with my sister. Please tell me that you haven't been dating me and sleeping with me carrying this secret around the whole time…Please!
Andrew: (Guilty) …I can't.
(Amber and Andrew pause as they stare at each other)