The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has gotten lost in the mail. This is just more fun and frolics that have come out of my tiny mind.
The Incident At The Winter Ball
"Come in and sit down," Mallory barked at her staff as they entered her office. "We have a lot to do today and little time for your usual idiocy."
"So, this will be unusual idiocy?" Krieger asked innocently.
"I have morons on my payroll," Mallory hissed as she took a drink.
"Nice to see you show up for a change," Pam looked at Ray as he walked in.
"Oh, shut up," Mallory snarled at Pam. "Ray spent the past week doing six courier missions for us and got us some good ratings! Which is more than what you did all week!"
"Since when are you on his side?" Pam was shocked. Ray smugly stuck out his tongue at Pam.
"Since he started annoying me a lot less than the rest of you!" Mallory shouted. "Speaking of annoyances, where's Cheryl?"
"Do we really care?" Archer scoffed. "I'm seriously asking."
"We should," Ray sighed. "If she's got her hands on that blowtorch again. Or a book of matches."
"Good point," Archer's eyes widened.
"This is an outrage!" Cheryl's voice was heard. "I need to talk to someone's supervisor!"
"Here we go," Cyril groaned.
Cheryl stormed in. "Oh good, you're all here! Now we can start the meeting and figure out what to do about what happened! It's an outrage! An outrage I tell you!"
"What happened Cheryl?" Cyril mocked. "They stop selling glue at Hobby Lobby?"
"I don't know," Cheryl waved. "I'm banned from that store anyway. I didn't even take all of my clothes off and it wasn't that big a fire!"
Ray remarked. "And y'all wonder why I don't come into the office much anymore?"
Mallory sighed as she took a drink. "Sometimes I wish I didn't come into the office anymore."
"You don't have to you know?" Archer said brightly. "You can just go and not come back. Just saying."
"Be careful what you wish for Sterling," Mallory gave him a look. "You just might get it. Go ahead Cheryl. Entertain me with your latest bout of idiocy."
Cheryl frowned. "I didn't get my invitation to the New York Winter Ball."
"Well neither did I," Mallory told her.
"Shocker," Lana looked at her.
"It's not that big a deal," Mallory waved. "I went to the ball for quite a while years ago. Honestly, it's not worth the hype. I'd rather go to one of Gillette's dinner parties. At least the food and drinks are better and the gossip you get out of them is mildly entertaining."
"Thank you," Ray said. He looked at the others. "Was that so hard to say?"
"Ray we don't have time for your hissy fit," Pam told him. "We need to listen to Cheryl's hissy fit first."
"Isn't that the ball that's actually held in early Fall because nobody wants to freeze do death wearing skimpy outfits?" Archer asked.
"Pretty much yes," Ray nodded. "But Winter Ball sounds nicer than Early Fall Ball. No wait. Have a ball at the Early Fall Ball. Huh. It does work."
"You don't understand," Cheryl explained. "Tunts have always attended the New York Winter Ball. In fact, it was my great grandparents who founded it in the first place!"
"Did you go to the Winter Ball last year?" Pam asked.
"Yes, I went," Cheryl rolled her eyes. "Sorry I couldn't take you Pam but it was a high society thing. I had to bring an acceptable date."
"Who did you go with?" Archer asked.
"Jesus the guy who pumps out my stomach," Cheryl explained.
"Uh huh," Ray blinked. "Did anybody at the party know about him? What he did?"
"Uhhh…" Cheryl blinked and thought.
FLASHBACK!
"Hey everybody this is my date!" Cheryl called out to a large group of people. She was standing next to a tall man wearing a purple tuxedo. "Don't worry I'm not having sex with him. He's just the guy who I pay to pump out large amounts of drugs from my stomach. Oh wait, we had sex in the limo. Forget what I said. We're totally having sex!"
FLASHFORWARD!
"I don't think so…" Cheryl paused. "I mean maybe I mentioned it to one or two people in passing but…"
"Wasn't there a fire at last year's Winter Ball?" Mallory asked.
"Uh…" Cheryl paused.
FLASHBACK!
FOOOOOOOOOM!
A large building was on fire. Cheryl was cackling in the background.
FLASHBACK!
"Maybe?" Cheryl whistled.
"I think the mystery is solved," Ray remarked.
"I'm surprised you don't want an invitation," Pam looked at Mallory. "Knowing how much you love high society snobs."
"I told you," Mallory said. "I've been to that ball. I can deal with subpar food and drinks. I can deal with younger people acting like entitled snobs with sticks up their asses. I can deal with the fact that the majority of the crowd are barely out of high school. It's just the bad fashion I can't stand."
"There it is," Archer snorted. "I forgot. The New York Winter's Ball is usually run by the fashion industry in this town."
"And since most of them think people in their 30's are old…" Pam added.
"If I want to hear young people babble on and on about nonsense I'll spend a day at Abbiejean's school," Mallory admitted. "Where I suspect the conversation would be more stimulating."
"Okay so here's the plan," Cheryl spoke up. "I'm gonna gate crash that party wearing the coolest most bad ass couture outfit ever! Then everyone will talk about me! And be sorry that they didn't invite me!"
"And how are you going to do that?" Mallory asked with a sigh. "Make a wish and hope the Glue Fairy hears your plea?"
"Uh, you guys are going to help me break in, duh!" Cheryl rolled her eyes.
"Why would we do that?" Archer asked.
"Because I'm paying you a pretty good pile of cash each month to be my bodyguards," Cheryl added. "And as Clause 23 also states in the contract that the members of this agency…That's you. Any and all other services to help Ms. Tunt…That's me. Either survive or thrive in all business transactions and/or social appearances."
"Damn it," Mallory sighed. "I was hoping you forgot about that."
"To be fair it was a fifty/fifty shot," Ray told her.
"I'm going to become the next Paris Hilton," Cheryl decided. "Only you know? Edgier."
"You have already been arrested," Pam admitted. "And been on a sex tape."
"I was never on a sex tape," Cheryl was confused.
"Yeah you are," Pam said. "Remember that one night you, me, and Krieger got blitzed and…?"
"BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP!" Krieger interrupted her.
"Oh, for the love of…" Mallory sighed. "Fine! We'll do it. But first we need to get you a designer dress. So…"
Everyone looked at Ray. "Why do you all assume I'll…?" Ray began. "God damn it. I do want to do it."
"You do have good taste in fashion," Pam admitted. "And you can sew faster than the rest of us."
"And you can draw really well," Cyril added.
"So, can I!" Archer barked.
"Not really," Mallory remarked.
"I can design an outfit just as good as Ray!" Archer barked.
"Since when?" Lana asked.
"No, you can't," Mallory said at the same time.
"Doubtful," Cyril said at the same time.
"Nope, nope, nope…" Krieger shook his head.
"Archer you got a lot of strengths but drawing…" Pam shrugged.
"You are so delusional," Cheryl snickered.
"Archer you can't draw that well!" Pam snapped. "Have you completely forgotten the Pictionary tournament debacle?"
"Oh, dear God I have," Mallory realized. "Great! Now I remember it again!"
"Face it Archer," Lana said. "You can't draw that well."
"Yes, I can and I can prove it!" Archer snapped. "Cheryl you tell us what kind of dress you want and Ray and I will draw it at the same time!"
"Oh, this is going to be good," Lana smirked as Pam got some paper and pencils.
"Sterling, please reconsider," Mallory sighed as she took a drink. "You're only going to end up embarrassing yourself. And then embarrass me."
"This is the day I had to come into work," Ray sighed as he took the paper and pencils from Pam.
"Just tell us what you want Cheryl," Archer said as he took a paper and pencil.
"I want something classical yet timeless," Cheryl added. "And it has to be in red. I want it to flatter me yet shock the world. Maybe a slight steampunk vibe but honestly it has to be more couture than steampunk. Just a slight steampunk vibe."
Archer blinked while Ray drew wildly. "Could you be a little more specific Cheryl? Do you want sleeves or no?"
"Of course, I want sleeves," Cheryl said. "Tapered but not too tapered. And I want it electric! Yet tasteful!"
"I'm assuming this is the dress you want to wear under a cover of some sort?" Ray sighed. "After you burn the dress with fire?"
"Oh my God yes!" Cheryl said gleefully. "How did you know?"
"You've watched the movie Cruella at least five times in this office," Ray looked at her. "And you always rewatch that scene over and over."
"Oh yeah," Cheryl nodded. "But we're talking about the real dress. Not the cover dress."
"You're going to wear a dress over your dress and burn the first dress off?" Cyril asked. "Gee what could go wrong with that plan?"
"I want to look modern yet classical," Cheryl went on as Archer and Ray drew. "I want people to say…This is Cheryl Tunt's look!"
"I think the fire will clue them in to that," Pam quipped.
"I want to be stunning and have all eyes on me," Cheryl had a faraway look in her eyes.
"Again," Pam remarked. "The fire…"
"That's basically what I want," Cheryl told them. "In red."
Archer was drawing furiously. "How's it going Dumbass Versace?" Pam looked at him.
"I got it!" Archer showed them. "This is my design!"
"If by design you mean a rectangle with two other rectangles attached to it," Cyril blinked. "With a circle in the middle for some reason and some scribbles around the top…"
"Called it," Mallory remarked.
"I've seen AJ draw better dresses when she was three," Lana remarked.
"I've seen my lab animals design better dresses than that," Krieger remarked. "To be fair, a lot of my lab mice do have an eye for fashion."
"It's not my fault!" Archer protested. "Cheryl was too vague and kept going all over the place! Nobody could make a dress based on that description!"
"Voila," Ray showed everyone his drawing.
"Oh my God!" Cheryl gasped. "That's exactly it! That's the dress I want!"
"That's the perfect dress all right," Pam nodded.
"A work of art," Krieger agreed.
"That's amazing!" Lana said at the same time as Krieger.
"That's Cheryl all right," Cyril agreed. "No doubt about it."
Archer threw his paper on the floor. "Oh sure, if you want something conventional!"
"And the job goes to Alexander McQueen," Mallory pointed to Ray.
"It's just not your day unless you make a homophobic remark isn't it?" Ray looked at Mallory.
"Actually, that time I was complimenting you," Mallory shrugged. "What? He was a talented designer!"
"It's scary what you consider a compliment," Lana rolled her eyes.
"My mother could give Dave Chappelle lessons," Archer groaned.
Ray looked at the others. "Y'all see why I don't come into the office as much anymore right?"
"Are you kidding?" Archer looked at him. "I wish I didn't have to come in!"
Mallory looked at her son. "Ditto."
Ray looked at Krieger. "I'm going to need your help with the mechanical end of things."
"No problem!" Krieger grinned. "Yes! This could be my break into the fashion world!"
"With Krieger helping you design this dress," Archer quipped. "More like break the fashion world! Am I right?"
Everyone looked at Archer. "Sterling even I think that remark is tacky," Mallory sniffed.
"You gonna make some wine out of those sour grapes Archer?" Pam asked.
"You're a bitter little man, aren't you?" Cheryl looked at Archer.
"So jealous," Cyril folded his arms in disgust.
"Whatever," Archer pouted. "I'm still the most important part of the plan."
"Oh, I have to hear this," Mallory groaned. "How?"
"Uh, Cheryl is going to need a date for this ball thing," Archer pointed out.
"And you think you're it?" Lana snorted. "Prince Not So Charming?"
Cheryl snorted. "Yeah, I'm going to show up to one of the fashion world's most innovative and outrageous balls with a white hetero typical handsome male on my arm! I don't think so! Bisexuality is huge now and I'm going to capitalize on it!"
"Cheryl," Lana groaned. "Bisexuality isn't a trend! You can't just…"
"Actually Lana," Pam spoke up. "Cheryl does kind of go both ways. Trust me on this one."
"Yeah who didn't have a lesbian experience at their private all girl's boarding school?" Cheryl scoffed. "Or in the odd sex dungeon?"
"See what I mean?" Pam remarked.
"That's why I'm taking Pam," Cheryl pointed. "What? Body positivity is so in now!"
"I'll take it," Pam shrugged. "I just need a halfway decent dress that makes me look good…"
"But not too good as to upstage me," Cheryl added. "That's the other reason I'm taking you."
"I'll still go," Pam shrugged.
"You'd go to the opening of a letter!" Mallory snapped.
Cheryl spoke up. "Actually, Tunts do that a lot. We gather in groups for a letter opening ceremony. It's Tunt tradition a year after their death that the family gather to listen to a letter written by the deceased. It's like a memorial service and a bitching party rolled into one."
"That's kind of nice actually," Ray remarked.
"Eh," Cheryl waved. "Not really. Usually it's the Tunts' way of getting their last insults in."
Mallory mused. "Interesting tradition."
Cheryl thought aloud. "I haven't been to one of those in years. The last one was when my parents died. I wonder what the letter said?"
Archer sighed. "For the sake of this conversation I'm just going to push through and ask what the hell am I going to be doing?"
"As well as the rest of us," Cyril added.
"Getting us into the ball duh!" Cheryl snapped.
"How?" Cyril asked.
"I don't know!" Cheryl snapped. "That's what I'm paying you for! DUH!"
"Relax Cheryl," Mallory waved. "I can handle the planning aspect of the operation. It will be easy."
"Really?" Cheryl asked. "Are you sure?"
Mallory gave her a look. "Cheryl I once smuggled three agents, a French resistance fighter and five Jewish refugees through a Nazi general's birthday party and still had time to place several bugs and steal some war plans! As well as assassinate the general. By making it look like he died of auto-erotic asphyxiation."
"Ew," Ray winced.
"Sexy," Cheryl's eyes lit up.
Mallory continued. "I think I can handle getting you into a party filled with other like-minded idiots. I just need a few things…"
A week later…
"Six suites of rooms at the Waldorf Astoria," Cyril counted off. "A bottle of Grand Cru. Seven bottles of Glengoolie Ultra Blue. Twelve bottles of expensive champagne. Room service that would normally feed a rock band and their entire entourage. Three dresses…"
"What?" Mallory asked as she wore a new silver dress. The Agency were in one of the suites at the Waldorf Astoria hotel. And all of them were in new clothes. "I needed something fashionable."
"Me too," Pam nodded. She was in a lovely blue dress and her hair was done up.
"Why not?" Lana sighed as she wore a gorgeous black dress. "The way Robert's been annoying me lately…"
"Nice to see you've learned something from me," Mallory nodded.
"You mean fraud?" Cyril snapped.
"Don't get so snippy Cyril," Ray told him as he looked in the mirror at his fashionable silver and black tuxedo. "I notice you didn't mention your clothes."
"Well everybody else was getting new clothes!" Cyril pointed out. "You! Archer! Even Krieger…"
"Also, they would have thrown you out the door if you wore any of your sad sack outfits," Archer scoffed as he brushed some lint off if his black tuxedo.
"Don't forget," Ray pointed out. "Krieger and I needed material to make Cheryl's outfit."
"How can you afford all this?" Cyril asked.
"Oh, I just put it on Robert's tab," Mallory waved. "I told him there was a mission involving a potential terrorist attack and we were going undercover to ferret it out."
"And he bought that?" Lana looked at him.
"I may have left out Cheryl's involvement in this," Mallory paused.
"Ah, I see," Lana nodded. "Smart."
"We also needed new shoes," Krieger added. "Seriously my old lab ones were starting to wear out."
"Well working with acid will do that," Ray remarked.
"You're not wearing your lab shoes, are you?" Archer asked Krieger.
"Oh God no!" Krieger waved. "I got these fancy kickers for the occasion. Plus, I need something for the next Mad Scientist Secret Ball. Did I say Mad Scientist Secret Ball? I meant…Cocktail party."
"Those are nice shoes," Archer noticed. "Wait but you said you got lab…?"
"I also got two pairs of new lab shoes and a new pair of sneakers," Krieger added. "I figured since Robert is paying for it…"
"He paid for mine," Lana admitted.
"And mine," Mallory added.
"And mine," Pam added.
"Ditto," Ray nodded.
"I got two pairs of shoes and some new slippers," Archer admitted.
"I also got new shoes to go with the outfit," Cheryl came out of another room wearing a stylish red and black cloak that covered her body.
"Now remember Cheryl," Krieger warned. "Don't push that button in your right cuff until…"
"Until I'm ready to reveal myself," Cheryl rolled her eyes. "I know! Trust me! I'm going to live my Cruella moment! I'm not going to jeopardize that!"
"Good," Krieger nodded. "We don't want the pyrotechnics to go off too early."
"The what?" Cyril did a double take.
"Don't think about it," Ray sighed.
"It's kind of hard not to," Cyril told him.
"Look it's a simple plan," Mallory waved. "We sneak in the back through the kitchen thanks to Pam's contacts."
"Lucky for us Antonio owes me a favor," Pam explained. "After I helped him out with Big Sal. Big Sal is his wife! It's not a Mafia thing!"
"Anyway…" Mallory sighed. "We sneak in. Cheryl gets her moment. And then we get ready to run like hell out the door before security gets wind of us. Any questions?"
Pam held up her hand. "Can we like steal any gift bags if we find them?"
"Why not?" Mallory sighed. "But don't get your hopes up too high. The people who run this ball are stingier than Scrooge McDuck at a pants store. All right. Let's get to our limos."
"Hang on," Cyril asked. "Why do we need limos if we're sneaking in? And the ball is literally across the street!" Cyril pointed at the glittery building outside the window.
"Ever hear of a stylish getaway?" Archer asked.
"Ever hear of an audit?" Cyril asked. "Which Robert will do sooner or later!"
"It will be fine General Worry Wart," Mallory told her. "Look if nothing happens all I have to say to Robert is that we did our job. And prevented the terrorists from causing any damage."
"And if there is damage?" Cyril asked. "I ask knowing that the chances of that happening are one to one."
"Then it's proof that there were terrorists there," Mallory looked at him. "Either way our expenses were justified. Let's go!"
"YES!" Cheryl squealed. "Time to let this town know that Cheryl/Carol Tunt will not be ignored!"
"I'm pretty sure in the future people will pay attention to you," Ray quipped as they left. "The judge. The jury…"
"The prosecuting attorney," Cyril added.
It wasn't long before the members of The Agency had infiltrated the Winter Ball. They had spread out around the crowd. At least that was the plan.
"Why are we all clumping together like a herd of wallflowers at the senior prom?" Mallory hissed to the majority of her staff. They were in the back by a large bar with a bartender serving drinks.
"Because this is where the bar is," Archer told her as he got a drink from the bartender. "Drinks are okay. A little weak but then again considering most of the clientele here are under thirty pounds..."
"Yeah you gotta account for the lightweight bitches," Pam munched on a platter she held in her hand. "I don't know what this is but I definitely think there's grass in it. And I don't mean the fun kind."
"Where's Cheryl?" Mallory asked.
"She said she wanted a moment alone," Pam stuffed her face.
"You were supposed to be watching her!" Lana snapped.
"I did," Pam told her. "I watched her leave. Then I watched where the appetizers were coming from."
"Great plan," Ray said sarcastically. "Just great."
"Well I don't smell any smoke," Archer remarked. "She couldn't have done any damage yet."
"It's the yet that bothers me," Cyril groaned as he got himself a drink. "Double bourbon! Forget the ice."
"These drinks are watered down enough," Archer nodded.
"What really bothers me is the bad fashion," Ray remarked. "Oh, got that ripped denim dress is so tacky."
"I will never understand today's fashion," Mallory sighed. "The point of wearing new clothes is to not look like a ragamuffin scrounging around the local trash cans looking for dinner. Ripped jeans where you can see practically everything? Torn shirts that look like they've been used to dust the dining room table? I've heard of peasant chic but this is too far!"
"On this one instance I agree with you," Lana told Mallory.
"One instance?" Cyril looked at Lana.
"And the clothes they're selling in the stores are so cheap," Pam added. "I have handkerchiefs that have more quality fabric than that!"
"That's the fashion industry," Lana said. "Making cheap disposable clothes so people will buy even more cheap disposable clothes. It's that kind of attitude that is filling up the landfills in this country."
"Well that and the actual garbage we make," Krieger added.
"I have to agree with Lana on this," Mallory waved. "I'm all for capitalism but this is too far. Plus, way too many women in high society are making so called fashion lines and are crowing about it. It's so annoying."
"HELLO WINTER BALL!" Cheryl's voice rang out. "REMEMBER ME?"
"Speaking of things that are annoying," Ray rolled his eyes.
"Looks like it's her big moment," Pam remarked.
"This should be good," Archer snickered. "Hopefully better than these drinks!"
"It's I!" Cheryl posed and activated her costume. "Cheryl/Carol Tunt! The real star of this show!"
Her cape dissolved into a dazzling fire red glittering gown. With some minor metal cylinders that shot off fireworks from her hands and ends of the gown.
Which of course landed on some nearby drapes setting them on fire.
"And Cheryl's outfit sets the building on fire," Ray sighed.
"We all knew that was coming," Pam remarked as she finished the appetizers. "I'm keeping this platter. It's fancy!"
"It's only going to get burned anyway," Krieger agreed.
"You realize Cheryl will be banned for life because of all this?" Lana asked Mallory as people screamed and fled in terror.
"Without a doubt," Mallory nodded as she took a drink.
"And so will you," Archer pointed out.
"Who cares?" Mallory scoffed. "Oh, banned from a judgmental parade of stuck up fashionistas who whine all day about how horrible the world is while they make a fortune off of it? While listening to bad music and consuming subpar drinks? I went to these parties years ago when they were good. And even back then they were a bit tiresome. Not missing a thing now."
FOOOOOOOOOOOMM!
"HA! HA! HA! HA!" Cheryl cackled.
"BURN! BURN! BURN!" Mallory cheered.
"Come on!" Lana grabbed Mallory and they started to run off. "Somebody grab Cheryl before she gets arrested!"
"On it," Pam ran off.
"God, I love our nights out," Krieger grinned.
"Enjoy them while they last," Cyril groaned as they ran. "You may not get too many more for about oh…five to ten years. If we're lucky."
The following day at the Agency…
"Well the reviews aren't good," Cyril sighed as he put down the paper. "Tunt Heiress Melts Winter Ball."
Everyone except for Cheryl was in the office. "She certainly wasn't compared to Cruella," Pam remarked. "Carrie meets Pyro but not Cruella."
"Where is the little fashion diva devil?" Ray asked.
"Sleeping it off on the copy machine," Krieger explained. "I thought it might be best to tranquilize her for a day or two."
"Good call," Archer nodded. He saw his mother putting down the phone. "Well?"
"I just spoke to the General Manager of Cheryl's company," Mallory sighed. "The good news is Cheryl won't be arrested."
"How much money did they pay?" Archer asked as he took a drink.
"Enough to keep those models in fabric and fake fur for years," Mallory said. "The cover story is the incident was an accident on the designer's end."
"There go my dreams of breaking into the world of high fashion," Ray sighed.
"Mine too," Krieger sighed.
"I didn't give out your names," Mallory snapped. "Nobody knows you did the dress."
"No, but people who do know us can connect the dots," Cyril groaned.
"Cheryl of course is banned from the Winter Ball," Mallory sighed. "For life."
"That's the bad news," Archer said.
"No, that counts as part of the good news," Mallory corrected. "The bad news is that we're not getting any protection money checks for Cheryl for at least two months. If Cheryl's still alive by then then they'll reinstate the checks."
"So, we have to watch Cheryl for free?" Cyril asked.
"Welcome to my world," Pam remarked. Her phone rang. "Hang on. It's Cloud Beam."
"Why are Cloud Beam calling you?" Mallory did a double take.
"Because you made me Marketing Liaison because you can't stand talking to them," Pam answered the phone. "Hello! Pam talking. Start squawking. Oh. You heard about that."
"Everybody heard about that," Cyril groaned. "A video clip of Cheryl's dress setting fire to the place even was on Good Morning America!"
"I take it that it was not the Play of the Day?" Lana sighed.
"It was part of a fashion segment called Fashion Dos and Don'ts," Cyril told her. "Cheryl was an extreme Don't!"
"Uh huh," Pam was on the phone. "Uh huh. Yeah but…Okay. I'll tell her. Why don't we have a meeting about that? Okay. Bye."
Pam hung up the phone. "Kaya and Alton heard about what happened. They were…in their words…Totally, totally without words."
"That will be a first," Mallory grumbled as she took a drink.
"And," Pam added. "They're considering dropping us as clients. But first they have to have a meeting about it."
"No big loss," Mallory waved. "They didn't really do anything anyway."
"MALLORY!" Robert's voice was heard from down the hall. "WE NEED TO TALK!"
"Uh oh," Cyril gulped.
"I'm not here!" Lana ducked out of the room quickly.
"Smart woman," Mallory sighed.
Robert stormed in. "What the hell were you people thinking last night? It's bad enough you charged me a small fortune but you had to burn down the Winter Ball while you were at it?"
"Oh…" Mallory said casually. "You heard about that."
"IT WAS ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA!" Robert shouted. "I was sent the video feed!"
"I can explain," Mallory said smoothly.
"Oh what?" Robert snapped. "Are you going to give me some vague excuse like there were going to be terrorists there? Like that's some kind of cover for you to go out partying!"
"Wow," Archer blinked. "You are smart enough to figure out that trick."
Robert snapped. "I'm also smart enough to know if Cheryl Tunt wants a dress that shoots out fire, you don't give it to her!"
"In hindsight we really should have done that," Pam agreed.
"It also doesn't take renting several rooms at the Waldorf Astoria," Robert pointed out. "Several outfits and limos. As well as enough champagne to launch a fleet of ships!"
"I warned you," Cyril said to Mallory. He looked at Robert. "It was the limos that was the tip off wasn't it?"
"That was one of the first things that caught my eye, yes," Robert admitted.
"Told you!" Cyril said to Mallory.
"Mallory, I believe we need to have a talk," Robert glared at her. "In private."
"Why?" Pam asked. "We can hear pretty much everything outside."
"OUT!" Mallory pointed. The others quickly left.
"I'm off to that new bar down the block," Archer called out. "Call me when the fight's over."
"I'm going to listen in at the door," Pam said.
"Why bother?" Krieger asked. "I have the office bugged."
"To Krieger's lab!" Pam said cheerfully as she followed him.
"I'm going to go shred some papers," Cyril groaned as he left.
When he was alone Ray sighed to himself. "I'm starting to think my temp to perm status at IIA may end up becoming permanent!"