19. Firewhiskey, options and disparities

Gryffindor common room, Hogwarts

Sirius' POV:

"Eyyy! Look who it is!" James' voice boomed across the room the literal second that I entered. I laughed as he ran over. He swung an arm across my shoulder and said, "Where've you been?" His breath stunk of Firewhiskey.

I scrunched my nose, "I'm here now."

"Let's get you a drink mate."

He dragged me to the drinks table and poured me the largest glass of Firewhiskey ever. I grinned, chugging half of it down in one go.

"Siri?" A voice sounded behind me. I cringed- Carla. James winked at me and then left me alone with her. Tosser.

I turned around to acknowledge her, and then side-stepped her, trying to make a quick escape.

"Oh, Siri, hold up," she said, grabbing my bicep. She looked me up and down, her eyes like X-rays. I felt an overwhelming urge to cover myself. "You were amazing today," her sickly-sweet voice said.

I nodded, "Thank you."

She didn't look put-off by my dryness. Instead, she waved over someone else from the crowd. "Riles, over here. Wasn't Siri just brilliant today."

Riley was the polar opposite of Carla. She was sarcastic, in a way that was effortlessly intelligent, and her zingers bit down on your ego and refused to budge. It was their thing- Riley was the "I'm too good for you" type of girl, so when they caught hold of you, she made you work for it, and Carla was the so-called slut, she was easier in contrast and she knew it, she would swoop in and "show you a good time". I knew better than to get dragged into their little charade.

"Oh, you mean when he hit around a few flying balls? Splendid."

I grinned, "Thanks for the compliment. Now if you ladies will excuse me," I tried side-stepping again, but this time I was stopped by Alexis- and she was a Ravenclaw.

"Congratulations," she said. "You were great up there." Her light eyes shone. They reminded me of Emilia's.

And only for that reason, I smiled softly, "Thanks."

She smiled, "Don't worry, we'll still kick your ass next month."

I grinned, "I highly doubt it. There's nothing stopping us from winning that cup, Lexi. Not even your perfect steals."

She hummed, "We'll see." She winked, and walked away, swaying her hips for added effect.

I rolled my eyes at her retreating back, smiling slightly. I chugged down my drink, making my way to Prongs.

"Black!" A mocking voice came from my left. Not again.

"What do you want Warner?"

He smiled, "Aww, don't be like that. We had fun yesterday, didn't we?"

I scoffed, "You tell me- seeing as you were the one with a bleeding nose and I was the one walking away."

His smile morphed into a sneer, "You should be glad I didn't get you expelled."

I forced out a laugh. You're light and breezy. No fighting, Sirius. "Only because Emilia scared you shitless."

He frowned, "You heard that?"

I shrugged.

"Did you hear-"

"You being a racist asshole? Yeah."

His face paled. "I didn't mean it. I-I was worked up over everything with Melissa and-"

"Save your breath, Warner. I don't give a shit about what you think of me." I interrupted him again.

I turned on my heels and started towards James again, but suddenly my had focus changed. I was looking at the same party as before- but my brain picked up on how there were fewer people here than usual. How some people stood rigid at the edge of the party, talking in hushed tones. How they looked at the people actually having a good time, envious of their innocence and naivety.

I was one of them now, I realised as I looked at James laughing and flirting. I was one of the people scarred irreversibly by the condition of the world outside these walls. I was no longer Sirius Black, the Marauder, the flirt- I was a casualty of war.

Anger lashed at my chest at the merriment in the room. How dare they enjoy themselves when people were dying? How dare James be so fucking happy when his best mate was standing not twenty feet away, losing his mind. How could he be so care-free when the world was starting to cave in?

I shook my head at the line my thoughts had taken. Booze, I decided. I needed more booze.

After three (five?) more drinks I found myself standing in a group with Moony and a bunch of Ravenclaws. They were in deep conversation about the economic state of Britain. I was following along for the most part, chiming in here or there, but my drunk mind floated around quite a bit.

"I know Sirius feels quite strongly about this, and the legislation provides for a disparity-" Remus was saying, but I wasn't listening anymore. My heart skipped a beat and then went faster than it ever had, I could feel it pounding in my ears. My throat dried up and my palms turned sweaty. There she was, looking like an absolute vision in red. It was a deeper red than the Gryffindor one, and it brought out her light eyes. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, probably from the alcohol. She was smiling, but not the way I was used to. It didn't reach her eyes. Beautiful, kind Emilia, who had borne the weight of my mother's words for far too long. I wanted to reach out, tell her I understood, but-

"Sirius?" Moony's voice called.

"Yeah?"

"What d'you think?"

"About what? Sorry, I'm a bit spacey."

He repeated the question and I gave my opinion, which only sparked another debate. They were not my usual choice for companionship at a party, but I didn't really feel like mindless sex and frivolity tonight. I let them carry on, and looked back at Emilia, but now, she was tucked under the arm of a tall brunette.

"Who is he?" I whispered to Moony.

He looked in the direction I was pointing in, and huffed, "She's allowed to talk to other boys, Sirius."

"Yeah, I know. But who is he?" I insisted.

"Lucas Broad, he's a Hufflepuff. He's a year above us."

I frowned. "Let it go, will you?" Moony whispered.

She looked up then, and I nearly gasped as her eyes caught mine across the common room. Even from here, I could see she was struggling to keep emotion under the surface and come off as passive. Not her strong suit. The light from the fire-place reflected off her skin, giving it a warm glow that paired perfectly with who she was. Her eyes bore into mine, and suddenly it was a challenge to see who would look away first.

It was me. "I'm calling it a night, Moony." I said to him, voice shaky.

The next day dragged. It was cold, and dreary and it paired perfectly with my mood.

James would not stop complaining about it.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked me as we were packing up after Transfiguration.

"James, it's nothing. Exactly what it was the last thirty times you've asked me."

He huffed, "Why won't you just tell me?"

"I'll tell you when it's sorted out. Now go, I have to talk to McGonagall."

He frowned at me, but went ahead anyways.

I approached McGonagall. "Professor?" I asked, suddenly nervous.

She turned around.

"Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, Mr. Black."

"Umm, I don't know if you've heard, but I ran away from home earlier this year."

"Yes, I might've heard something about that."

I nodded, "Well, um, my mum- she's threatening someone really close to me to get me to come back home. She wants me and my brother to become Death Eaters."

Her eyebrows flew up at my words, she looked visibly taken aback. But she composed herself quickly, "I strongly advise against that, Mr. Black."

I grinned, "Professor, I don't have any intention of joining his army. I was just wondering if you knew of a way to get her to back off. She doesn't stop at anything. I don't want my friends getting hurt because of this."

She nodded, "I don't know Mr. Black, this sounds like a family issue." She paused for a second, contemplating. "What do you intend to do after you graduate?"

"With the war you mean?" She nodded. "Well, I suppose I would want to fight. I've got a personal stake in it now, haven't I?"

"You would have to sit down with the Headmaster then. But I recommend you wait till you're of age."

I frowned, "Sit down with the Headmaster?"

"To discuss your options."

"Why do I have to be of age?"

"You'll find out soon enough. Now, off you go," she said, briskly.

I nodded, and retreated from her office.