Dear Journal,

No, no, no! Father wanted me to have a photo shoot the same day and the same time as Mama Cheng's birthday! I felt like I was wearing a mask, a mask of anger. He knows how special the Dupain-Cheng's are to me, and its not like he couldn't pick a different day. I don't know how much more I can take this, Journal.

I told Mama Cheng about how I was feeling over tea the other day, and in these pages, I'll tell you too. At first, photo shoots were fun but after awhile when Father wouldn't even show up to have breakfast with me, I just exploded! I do everything he asks, and I need to start putting my foot down more and saying no.

Saying no is difficult though, when you've been taught to obey your whole life. Yes, you should listen to your parents, but I need freedom and love. I'm not getting that here. After one particularly hard argument with Father, I had to go to school and boy did I have to wear a mask then. I wanted to smile at Marinette, and give her a hug, even if my emotions were like churning water, crashing against the rocks. Marinette's perspective though, and she pulled me to the back and we talked about it. I don't even want to be there, Journal. I'm writing in you in the back storage closet in the bakery, because Papa was kind enough to let me have a long break. "If getting out your emotions out on paper is what's helps, then take all the time you need."

At least I haven't Cataclysm anything yet, but my emotions are like the pot lid that is just about to boil over, simmering on the stove. Deep breath, Agreste. Your safe here. Would Mama Cheng let me sleep on the couch tonight? I'll have to ask her at dinner.

It didn't take long for the Dupain-Cheng's to start to feel like home, and its not just because of Marinette. Sure, Tom likes to sing and be goofy, but he's a good listener and he has a heart of gold.

Mama Cheng can be as feisty as her daughter, loving justice just as much. A small smile escapes my lips thinking about her. Tea is her remedy for everything from a cold to a cough to a broken heart, they'll always be tea. Now I know where her daughter got her sweetness and standing up for others.

Oops. Did I splash you, Journal? Its okay to cry here right? I miss the Father I had when I was younger, that took me for nature walks and loved playing video games and basketball when the rain came down in buckets, making it to wet to play outside. No matter how much I miss him, I don't think he's coming back. Grief can change us so much, and it happens so quick.

Papa Cheng loves to play video games after dinner and the dishes are done, even though he can be a little scary when he gets competitive. I wonder if he'd like to play basketball some Saturday soon, or even take a walk in the garden, just Papa Dupain and me.

These tears are blurring my vision, sadness is another mask we hide. But we shouldn't be ashamed of showing our emotions. If I close my eyes and walk back through the mists of time, I remember being scared and lonely right after Mother got sick.

"The headaches aren't serious, Adrien. Nothing to worry about." But the headaches kept getting worse, and even if I had to mask the worry, it was still there. It was hard to lesson when that happen, because it would upset my tummy. What I would do to give my mother a hug right now.

Later,

Okay, Journal, I'm back! I'm now sitting at the kitchen table listening to Mama Cheng get supper ready. That and she's been playing this very calming music lately. I feel so relaxed here. Hm. When I was at the mansion the other day I felt cold and alone, like the love and joy were missing.

I smile as Mama Cheng sings,

When you are hurting,

come to me, my dear.

I'll give you a hug or a pot of tea

but know this

I'll always be here for you.

She turned when I giggled and I told her she would have a flavor for tea for any situation. She laughed and told me I looked like I could use some honey tea. How did she know I was feeling upset? I guess its a mom thing, and she's able to see through my mask.

The tea was sweet enough without sugar, but the sweetest thing was when she gave me a hug. I had a dream last night where when I got home from school, Father gave me a hug. The dream felt so real, Journal, for I could smell the starchiness and the newness of the fabric being in Father's arms.

I woke up after that, and I cuddled Plagg to my cheek. Plagg may think about cheese almost 100 percent of the time, but you can't deny he cares.

Only a few weeks ago, I felt like I only wore a mask as Cat Noir, but then I realized our emotions are mask we wear, invisible or not.

Some of my most common are:

Happiness- Is when you get a hug, and you feel light and happy

Sadness- When you feel alone which I struggle with

Anger- Its a new feeling, but I want to Father to listen to me, and even if it's not easy, I have to start standing up for myself

I'm sure there's others, these are just the most common at the moment. I should close these pages soon so I can set the table for dinner. Supper is one of my favorite parts of the day, we're we get to be a family. The family I've always wished for.

Adrien Agreste

-Cat Noir