12. Tea leaves, chills and acceptance

Platform 9 ¾, London

Emilia's POV:

"Sadie!" I called, spotting her across the platform. She looked confused for a second, and then smiled brightly and waved when she spotted me.

I turned around and hugged Mum and Dad, promising to write. After we said our good-byes, I ran down the platform and hugged Sadie, both of us rocking side to side, giggling all the way.

"Oh my gosh, I have so much to tell you!" I squealed.

She quirked an eyebrow, "Yeah, my tea leaves said you would."

I rolled my eyes.

"Is it about Aaron?" she said suggestively.

"Uh, what?"

"He wrote to me, at the beginning of summer. To very subtly find out if you were into him."

"What did you say?"

"I said I didn't know."

"Good, because I don't."

She nodded.

"But that's not entirely what I wanted to tell you. Let's find a compartment first."

We got on the train, and once we found an empty compartment, I locked the door and filled her in on everything that had happened over the holidays. Except for the Cruciatus thing and my run-in with Mrs. Black, of course.

"So?" she asked at the end of it.

"So what?"

"So, do you like him?"

"I don't know?"

"What's there not to know? You either like him, or you don't."

"It isn't that black and white, Sadie."

She giggled. "Black- huh that's, that's funny."

I rolled my eyes. "He's James' best friend. It's weird."

"Why is it weird? He's his friend, not family. Plus, dating your brother's best friend is so common."

I frowned. She was right.

"Why are you so confused?" she asked me.

"Well, he doesn't really like you," I said, deflecting. "He said you were up in the clouds."

"Well, I am." I grinned.

"And don't deflect. Just tell me why your so confused about this."

I sighed. "Because until like a month ago, I hated him and everything he stood for. I feel like I'm failing myself if I like him," I said carefully. "But then, that day on the stairs, I started that whole conversation because I needed some 'closure'. I'm supposed to be letting this go." I paused. "But if I start liking him, or accept that I do like him then I'm just setting myself up."

"For what?"

To literally see him die at his mother's hands, I wanted to say. "To get hurt," I say instead, which is also true.

"And this Aaron thing is also confusing," I continued.

"I think Aaron is easy. Would you date him if Sirius wasn't in the picture?"

"I don't know."

She huffed in annoyance. "Okay. Think of it this way- in the future, is there a possibility of you actually liking Aaron as more than just friends?"

"I don't know- I feel like he's too nice? You know what I mean?"

"You're too nice," she retorts.

"Yeah, and we can't both be too nice."

"Okay so you need a bit of an edge?"

"I didn't think I did until now."

She smiled. "Sirius is edgy."

Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "So is there a possibility of you liking Sirius as more than just friends? In the future, I mean. Not now."

Some thing clicked in my head. "Yeah," I said, without meaning to. Damn it.

"Alright so go on dates or something. That's literally what dating is for," she said.

Holy fuck.

I like Sirius Black.

Now there's just the minor problem of his mother.

"He's looking at you," Sadie whispered into my ear, as we watched the first years get sorted.

My cheeks warmed up. "What?"

She nodded and then resumed her original position.

I looked back at him, and sure enough, his eyes moved away as soon as he saw me looking. I turned to front, smiling.

He'd kind of asked me out a week ago- but it looked like he hadn't meant to- he looked as shocked as I felt. I'd sort of snapped at him later at dinner- I'd been a little annoyed at him for making me so confused. He'd hinted that maybe he felt something- but maybe he just got carried away in the flirting. Does that even happen?

More importantly, would I say yes? Not if his mother followed up on that threat, and she looked like she meant it. How would she even find out if we were dating? I suppose one of Sirius' cousins or maybe his brother could tell her. Did she have them spying on us?

The thought sent a chill down my spine. I risked a look over at the Slytherin table.

Bellatrix Lestrange stared right back.

I couldn't really risk it, could I?