A/N 1: After so long writing fanfictions and sharing them online, my narrative style ends up changing a lot. And since Saiyuki was the first fandom that made me start writing, I might as well return to it after so long.

Sha Gojyo glanced up towards a smaller boy sitting just a few distances opposite him and Hakkai. That boy has started to become quiet again, a rarity... especially when the boy was wide awake. Since usually the boy would tend to start whining about being hungry or being bored or something during these periods, Goku being very quiet wasn't always a good sign...

The kid's not the type to be so serious anyway.

"Oy... idiot monkey. Have you been thinking about stupid things again?"

No response. That was another odd sign. Because it's usually so easy to rile up the boy over pointless topics whenever anyone uses that deprecating nickname on him. And he'd been able to get a rise out of the boy for the last three days and two nights. Until now. That annoying monk sitting next to the boy didn't seem to be concerned though. Was he overthinking stuff?

Gojyo let out a loud sigh.

Then again, Hakkai wasn't doing anything either. So why was he the one to be worried about that idiot monkey too much when the owner himself wasn't all that concerned?

Gojyo started to shift around his spot to get himself comfortable. They managed to find an abandoned village with some sturdy buildings. It looked like an excellent place to make a stop—compared to camping out in the open—so all of them agreed to spend a night in one of the empty houses. And since they managed to find some shelter with a roof on their heads after a while, he shouldn't waste any chance of getting some proper sleep once a while.

Ah well. Maybe it's good that the idiot monkey was quiet now for a change.

xxx

Not too long after, he could hear Gojyo's snores from his spot. Good riddance!

Sanzo glanced sideways towards the boy in question. To be fair, he could understand why that red-haired kappa would be worried. Hakkai too, though the other man would've acted a bit more discrete in showing his concerns.

A few days ago, Gojyo had told them what happened between Goku and that Tenjin guy. So in their own way, the three of them had tried to distract the boy with other topics—whenever they weren't ambushed by Kougaiji's assassins and busy fending off the horde all around them—in order to make Goku stop wracking his brains over things that goes beyond the boy's normal sense of comprehension. Since it didn't really suit the boy to be all too serious like this.

And eventually, Goku appeared to be over the issue. So perhaps they really have nothing to worry about—or so they thought.

He frowned. It's been a while since he'd seen Goku acting this way. The last time the boy was like this, had been when they met with that western priest Hazel and his bodyguard Gato. To which... that 'particular' incident happen. Too many things happened afterwards... and they never end up talking about it afterwards. And he thought the two of them wouldn't have needed to worry about the issue anymore. But suppose the talk with that Tenjin made Goku start to think about death and the afterlife again.

"Does it still bother you?" His voice was really soft but he could sense the boy stiffening at his words. Which meant the kid definitely has heard him talking to him.

Goku started edging closer to his side before hanging his head even lower.

"—orry." Goku's voice was barely audible. "But the more I tried not to think about it... the more I kept doing it. And every time... it starts to get really hurt over here. Somehow I wonder... if I'm just... I'm being an idiot, huh?"

Sanzo briefly caught the small gesture Goku made before slinging his arm over the boy's shoulders. He glanced up to the opposite side to check if Gojyo was still sleeping. When the snoring continued naturally, he let out a soft sigh. No need to bother about Hakkai... as if he could ever hide anything from the man. Regardless of whether the man was truly asleep or not.

He glanced back towards Goku before gently running his fingers over the boy's hair. This idiot. No matter how much time passes, this boy had never changed much. Not that he was any better in that regard.

"No, you're not..." he muttered softly as he pulled Goku closer.

Sanzo thought about the many times he had gotten hurt during this journey to the west. But that was expected, considering that he was still a mere human. There wasn't a moment where he thought that the possibility of death wouldn't come to him. No matter how strong he was, he was not invincible. The closer they reach the west, the more dangerous the terrain would become. The stronger their enemies grew, the higher the likelihood for them to get hurt the more they continued fighting for their lives against the odds. And he remembered how Goku always react whenever he got hurt too badly.

He used to wave off the concerns. Since he had no desire to die early before recovering the Seiten scripture and he never needed to worry about his three companions dying on him. But this situation changed a few months ago ever since they met with Hazel Grouse. Or more specifically, ever since Ukoku Sanzo appeared... and almost killed Goku right before his very eyes.

Ever since his master's death, he never thought he could feel so much murderous rage in his heart as when he witnessed the demons kill Koumyo in front of his eyes. But that changed the moment he saw Goku's battered body in front of him. The anger he felt at the one who hurt Goku so badly, was so overwhelming that he couldn't even form a coherent thought. Until then it never crossed his mind how important Goku's existence was for him. It never occurred to him how scary it could be for him to lose Goku forever.

After going through all those experiences, how could anyone not think about death and the afterlife?

"If it's you, how do you want it? If you lost your life, do you wish to be brought back to life?"

"I'll guess I'll pass. Yeah, when it comes... so be it."

Come to think, back then the two of them did talk about it. Given the normal circumstances, his own answer would've mirrored Goku's. Yet to have almost lost the boy that night right after that very conversation, had Goku actually died that time... he wouldn't have been able to accept that fate so easily. He would've truly lost his mind!

(Which was probably what Ukoku was planning anyway.)

While they themselves may not think too much about their own eventual death, it'll be a lie if they never once thought of their fellow companions' mortality. And he knew too well about Goku's attachment to him; how the child will worry every time he got hurt or whenever he was gone. For fear of being left behind. And he knew that Goku also considered Gojyo and Hakkai—even Hakuryuu—equally as important. The four of them may have fought with each other so often, but he knew that all of them care about each other in their own way.

They may act as if they hated each other's guts every other day, but if ever any of them meets their end suddenly... they'd probably be devastated.

He's sure Gojyo had understood Goku's concerns. Hakkai too. Which was why they tried to act as if they weren't as troubled and scared at the idea of any of them dying. It was also why they tried to tell the boy not to bother thinking about the matter too much.

"Sanzo?"

He jumped before glancing back towards Goku. Goku bit his lips.

"My bad. Now, because of me you also started thinking about these depressing things..."

Sanzo grinned slightly. "Don't give yourself too much credit, you idiot monkey!" He hissed, pinching the boy's arm a bit. And after an afterthought... Sanzo added, "I'm sorry too."

Goku cocked his head at him in confusion. "Why... you did nothing wrong."

Sanzo shook his head.

"Back then, when you got hurt... I ran off without saying anything..."

As he spoke, he could feel Goku's small arms snaking around his waist. The sensation was surprisingly... not that unwelcomed to him.

"That's not your fault! Sanzo... If anything, I felt bad for allowing myself to get hurt in front of you. I never wanted... for you to ever—!"

And now it seemed that they were branching off into another topic altogether. Or perhaps this was better. Sanzo sighed before running his fingers over Goku's bangs.

"Honestly, why are you so hung up about these matters anyway?" he asked.

Goku shrugged. "But... something about what Tenjin used to say—He said, where do souls go after they died?" The boy looked away.

"When I started thinking about that..."

Sanzo pressed his palm over Goku's face to stop the kid from continuing his words.

"Silly boy. Was THAT what got you down?" he said as Goku pried Sanzo's hand from his face and started pouting. Sanzo just rolled his eyes at the sight.

"Idiot."

"Shut up... you don't have to keep telling me. Gojyo already did that enough the other day."

Sanzo snorted at that. Well, at least that kappa had its uses.

"Anyway..." Goku spoke again. "I did figure it out by myself. That no matter where my precious people go after they die, I will always have them in my heart."

Sanzo glanced back towards the boy. "So you figured that out on your own. Then, why are you so depressed still?"

Goku just shrugged at him. "I don't know. It's just... I wonder if I have actually lost someone before."

"Aaah," Sanzo sighed. "This is going nowhere." He rolled his eyes at Goku. "Eh, monkey! Are you like this because you're too hungry? If it is, then I'll take you somewhere to eat later."

Goku jumped immediately at the offer. "Really? Do you mean it?"

He pried Goku off his body as he grabbed the boy's face with both his hands. Honestly, the boy looked much cuter when he used to be much younger. He started pulling on Goku's cheeks as Goku started to cry. He let go of the kid immediately after.

"Yeah... well, that depends on whether we could find any other cities or villages after this. So now can you give it a rest?" He started to say as Goku kept staring at him blankly.

"What?" he asked as Goku shook his head. Sanzo frowned.

"If it's nothing then why did you keep staring at me?"

"You really resemble him a lot."

"Huh? To who? Who did you think that I resembled?"

Goku grinned at him. "This guy... you resembled this guy who was in my heart. He was shining like a sun!"

Sanzo just started scratching his head. "Now you're not making sense! Who's this guy you're talking about that? Does he have a name?"

"I don't know his name. I just know that he looks like you!"

"Then, you were talking about me then?"

"No! That guy was not you!"

Sanzo pressed the side of his head. Now all this talk starting to get him so dizzy. Why did he even bother starting all this talk anyway?

"Ah, whatever! Just sleep, you idiot!" said Sanzo before grabbing Goku's head squarely and dunking it onto his lap. Really, there should be enough limit for the amount of nonsense he could take in one night!

xxx

After a moment's silence, Sanzo could hear the sound of someone snickering at him. As he thought, Hakkai had been awake all these times and listening in on them. What a way to make his presence known.

"As always, it never ceased to amaze me how easily you could cheer Goku up with just a few words." Hakkai shrugged. "At times, I might even have to admit that I'm envious of your ability."

Sanzo glanced down to see Goku already sound asleep on his lap. "What are you talking about? This is nothing to be envious about." He gently ran his hand over Goku's sleeping form.

"He's still just a child anyway."

Hakkai smiled softly at him. "But really... you're like a sun brightening up his life."

"Cheh..." Sanzo exclaimed before glaring at him. "Where the hell did you pick up such a cheesy line like that?"

Hakkai rolled his eyes before shrugging innocently. "Well, who knows..."

Sanzo shook his head as he glanced back towards Goku's sleeping form. Somehow, listening to the boy sleeping peacefully and those little breaths of air the boy made left him feeling so calm and peaceful. The thought of seeing Goku still living and breathing just felt so right.

"I'm not the sun," he started to say after a long silence. "I don't think I really qualify to be anyone's sun, let alone for this kid." Sanzo let out a sigh as he stared at Goku fondly.

"... if anyone could be rightfully thought of the sun, it's probably gonna be—" This boy. This small little sun who became his light after his master's death...

.

Hakkai took a moment to study the look on Sanzo's face before letting out a long sigh. "I don't know. To me—and maybe Gojyo as well—both you and Goku were like a bright sun that shone through our darkness of the heart."

Before Sanzo could argue about it, Hakkai continued. "If not because of the two of you, I would've killed myself a lot earlier. And because of your help, I was able to start anew in my life. I—we—may not look like it that much, but if anything were to happen to either of you... our lives would have been so devastated. We would've lost our way."

Hakkai cocked his head cheerfully and smiled his brightest smile at Sanzo.

"So really, it's not that farfetched to say that both of you were like our sun."

Sanzo just shook himself to try brushing off the air of awkwardness between them. He gave a brief glance in Gojyo's direction before making a disgusted face.

"For goodness sake, stop telling me all these cringy pickup lines to me, please!"

A/N 2: Been rereading and rewatching the manga and anime up to Reload Blast's current stuff. So probably the old cheesiness I used to have came back to haunt me. Not to mention rewatching Kagekidan Burial. So there's THIS much affection in me rn for Goku angel.