A/N: Alright, well it seems a few people are reading, so hopefully this isn't in vain.

Chapter 3

He watched her closely as he made his way over to her. He could tell that she was less than pleased with his presence and that made him acutely aware of the fact that her service weapon was probably nearby. He probably should just turn and leave. Scratch that, he probably should have just stayed away.

He'd known that if he would have gone back to her place after meeting with the IAB to give his official statement that he wouldn't have been able to leave her. And finally having to face reality after leaving her apartment, he'd realized what he done. To her and to his family. He had spent close to eight years trying to prevent the exact cataclysmic act that he had so willingly engaged in.

The reaming he'd gotten from the IAB under the guise of a routine questioning and statement submission hadn't helped. They'd made him re-live every step of the incident after he had spent every moment trying to forget. That hadn't helped his mental state at the time. And on top of that, he could tell from the mood of the interrogation that he was in for a long fight to get back to active duty. One that he didn't feel up to at the time. He hadn't hit rock bottom just yet, and he had refused to drag her along with him when he did. He'd done enough damage, pulling her into an affair with her married partner.

After leaving 1PP, he'd wandered the city aimlessly. It wasn't until Kathy had called that he had hesitantly made his way home. He had been ignoring her calls for the last few days as well as her texts. He had known from the texts that she had at least some information about what had happened, after having called Cragen. Olivia had also not answered her attempts at communication. Every time he'd seen his wife's name come up on her screen, he had gently slipped the phone from her hand and whispered, "ignore it" or "don't answer". He'd then felt like crap for having ignored her for so long, his guilt guiding him to return to his family home.

The opposite had then occurred where the attempts at communication were concerned. Olivia had called him multiple times that night and over the next few days and he just couldn't bring himself to answer. When Kathy would try to get him to answer her, figuring his partner would at least be able to get him to talk to her, he'd told her to let it go to voicemail. A voicemail he still hadn't listened to. He'd spent the next few weeks at his home, which felt like a tomb to him during that time. Even more so than it normally did. This didn't help his guilt as his kids were there. He wasn't supposed to feel like crawling out of his skin just to escape the home that he shared with his wife and four kids.

Cragen had been calling as well, begging him to at least meet with the shrink once, the IAB be damned. He could tell from their conversations the toll that all of it was taking on him. He'd refused. But after the suicidal thoughts started, he knew he had to do something. So, he'd told Kathy in no uncertain terms that he was leaving. It wasn't a discussion, she had tried briefly to dissuade him. She soon gave up though, having witnessed his mental decline. She'd figured it was something he needed to do, so she had not put up a huge fight.

He had gone to Cragen early one morning, after scoping out the place to make sure he wouldn't accidentally run into his soon to be ex-partner, and turned in his papers. He'd then driven directly to the airport and hopped a flight to Italy. He'd cut contact with everyone except for his wife and kids and that was only because the thing that would make him feel even more like a piece of shit than he already felt, was completely abandoning his kids. So other than sending money, the phone calls with his kids and the occasional conversations with Kathy which he did his best to keep focused on the kids, he'd cut all ties to his former life. He'd tried his best not to think about her, and eventually, it became easier.

It wasn't until that summer when school had let out that Kathy had begged him to let them come and visit him. He had undoubtedly given in as at that point he was missing his children as well. They'd come for most of the summer and he had enjoyed every minute of it. They'd offered a welcome distraction from the intrusive thoughts he'd still found himself fighting off occasionally. Kathleen and Maureen had returned before the rest of the family in preparation for starting their freshman and junior year of college. Kathy had gone back breifly to help them, leaving him with the twins and their youngest. She'd returned two weeks later to spend a little more time before returning stateside with all of the kids.

By the winter break, she'd convinced him to let her and Eli move back to Italy with him for the foreseeable future. It'd be easy, since he was so young, to assimilate him into the school system there. Being that he sorely missed his kids, he'd gladly agreed. The oldest four kids would stay in their house as to not have to interrupt their schooling. Kathy's sister and parents and a few good neighbors had agreed to keep an eye on them. It wasn't an ideal situation, but being that he still didn't feel that he was in a good enough headspace to integrate back into his old environment, it had been the best solution they could come up with at the time.

The older kids continued to visit as often as they could. And he'd eventually gotten back into law enforcement after his job as a private investigator had allowed him to give enough tips to the U.S. embassy. And then out of the blue, he'd gotten a phone call from Cragen notifying him of his retirement in the coming year and that unbeknownst to her at the time, Olivia was favored to assume his position as captain. He'd been unable to help but to ask more about the woman he'd left behind. He found it strange, however, how vague his captain had been about the details. Either way, a fuse had been lit and he'd found himself more and more contemplating a return to New York. It all but sealed the deal when he'd mentioned the possibility to the higher ups at the embassy and they informed him that even though they would hate to lose him, they were sure that they could find a position for him back in New York investigating organized crime.

Over the next couple of months he'd found himself texting with Fin more and more, trying to get caught up on what was going on back home, more specifically, with Olivia. Not really to his surprise, the man had also been extremely vague about the details when it came to the topic. He had eventually told him to stop after pressing for more details. He'd said that Olivia would probably be pissed if she even found out they were communicating without him at least warning her. Betrayed, was the word he'd used. He'd told him that he was thinking about returning. The man had responded by saying that he would leave all of that between the two former partners. He would not allow himself to become the middle man between them.

Eventually he'd found himself on an eight hour flight to New York, the day before his meeting with NYPD to start the process of being reintegrated into the force. He'd been back for almost four months and hadn't gathered the nerves to contact her. However, he couldn't pass up the opportunity to possibly force his own hand by suggesting his current unit join forces with SVU. And this was how he currently found himself in front of his former partner wondering if she was going to attempt any bodily injury towards him.

It was too late now. He was here.. He couldn't turn back now. He knew he wouldn't be able to as soon as the first thought of re-opening that door entered his mind.

He chanced sitting in the chair in front of her, the one that had recently been vacated by the toddler. She didn't say anything, so he figured he should. "So, how have you been?"

He swallowed thickly as he saw the non verbal response of her eyebrows furrowing slightly as a look of distaste came to her face. He felt his heart rate speed up. Over their years together he had received many looks from her, this was not one of them that he had ever managed to evoke from her.

Thankfully, he was saved by what he would soon learn to be the outgoing little girl in the room. "Hi!" she squeaked as she ran up next to him, pressing her little body into the outside of his knee as she leaned against him. "My name is Isabella."

Thanks for the opening kid. He turned his attention to her. "Hello Isabella," he beamed down at her. "It's nice to meet you. My name is Elliot. I'm a friend of your mom's."

Olivia watched the interaction and she could feel her heart climbing into her throat. She was not ready for this and she found herself starting to panic as she heard her daughter ask if he liked candy. She'd subconsciously registered the question and new where the line of questioning was headed. Elliot, having five kids of his own, caught on rather quickly as well.

"No, but," he responded as she watched him purposefully not making eye contact with her. He turned to the abandoned carton of oatmeal and grabbed it. He scooped a spoonful out. "But I heard this is pretty good," he said as he bought the spoon closer to the little girl.

Isabella only smiled up at him. She was amused by this man. He'd figured out her tactic and headed her off at the pass. She figured she'd throw him a bone. She leaned towards the spoon and accepted the spoonful of oatmeal he'd offered her before giving him another full mouth smile and wandering off again.

What the hell? Okay, that feeling wasn't panic. It was anger. She found herself moving before she even registered what she was doing.

"Okay, Elliot," she said grabbing the carton from him and placing it back down on the desk with a little too much force to be able to deny her current emotional state. "Why are you here?"

It was his turn to stare at her. He'd been caught off guard by the sudden act of aggression after she'd not spoken a word to him. He caught the slight tilt of her head to the side, indicating that she was still waiting for an answer. He realized he needed to respond to her.

"I've been meeting with Cragen…" he found himself stuttering under the weight of her glare. "We've been coordinating on the Carvalho case with SVU. He just figured…"

He watched as Olivia began shaking her head as she closed her eyes, cutting him off. "No, no. No, Elliot," she said as she opened her eyes again and looked at him. "Why are you here?" He just stared at her dumbfounded. He knew what she was asking and he knew the fact that she was asking meant that she wanted no part of him at the moment.

She continued, offering suggestions when he didn't answer immediately. "Did Cragen send you in here? Is there something you need for the investigation?"

This prompted him to speak, seeing that his silence was causing her to become even more frustrated. "No. I just thought we could talk."

Her eyes immediately grew wide and she looked at him in disbelief. She waited a beat. Waited for him to correct himself because it was damn near laughable that he'd show up after all these years wanting to talk to her. After he'd gone above and beyond to avoid doing just that for so long.

"You thought we could…talk?" she asked as if questioning a mentally inferior person.

"Yeah. Liv," he tried to explain, attempting to fight off his growing frustration with her condescending tone. "The way I left…I shouldn't."

"I'm sorry, Elliot," she didn't let him finish as she adjusted the infant on her lap. "Forgive me if I'm being dense, but what exactly do we have to talk about? We haven't seen each other in years. We have nothing in common at this point?"

Okay that was a lie, she mentally noted to herself. And it is not that she had ever planned on hiding his daughter from him, should he return, but she was just not ready to attack that topic. She needed more time to process the fact that he was actually back. Hell, he could have been in New York this entire time, she didn't know. Sure she'd heard the ramblings about him leaving but she'd never had a way to confirm that, and after a while, she'd honestly stopped caring so much.

"Olivia," she could tell that he was becoming upset by his tone. The nerve, she thought. "I know you are pissed with me but if you would just let me explain," he tried.

"Not interested," she told him, and another stare off commenced.

"Are you serious right now?" he finally asked.

"Are you?" she countered. If either of them were out of line, it was him. That, she was sure of. She watched as he looked down at the floor. She took a glance over at the older child in the room. She was watching the interaction between the adults intently. This, she did not want to happen.

"Elliot, I really think you should leave now," she stated causing him to look up at her. She watched as he opened his mouth to protest. "Please," she added, glancing towards her daughter again.

He took the hint and glanced over at the little girl who's eyes shifted from her mother to him. She looked him directly in the eyes and his heart skipped a beat. Those eyes, there was something about them. He just couldn't put his finger on it.

"Elliot," Olivia called to him, causing him to turn from the little girl. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and refocused on her mother.

After having effectively thwarted his attention from analyzing her daughter, she then turned to the little girl. "Say goodbye to Elliot, Belles," she stated, using what he assumed was one of many nicknames for the little girl.

Not wanting to engage her any further in front of the child, he stood to leave. He figured he'd have more chances to approach her, he hoped in a more suitable environment.

He managed to smile down at the little girl, "Bye Isabella. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around." He stated that more for her mother than her. He wanted to let Olivia know that his attempt at having this discussion was not over, by a long shot.

"Bye, Elliot," the little girl waved shortly before stepping over to her mother and leaning into her. She seemed to be closing off a little more, as she now seemed shyer than she originally had. He figured it was because she'd witnessed the almost argument between her mother and him and he silently kicked himself for it. He was definitely not going to find his way back into her good graces by scaring her kids.

He'd hadn't made it to the door before he saw a whirlwind of blonde fly through the entry to the office.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked staring straight at Olivia. "A freaking pipe wipes out the daycare. What the hell?"

Olivia looked at her and a smirk came to her face, clearly used to the tornado that had just rolled into the room. She turned to deposit the infant back onto the playmat as the blonde dumped her bags at the desk across from Olivia. She then did the same with the kid she had been holding.

"I'm just happy Lucy was free at the last minute," Olivia answered. "You know I think I'm going to just take her up on that full time offer. She can socialize the kids. The daycare isn't worth it."

"Yeah, no shit it's not worth it," she agreed. "Olivia, oh my god, thank you so much for letting me mooch off of your nanny. I didn't know what the hell I was gonna do."

"Why didn't you call Carisi?" Olivia asked as a mischievous smile came to her face.

"Oh shut up," the blonde said causing Olivia to laugh. Elliot just stood there. He was sure the blonde hadn't really registered his presence but he was sure Olivia was just intentionally ignoring him. The blonde continued. "Actually I did call him. Turns out you have to go to class when you sign up for law school."

"Who knew?" Olivia quipped.

"Hi," the three year old said looking up at the blonde woman after having climbed into her office chair while she dug through her things.

"Oh, hi my little munchkin," the blonde said placing her hands on each side of the child's face and placing a kiss on her forehead, causing the child to giggle. It was clear from the interaction that the woman and Olivia had a friendship that extended beyond the office.

Having finally slowed down, the blonde finally seemed to notice him. "Hello," she said chancing a glance at Olivia before turning back to him. Olivia made sure she kept her eyes on the now open laptop on her desk. The smile was gone from her face.

"I'm sorry," the blonde continued, before sticking her hand out. "Detective Amanda Rollins."

"Elliot Stabler," he gave the best smile he could come up with given the circumstances. The smile faltered after witnessing the woman's response to his introduction. Her eyes immediately grew wide with shocked recognition.

"Elliot," she stuttered, her eyes darted briefly towards Olivia again. "You're Elliot Stabler?"

"Yeah," he said, almost embarrassed. It was clear she knew who he was and it was clear she'd gotten a version of the story that didn't paint him in the best light. To her credit, the woman forced a smile back to her face.

"It…it is…nice…to meet you," she forced out.

"Are you sure?" Elliot asked. He knew all the adults in the room were already well aware of the awkwardness and where it stemmed from. So why ignore it? He always prefered a more direct route on addressing things. He also figured it would get him and Olivia to the conversation they needed to have sooner rather than later.

Amanda's mouth fell open before she let out an unsure sound. She looked over at Olivia, causing him to do the same. He was met again with her eyes trained on him. Though this time, she didn't look upset. She looked more cautious of his presence now. Like he was more a stranger to her than the blonde in the room. He thinks now, that he prefers her being pissed at him. "I was just heading out."

"Okay, well then…" Amanda started. "See you around then…maybe." Yep, she definitely knew at least some of the history between him and the other woman in the room. He had to give it to her though, she lasted long before letting the snide remarks fly.

He nodded at her before turning and exiting the office. It wasn't until he hit the main hallway that he noticed that he'd spent more of his morning at the precinct than he had intended. The actvity of the place was starting to pick up as more people had already made their way in with others still coming through the door.

"Stabler?" he heard a voice call out and turned to the hallway on his left. He looked up and noticed Trevor Langan making his way towards him. "When did you get back in town?" the man asked offering him a smile.

"Ummm…I'm back on the force. Different unit," was all he found himself being able to offer the man. He and Trevor had never really been close, though he'd forever be thankful for the man's help in defending his partner's innocence.

Then it dawned on him. He wasn't the one out of place. Langan was actually the oddball out in this scenario. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, just helping Liv out with a little situation," Trevor offered, gesturing back towards the hallway he'd just come from.

At this new information, his eyes narrowed with concern. "She having trouble?"

"No," Trevor offered. The lawyer paused, trying to choose his next words carefully. "Just, helping her to get ahead of a personal situation. We want to be ready to go when it's time. Don't want to stagger out of the gate."

The two men studied each other a little longer. Both of them knowing exactly what was going to happen next.

"What kind of personal situation?" Elliot asked, after Trevor didn't offer any more information.

The man smiled at the question. "You know I can't answer that," he stated starting to back away from the detective. He didn't want to give Elliot more time to pick at the situation. He was well aware how persistent and protective the man could be when it came to his former partner. "Attorney-client privileges," he added before turning with the coffee carrier in his hand and heading down the hall.

Elliot stood there a moment trying to think of what reasons Olivia would have to retain Trevor Langan's services. It wasn't soon that he found himself following the man's path back to the office. He stopped short of entering when he saw Trevor holding the baby as Olivia stooped next to him, wiping a small amount of the oatmeal away from the toddler's face. His heart sank. No. Fucking. Way.

He wasn't prepared for this. Well he was after seeing the pictures of her with the kids, but, Trevor Langan? He'd hoped it was someone…well, he wouldn't admit to what he hoped because then he would have to admit how much of a selfish bastard he was when it came to anything having to do with her love life.

He watched as she stood and beamed at the man with the baby in his arms. Trevor made a comment causing her to laugh, and he smiled down at her as she did. The little girl made her way over to them then, cranning her little neck to look up at the man before saying something to him. The man switched effortlessly, Elliot thought, from wooing the woman in front of him to becoming more animated as he responded to the child. Clearly there were all familiar with each other. He felt like he was going to be sick.

Walk away. Walk away. He heard the voice in his head trying to reason with him, but he found his feet moving towards the entrance off the office. That was, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he heard a familiar voice, and turned to see Fin looking at him with a look of confusion.

"Hey," he stated, but decided to ignore the man's question as he had some questions of his own. "Why didn't you tell me about that?" he asked beckoning inside the office.

Fin took a quick glance inside and immediately picked up what Elliot was putting down. He pressed his lips together and turned back to his former colleague. "Because there is nothing to tell," he told him bluntly.

"Well it sure doesn't look like that to me?" he retorted. He knew that Fin had warned him that he wouldn't go too deep where the topic of her was concerned, but he could have at least given him a heads up.

"Has she seen you?" Fin asked, clearly more concerned with Olivia's feelings over Elliot's.

"Yeah," Elliot told him as he returned to staring at the couple. The two kids were now deposited on the mat with the blonde baby and an array of toys as Olivia now stood in front of Trevor, nursing one of the coffees from the carrier. She had a more solemn look on her face now as he seemed to be explaining something to her. "We talked."

At this information, Fin looked surprised. "And she didn't shoot you in the nuts? I guess it could've gone worse then."

"Could it have?" Elliot glared at Fin.

"Yes," the man replied. "It could have. Why do you care anyways? Didn't you just get back from Italy with your wife and kids?"

"What I do with my family is none of your business," Elliot said, clearly more agitated.

Fin wouldn't be drawn in though. At this point, he'd have to be an insane person to engage someone who was being this irrational. "Man, do you hear yourself?"

Elliot stared at him, trying to maintain the rising anger, but couldn't find any solid ground to stand. Fin watched as he visibly deflated.

"Kathy and I have separated again," he offered. "Well, not really. We're still in the same house, for the kids. Mo and Katie moved into a place together. I've been sleeping in their old room."

Fin waited a moment before speaking, "Sorry to hear that."

"Well," Elliot started but didn't finish. He wasn't really sorry about it. He was sorry about a lot of things but he couldn't admit to that being one of them.

The truth is, Kathy was actually never supposed to stay in Italy. Sure he had agreed when she had offered because of the kids. But a major part of him leaving was to get away from her. He felt bad that it was that way but he'd wanted the time to clear his head and process. It was all just too much at once. And him shooting Jenna had been the straw that had broken the camel's back. He probably could even have dealt with destroying his marriage by sleeping with his partner, if the circumstances under which it happened would have been different. But that…well it pushed him further than he'd ever been pushed before, and that was saying a lot. He'd intermittently waivered close to that line for all of his adult life. He'd teased that line on and off ever since he'd been told at seventeen that he was going to be a father, followed closely by he was going to be a husband whether he liked it or not.

He and Kathy had been forced upon each other after their brief stint of consensual indiscretion. It had ultimately caused them both, he thought, to live a life of hidden frustration and misery. But unfortunately for him, while their home and their family seemed to have become her safe space when it all got to be too much for her, it had become his prison. Sure, he loved his kids more than life itself, but he was sure he could have done a better job at it. If he had just had time to figure himself out first before bringing them into the world. He thought he'd been doing a good job though, of keeping up the facade of loving father and doting husband who was managing to keep it all together. That was until Cragen placed a beautiful and enigmatic, doe-eyed brunette in front him.

At first, he'd tried to ignore it, how beautiful he found her to be. Then he had tried to rationalize it, after seeing that most people she encountered seemed to be enchanted by her on some level. Then as he had gotten to know her more, denial had become the major player as he had slowly fallen in love with her. And that denial had worked, he'd thought at the time. But he had been able to gain at least some clarity while in Italy. He had seen that the only person he'd been fooling was himself, and likely her as she had willingly bought into the lie to save them both.

Looking back, he could see how that had backfired, his frustration of not being able to chase his true desires seeping out of him in ways that sabotaged his marriage. Avoiding going home because of a 'late night'. Opting to finish paperwork instead of catching a school play. Grabbing dinner with her before heading home where he knew his wife had a hot meal waiting for him. All the childish lashing out of a man being metaphorically asphyxiated. He still doesn't know if he'd been subconsciously running away from the life he had constructed or actively running towards her. In a way, it had ultimately manifested as both.

"Look, like I said before," Fin started again, pulling him from his thoughts, "whatever goes on between you and her is just that. I'm not getting in the middle of it. But if I have to chose a side, there's not a question."

"That seems to be the trend," Elliot noted.

"Yeah, well. You know I only barely tolerated your ass every other week as is," Fin poked at their previously tumultuous friendship. "Don't come in here starting your shit and upsetting her. She has a new partner now and he's a damn good shot."

"Yeah?" Elliot questioned. "Tell me about him. He really any good?"

Finn just shook his head and walked into the office, leaving Elliot standing there without an answer. He stood there, observing what had now become the small group. The toddler running over to Fin and him quickly dumping all his things to toss her up in the air. The other little girl was making her way over to him as well, just at a slower pace as her little legs seemed a little more unsure. His eyes went back to Olivia, who was now going over some documents with Trevor. He didn't have much time to dwell as he heard a voice coming from behind him.

"You still here?" It was a rhetorical question, obviously.

"Just heading out," he supplied his former boss before curtly turning and walking in the direction of the main exit.

"So what do you think? What do you really think," Olivia asked as she shifted back and forth on her feet, looking up at her friend and lawyer.

Trevor looked down at her as she nawed on her bottom lip. He couldn't help the smile that came to his face. In this moment, he found her absolutely adorable. He had honestly never seen this side of her. He had never seen her this vulnerable. Not even when he was defending her as she faced wrongful conviction and imprisonment after someone had stolen her DNA and planted it at a crime scene. It was a different side to the usually bold and confident Sargent.

"Olivia, you guys are going to be fine," knowing she was just looking for reassurance of what she had to already know on some level. "You have been to every hearing, the case worker loves you. I think placing Noah with you is the one bright spot in her otherwise almost debilitatingly sad job. You've passed every inspection with flying colors. Hell, I think they might be trying to give you extra kids by the end of this."

This last comment brought a smile to her face and, in doing so, his. She looked down briefly trying not to give in to his attempt to distract her from what was the most important thing for her at the moment. And that was keeping Noah safe.

When Trevor had entered her sight, the subject of Elliot had taken a flying leap. The lawyer, and most recently, her friend, was helping her to secure the little boy's permanent placement with her when the time came. It was still too early to file but they were getting a head start on the adoption paperwork and all the proceedings, so when the day finally came, they could get the ball rolling immediately.

Her eyes darted off to the side as she watched the baby crawl after the three-year-old who hadn't slowed down for five seconds since her feet touched the ground that morning. She began worrying her bottom lip again.

"Liv, he's going to be fine," Trevor said reaching out and touching her arm. He drew her eyes back to his. "Now you, on the other hand," he started to tease, "an infant, a toddler and a new job position as CO." He whistled, causing her to start laughing, before continuing, "You're a bold women."

"Stop it," she to told him, the smile still glued to her face. "I don't have the position."

"Yet," he added.

She paused, not used to being so boldly complemented by someone she liked that she wasn't actually dating.

"You know, I wish I knew what everyone around me seems to know about the future of my career," she told him, trying to wipe the smile off of her face.

"Oh, come off it, Olivia," he told her jokingly. "There is literally no one else more skilled or capable of taking over the position than you. Who else are they gonna give it to? Finn?"

"Nope," Finn responded before anyone else in the room could react to the joke, this caused them all to laugh. "First off, you're right. There is no one more capable or patient than her to be able to handle what comes through that god damned door and second, I hate those administration assholes."

"See," Trevor said laughing as was everyone else. "Could you imagine him in a meeting with 1PP trying to mediate a solution or put out a fire?" This caused more laughter. That was until Olivia saw Finn trying to sneak Isabella a cake pop he'd no doubt bought just for her.

"Finn!" she chastised just before the hand-off was completed.

"What?" he feigned ignorance.

"It's nine in the morning," she said making her way over to them and intercepting the sweet.

"It's a breakfast item," he tried to rationalize.

"No," she laughed. Sometimes he was as bad as a child. "It's cake. Now look what you did." He looked at the three year old whose lip was now pouted out as tears started to well in her eyes.

He sucked his teeth and scooped the little girl up as she began wailing. "Don't cry," he told her. "I thought she wasn't paying attention. You can come to visit Phoebe and me this weekend. We can bake cookies and use all the chocolate chips."

Olivia watched as her daughter wrapped her arms around the man's neck and rested her head on his shoulder allowing him to comfort her. Yep, another sucker for her three year old. Of course along with her boss, her current partner, their ex squad member, the lawyer in the room, and honestly where did the list stop?

"What?" she heard Finn ask and realized he was looking over to Amanda. She turned around and looked at the woman that was seated behind her.

She just stared at him for a second before reaching out her hand. "Give me the bag," she demanded.

"No, my breakfast is in there," he tried to protest, but with the toddler in his arms, he was too slow.

Amanda grabbed the bag and looked inside. "Yeah, uh huh," she said pulling out two more identical items and handing the bag back to him.

He took it, but wasn't happy that he'd been found out so easily. "Yall are no fun."

"What's fun about kids being hopped up on sugar before lunchtime, Finn?" Amanda questioned. Olivia smiled and turned to make her way back over to Trevor as the two began a serious but animated argument.

That's when someone else entering the room caught her attention. "Oh geez, Lucy! Thank God you're here."

Kathy looked over at her husband. Soon to be ex husband? She honestly didn't know how to label them at this point. She just knew that it was not happily married.

They had just finished dinner, well she had with the three kids that were still living at home. He had arrived just as they had been clearing the table. She had offered him the plate she had saved for him, but he had unsurprisingly declined. Instead, offering to help her wash the dishes as some sort of peace offering she supposed. So that's what they were doing. She was rinsing and he was placing them in the dishwasher. She didn't know why he'd offered. It was a one person job and if he was going to be so silently miserable while doing it, she would have preferred to do it alone.

"Long day?" she offered an invitation to remove the silence between them.

"Eh…something like that," he replied.

Of course. That was all she would get. That was all she really ever got during the last half of their marriage. That or a screaming matching. Any other type of interaction between them were few and far between. Which is why they had attempted to end it so many times before. One time, she really thought she had succeeded, but some unseen force had pulled her back to him. And that seemed to happen every time. Maybe underneath all the hurt and frustration and anger…maybe she still loved him. At least a part of her. She guessed that was why she kept trying. To his credit, he had tried throughout too. But since the day he had returned home after disappearing for a few days and after he had killed a teenager who recklessly starting firing shots inside of the precinct, she seemed to be the one reaching in his direction while he desperately continued pulling away from her.

"You wanna talk about it?" she inquired.

"Not really," he said without hesitation before placing the last dish she had handed him in the washer and turning to go upstairs.

She looked after him, rolling her eyes at the back of his head as she sighed. She finished rinsing and loading the washer alone.

He spit the suds of the toothpaste into the sink before wiping his mouth with the towel and looking back into the mirror. He wiped the left over steam from the shower from the mirror and placed his hands on either side of the sink, leaning forward and studying his own reflection. He frowned at what he saw. While he was familiar with the face, he was not familiar with the reality of where that person now stood in relationship to his former…colleagues. Oh hell. Who was he kidding?

It was true in a sense, he thought as he continued to stare absentmindedly at his reflection. Seeing but not seeing himself as his thoughts consumed him. He had felt completely out of place at the one six that morning, but what had him the most unsettling was that his partner's life had seemed to change so much while he was gone and there was no trace of him to be found anywhere in it. As a matter of fact, she seemed to not want him in it.

She seemed happy, well outside of his reemergence in her life. No. She didn't seem happy about that in the least bit. When he had first been informed about her soon to be promotion, somehow her advancement in her career hadn't clued him into the fact that there were likely to be changes in other parts of her life as well. Or maybe had just refused to consider the fact. Either way, he could no longer deny it. Not after seeing her smiling up at Langan like the sun shined out of his ass.

He passed his hand over his face before making eye contact with his reflection again. Did she ever look at him like that? She had given him a number of looks over their years together, but…maybe. On the second morning he had woken up at her apartment. She had told him that she was in love with him. So…was she in love with Trevor now? Is that why she'd gone and gotten pregnant with that asshole's kid not once, but twice?

He sniffed and looked away from the mirror again, willing his emotions to calm before he did something stupid. He didn't want to draw his kids' or Kathy's attention to his spiraling mental state. He looked back at the mirror and inhaled deeply before blowing it out. His thought picked up to where it had left off, her kids. She had had two beautiful children in his absence. In his absence. That wasn't supposed to happen, not in his absence.

'Asshole," he whispered to his reflection, but then thought better of it. 'Dumbass,' he corrected.

He had always wondered what her children would be like. Had always wanted to see her go through the process to become a mother. He knew she'd be great at it. To hell with the adoption agency and their 'not prime parent material'. Before they drew that conclusion, they should have asked all the kids and teens they came across doing their job. Most of those kids would have beat down the agency's door if they'd been given the chance to have Olivia as their mother figure. Their safe space. And now she had two little ones of her own.

He smiled at the thought. The chubby little baby boy. He was one of the most adorable babies he had ever laid his eyes on. His brown hair and brown eyes mirroring his mother's. He could pick out some of her in him already, but he figured, he'd taken more of his father's features. He didn't know for sure as he had never had the chance to, nor the desire to analyze Langan to such a degree.

The little girl however was the splitting image of her, right down to her charming little personality. He smiled remembering how she smiled at him as she tried to finagle candy out of him. Yes. She was beautiful. She was all Olivia, save for her baby blue eyes. It was funny he thought. Like the universe blessing the world with a copy and paste of one its most precious treasures. The same but one glaring difference. Her beautiful blue eyes.

The thought lingered and he started to focus more on his own reflection. The same beautiful blue eyes that all of his girls had. The eyes that they had gotten from him, and then had turned back on him and allowed him to see the beauty he had to offer the world. The eyes that had effectively become known as "the Stabler eyes" amongst their close family and friends. He saw his brow furrow even deeper. Olivia's little girl had Stabler eyes. His eyes.

"No fucking way," he stated to the man staring back at him. The little girl had to be about two…

He thought about his kids at two and three years old. He was well adept at knowing the milestones having gone through them five times. Also, having a side by side comparison as the blonde baby seemed more on par with a two year old, while the blue eyed girl seemed more up to speed with a three year old. The fact that he could readily understand most of what she was saying, she spoke in more complete sentences and seemed more coordinated.

He kicked himself. Hating that he was one of those people that always forgot that pregnancy was damn near a year long event. Had that little tid bit not escaped him, he would have put the pieces together sooner. That little girl definitely could have been conceived around the time he left New York.

He gasped for air. His body fighting for oxygen as he hadn't realized he had been holding his breath. He continued to take deep breaths as he now felt light headed. He pushed off of the sink and stood straight before making his way out of the bathroom and into what was now considered his bedroom. He searched frantically for his phone, his thoughts racing too much for him to be able to focus for long. This resulted in the clothes that he had discarded prior to his shower being thrown onto the floor. Finally, his eyes registered the square device. He grabbed for it and sat down on the edge of the bed as he felt his vision was fading in and out.

He squeezed his eyes shut pressing the hand with the phone to his forehead after realizing he was too out of it to operate the device properly. "Com'on. Com'on. Com'on Stabler. Get it together," he chided himself.

He forced himself back into a regular breathing pattern as he knew he wouldn't be able to get the answers he wanted without being able to operate the damn phone.

After a couple of minutes, he opened his eyes and stared at the floor, making sure his vision was back in focus. Being satisfied with his ability to stay calm, he looked at the phone in his hand. He hit a button to unlock the screen and began searching through his contacts for her number. He knew it was still the same after confirming with Fin a while back.

He sat there listening to the phone ring, dissecting the new revelation he'd come across. In his heart, he already knew the answer to his question, but he needed her to confirm it.

"Hello," he heard her voice.

"Liv," he tried but was cut off as her voice mail continued, interrupting him.

"You have reached Olivia Benson. I'm sorry I'm not able to ans…" he hit the end button. He didn't want her voice mail. He needed to speak with her.

He tried again and again, he received her voice mail. This time he decided to leave a message, considering it was probably better than just hammer calling her. But that didn't mean he wouldn't continue to call successively. After about the eighth time, he stood abruptly from the bed. He opened one of the drawers and threw on some sweats and a T-shirt before snatching his keys off of the top of the dresser.

He needed answers. And he needed them tonight.

A/N: As always, give me your opinions. I know the first three chapters have a slower pace but it will pick up. I'm just trying to provide a good base for the story. So stick with it and the plot will get more action, I promise.