Breaking point
Trigger warning: mention of suicide, this time more explicitly. Also my brain's insistence upon having at least one bigot in my stories.
Just as Lalli decided that he had spent enough time staring at the flowing river while crouching on the bridge's thick waist-high wall, he noticed that someone was approaching. As the person turned out to be Leif's relative, Lalli decided it might be best to wait for him to cross the bridge before heading back to the old man's place. However, soon after the man stepped onto the bridge, he came to lean on the very wall on which Lalli was sitting, almost next to him. Lalli could hear him mutter, presumably upon noticing the rocks that were on that side:
-Was he trying to kill himself?
Lalli's mind blanked for a moment. He next remembered some of what he had been told concerning the real reasons people who were interested in the same sex could be more likely to end their own lives than others and the false reasons that existed in the minds of those that thought that it was something to be fixed. If he tried to explain, would the man believe him? According to what Stefan had told him, Leif had been left in Göte's care several years ago because his parents thought that it would somehow make him interested in women again. If Göte was anything like Roni, he had probably said whatever he thought Leif's family wanted to hear if he was aver asked how things were progressing. Further pursuit of that line of thought was prevented by the man talking to him:
-Wait, I recognize you. You're the one who was bringing news earlier. What business do you have knowing anything?
Lalli thought a little of the answer before giving it:
-I'm acquainted with Stefan and I have magic that lets me know if something bad happens to people I know. Someone else I know escorted the brothel's healer home this morning and we talked during his lunch break. When he saw Milla this morning, she didn't know what had happened, so he wanted to make sure she knew what he did. Are you part of Leif's family?
-His older brother. The one to whom he told everything and always asked for help until… you people got him. By the way, you should quit that sort of behavior before the gods take that magic of yours away.
Onni had mentioned that particular legend. Fortunately, his mind came up with what sounded like a legitimate question to him:
-How long is it supposed to take? I've known I like men for more than five years and I've shared my bed with two so far.
-I don't know, I only know it's supposed to happen eventually. Only two, uh? And one of them was probably the whore. Friends of yours made you do it, by any chance?
He took note of the word the man used to talk about Stefan, but the fact that this particular job of Stefan's was disliked by many made it hard for Lalli to tell the proper names for it apart from the insulting ones. The fact that Stefan himself used terms he would have spontaneously put in both categories when they talked didn't help, either. He had an answer for the other part of the man's question:
-I don't have friends.
On top this, being assumed to have done something that had been his own decision for no other reason than having been instructed by someone else was still extremely annoying to him.
-A relative, then? Someone must have gotten you started.
As Lalli was about to correct him concerning his family's involvement, something else hit him. The apparent assumption that it was someone else than himself was at fault for his behavior was familiar. When he had broken up with Roni, the first thing out of his mouth had been asking Lalli who had told him to do it. He had refused to believe nobody had and asked questions that had made Lalli realize that he was searching for the next best thing: someone who could have suggested it at any point. Looking back, he wasn't sure how he had managed to not mention Reynir at the time. All he remembered was that the claims that he was being disrespectful had come soon after. He braced himself for what he knew to be coming:
-Nobody got me started. I just noticed this was happening and my guardian told me that there are other men who like men, there just wasn't many of them compared to those who like women. He has a wife, so you can't say it's him.
Just then, he realized just how much he had told about himself and his family to a complete stranger in his attempt to defend himself. That man was just going to find out more if he stayed. He got up to leave, but the man grabbed his arm:
-Where are you going? I'm not done talking to you. You're trying to protect that cradle-robbing whore, aren't you?
He instinctively wrestled is arm out of the other man's grip and ran, without taking any time to make sure he hadn't been hurt too badly. Until he got back to the house, only one thought managed to occupy his mind. He'd been extra security at engagement parties in which the future bride had just barely entered adulthood while the future groom was already in his mid-twenties to early thirties, and nobody within earshot of him had seemed to do anything more that make a brief mention of the fact. He already knew simple math made Leif somewhere between fifteen and sixteen when Stefan, who was a little older than Lalli, had tried to make an arrangement with him. If Stefan was a "cradle-robber", what did that make the grooms in those engagement parties?
xxxx
By the time he had calmed down, Lalli had made two cakes. The servants were still eating the one he had made that morning at Mikkel's suggestion to keep himself occupied while waiting for a good time to meet with Emil and let Helena have a little rest. He suddenly got an idea of what to do with the two new ones.
Of all servants, Emil was the one who opened the door to the Solberg's house:
-This is for Helena. She's going to be hungry once she wakes up.
-She actually just had a late lunch… or rather an early dinner. She had a lot of sleep to catch up on. I'm sure she'll be pleased to have it nonetheless. What are you planning to do with that other one?
-I was thinking of giving it to Stefan and Leif. But I just realized that maybe you wanted it.
-I do want it a little, but those two could use the treat much more than I ever could right now. Besides, if you're making those cakes as often as you seem to be, it's just a matter of time before I get to eat one. I also ate at lot of the stuff back when I had money and I noticed they somehow taste better if I have them less often. Hope that the rest of your day gets better.
Emil had returned inside the house by the time the thought of saying "thank you" came to Lalli's mind. He still said it, in hope it would come faster next time.
When he was let into the room in which Stefan and Leif were being kept, Milla was already there. Both of the men occupying the bed were awake and the nightstand had a piece of paper that looked like something official on top of it. It looked like the sort that had most of the text typed out and blank space dedicated to adding names and signatures by hand.
-My magic let me know something happened to you. I made cakes this afternoon to keep busy. This one is for both of you since you are both hurt.
Stefan thanked him, but Milla quickly took the cake out his hands, found another piece of furniture to put it on and dragged Lalli into the hallway:
-Sorry to be so brutal, but I've been told you can have trouble reading a room. To get straight to the point, nobody else was close to the scene, but someone who witnessed it from further away is certain they saw Leif jump off the bridge in the middle of his argument with Göte and Stefan just barely managing to catch him. They've been talking and now everyone thinks Leif was trying to get himself badly hurt at best, to end his life at worst. The information has already made it to his home village and the man I was fighting with when you saw me earlier is his brother. In the belief system Leif's family and most of his village adheres to, those who deliberately badly hurt themselves or try to end their life are automatically considered unfit to take care of themselves. This basically means that they need to be put under someone else's responsibility, even if they are already an adult. However, there also seems to be enough of a history of authority figures poorly choosing guardians and few people being willing to care for the ward to give the latter some amount of say in the choice of their caretaker. His older brother was trying to get himself chosen, since he has just barely enough sense to realize that neither Göte nor their parents are good options. However, for those same reasons, Leif was also technically allowed to pick the person who rescued him. The paper making it official was signed a few hours ago. The rest is best sorted out between you and Stefan one on one.
The discussion with Stefan was short and boiled down to them getting back together having just become unlikely, as he intended to make good use of the responsibility Leif had entrusted him with and Lalli had a limited timeframe to find a partner as far as they both knew. While he didn't feel like the most adequate person for the job, Stefan considered Leif's other obvious options even worse. In addition, while Leif's brother was tolerating his name on the paper in the short term, Stefan was certain he would use anything he could potentially spin negatively to change that over the next few weeks to months. Any participation in courtship on Stefan's part would easily be framed as something akin to doing so right after becoming a young child's new permanent guardian. Lalli hoped there was enough for yet another cake in the kitchen.
xxxx
Emil got an unexpected visit during the period between the children's bedtime and his own. It was Lalli, who had a cake with him, had been hoping to catch him while he wasn't too busy and figured out that if the servants in his own home were still working and the children there weren't in bed, Emil probably still had things to do. What Lalli told him in response to him noticing he looked sad made Emil briefly consider going to get Helena, who was currently having an evening off work. Fortunately, his brain soon reminded him that there were at least two different reasons it was terrible idea to stop that conversation to bring an extra person in and that his short-term job was just to be present. The specific reason for which Lalli was sad however made it hard to find things to say, though Lalli didn't really seem to be expecting any sort of verbal reply. He found out all too late that Lalli had not, in fact, planned to spend the entire night with him. He had literally just made an extra cake in response to the new unlikeliness of his courtship with Stefan restarting in the near future, remembered Emil wanted to taste one of his cakes and decided to give him the latest one while he wasn't too busy. He had planned to return to his house after briefly sharing the reason he had made the cake. Emil was reluctant to see him go anyway, but was a little worried about what it would look like. Fortunately for the misunderstanding that would inevitably occur the next morning, Lalli knew why staying the night was considered a step up in a courtship and what they would be assumed to have been doing when they would both show up for breakfast. He was also explicitly not in the mood of doing it. A single servant's bed was probably too narrow for this anyway, which made him wonder how the other servants who had people stay the night managed things. Even more fortunately, Lalli turned out to prefer sleeping under beds and to not need a full set of bedding to fall asleep, which took care of their sleeping arrangements.
xxxx
For Lalli, sleeping in Emil's room meant getting the same breakfast arrangements… and the same questions from his fellow servants. To Emil's luck, the presence of the children and their own questions kept the conversation from going in the direction in which it usually went when a member of the personnel had someone sleep over and brought them to breakfast. Lalli didn't speak at all and seemed to have his entire attention focused on eating his food. Emil got the feeling that being around so many people made Lalli tense, which got more or less confirmed when he came across as more relaxed the second Emil used the need to get the children ready for school as an excuse to get all four of them out of the room as soon as they were all done eating. During the preparations, he told the children why Lalli had stayed the night:
-Lalli was still considering both me and Stefan for something like a marriage. Because of something that happened yesterday, Stefan now has priorities other than the marriage-like thing. It made Lalli sad and he doesn't know many people here who are not his family, so he came to see me. Uh… At least, I assume it's the case.
He turned to Lalli for an eventual gesture or word of response, but he didn't see any indication either way. Anna spoke:
-Does that mean you have to do the something-like-marriage with Emil now, Lalli?
This time, Lalli gave some sort of response. His usually quasi-expressionless face changed to a frown and he spoke:
-I need to go back to my house.
Emil gave the only answer he could think of:
-You don't need my permission for that, just to say you're doing that before leaving. Go ahead, and thanks for having stayed as long as you did.
Lalli spent the rest of the morning poring over the notebook with information about his viable options the old man had given him. He looked at the three he had yet to interact with outside of the party with the Solbergs. He knew all too well that none of them had any more or any less of a chance of being like Roni than Emil. Yet, the girl cousin's question about having to have an arrangement with Emil had caused his mind to internally respond with hope that it wasn't the case and the need to make great effort to not express it out loud. Before he knew it, it was already noon and Mikkel came to see if Lalli wanted to join the children for lunch. He did so, and ended up spending most of the afternoon sitting in his favorite spot in the garden and thinking his options over. Right as his stomach was telling him it might use a snack to last until dinner, he felt someone approach:
-Hi. We got lucky with the lunch leftovers and I tried to make something with them. I thought I'd bring you some of it since you brought me that cake. A couple of the other servants confirmed it was edible.
What Emil had made turned out to, indeed, be quite edible for a first attempt at making leftovers into their own dish. When Emil asked whether he liked it, he gave a nod. Emil spoke:
-Good. Maybe I can look into doing this more often. Now, about what Anna said earlier. I wanted you to not feel forced to commit to anything with me because of what just happened with Stefan. I know there are many reasons we might not work out on the long term and that some of the other men in town might be a better choice than me. But I like you, so I'm going to let go of the chance we currently have of seeing if we can make it work, either. I am, myself, looking forward to the next time we can both make time for a proper date.
Those last words could have meant a lot to Lalli, if they weren't so similar to a set that Roni had once pronounced. On the other hand, he had no idea which words would be able to convince him that Emil, or any other potential partner for that matter, was nothing like Roni. Until he knew, those he had just heard would have to do.