After their dramatic holiday season, Derek and Addison were glad to see the Shepherds go back home. They loved them but it'd been a long weekend. But the kids were a Godsent. After their argument, all the parents set up the living room so it'd all be ready when they came back in the morning. In the morning, all the kids came surprised to see that despite the change in location, there was still a huge pile of presents under Derek and Addison's Christmas tree. Then ensued a full day of spending quality time with the Shepherds and all of their kids. By the time they all left that night, Derek and Addison were all tired out from entertaining everyone.
"What about a clinical trial?" Addison asked suddenly as she and Derek got ready for bed.
"What?" Derek yelled out from the bathroom, with his mouth full of spit and toothpaste.
"Well, you said you wanted more. You wanted a challenge," Addison started, walking over to stand at the bathroom door frame.
"What would I even do a clinical trial about?" Derek asked, spitting into the sink afterward.
"I don't know," Addison said, honestly. "But at least it's an idea,"
Derek thought about it for a minute as Addison watched. A clinical trial. That could be interesting. But if he was going to start a project like that, it'd have to have a purpose behind it. He couldn't just do one because he was bored, he thought. Well, he could, but it felt wrong to do something that momentous for that small of a reason.
"I guess I should start researching," Derek smiled back after seeing Addison's face light up. This wasn't a definitive solution yet, but it was a start. A start in the right direction.
Over the next few weeks, Derek did his best trying to figure out what he could do a clinical trial on. There were plenty of options and he compiled a list of possible questions he could further investigate. But none of them felt right.
"Honey," Addison started as she leaned as Derek sat at his desk, staring at the computer. "You're gonna go crazy staring at that,"
"I just," Derek sighed. "I don't know what to do. There's aphasia, cerebral palsy, Parkinson's,"
"Stop," Addison spun his chair around as he sat on it, frustrated. "You'll figure this out. But not by staring at this list!"
"What do you suggest I do then?" Derek sighed. He knew Addison was frustrated with him, he was frustrated with himself enough as it was. But he didn't see what the alternative was. At least not at the moment.
"Take a break," Addison ran her hand through his hair just slightly. Derek smiled back and chuckled, looking down as he did. She was right, and he knew it.
"Fine," Derek said, pretending to sound dramatic as he got up from his chair.
"You're right," Derek admitted, wrapping a hand around her waist.
"Of course I am," Addison said, playfully. Derek pulled her in for a quick but sweet kiss and Addison went back to work afterward.
Derek continued trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his career. He finally felt like his personal life with Addison, with this family they were trying to build together, was right where it needed to be. And it was miles better than it had been in years. But now, he felt like his professional life was faltering. He started to question whether it was possible to have it all, to have a great personal life and a great professional one.
After lunch, all the doctors went off to their patients and Derek found himself yearning to get back into the OR once again. Luckily for him, Charlotte threw him a bone whenever she got the chance. She said there was a big accident nearby and all hands were on deck. Spending the rest of the day working with other doctors, other surgeons, felt good for once.
When he got home that night, Derek was still hopped up on adrenaline from his day. After seeing how excited he was, Addison was reminded that Carolyn was right. Derek does need more than just a small private practice, unlike her. She thought she'd be more like him, itching to get back to the OR. When she didn't, she was surprised. She'd worked for her entire life towards becoming a brilliant surgeon, and she still was one. She just wasn't practicing nearly as much as she used to. And she was surprisingly okay with it.
Addison liked the practice. No, she loved it. Her days standing in the OR all day were nonexistent, her schedule was pretty free and clear, and she really got to focus on each and every patient. And she felt like it made her a better doctor. If anything, it made her love surgery even more. When she did get the chance to operate, it excited her. There was a smaller likelihood that it'd feel monotonous, especially given that plenty of her past cases were relatively common and standard. Nowadays, surgeries only happened when necessary and were anything but ordinary.
As Derek raved about his surgeries that day, Addison was also a bit annoyed because of her patient that day. She worked with Naomi with a married couple looking to get pregnant. Except they discovered Angie, the wife, didn't actually want to get pregnant. She wanted the opposite. Her husband, Ray, seemed like such a nice guy and Angie was lying to his face and expecting her and Naomi to go along with it.
Ray didn't deserve that, and Naomi and Addison both agreed that they didn't want to keep Angie's secret for her. When leaving the practice earlier, both decided they'd drop them as patients. Angie clearly didn't want to have a baby and Ray obviously did. And they weren't going to lie to Ray just because Angie couldn't tell him the truth.
"So, how was your day?" Derek finally asked as he started plating the food he'd been cooking previously.
"Infuriating," Addison said, not revealing much just yet.
"What, why?" Derek chuckled. He had to admit it was amusing to see Addison on edge sometimes. As long as it wasn't directed at him.
"My patient," Addison started. "She and her husband came in for help to get pregnant. Except, spoiler alert, she doesn't want a baby. She just wants us to lie to her husband and tell him he's the reason why they can't get pregnant. Which isn't even true because she's still taking birth control,"
The explanation came spilling out of Addison. She didn't mean for it to come out that bluntly or that fast, but she couldn't help it.
"Wow," Derek remarked as he placed their dinner on the dining table.
"Yeah," Addison sighed.
"So, what are you gonna do?" Derek asked as they sat down for dinner.
"Well, we're not lying for her," Addison said as she poured the wine into their glasses.
"So, you're just gonna drop her as a patient then?" Derek gathered.
"Yes," Addison said. "If she wants to lie to her husband, fine. But we're not gonna help her do it,"
Then, there was a lull in the conversation as they ate dinner.
"But I'm glad you had a good day," Addison finally added, smiling back at him. Then came some laughter from the both of them.
"Yeah," Derek sighed as he smiled. "I don't know if a clinical trial's the best idea anymore. I think I just…want to get back into the OR,"
"Well, you could always just work for St. Ambrose full time," Addison suggested. "I mean, I'll miss you at the office, but I want you to be happy,"
"You do?" Derek asked.
"Of course," Addison insisted. "And if standing in an OR all day is gonna do that for you, then that's exactly what I want for you,"
"St. Ambrose isn't exactly the biggest hospital," Derek added. Neither was Seattle Grace, he thought. But at least Richard was trying to expand into something bigger, something more competitive. Last he heard, Seattle Grace was pretty high up in the rankings. And Richard mentioned in his last email about something big coming. He didn't say what exactly, but knowing Richard, he wouldn't say that if he didn't mean it.
"No, but that doesn't mean it can't be someday," Addison added. "I mean, you can always figure something out with Charlotte,"
She made a good point. So, what if St. Ambrose was a small hospital? It didn't mean it had to stay that way. Charlotte King was one of the youngest chiefs in the country. And Derek was a capable doctor as well as someone who was admittedly pretty good with administrative tasks. Why not expand St. Ambrose?
"That's not a bad idea," Derek said as he continued pondering it.
As the night went on, they finished up dinner and helped each other clean up and wash the dishes, all while making light conversation. Eventually, they made it to the couch where Addison started flipping through the channels to find a movie for them to watch.
"So, where are we on the baby front?" Derek finally asked as he sat down, handing Addison her glass of wine.
"Honestly? I don't know," Addison said. They decided to take a break and figure out where to go after that. But it'd been a while since they checked in with each other on that front. They both still wanted a baby, but it didn't look like they'd have their own biological child with Addison's fertility troubles.
"Maybe we should wait a little longer," Derek said. "Just until we figure out what we want to do,"
"Yeah. That sounds like a good plan," Addison said, smiling back at him.
Derek leaned in for a kiss as Addison put her wine glass on the coffee table. This wasn't exactly how they pictured their future, but nothing was anymore. And at this point, Addison was starting to make peace with it. They both were. Things were starting to look up for Derek now too and neither of them were pretending like things were better than they actually were anymore. Everything was out in the open now and as messy as their fight over Christmas became, it was exactly what they needed.
"We're not watching a movie tonight, are we?" Addison asked coyly between kisses.
"God, I hope not," Derek chuckled as he climbed over Addison on the couch.
The next day, Angie came back with an explanation. There was, indeed, a valid reason behind why she didn't want a baby. And why she wasn't telling her husband. Huntington's Disease ran in her family and passing it on to her future children wasn't something she wanted. But Angie apparently looked Addison up online and decided she had to know if she had the Huntington's gene.
After a few weeks, Angie's results came back and she, unfortunately, had the Huntington's gene. And it made her want to run further away from her husband's open, if not uninformed, arms. Ray, however, was just left confused by it all. As much as Addison wanted to tell him everything, she couldn't. Even though he was Angie's husband, she couldn't reveal her tragic diagnosis. No matter how much she thought he deserved to know.
But the case did make Addison think for a minute. They'd all die someday, the only difference in Angie's case is that she knew a little more about her fate than most did. But just because she knew how it'd end, Angie already made up her mind about everything in between. They'd all die someday. So, why should that stop her from going after what she wants? Which for Angie, was starting a family with Ray.
"A person should get to have a whole life," Addison finally said at the end of her speech after getting Angie to come back to the office.
Thankfully, Angie agreed. Not right away, but she did. And the next day, Angie and Ray came back. This time, with all the facts, still wanting to start a family together. And despite Angie's diagnosis and the large chance that their child could have the gene as well, they still wanted to try. And they'd deal with the disease later. Together.
When Addison got home that night, Derek was working on his laptop. He was jotting down ideas he had on how to improve St. Ambrose and had even talked to Charlotte about this plan. Or at least what ideas he had so far. And she was thrilled. A big reason why she started working for William White's new medical practice was because she wanted to get back to being a doctor again.
But she still kept her job at St. Ambrose because it was a great way to get patient referrals. With Derek's help, she could reduce her hours at the hospital and let Derek take some of that administrative work off her shoulders. Especially since he seemed to not only be good at it but excited by it.
"Hey hon," Derek said, briefly turning to see her put her coat up on the rack before turning his attention back to his laptop.
"Hey," Addison walked over and kissed him on the cheek, and took a look at what he was typing.
"You want to make St. Ambrose a teaching hospital?" Addison asked after reading some of Derek's written proposals.
"Yeah," Derek said, nonchalantly.
"What do you think?" Derek leaned back and looked up at Addison, who gently put her fingers through his hair as she stood behind his chair.
"It's definitely not gonna be an easy job," Addison said, honestly.
"No, I know," Derek said. "But maybe that's a good thing,"
"Yeah," Addison agreed. "Maybe it is,"
"Is everything okay?" Derek asked, sensing Addison's slight nervousness.
"Yeah," Addison smiled back. "I just…,"
"What?" Derek looked a bit concerned now as he got up from his chair.
"I want a baby," Addison finally said with conviction.
"I know, I do too," Derek chuckled.
"I think we should adopt," Addison added.
Derek looked a little confused. Were they ready to give up on having their family already?
"What about surrogacy?" Derek asked.
"I…don't think I'm ever gonna have a baby of my own, " Addison admitted. They hadn't tried for that long, in all honesty. But it felt long enough. That paired with Naomi initially telling them that their chances were tragically low, Addison was ready to move on. Derek, however, stayed quiet, not giving much of a clue of where he stood on the issue.
"I know we wanted to try to have our own biological baby, but I don't think it's gonna happen," Addison continued after Derek didn't speak.
"But I think we should go straight for adoption, save even more of the disappointment and dread and…," Addison started stuttering, trying to come up with more to say. The silence from Derek was killing her.
"Derek! Please say something," Addison finally said.
"So, we're really giving up on having our own baby?" Derek asked. "Just like that?"
Hearing Derek say it like that broke Addison's heart a little. He said it like they hadn't been killing themselves trying to make it work. Derek's constant enthusiasm and hope was always something that Addison loved about him. Especially since he was also great at inspiring hope in others as well. But this was different. Addison was the one who got shot up with hormones, feeling and acting crazy because of it. More than that, she felt the brunt of the disappointment after finding out once again that they weren't pregnant. It's not that Derek didn't feel it too, but it was different. Addison felt responsible, and that she was getting punished for her affair and abortion. It was unclear if Derek thought so too, but it didn't change how she felt regardless.
"Derek, I want a baby," Addison said again, practically pleading. "And I don't wanna wait anymore. And we've already…I've already waited too long. I want our own baby too, but I really don't think it's gonna happen anymore,"
"I'm sorry," Addison added as her voice cracked. She was trying her hardest not to cry. But it wasn't working.
"Hey," Derek put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. If anything, their embrace just made Addison let out her cries a little more. Derek rubbed her back slightly as he let her cry.
"You know it's not your fault right?" Derek finally said after they let go of their embrace. Somehow, Derek could always see right through her. And Addison just chuckled back as she wiped off the last of her tears.
"I love you, and I don't wanna wait anymore either," Derek said, stroking her cheek softly with his fingers.
"Yeah?" Addison asked, sniffling.
"Yeah," Derek confirmed as he brought her in for a kiss.
Derek wanted to be a father. He always did. And it was a disappointment that he and Addison couldn't have one of their own biologically speaking, but it didn't change things for him. Whether it was biological or not, he'd still be a father. They'd still be parents. And he knew it wouldn't matter how they got their baby. He knew the minute they laid eyes on him or her, they'd fall in love with their baby, just as they would if Addison actually gave birth.
So, their baby wouldn't have his eyes or her hair. So, what? They'd still have their baby. And both Derek and Addison were in agreement that they didn't want to wait anymore. They were done waiting, they just wanted to be parents. When they were newlyweds, they talked about their future all the time. They both wanted to be brilliant, world-class surgeons. And they both agreed that they wanted to be parents. One boy and one girl, at least.
Somewhere along the way, life happened. Kids were still on their minds, but it was never the right time. First, it was Addison who wanted to wait. She wanted to be smart about it, finish med school, her residency, and her fellowship. Then, they'd start trying. After all that, their marriage went to shit. But Derek kept bringing it up. The only problem was that it was the furthest thing from Addison's mind at the time.
Their marriage was in shambles, Derek was always at the hospital. And even when they did see each other, they barely said two words together. Sometimes, Derek wouldn't even look at her. Bringing a child into their home was the last thing Addison wanted to do. She knew what that would do to a kid. Hell, she grew up in that household. Bizzy and the Captain were together for her entire childhood and still were. And for the life of her, she could never figure out why. She never thought that she and Derek would end up that way. But for a while, it felt like that's exactly who they'd become.
Then came Seattle, which was a disaster. But a necessary one to get them back on track. And now, they were finally in a good place again. They felt like the invincible Derek and Addison again. They weren't necessarily settled, far from it. But they were moving towards something greater. Something for both of them. Derek was going after the career he needed for himself and they were both moving forward in their journey of becoming parents. Even if that meant they weren't going to have children of their own.
The next day, they both went into Naomi's office to tell her they were definitively going to stop with the fertility treatments and start looking into adoption. And Naomi was thrilled for them. She knew they both wanted their own biological family, but she also knew the facts. There was an incredibly slim chance of Addison getting pregnant. But they practically begged her to let them try. And every time it didn't work, she could see the disappointment and frustration in both their eyes. Adoption would be great for them, Naomi thought.
Almost immediately, Derek and Addison started the adoption process. Addison focused more on the official paperwork as Derek continued working with Charlotte on improvements they could make to St. Ambrose. And the next few weeks were practically blissful for the pair. Busy, mind you, but they were both happier than they had been in a long time. But things were about to take a turn.
"Hey Addie," Archer said after Addison opened the door to find Archer standing there with some luggage sitting beside him.
"Archer! What are you doing here?" Addison asked as he went in for a quick kiss on the cheek and a hug.
"What? I can't visit my little sister anymore?" Archer brushed her off as he picked up his luggage and headed on into the house.
A/N: The patient, if you didn't already realize, is Angie (and Ray) Paget from Private Practice 1x06. Also, results from genetic testing apparently take weeks but they definitely just made it like the next day on the show so that's what that was. I wanted this chapter to finally address more of Derek's concerns thus far with him not loving the small medical practice life so far and had this idea so hopefully, you like where I took and where I'm taking this story.
As for Archer coming back, I didn't really have him do all that much last time I had him in this story so he's back. And I'll be following Archer's surgery storyline from Private Practice (and Grey's Anatomy) but I'll obviously be tweaking it now that Derek's not in Seattle and Derek and Addison are still together. So, look forward to that coming.