Learning

While he wasn't sure about telling his newly discovered uncle yet, Emil was considering telling his cousins that he liked men after one of them had asked if Helena was his girlfriend. As a precaution, the children were being given a tour of the town similar to the one Stefan gave people who came to him having heard only bad things about people who were attracted to the same sex, but had figured out that blindly believing said bad things was no longer an option when it came to their own life. The tour included the house of Adrian and Elias, who had been together for almost thirty years and had jobs that let at least one of them always available to have a snack or a light meal with any visitors who showed up. Lalli had come half by curiosity of what the tour looked like after it had come up in a previous conversation, half to participate in one last test of how well the children would take the news if Emil told them. Because of their role in the tour, Adrian and Elias were close enough to Stefan to have met the men he had previously considered as partners. Lalli received their seal of approval and they were friendly without getting too close to Reynir-style friendly. On top of this, between them, the fact that the tour was meant for the kids and the fact that this was the first time Emil was properly meeting them allowed their attention to be spread just thin enough that Lalli didn't get more than he could handle. This was a good thing, as he had realized during the tour that there was something that he and Stefan needed to discuss; he was currently trying to figure out how he should broach the subject, as proper choice of time and place, beyond avoiding times where the other person was in the middle of doing something else, had never been his strong points. The tea party eventually ended, and they all headed back in the direction of the wealthy estates, up to the point where those going to the old man's house and those going to the Solberg's would have to go in separate directions. It was time for Lalli's part in the tour. He addressed Stefan:
-Do you want to come to the house? I made another cake this morning and I want to know what you think of it.
Stefan grabbed his hand:
-Of course, let's go.
Lalli almost forgot to give Emil and the children a farewell, before running off to the house with Stefan, hand in hand. That left Emil and the children alone for the eventual announcement, per Emil's own wishes.

While there actually was cake, they only ate a slice between them because of Adrian and Elias' snacks. He made sure Stefan was done eating before asking a question that had come to his mind at an uncertain point during the tour:
-When you explained your situation with Leif to me, you said that one of the reasons the two of you didn't leave town together as soon as he was old enough was that you realized that your reasons for wanting to get him away from Göte were too close to Göte's reasons for taking him in. That part of you was expecting Leif to be everything you wanted from a partner for the rest of your lives as a reward for saving him. You also said that you had trouble finding a partner despite the large number of people you meet while working because you tend to stop getting along with people once they don't need your help anymore. You're showing some of the warning signs the old man, Mikkel and even you told me about. How sure are you of not being one of those people yourself?
The look on Stefan's face told Lalli that the question was at least as difficult as he was fearing it would be.
-Believe me, I've considered this. I've been doing my best to avoid putting disproportionate effort into things and make sure I'm not expecting any reward that wasn't already promised to me or forcing reciprocity. Having some of those things be my job means that I get money in exchange for what efforts I make, and don't feel too bad when I refuse my services to people whom I genuinely know I can't help. This keeps most people from knowing me well enough to ever have to deal with whatever extremely selfish traits I may have without realizing it. I guess it's a good time to admit that one of the more selfish reasons I had to accept this courtship was that if I turned out to be like that, you'd notice and be more likely to tell me than others. I also promised myself to look out for any signs that you may be noticing, and you just asked me this question. Take the time you need to answer.
Lalli had already prepared what to say if Stefan's answer felt closer to a "yes" than to a "no", so it came quickly:
-I already told you about how Onni doesn't like mistakes. He apologized for thinking Roni would be a good idea, but this makes me ever considering Roni as a potential partner a mistake. If there turns out to be an unpleasant surprise with the new partner I find here, it's going to be another mistake. And if it's yet another person like Roni, it's going to look like I didn't learn my lesson with him. I'm not sure he'll let me choose my partner myself a third time if you turn out to have been a bad choice. I only have so much time to do this. I'm thinking of stopping to court you and starting to look for someone else. But I also already know I don't want to be with Emil or Leif and don't know the other three at all, so you may also be my least bad option in town for all I know. I'm not sure what to do. I thought getting an idea of what you want to do may help.
Stefan's put his hand on Lalli's, which had ended up clasped with no cake to hold onto:
-I've thought of this myself, and here's the idea I have: how about we stop courting for a while, and see how it's like for us? And if at least one of us realizes he would rather make an arrangement with the other than anybody else, we get together and talk about it again. Also, regardless of the end result, I'd still like to have a talk with your cousins someday, if only to have a shot at discussing some of the mistakes they have been making without noticing. Do you think it's a good idea?
Lalli didn't immediately see anything wrong with the idea, and nodded. Stefan's statement about Onni and Tuuri however brought another thought to his mind:
-People go to you when they need to talk. Who do you go to when you need to talk?
-That's what family is for, if you're lucky enough to be me. But I know all too well I'd be out of a job or three if that were the case for everyone. And you must have figured out that it's a good idea to have a partner like that too, on some level, if you picked me.
In Lalli's eyes, Stefan had been simply been the only person in his "easy arrangement" pool he knew well enough to consider at the time, but that didn't automatically invalidate his last statement. His thoughts were interrupted by a deliberate cough by Stefan:
-Are you okay if I leave now? We seem about to start another conversation and we just agreed to go our separate ways for some time.
-Go ahead.
A few minutes after Stefan left, Lalli decided to have a walk of his own.

During his walk, Lalli decided to sit near Stefan's favorite riverbank spot, where the water was making a soothing sound. It was also one of the last places one would want to interact with the river other than watching it or listening to it. It was one of the sections where it briefly changed into a small waterfall and a popular resting place for decent-size rocks. His peace was unfortunately interrupted all too soon:
-Emil, can we go play in the water?
-No way! You see the snowy mountaintops over there? Right now, their snow is melting and coming all the way down here. It's much colder than it looks.
Lalli was briefly surprised that Emil knew that sort of thing, before remembering that he had grown up in town. He had probably been rich enough to be taught stuff he didn't necessarily need for his everyday life, much like Roni.
-Oh, look, it's Lalli. Why isn't Stefan with him?
-Lalli is here on vacation and Stefan needs to work, they can't be together all the time.
-What's a vacation?
-Well, the three of you usually go to school, right? When you don't go, and are not missing it to help your parents work… wait… school isn't on break right now.
Emil uttered a word that Lalli had been told multiple times to not say in the presence of children and customers, then told the children to follow him in a hurried tone. Lalli was once again grateful that he wasn't in a relationship with this man. Strangely enough, he also felt like laughing a little. He kept himself from doing it because he didn't like it when someone laughed at him. It usually meant he had made some sort of mistake, just one not serious enough to get a scolding or a lecture. Mistakes that made people angry enough, at least, had somewhat of chance of being explained in the midst of the person's reaction. While it all too often turned out to be a misunderstanding that the person could have cleared by asking him about it before getting that angry, at least he found out what the other person thought he was doing improperly. If mistakes were mild enough to be laughed at, the person tended to think they were doing the right thing by letting Lalli guess what he had done wrong. To his own credit, he sometimes figured it out, if frequently way too late to be able to fix the original mistake or have the opportunity to do things correctly in the presence of the person who had laughed at him. When he didn't figure things out himself, he'd often repeat the mistake again and again without noticing until he had done it often enough to earn a lecture about it. He noticed Emil and the children on the other side of the river, having crossed a nearby bridge. Briefly, they walked by in an order that made them look a little like baby ducklings following their mother. A thought suddenly flashed through Lalli's mind, and gave him even more of a reason to not laugh at Emil not thinking of sending his cousins to school before just a minute ago: he was probably going through some of the things Onni had when he had become the adult of the family from one day to the next. He also realized that he didn't remember hearing anybody telling Emil to enroll the children in school in his presence, so he couldn't be certain anybody had told Emil to do so before he remembered on his own. And that he was, himself, one of the people who hadn't told him. It was definitely a thought worth looking into. Before long, he was falling asleep without quite realizing it or noticing the rain clouds slowly, but certainly approaching.

xxxx

He was woken up by rain that was already falling so hard that getting under a roof took precedence over its nature and location. At his running speed, all businesses on the main street were equally good options, but he could only think of one that had a fire, warm food he liked and someone to share his thoughts with. While already on his way, Lalli realized it might be a better idea to ask Mikkel, the old man or Sigrun about that sort of thing for the next few days, or whatever time passed between now and whenever he or Stefan got a better idea of whether they had a future together or not. When he entered the Hunter's Lodge, Stefan was tending the bar for some reason. Without thinking of it, he went to sit at his usual spot:
-Where's Milla?
-Upstairs with her sweetheart who suddenly got free time he hadn't planned for. If you're wondering why I'm replacing her, one of my jobs is last-minute notice help. The family is large enough that it's usually not needed, but when it is, it's me. Will your usual warmed up do?
Lalli nodded.
-Good. If it gets too noisy, you can go upstairs. Unfortunately, the room from last time is currently occupied and we're not really supposed to let people into the others unless they pay for a night in them. You can either stick to the alcove near the window or choose a room and hope there won't be too many people who will decide they want to stay the night before the rain ends.
-Thank you. Will you be mad if I don't talk to you while I'm here?
-Of course not. I need to be available for other customers and the only sort of conversation we can really have after what we decided a few hours ago is the type you don't seem to like. I can make an exception if you're suddenly preoccupied by something that has nothing to do with our relationship and you really don't feel comfortable talking about it to a member of your household.
-It's okay, I think Mikkel might be good for it.
Stefan gave Lalli a mug he had somehow missed him preparing all this time:
-In that case, I'll leave you to it. By the way, I think I figured out which of the flavoring herbs you don't like, so I skipped them.
Lalli took a sip of the drink. It definitely was more suited to his tastes than what was usually served. He heard Stefan coming back toward him before he spoke:
-Wait, I just thought of something. Did you ever deal with trolls during your job?
-Yes.
-The children are still in school and some of them are going to need to come near the river to return to their homes. Do you think you will be in enough shape to help once you have warmed up?