20. Ledges, cigarettes, and Astronomy

Hogwarts

Emilia's POV:

"You're on the top floors today, Emilia," Alice, the Head Girl, said. "Plus, the Astronomy and Divination towers."

I groaned, "Can I trade? I'll do the Quidditch Grounds."

"No trading, Emilia," Remus said in a sing-song voice. It's times like these that the Marauder in him truly comes out.

I sent him a glare. He only grinned.

The day had been colder than the last few and night- patrol in the towers was going to be a nightmare.

"I wish we had something that would show us exactly who was where. Bye-bye night patrols," I whispered to Remus.

"Like a map?" He asked, a weird look on his face.

"Sure."

Just one more flight, I thought to myself as I climbed up to the Astronomy Tower. Last of the day.

When I opened the door to the main observatory, someone sitting on the far ledge, feet dangling over the edge. They turned in my direction, obviously alerted by the door opening.

Sirius. My breath caught, despite myself. His shirt was rippling and his hair was blowing in the wind, but decidedly less crazy than earlier this day on the Quidditch pitch. A cigarette was held tantalisingly between his lips. It was dark, but I could tell he was upset, and with a pang I thought that maybe it had something to do with me.

I pushed on anyways, "Telling you to go back is just a waste of time, isn't it?"

He removed the cigarette from his mouth and blew out the smoke. It was instantly carried away in the wind, and I could smell it from here. He gave a half-smile, "Yeah."

I nodded, "Do whatever, Sirius. Good night."

I was thoroughly aware that I'd miserably failed in my Prefect duties when it came to him. But then most professors couldn't keep him in control, who was I to be able achieve it?

I turned to leave, but- "I talked to Regulus," he said quietly, his voice barely a whisper. If the wind had been up just then, I wouldn't have heard him.

I turned to face him, still at the door. "Oh?"

"He had something interesting to say." He said, his voice louder now, and slightly accusing. He swivelled to face me, feet dangling on the other side of the ledge now, cigarette held between the pointer and middle finger of his right hand. His hair was in his eyes, I could barely see his face. "What did she say to you, Emilia?"

His words drove through me, chill going down my spine. I walked to ledge, avoiding his eyes, trying to compose myself.

"Tell me the truth, Emilia." He was facing me again, his back against the wall.

I let out a breath to steady myself. All this time, I'd have died to tell someone, but now that he was asking, it was hard. "Um, she told me to tell you to go back home. When I told her to back off, she told me to break up with you."

"Is that all?" He took a puff from his cigarette. The smell was much stronger now.

I bit my lip from the inside. "She said she'd kill you and herself if she found out that you were dating Blood Traitors," I whispered. I watched his reaction with bated breath, but he didn't seem shocked or shaken. I frowned.

He must've picked up on my confusion, "She's threatened to kill me before, Emilia. It's why I ran away." I looked at him in horror.

"What?"

He shrugged.

I faced ahead. I couldn't believe he was being so casual about a death threat from his own mother.

"I don't care about what she said about me. But she's crossed a line by threatening you," he said, teeth clenched.

"She didn't threaten me."

"Well, something she said has you scared shitless."

I shook my head, "She's got all your cousins tailing me. Everywhere I go, they're there. That's what's freaking me out."

He looked surprised at that, and then his eyes narrowed. He looked out at the view of the grounds, taking another puff.

"I'm sorry," he said, a beat later.

"What for?"

"You shouldn't have had to-"

"It's not your fault."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I guess we were trying to protect you."

"We?"

"James knew she talked to me," I said. "But not what she said," I hastily remedied.

He frowned.

"I can't believe she dragged you into it." He looked pained. It wasn't really that big of a deal.

"Is there something else? Something you're not telling me."

"She wants me to come back and join You-know-who's army. She thinks that me-" he paused, struggling to find the right word. "Dating- you would hurt my chances."

I took in his words. "But that's not what you want, right?"

He shook his head, "No, I'm fine here. But I really do wish I could've kept Regulus out of it."

"He wants to join?"

"He seems pretty convinced." His voice shook, and he let out a breath through his mouth, but no smoke came out this time. He must've stubbed his cigarette now; it was nowhere to be found. I silently wondered if he'd flicked it out to the grounds. Nevertheless, I felt the strongest urge to reach out to him, tell him that it would be okay. But I didn't know that. The war had barely begun and we were feeling it's side effects in full force. I didn't know if we would be okay, or if we would end up just like Melanie's brother- alive and happy a second ago, out cold the next. I didn't know if we would make through to the end, if there even was an end. It was all so unpredictable and scary that I felt like curling up into a ball and hiding away from the world, from consequence.

I looked up at Sirius- he looked back intently. There was a mutual understanding that passed- I've got you, no matter what. I felt a surge of fondness for this beautiful boy- and without dwelling upon it and in an effort to be close to him, I climbed into his lap, facing the grounds. His arm came around my shoulder as mine wrapped around his torso- effectively pulling me into his body, forehead tucked into the curve of his neck.

He smelt like mint and grass and smoke and something warm that just screamed Sirius. His arms felt cosy and safe and I could hear the slightly fast-paced beat of his heart under my ear. I smiled to myself.

"If my Mum wasn't in the picture, what would you have said? That night." His voice reverberated in his chest, the movement tickling my ear.

"I don't think we should be talking about if-s."

He sighed, "I talked to McGonagall."

"About what?"

"About getting my Mum to back off."

"You talked to a teacher?"

"This goes beyond just me now."

My cheeks warmed at the words.

"She said I'd have to wait till I was of age and then Dumbledore would sort something out for me." I nodded. "For us," he continued.

I caught what he was hinting at. I pulled away, "Sirius-"

"Tell me the truth."

My heart was beating out my chest, my mind getting increasingly one-tracked at our proximity. This is it. "I like you," I breathed out, eyes flicking to his lips and back. "A lot."

At the words, his lips pressed against mine, and then we were kissing, on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower. It was different than the kiss(es) we'd shared in the old classroom the other day. It was slower, more patient, and a lot more intimate. I threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer.

He abruptly pulled away, "Is this okay?" he asked, panting slightly.

I laughed breathlessly. As if the past few minutes weren't indication enough. I nodded, "Yeah."

He grinned, "Just making sure." He plopped down from the ledge, taking me with him. He pressed me against the wall, bringing our lips together again.

Our kisses got more and more urgent, and I was slowly starting to lose grip on my surroundings and slip into all things Sirius. Before that could happen, I broke apart.

"What are we doing here?" I asked him. I had to know.

His eyes were still closed.

He opened them with a smirk, "I thought you knew what kissing was."

I semi-laughed. "Not that, you doofus. I mean, what are we?"

"What do you want us to be?"

"I don't know. These are hardly ideal conditions. I mean your family cannot find out, and James will probably have a fit. And I don't know- are you even into all this stuff?"

He frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I mean-" I hesitated. Just say it. "Do you even want to date me? Or anyone as a matter of fact."

"Is that what you want? You want to date?"

I nodded.

"Labels? All strings attached?" He asked, but it felt like he was talking more to himself than to me. A beat later, he said, "Why wouldn't I want that?"

"You don't seem like that kind of a person. You're more of a- hook up at a party sort."

He smiled with his lips pursed, but bursting in mirth- as though he was hiding how funny he really found it. I stroked his cheek with my thumb, and his lips bloomed into a wide smile at the touch. "You're not wrong. But I suppose I am now. I'm picturing it right now and there's nothing I've wanted more."

"Really?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

"Really," he said, his thumb smoothing the bridge of my nose. Was I doing the nose thing again? I could never tell. "And James can just deal with it. He already knows that I like you," he continued. "And with my family- who cares what they think? They can't do anything to us while we're in the castle."

I shook my head, "Siriu-"

"If it freaks you out so much-" he cut me off. "Let's keep this a secret till I turn seventeen. That's literally in a month. I'll talk to Dumbledore. We'll figure out what to do then. Is that okay?"

I considered it. "Secret from whom?"

"Everybody." He paused. "I guess I'll want to tell the boys though."

I nodded, "I'd want to tell my friends too. And Sadie will have to know. She's been rooting for you."

He frowned, "Really?"

"Really," I mimicked, smoothing the bridge of his nose this time. He laughed, and then swooped down to kiss me again.

I broke the kiss again, "You know, I was there at the Quidditch game. As promised."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek, "Didn't my hair look absolutely incredible?"

I laughed. "Yeah," I admitted.